5. her skin was peeled to flesh; doubts on winter would grant her some mercy crept in

Maybe it’s my anger that stopped me from confronting Sungyeol, maybe it’s my loathsomeness that persuaded me from having any friendly eye contacts with Taeyeon (because I could only glared at her time to time) and maybe it’s my pride that hindered me from meeting Nam Woohyun. I prayed to God again, crossing my fingers asking for His mercy to not let me ever found Nam Woohyun, whether it’s on my path or his, no path (belonged) of us should be crossed by each other. Period.  The amusing thing is that for the last unrequited feeling I had (and still have) for Sungyeol or so, God seemed to be much a joker and He actually sent me a Woohyun before I had to end my prayer with ‘amen’.

            “Hey..” there was Nam Woohyun. Four days ago, without us knowing, we were simply hurting each other with words we uttered.

            “You just didn’t see me --” stop acting like you’re my friend and run along now.

            “Hey weed! I’ll be at our usual spot, let see if you really don’t want to miss me much. I’ll be waiting y-...”

            I knew he said more after that but perplexed by the situation which all the kids’ attentions were on me (I swore it was because that brat intended-ly wanting me to look like some sort of attention like he was), I decided not to play in his game and became that deaf again. But just maybe, another reason would be, I don’t want to recall the intimate scene of Sungyeol and Taeyeon under the big tree. Because the memory pained me, it away all the warmth that once had filled me to the tips of my fingers, the joy I had with Sungyeol had threaten to grow fainter from my remembrance. I swayed my legs faster with the energy I could muster. Just so I could get out from the suffocating corridor hallway, the judging eyes of unwanted audience and away from Nam Woohyun.

            Funny thing; his fading voice urged my mind to think the plausible differences I would make if I were to look into his eyes deep enough to bare his feelings , stand quietly for a while and give a chance to him so he could talk properly. Give a chance to myself (too) to aptly listen at each word he spilled and read the secrets told by his body gestures as we converse. I should at least do that much, if I know I would be the one who clean up the mess later. The mess made by the ‘perfect’ Nam Woohyun.

            Someone suddenly just jump out from a pillar halting my track of running away. Relatively I shot my head to my side, then backward, trying to spot Nam Woohyun among the sea of crowd that I just had passed, but I seen none. He was gone. There’s a part of me feel relieved that he hadn’t have to see this ugly moment of mine but there was also a part or me wanting him to just show up and grab a hold on my wrist to take me away from this situation.  The new figure then spoke something that I’m sure just calling out my name for attention and sleazily, I tilted my head and shot him the most annoying look I could ever pull off across my face.

            “Yah, where you have been?” he asked, too cheerful for I can remembered.

            “I’ve been busy obviously.” I said, evidently with a dash of spice called no-interest-to-talk-to-you.

            “Are you perhaps angry with me?” why human always ask the thing they already know the answer?

            “Tell me reason why I shouldn’t?” I rejoined, with eyebrows furrowed, signaling the irritation that has been building up from the calamity.

            “About that Christmas Eve, I’m sorry I should’ve told you I’ve plan with Taeyeon nuna but I forgot. I totally forgotten about you I’m sorry.” I rolled my eyes in defiance and I know it will somehow affront Sungyeol. “Shut up!” well, that’s the point. I want to make him feel offended like just how I felt betrayed.      

            “Did you just do that?” I busied myself, paying no attention towards Lee Sungyeol’s rambling; it was a cautious step for me. I was drawing a shield for myself from him. And I even found out that looking at the hem of his plaid cashmere also irked me to the core.

             “You’ve changed. What happened to you?” like you know me from birth pfft. I feel like screaming to his face saying that everything was a result of his demeanor,