Chapter 5: Hesitation

"So you...have no plans to come back at all?" Woo Young said, looking crushed.

Ha Ni paused and contemplated her answer. If she said no, she would completely break Woo Young's heart. She couldn't do that to him, especially since he waited all this while for her. If she said yes, could she really do it? Was she really ready to return to the Elite and face everything that came with being an Elite? Sighing, she shook her head to clear it. She could feel a migraine building up with all the thoughts swirling around her head.

Looking up at Woo Young, she said the only honest answer that she could give him.

"I don't know...I really don't."

The atmosphere that had grown more comfortable had thickened once again with Ha Ni's revelations. Ha Ni could feel it threatening to suffocate her, pushing her to do something that would resolve the current situation.

"I will wait." Woo Young said suddenly. He smiled getly at Ha Ni and took her hand and gave it a lght squeeze. He could see how conflicted she looked and he couldn't bear to press her for an answer anymore. He meant it when he swore to stand by Ha Ni all those years ago and he wasn't about to break his vow now.

"Ha Ni, come. Let us have a talk." Geum Hee stood abruptly and pulled her to her bedroom, causing Ha Ni and Woo Young's hands to be separated.

                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~

On the way to Geum Hee's room, Ha Ni couldn't help but feel a twinge of nervousness. Geum Hee was behaving highly unlike her usual squealing self and she was worried about how much her news had upset her mother-in-law that she had come to love like her own mother. To make it worse, how was Seung Jo taking it? She had resolutely avoided looking at him throughout her whole tale, afraid to see his blank poker face that always made her feel insecure more often than not.

“Have a seat Ha Ni.”

Geum Hee’s words jolted Ha Ni out of her thoughts and she realised they had already arrived at the room. Her posture was stiff as she sat herself down on the chair in front of her. Hesitantly, she raised her head to meet the hawk-like eyes of her mother-in-law. To her surprise, she didn’t see anger there. Rather, she saw the kind of bold and brash determination that often drove many of Geum Hee’s acts.

Geum Hee proceeded to grill Ha Ni like how a police officer would question a prisoner. “Did you mean what you said just now Ha Ni?” 

Ha Ni was once again stunned by the question. As usual, her mother-in-law never failed to surprise her. Out of the million and one questions that she could ask, Ha Ni never expected her to start with that first. Regardless, she was determined to answer whatever question that was thrown her way and rid herself of the life of lies that her past had created. She had not realised how great a burden it had been to carry until she had rid herself of it, and now she almost felt like she could fly.

“I meant what I said Omeoni.” Ha Ni replied with a steady voice.

“Are you truly happy?? Truly? You are not lying just to make us feel better right? When you said that you are leading a blissful life?” Geum Hee suddenly griped, looking like she was close to tears.

“I- I meant what I said Omeoni. I’m truly very happy and blessed to have Seung Jo and all of you as my family, and I cannot imagine myself being happier. It’s not your fault that I’m not doing music anymore. My love for music does not make me cherish you all any les—“ Ha Ni was suddenly cut off as she found her arms full of a clingy Geum Hee whom sobbed dramatically and professed, “Oh thank goodness you feel that way Ha Ni! I’m so glad that you feel happy with us now, you are like the daughter I never had!! Even if you choose to do music again, you know that we willsupport you all the way right?” 

Geum Hee paused in the middle of her speech to dab at her tears daintily before continuing in her sing-song voice, “Oh but then you will no longer be able to stay at my Seung Jo’s side as his adorable nurse! Well, it will teach him to cherish you more I suppose!”

"Now Ha Ni, you must listen to me. Whatever you do,make sure that you follow your heart. Do what your heart tells you to do. If you get lost along the way, you can always turn to any of us for help, and by the looks of it, it seems that you are pretty close to the young man outside too. We will all be here for you alright? Fighting!!"

Upon hearing this, Ha Ni was overwhelmed with immense relief, and the only worry left was the nagging voice at the back of her head that was worrying about how Seung Jo will take all of this. Shaking her head, she tried her best to convince herself that she could deal with that later. Even though it would really be sooner rather than later.

As both Geum Hee and Ha Ni descended the stairs to re-enter the living room, they were greeted with a pleasant sight. Soo Chang was eagerly questioning Woo Young on what he does and about how the Elite works, and Woo Young patiently answered every question that he could while cleverly deflecting the others. Ki Dong was listening cheerily at the side while adding in his own input from time to time. Seung Jo and his brother Eun Jo, on the other hand, were keenly listening in despite only occasionally coming up with their own questions. It was this final scene that managed to put Ha Ni's heart more at ease.

The guys looked up as one as they realized that the girls had re-joined them. Woo Young immediately took the opportunity to jump in.

"Ha Ni ah, I can't believe they have never heard you sing before! Your brother-in-law said he doesn't believe that you are as good as you say. Quickly sing and prove him wrong!" 

Hearing this, nervousness immediately welled up in Ha Ni as her stomach suddenly turned queasy. "But... I haven't sang properly in years. I don't think I will be any good..."

Woo Young rolled his eyes. Ha Ni was being ridiculous! She had the voice of an angel. Even if she hasn't sang professionally in years, she will probably still be able to sing better than him!

"Come on Ha Ni, you can definitely do it! I got into the Elite based on dancing, but you got in for both dancing and singing!"

Woo Young dug into his bag for his iPod Touch before placing it on shuffle. Making sure that the volume was on loud, he turned to face Ha Ni once again. "Just sing any random song that comes up kay? i will do the harmony for you." Grinning at Ha Ni, he hit play.

The melody of the Chinese song '分手快乐' (Happily Breaking Up) filled the room.

"What?! You want me to sing in Chinese? I barely remember my Chinese!! I certainly can't sing it!"

One verse had already passed. Woo Young scoffed and passed her his IPod. "The lyrics are here with hanyu pinyin*. Hurry!"

Looking into Woo Young's determined gaze, Ha Ni knew that she couldn't get out of this. Taking a deep breath, Ha Ni examined the lyrics and thanked God that she still remembered how to read them. As she belted out the song, memories of Shin Woo's visit earlier surfaced in her mind.

Lyrics

(meaning)

分手快乐 祝你快乐

(I wish you happiness as we happily break up)

你可以找到更好的

(You can find someone better than me)

Shin Woo ah, just let go of me. I'm not good enough for you.

不想过冬 厌倦沉重

(If you don't want to experience winter , filled with exhaustion)

就飞去热带的岛屿游泳

(Then fly to a tropical island for a swim)

I'm tired of this, of us.

分手快乐 请你快乐

(Please be happy as we happily break up)

挥别错的才能和对的相逢

(We have to leave those not meant for us to reunite with the one destined for us)

离开旧爱 像坐慢车

(Leaving an old love is akin to sitting in a slow train)

看透彻了心就会是晴朗的

(When your heart can finally let it go there will be better days)

It may be hard now, but you will slowly forget me Kim Shin Woo. Just like how you have become part of my memories.

As the tune morphs into a different song, the pitch of her voice drops to match the rock genre of of Kim Jaejoong's 'Butterfly'.

Right now, she felt like a Butterfly. Being able to sing her heart out like that, without fear of judgement, without the need to sing perfectly and most importantly without the looks of jealously that she used to get. It was what she had always wanted, to be able to do what she loved without any restrictions or impediments getting in the way.

When this song ended, she finally opened her eyes that until now, had been unconsciously clasped shut as she immersed herself in the music.

She came to faces that were a myriad of shock, amazement and self-satisfaction. 

"See, I told you that you could do it! Have more faith in yourself! Where did the confident and cocky Ha Ni go?"

Ha Ni's confidence experienced a boost after discovering that she could indeed, still sing decently. This was reflected in the smirk that instinctively adorned Ha Ni's face. "Maybe she's on the way back."

This resulted in a couple of chuckles which Ha Ni herself echoed when he spotted Eun Jo looking down and avoiding her eyes.

Before anyone could say anything, Ha Ni intervened with a question of her own.

"Hey Woo Young, I have been meaning to ask you. Hmm... how are you? With the whole scandal involving Jay Park and everything... they gave you a hard time didn't they?" Ha Ni bit her bottom lip, wary about bringing up the topic, and yet could not stop herself from finding out how Woo Young was doing.

Woo Young beat down the bittersweet feeling that arose whenever his former leader was mentioned. Ha Ni's voice was dripping with genuine concern and was devoid of the sympathy that usually drove him off.

"I'm..." The words 'I'm fine' had been hanging on his lips before he berated himself mentally for trying to lie to Ha Ni. There wasn't a need for that. Ha Ni was, and still is like a sister to him.

"It was hard at first of course, but so many years have passed since then. We have all learnt to deal with it, and to some extent move on from it. Anyway, this is nothing compared to the whole lawsuit that Jaejoong Hyung got involved in." Woo Young ended his sentence with a wry smile, not taken aback in the least when Ha Ni cursed.

"Gosh I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you guys when it happened" Ha Ni bemoaned, sinking down to her knees. "I contemplated going back when news of the Jay Park incident broke, but... I couldn't bring myself to do it. When news came of the DBSK lawsuit, I had already decided to return. Yet life decided to make a fool of me and I found out the day before I planned to return that..." Ha Ni shook her head, desperately ridding herself of the unwanted memories of Seung Jo getting engaged to someone else. "I was too busy drowning in my own sorrow to do much else, and based on what I found out, Jaejoong Oppa had been forced to leave by SM. Yet, since it was supposingly done of his own accord and he had already filed the lawsuit, there was nothing much that could be done anyway. And then...aishhhh I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking." mumbled Ha Ni as she put her head in her hands.

"You probably weren't" Woo Young teased, bending down to uncover Ha Ni's face and gently wipe away the stray tear that had escaped from her left eye. "Don't feel guilty, Ha Ni. None of us blame you. We all understand that you needed time away after what happened and honestly all we want now is to have you back. We miss you." Woo Young then proceeded to pull Ha Ni up before giving her a light hug to reassure her.

"I'm... I'm not ready yet Woo Young. I don't -" stuttered Ha Ni, unable to form her words coherently and explain what she was feeling.

"Shhh relax Ha Ni. I'm not asking you to return to the Elite. Not yet anyway. I just want you back in our lives again, even if it is just as our friend. And if you are not ready to meet the rest yet, you can just get used to hanging out again with Jae Hyung and I first. Okay?" Deep down in his heart, Woo Young desperately prayed that Ha Ni would say yes. He really, really missed her and he knew that he himself wasn't enough to help Jaejoong Hyung recover from the depression that he never fully stepped out of since the split.

"Yup Ha Ni, just try hanging out with them again. After all, you all used to be so close and I know you have missed them all these years too. I think you should go out and socialize more with your old friends and maybe do music again, just as a hobby or something. I miss how you used to always so passionately perform for me too!" Ki Dong prompted, trying to encourage Ha Ni to sincerely consider Woo Young's words.

"I..." Ha Ni searched for her husband's face and upon seeing the soft and encouraging smile, finally let out a soft reply.

"Okay."

A/N: Heyyy~~ Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! (if I still have any readers left><) I have spent a lot of time writing this chapter again and again, but I'm still not very satisfied with it. I didn't manage to fit everything I wanted into this chapter but since I have already kept you guys waiting for so long I decided to just upload it. Please comment, subscribe and up vote!^^

This is dedicated to all my readers who have been so patiently waiting for this update:)) love you guys<3

P.S. Please pardon any grammar mistakes I will straighten them out in the morning><

*hanyu pinyin for Chinese is like romantisation for Korean