Chapter Nine: 

[ the reliable confidant ]

credits going out to the enchanted graphic shop

 ( present ) 

Everybody has their bad days.

I could say that I have them too. However, there is one day every year that defeats all my bad days combined and that day (surprise, surprise) happens to be today.

My mood plummets. The frown on my face feels like it’s been tattooed on. And, I swear, there is a wretched dark cloud that appears to be permanently float over my head. On this day, I'm a walking tragedy and when people see me it's more likely they want to flee from my miserable presence than approach me at all.

Even my parents take note of this day, and are quite aware to leave me be.

They once had told me that, as a family, we should together battle this horrible day together. However, ever since the funeral I couldn't.

I'd mourn by myself.

With my parents with me, it’s harder to cope. I get that they me to be united with them on such a day, since Kyujin was their son too, but it would make me feel worse.

I like my own space.

Whenever I need to take a breather or am stressed out from work, being alone has been my main coping mechanism. I hide. I exclude myself from the external world and become a hermit. As astounding as it may seem, I actually like spending time on my own.

My life changed when Jonghoon walked into it. Jonghoon never understood personal space or how somebody may actually like being by themselves. And, as much as I hate to admit it, Jonghoon made me see from his perspective too. I kept to myself, indulging in my own world, but Jonghoon showed me that sometimes being alone isn’t enough to satisfy you. Jonghoon taught me that being around people was just as rewarding. He made me realise what I had forgotten.

Because seclusion is not the only answer. If you look hard enough, you then realise that there are people there for you. Sometimes all you’ve got to do is reach out and tell people you are drowning and they do save you.

Humanity can be cruel, but there is always hope.

Jonghoon had saved me ever since he had involved himself in my life. He had become my best friend, my confidant and somebody I grew to depend on.

Which is why, as I pace away from my brother's cemetery, I'm not at all surprised to see Jonghoon waiting for me at the gate.

It’s turned into a peculiar routine ever since had befriended me.

Jonghoon remembers the day because he had memorised the day I’d be absent from class, or when I’d cease all forms of contact.

He’s wearing his favourite black leather jacket, tight jeans (which I’ve numerously told him how hideous they look) and a casual navy shirt. He leans against the gate, tapping his foot. The sunglasses he’s wearing falls at the tip of his nose.

Although we’re supposedly not talking and he’s trying to look cool, even at one of the most depressing locations, I’m grateful he’s here.

All arguments are forgiven.

He takes a step towards me and gives me a warm hug. I close my eyes tight, feeling his warmth against my body. I bite my bottom lip, banishing away the tears that are trying to form. Jonghoon pats my back, rubbing circular motions, soothing me. No words don’t need to be spoken. Him being here is simply enough.

I know, for a fact, that when it counts Jonghoon will undoubtedly be there. He’s reliable. He’ll shove away his pride, and I’ll strip my own stubbornness away.

Changing positions, I place an arm around his back and I look at him.

“Thanks,” I sniff.

He gives me a gentle smile, ruffling my hair messy. A silent Jonghoon is nice every now and again. He is pretty to look at, but sometimes when he talks I wish he’d never open his mouth again. When Jonghoon’s being kind and considerate, it’s a rarity I love to take advantage of.

We’re both wrong. We had fought, but we had been acting childish. Our friends had suffered alongside and I, surprisingly, had even caught Minhwan roll his eyes at our spectacle.

It had been longer for us to make amends this time. Jonghoon is wise that he picked this day for us to reconcile. He knows my weaknesses; and I know his.

“Is that a hickey I see on your neck?” Jonghoon lowers his head, examining the mark on my skin that my cashmere scarf had failed to disguise.

He’s now trying to place a finger on the mark before I swat his hand away from me.

“No,” I grumble back a lie, unimpressed that Jonghoon’s fallen back to his foolish character.

And, just like that, things are somewhat back to normal. Whenever we’d get angry or annoyed at each other, we weren’t the type to apologise or forgive each other. It’s more like we turn a blind eye to our little spats.

Jonghoon leads the way, draping his arm around my shoulder as he guides us to the bus stop seats.

I rest my head on his shoulder as he plays with my hair.

On timing, a bus parks in front of us. Jonghoon gestures the driver to move on, and a second later it’s only the two of us.

“We’re going back to Japan next week,” Jonghoon breaks the silence, something I wish he hadn’t had done. “We’ll be touring for the next fortnight.”

“Ïs it because Jaejin’s black eye has gone down?” I quip back, a bit too quickly for my liking. He knows I’m attempting to use humour to deflect the topic because even I can hear the disappointment in my voice.

Jonghoon and I are finally back on talking terms and now he’s flying back overseas. How typical.

“Of course it’s gone down since has been announced to be active once again,”Jonghoon plays along.

Ever since his brawl with Jaejin, FTISLAND’s schedules had been pushed back. FNC had come up with an excuse that Jaejin had the flu or something amongst those lines. It’s common their entertainment company had went all that way to make the phony excuse. Any other company would have done the same to avoid tarnishing the company’s reputation

“Well, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ll be leaving again,” I say, dispiritedly.

“Come on, I know you’ll miss me because I’m awesome and all that…but you did survive without me last time,” Jonghoon points out which earns him a glare from me.

I frown at him. “Don’t start.”

If he’s referring to the time we had our first argument, he can get lost. We’ve only just made up and I’m not in the mood to bicker again. It’s not worth it. Jonghoon appears to be a person who doesn’t hold a grudge and he also likes to think he doesn’t – but in actuality, he does.

“First you don’t tell me that you’ve gotten engaged and then secondly I find out that you know about Jaejin and my sister before me. How is that fair?” He changes the subject instead, but it’s not about something better. I swear Jonghoon is purposely trying to find something to quarrel about.

“I’d understand why they’d keep this secret from you, seeing how berserk you went. All of us had to fight you off Jaejin.” I sigh. “What’s the big deal anyway? You know he’s a good guy, Jonghoon.”

He ponders thoughtfully. “Maybe I did overreact-”

“Yeah, you don’t say,” I respond with a sarcastic reply.

“I’m going to be an uncle!”Jonghoon beams while I roll my eyes at him. “I’m going to spoil him so much. It’ll be fun! I’m certain Jinri’s going to dub you as the godmother.”

I sit up straighter, staring at him in disbelief, hands on my hips. “Are you kidding me? You’re accepting that they’re together now?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m still furious at Jaejin, but what’s done is done. There’s nothing that can be changed now and I think he really cares about Jinri.”

I retaliate, “Why are you suddenly a forgiving and understanding person? You weren’t like that when I was with Wonbin! You were completely against us.”

“He didn’t impregnate you!”

I protest, “But still-”

Jonghoon puts his palm over my mouth. I think that he’s intentionally doing it to keep me from proving him that he’s wrong until I see paparazzi across the road. Jonghoon pulls the hood over my head, taking my hand and the next thing I know we’re sprinting around the corner.

My lungs feel like they’re burning. Jonghoon’s significantly taller so his strides are longer than mine. With all the strength I can muster, I’m miraculously keeping up to him. I don’t know how long for, but at this moment I don’t care.

There has been more than one time that the paparazzi has found him with me. They’re pretty good at stalking, but that’s essentially what they’re trained to do. It’s pot luck that we always seem to escape their hawk-like surveillance.

When we're a good distance away, we halt. Jonghoon keels over and clutches his sides, raggedly taking breaths of air. On the other hand, I'm wiping the tears from my eyes. They had formed when we were running.

“Chaeri, are you all right?” He huffs out, noticing my actions.

There's a flicker of concern in his eyes, but when he finds a smirk on my face he holds onto his sides harder. He originally had been doing it to catch his breath, but now he's doing it in a vain attempt to contain his laughter. When I start guffawing, he loses the battle.

We make an idiotic pair. We really do.

•••••••••••••••

 ( present )

Daehyun leans over and unlocks the door once I exit out of my apartment building.

“Morning,” I stifle a yawn, sitting next to him and falling into the leather cushioning chair. He greets me with a kiss on the cheek.

I hesitantly cast a look at his direction. “What if somebody sees us?”

“I thought we were past this stage already? Don't you remember that I arranged to have a brief meeting at work last night to tell everybody that we're together?”

Yeah, which was why I had to fend for myself because you practically left me alone in the hands of your devil mother...

Instead of saying those words, I give Daehyun a tight smile. “How could I have forgotten?”

It's true. It had slipped my mind that Daehyun had finally announced to our co-workers that we were engaged. On another day I would have been astonished and overwhelmed by this thought, however I'm still reliving the time I spent with Daehyun's mother yesterday night.

Oh God, it had been hell.

I remember sweating bullets as she'd interrogate me about anything and everything. It felt like I was in a trial for a crime that I never committed, not a reserved get-to-know-you dinner. It was a strenuous discussion about my life, what was going to happen and what Daehyun's mother had already mapped out our future.

My sleep, if I even had any, had been horrible. I couldn't sleep a wink because I kept thinking about what his mother said. Every time I tried to talk about something else, or say something from my point of view, she'd dismiss everything I'd mention. She was a person who perceived everything through black and white. It was her way or no way.

So when she started assigning wedding dates, I was trying my hardest not to lose it. Why did she have a say on the date when we'd get married? Why did I love Daehyun so much to endure such a painful meeting with his mother?

She had said, “How about Christmas? I think it would be a dazzling date for the two of you to get married.”

“Christmas is in two months.”

“Chaeri, dear-”

I hated it when people called me 'dear.'

“-you know how much Daehyun wants to get married. He loves you and he's probably doubting if you're serious about this relationship because you keep pushing back the date and have been hiding it from everybody.”

I knew Daehyun's mother had strong opinions about everything, but I also knew that the words she had spoken had some truth in them. After all, Daehyun was a mama's boy. However, it did vex me that he had spoken in depth with his mother, but had never raised his scepticisms with me at all.

But what had irritated me was when his mother said, “Do you know how to cook? I'll teach you or I can even hire a chef if that doesn't tickle your fancy-”

“We'll be fine-”

“How about when you have children? Daehyun's expecting a child soon. We need an heir to our family. Won't you be happy about quitting work to raise my grandchild?”

I looked at her, trying to keep my furious tone at its minimum. “Who said anything about me quitting work?”

“Oh, dear, I'd advise it. Daehyun is for it too. You just focus on wifely duties. I mean, if you hadn't known Daehyun I'm sure you wouldn't have gotten a job at our architect company anyway.”

“Excuse me?” I had hissed.

Daehyun had seen the flicker of rage in my eyes. She then tried to shift the subject to children's names.

And to think I'd be related to her soon...

I sigh, glimpsing Daehyun from the corner of his eye. He innocently is whistling to a tune on the radio. Sometimes I don't know what he is thinking. Is it true what his mother had said? Was that what Daehyun wanted me to do?

“Gee, Chae. I know I'm handsome, but you don't need to gawk at me for so long.” Reading me like a book, Daehyun puts a comforting hand into mine, “What's wrong?”

Unable to hold it in any longer, I burst out, “You want me to resign when I have a baby.”

Daehyun spares me a bemused glance. “Isn't that you want, though? How can you raise a baby if you're working? It'll be too much for you.”

The lighting dims as the vehicle enters the underground car park. I tear my gaze away from him, staring out the window. His answer is not the reply I had wanted. He sees that there's nothing wrong with what he said and it disturbs me. If it were Jonghoon in the car right now, I'd be strangling him if he had something like that...but Daehyun isn't Jonghoon. I decide to keep quiet.

Like the gentleman he is, Daehyun open's the passenger's door for me and takes my hand as I get out of his car. He holds my hand firmly as we take the lifts to our designated level.

As co-workers enter the elevator, I can hear hushed whispers when they see Daehyun holding my hand. Some people are smiling, blessing us with our approval. When I hear one of the ladies mutter, “I told you she's sleeping with him. That's how she got a promotion,” I immediately withdraw my hand from Daehyun.

'-if you hadn't known Daehyun I'm sure you wouldn't have gotten a job at our architect company anyway.' His mothers words repeat in my mind.

My fiancé gives me an inquisitive look, but I shake my head not to ask. I don't want to be treated any different how I had been previously. Because I'm with Daehyun doesn't mean I get more privileges now. I want to be credited for the work that I do, not by my associations.

When we reach our level, I'm already darting away from my fiancees side. As I walk to my office, people greet me with 'Congratulations!' and 'When are you getting married?', but I courteously wave them off with a smile and tell them to get back to work.

I slam the door, striding towards my chair and collapsing on it. I massage my forehead and I let out a sigh of frustration. This isn't what I had wanted. It's fair enough that I had to deal with his mother, now I have to deal with all my coworkers here. I knew this would happen, and unfortunately for Daehyun, I'm not the type that likes attention. I loathe it.

An hour into my shift and I'm in the middle of a sketch. The ideas are slow today, but it can't be helped that I'm having a difficult time concentrating.

Unsatisfied with an uneven line, I rub it out. The markings are still on the paper. I try to erase it again. It's still there. I keep rubbing it, but this time with too much vigour because the next thing I know, there's a large tear in the centre of my draft.

“For 's sake!” I swear, scrunching up the piece of paper and aimlessly ing it into the air.

The scrunched paper hits somebody. “Ouch!”

I lift my gaze and see FTISLAND's vocalist exaggeratedly squinting in pain as he touches the side of his head.

“Oh, shut up Hongki. A ball of paper won't kill you,” I snap at him. “And please don't tell me you're here about that Jeju island penthouse design because I'm not stupid and I know, as well as you know, how even you can't afford anything that expensive.”

“Whoa! What?” Hongki blinks. “Have I missed something? It's like you're ready to cut my throat up. Chaeri, your iness is escalating Mt. Everest right now.”

“Why thank you,” I say without a beat. “But you know it's true. This pseudo project that you have me doing has got to stop.”

Over the past half a year or so, Hongki's been popping into the office requesting that I make a design for his future penthouse on Jeju island. From the beginning I already knew that he didn't have enough funds for it, but at that time, I thought it would be funny to ride along with his plans.

I had done my research and presented him with already designed drafts that I had found online. Hongki would survey each design and nod, but I, for one, knew that his attention wasn't on the design at all. At times like these, Hongki can be just as childish as Jonghoon. Which is why their friendship is unbreakable.

“What are you talking about?” Hongki exclaims, feigning ignorance.

“Hongki,” I say through grit teeth. “Stop it. Just go and ask her out already.”

If my mood hadn't been so sour, I would have kept egging Hongki on and pretending I didn't know what he was doing. Ever since Hongki had met Daehyun's secretary at a mutual friend's birthday party, he has been trying to get her number ever since – to the extent of being a fake client to capture her attention.

He really likes her, but he's too chicken to ask her out.

“You know who I'm referring to,” I tell him. “She's single. Get out of my office and just ask her out already.”

“You knew?” Hongki gapes, but he then recovers with a smirk. He's not the least bit fazed that I've caught him. “Don't you think she has the prettiest eyelashes and-”

I'm not supplying him any more answers as I push him out of the office and shut the door in his face.

I know that I'm being slightly mean, but right now I want to be left alone. Everything that's unfolded within the past twenty-four hours has been enough. Leaving the cemetery and crossing paths with Jonghoon, then going to meet Daehyun's mother straight after to talk about my future. The unwanted attention this morning and, let's just say, dealing with Hongki isn't another thing I want to add to the list that is migraine-inducing.

I sit back on my chair and start the draft from scratch. Everything that I draw isn't turning out how I want. I keep going only to stop mid-way to rip the piece of paper into shreds and to rest my head onto the table, letting out a frustrated groan.

Why isn't anything going my way?

Maybe Daehyun's mother is true. Architecture isn't for me. I got this job out of connections. I didn't think of it like that at first, but perhaps I am not as good as I thought. Perhaps I've been living a false facade all this time...

I take my phone out from my bag and play a game of Tetris. After five minutes I notice that even the blocks are falling into the wrong places as they pile up and I straight away am defeated by myself. I exit the game and, on reflex, I find myself dialling up my best friend.

“Mm...Chae?” A groggy voice speaks.

Jonghoon's just woken up. I wouldn't have disturbed him if he had work, but since Hongki had made an appearance at my work bright and early, I knew he had no plans today.

I stand up, ambling towards the window as I take in the morning city view of bustling people. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“What?” He jumps straight to the point.

“Do you remember in high school how you told me I was talented at art?” I take a deep breath.

“Hmm...”

I scratch the back of my head. “I know this sounds stupid, but were you telling me the truth?”

“If you're calling me at this freakishly early hour to ask me if you're good at what you do, you're an idiot,” Jonghoon scowls on the other line.

“Jonghoon,” I complain. “I was only asking you a question.”

“You're an idiot. Of course you're talented. You're good at what you do,” He states. “Now I'm going back to bed. Don't you ever call me up over something stupid again.”

Jonghoon hangs up the phone and I let out a small giggle. Although he had been grumpy and had hung up on me, his abrupt words make me simper with relief. I retrace my steps back to my desk and get back to work.

At least somebody believes in me.

•••••••••••••••

16.10.14

(a/n)

This chapter was oddly difficult to write. I was trying to make it sound as real as possible. And, as you can see, some conflict will soon arise. Despite it being difficult to write, I have an add attachment to this chapter. I wanted to get it right (and be completely satisfied with it) before posting it up. Nevertheless, it's hear now. Thanks for reading. It makes me happy knowing that people are still taking tabs on this story despite the infrequent updates. <3

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