To say that Jongdae feels betrayed would be an understatement.

He doesn’t just feel betrayed, he feels like Caesar looking into the eyes of Brute, he feels like his whole world has been rocked by an earthquake 10 on the Richter scale, he feels completely lost.

Sehun’s always been his constant and his foundation. Jongdae’s parents are quiet conservatives whose only shows of affection consisted of pats on the back and a ruffling of hair, but ever since Jongdae came out, his parents have simply stopped looking at him, disappointment clear in the way they avert their gazes.

Sehun has always been there.

Now it's like Sehun has left him and run miles ahead, leaving Jongdae behind in a wreckage of glass and metal, wrecked friendship stabbing into him no matter where he steps.

He can’t even look at a car anymore without thinking of Sehun climbing into Jongin’s passenger seat.

“You should knee him in the balls.”

Baekhyun keels over as Luhan knees him in the balls.

“Just saying,” he grumbles, limping back behind the cash register, “it’s an effective way to get someone to notice you.”

Yifan rolls his eyes and flicks Baekhyun’s forehead. “Speak for yourself, loser. Kyungsoo hasn’t said more than three words to you since we came back from the club.”

The shorter scowls and casts a glance in Kyungsoo’s direction. Said man is staring out of the big glass window next to a neat stack of CDs. Kyungsoo's eyes seem glazed over and he looks like he hasn't slept for days.

"Your help ," Jongdae declares, "I can get over Sehun. I think you're the one who needs advice."

Baekhyun pouts and Luhan knees him again for good measure.

The next day finds Jongdae walking to his next class with a full stomach and a bigger appreciation for Junmyeon. His teacher is very kind, humorous, and understanding, and he always knows what to say so there aren't any awkward pauses in their conversation.

But... something's off. The hallway is quiet. Why isn't everyone shouting at their friends or throwing rubber bands at each other?

Then Jongdae listens.

Look at the look look look Jongdae is alone did Sehun leave him

Jongdae whirls around, scared expression mirrored in the mocking eyes of his peers.

I knew Sehun would get tired of him at one point who even likes talking to a no wonder he's with Jongin now Jongin is so much better

Jongdae grabs his books and slams his locker shut, sprinting down the halls to get to Lit, which he unfortunately has with Sehun.

"So why'd you do it?"

There's a tap to Sehun's shoulder and he turns around to come face to face with a boy he promptly deems as Acne.

"What?"

Acne shrugs. "Why'd you ditch the ?"

In the corner of the room, Jongdae's body goes rigid.

"Well, you guys have been all over each other since elementary school. Why did you ditch the ?" he repeats.

"What do you mean? We've never been all over each other, that sounds really- I mean, I'm not- I'm not like him," Sehun stutters, words jumbled up in his mouth.

"So you realized that Jongdae is the kind of person you shouldn't hang out with," a pudgy girl with red glasses comments. "Finally."

Sehun swallows. Everybody's eyes are on him. Everybody, except one.

"Um. Yeah."

Acne grins and the rest of the class resumes their activities. Everybody, except one.

Kim Jongdae stands and requests to go the bathroom.

As he walks briskly in front of the rows of desks, his gaze locks with Sehun's. There is no fear or shame or guilt in the younger boy's eyes. There is only confusion and a blank look that has been there ever since he came back from Siberia.

"Jongdae, I-"

"Don't talk to me," Jongdae hisses, careful to keep his voice down so no curious student will look over, "don't ing talk to me."

He's out the door before Sehun can apologize.

The rest of the day, for Sehun, is filled with anxiety. Jongdae never came back to pick up his stuff from Lit so Sehun took it upon himself to wait for Jongdae by his locker.

The older finally arrives, head down and feet dragging on the carpet floor.

"What do you want?"

"You left your notebooks behind, so. Um. Here." Sehun s the stack of belongings at Jongdae, who takes it warily.

"I didn't know you cared this much," Jongdae says. The scariest thing is, both of them can't tell whether or not he's being sarcastic.

This isn't what Sehun wanted.

"I'm sorry."

Jongdae's eyes, rimmed with purple and blue, flicker up to his.

"Are you?"

"You look like you need to sleep for twenty-three years," Kyungsoo says with concern. "You sure you can work the register today?"

Jongdae waves him off. "I'm fine, hyung. And I could say the same to you! When was the last time you actually slept in your bed?"

"Both of you look ty, now get to work," Yifan's voice booms from the backroom.

The two giggle and Kyungsoo continues placing the new albums on their rightful shelves. The bells on the door chime and-

"Jongdae?"

The addressed boy smiles. "Joonmyun! Hi!"

"Wow, what a coincidence," his teacher says. "You work here?"

Jongdae nods and Junmyeon laughs, "My boyfriend works here, too."

"...boyfriend?"

Junmyeon nods hesitantly. "Yeah, I'm- you know."

Jongdae never expected this. But now that he thinks about it, he should've. Junmyeon was one of the only teachers who spoke up about the bullying and mistreatment Jongdae went through in sophomore year, and was always on his side.

"Oh."

Junmyeon laughs again and he sounds awkward. Nothing like the man who knows how to keep a conversation flowing.

Yifan sticks his head out of the backroom door, sour expression melting away when he spots Junmyeon.

"What are you doing here? I thought I told you to wait until I got back," he chides.

Jongdae blinks and glances between the two. "Oh."

Junmyeon blushes (blushes!!! he blushed!!! his teacher has never blushed ever!!!!!) and mutters, "I missed you..."

Kyungsoo snickers and Yifan glares at him before replying, "Couldn't wait until dinner, huh? Silly." He wraps a bright red Junmyeon into a hug and Jongdae in a huge breath.

"Since when are you a warm person? With actual feelings? How did you turn into a teddy bear all of a sudden?" Jongdae asks, terror clear in his voice. "What? What? What is this?"

"Shut up," Yifan says. "I'll be leaving a little earlier than usual. Make sure to lock up or else I'll kill every single one of you."

"Hyung!" Junmyeon protests, "Be nicer!"

"WHAT," Jongdae screeches, "Yifan is a hyung? I thought he was twenty-five!"

Yifan frowns at him. "No, I'm twenty-seven."

"Whaaaaaaaat."

Yifan's frown deepens. "Now if you're done wasting my time, I have a date with my boyfriend. See you losers later."

The couple stride out of the store and leave a frustrated Jongdae behind with an amused Kyungsoo shaking his head at him.

"I thought he was twenty-five," Jongdae says sadly. "I didn't know he was a grandpa."

Sehun reaches for his seventh shot and Tao pushes the glass away.

"Slow down, man. We haven't even been sitting for ten minutes."

Their group is in Jongin's living room, watching war movies with three bottles of beer and even more bags of chips.

Yixing nods in agreement. "Hey, are you okay? You've been all weird since we left school."

Sehun shrugs and reaches for the shot. Tao moves it again.

"Watch the movie, Sehun. Let's not get faced just yet," Jongin yawns, stuffing potato chips between his lips.

"Whatever," he mumbles in response. Tao and Yixing share a look.

"Sehun," Yixing says, "what's up with you, man?"

When he gets no answer, Yixing continues, "If this is about Jongdae, I mean, you're better off without him. No offense but he was kinda dragging you down."

I am one. I'm a . God, Sehun, I'm not just dragging you down, I'm drowning you.

"I guess he was," Sehun says.

The rest of the group give him pleased slaps on the back.

"Now everyone shut up so we can see this dude get blown up."

Jongdae is going to be late to school.

Five students circle him, leering down at his panicked expression.

"When I told Jongin that it was the best to beat the out of you, I meant it," one drawls. He has sharp eyes and an even sharper looking pocketknife dangling from his slim fingers.

The girl next to him has glittery nails that are painted a neon blue. Her long black hair sweeps over Jongdae's face as she pulls him up by the collar of his uniform.

"You're ing abnormal," she declares before a boy slugs Jongdae in the stomach. "A like you shouldn't even be alive."

"Why don't you just die?"

"ing ."

"Why do you exist?"

Jongdae's body is on fire and he can feel blood trickling out of his mouth. The fists and heavy kicks are merciless- he doesn't know how long he stays curled in the fetal position as four students beat his small body to the point where he wishes they would just kill him to stop the burning pain.

The pocketknife boy uses the blade to cut a shallow line about two inches long on the side of his neck, easily visible to anyone who bothers to look at Jongdae.

"If you ever want to hang yourself in the future, I made a mark so you'll know where to tie the rope."

They all laugh and continue on their way. The bell rings.

Jongdae is going to be late to school.

It becomes a routine.

BB cream, makeup, and long sleeves help hide the marks left on him. The scar on his neck is easily covered by his uniform's collar if he keep tugging at it, and keeping his head down is the easiest way for people to stop looking at him, and hopefully leave him alone.

It's inevitable, however.

Jongdae still gets beaten within an inch of his life at least once every week, and it's guaranteed that he gets shoved around some after or before school.

He thought Jongin didn't know about what was going on until the boy himself showed up with Donghae and Yuri (Pocketknife and Blue Nails) at Jongdae's locker after school.

Jongin threw the contents of his water bottle at Jongdae's face, effectively washing away the powder, and smirks when he observes his friends' work.

"Holy , you guys are amazing." Jongin peels back the collar and smiles at Donghae after he spots the cut. "Nice."

Jongin grips Jongdae's neck and slams the back of his head into the lockers. Jongdae sees a bright burst of light behind his closed eyes and he lets out a gasp of pain.

"See you later," Jongin promises, and herds the other two down the hall. They don't look back. Jongdae is glad, because if they did, then they would've seen the tears streaking down his bruised cheeks.

", you should've seen him," Jongin crows, "Donghae's crew totally ed him up."

"Who are you talking about?" Sehun questions.

"Jongdae of course," Tao says. "Who else?"

Sehun's eye twitches. "How long has this been going on?"

Yixing shrugs. "Yuri says it's been a couple months."

Months. They've on Jongdae for months. Sehun shoves Jongin so hard that the older boy falls to the ground.

"What the , Sehun?!"

"You're a liar," Sehun accuses. "I told you not to mess around with him."

Jongin dusts off his pants. "Yeah well, it's not like you care about him anymore. What's the big deal?"