Chapter Five: 

[ the kept secrets ]

credits going out to the enchanted graphic shop

 ( present ) 

“Where are you?” I choke out.

The elevator hasn't reached my level so I head for the stairs instead. I’m thankful that my work level is on the third floor because I wouldn’t be able to rush down the stairs if it had been over five floors.

I’m beginning to regret my decision.

If I only had a handbag, it would have been manageable. Yet, here I am, holding onto a folio with one hand, the other hand grasping onto precious documents, while I’m trying to hold my phone between my shoulder and ear...let’s just say it’s quite the challenge.

“Jinri?” I gasp out, repeating, “Where are you?”

“The toilet.” She finally answers me as I reach the ground level.

“But where?”

“I'm at work,” Jinri says. Her voice is quivering and I can tell she's about to cry.

“Jinri, stay where you are. I'll be there,” I tell her. “Don't go anywhere.”

Once I hang up the phone, I toss it into my handbag as I hastily run outside of the building. The street is busy. Gritting my teeth, I thread myself through the throngs of people. My heels click against the footpath as I hurriedly scramble forwards towards a building that's a few blocks away.

When I'm nearly there, I let out a breathless sigh of relief.

The security guards automatically open the front door for me, allowing me inside the photography studio. I don't have to take my ID out because they immediately recognise my face. As well as occasionally visiting Jinri, I also often stop by the studio because of work. Jinri's studio and my work are affiliated and contracted with each other considering the studio involves landscape photography, which is a big asset to the architecture company I work for.

Rushing past the abstract wall of photographs, I find the toilets and, in panic, I slam my fists against the door and yell out. “Are you there?”

I close my eyes tightly, trying to listen for a vague hint of a sound. It's quiet for a minute until I start to hear short raspy sobs.

In a softer voice, I speak up. “Jinri, it's only me. Let me in?”

No reply.

Just as I'm about to find an alternate way to break into the toilet, I notice the handle push down and the door opens. Gathering that Jinri's given me permission to come in, I peak my head inside and I immediately don't like what I find.

Jinri's squatting on the ground with her head in her knees. She’s shaking. I can't see her face because she's covering it, but I do observe that her usually immaculately neat hair is a mess.

Observing her like this troubles me because Jinri is normally refined and, well, perfect.

By perfect, I really mean it.

Her posture is usually always straight, her eyeliner is drawn in accurate precision as well as how her rosy-red lipstick is applied to absolute perfection. Her clothing is, most of the time, crease-free and her warm eyes look innocent, often deceiving many people. From her appearance, people mistake her for being weak and having a delicate personality, but Jinri is anything but. She has one of the strongest personalities I know...which is understandable, especially when her brother is Choi Jonghoon.

Therefore, seeing her in such a state has thrown me off guard.

My attention then drops down to something that she's tightly gripping in one of her hands. It's a pregnancy test strip and on the strip it is displaying  positive. Despite Jinri not liking the fact that she's pregnant, I can't help but feel excited for her.

As much as Jonghoon is her brother, I've always felt like her substitute older sister. Even though we aren't related by blood, I've always thought of Jinri as family - the sister I’ve never had.

“I can't believe I'm pregnant!” Jinri bawls out. The pregnancy test strip falls from her hands as she grasps her hair tightly, so tightly that I'm scared a chunk of her hair will fall out.

Nevertheless, I reply in a slow and steady tone, “Are you sure?”

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but the test could be wrong. If she hadn't tried any other methods and-

“I am,” Jinri blubbers out. “I've tried four other times with different pregnancy tests, unnie.”

I squat next to Jinri, lifting up her head so that I can look at her properly.

Her face is distraught. Her eyes are pink and puffy from crying. Her bottom lip is trembling and as her gaze directs elsewhere as she begins to sob again.

I pull her closer to me, embracing her. “It's fine, Jinri. I'm here.”

“But you don't understand,” Jinri sniffs. “It's the father I'm scared about.”

“The father?” I repeat, bemused.

I don't know who she's referring to. I didn't even know Jinri has been having ! If she's been seeing somebody, dating somebody or having one night stands...I don't know anything of it! And I’m not sure if I do want to know any of it and-

“Do I know him?” I can't help but ask her.

Jinri bites her bottom lip and gives a nod.

“What did he do to you?” I say, softly. I arch an eyebrow. “Do you want me to kill him?”

“It's not what he did to me. It's nothing like that, Chaeri. He treats me well. He's everything to me,” Jinri whispers. “I'm scared of what will happen to him once oppa finds out. You do remember what happened to Wonbin, don't you? I don't want history to repeat itself. You know just as much as I do how Jonghoon can be...”

“Who is this guy, Jinri?” I continue. “I can help you. I promise.”

“I don't want to tell you! If oppa finds out I'm with him, I'm scared oppa will hurt him.”

“Who is he?” I say. “You don't hang out with anybody else asides from me, a few of the girls from your college and, well, Jonghoon and my friends...”

My gaze hardens. I had caught her react to the last part of my sentence. Which means, whoever who had knocked her up, must be one of my friends. Jinri didn't hang out with any of Jonghoon's friends, asides from the FTISLAND gang.

Which means...

“It's Jaejin, isn't it?” I gasp. Exasperated, I point at her in disbelief. “Don't you dare tell me that this guy is Jaejin-”

“Unnie!” Jinri hits me, embarrassed. “Be quiet! Don't speak so loudly.”

My legs give way and I collapse onto the floor next to her, eyes widened.

I had immediately assumed Jaejin because I had noticed something going on between the two, but I had never anticipated it was this. From the casual glances, the way Jinri would blush over a kind comment Jaejin would say to her, or the way Jinri would make Jaejin's favourite chicken soup, or the way Jaejin would courteously open the door for her. They were small gestures, but I had noticed them. I had always thought Jaejin treated Jinri in a sisterly way. I evidently was wrong.

“I understand you hid this from Jonghoon...but why didn't you tell me?” I have to admit, I'm quite hurt by it. I know how to keep a secret and I thought Jinri considered me a close confidant as I have with her.

“We agreed not to tell anybody,” Jinri admits. “It was safer that way.”

“How long for?” I query.

Jinri gives me a flustered glance. “Well..the year before last he gave me a rose for Valentine's Day.”

“Ya!” I snap. “You've been dating for two years?”

“Unnie!”

I know that it's not the right time for me to be interrogating her, but it's a good sign she's responding properly now. And, besides, I can't help it. How had Jaejin and Jinri kept it a secret for that long? All this time nobody had picked up that they've been dating! How?

“Please don't tell Jonghoon,” Jinri begs me.

“I won't,” I promise her. “But if Jonghoon does find out, you know that even I can't control him. He may be my best friend, but keeping something this big from him is like granting yourself a death wish. Or, well, in Jaejin's case because Jonghoon will immediately clobber him if he finds out this.”

“I hope that day never comes.”

“Jinri,” I sigh. “If you're keeping the baby, which I know you are, you won't be able to hide it. You need to tell your brother because he'll find out eventually.”

“But I don't want to tell Jonghoon. Not now,” Jinri stutters. “It's not the time.”

“What if Jonghoon does find out? Jaejin will get the worst of it,” I respond. When I read her face, my frown deepens. “You haven't told Jaejin yet, have you?”

She shakes her head at me. “I don't think I can.”

I want to get mad at her, but I can't. Her head's back on her knees and she begins another fit of sobbing. I don't know what to do asides pat her back. I need to get her out of the toilets, or somewhere else that's at least hygienic.

“Why don't we tell him together? I'll go with you.”

“No. I...I'm not ready.”

I bristle, “Fine. We should at least get out of here, Jinri. Let's go to mine.”

After another five minutes, I help her stand up and we leave the studio. At the street, I hail a taxi. I push Jinri inside the backseat and close the door behind her.

“There's something I need to do first,” I reply to Jinri's protesting gaze, handing her the keys to my apartment. “I'll meet you there.”

I then direct the driver to my home address before turning on my heel and walking the opposite direction.

•••••••••••••••

“Rematch!” A voice bellows. “I clearly won that game! You used cheats. You cheater!”

“You're a sore loser! I won fair and square!”

I take off my shoes and head into the living room. I'm not phased when I see the three guys lounging on the sofa and playing some racing game. Minhwan's got a scowl and murderous look on his face, while Seunghyun's cheekily smirking at him. Jaejin's eyes are sparkling as he laughs at the other members.

Another day I would have joined in with Jaejin's laughter. Another day I would have joined in with their gaming, pushing Seunghyun off the sofa and challenging for a rematch to avenge for Minhwan. However, today isn't the day.

They all cast a glance at my way and know that there's something wrong. Jonghoon has always told me I'm easy to read when I'm upset. Maybe he's right.

“Noona? If you're looking for Jonghoon, he's not here,” Minhwan informs me.

“No. I actually need to talk to Jaejin.”

“Me?” Jaejin blinks, bemused.

The other two boys are gazing at Jaejin in equal bemusement. They know it's not like me to single them out and talk to them privately because if I talk to them, it’s usually as a group. If I were to talk to somebody alone, it had always been to Jonghoon.

When Jaejin allows me into his room, I close the door behind him. His room is nowhere as untidy as Jonghoon's. Jaejin's bedroom is pristine clean. Everything is arranged in perfect order and there is not a hint of dust anywhere to be seen. Out of all the FTISLAND boys, Jaejin's known to be the deranged neat freak. Jonghoon claims he has OCD and throws tantrums when the dorm gets too dirty.

Jaejin’s gaze follows me when I sit on top of his navy bedsheets. Cutting to the chase, I say, “I know, Jaejin.”

He arches an eyebrow. “You know...what exactly?”

“About you.” I add, “And Jinri.”

“Oh...did she tell you?” Jaejin replies. He looks paler as he pushes his hand against the wall for support. It's like he's going to fall down. He pleads, “Can you not tell anyone about us, Chaeri?”

“People are going to find out soon, Jaejin. Well, if she goes ahead with it...”

“Ahead with what?” He blinks, confused.

“Jaejin, listen. Right now you need to go my apartment pronto. Jinri's there and she really needs to speak to you.”

“She could have messaged me,” He remarks.

“Sure. You were too busy gaming that you didn’t check your phone despite me calling you for the past hour,” I bark.

He frowns, seeing the seriousness in my eyes. “Does she want to break up with me?”

“Ya!” I snap. “Just get going. She needs you right now.

“Fine, I'll go.”

I throw him his coat as he swipes his car keys from the desk. As we pass by the living room, I can feel Seunghyun and Minhwan taking glimpses at us, but I don't care. If Jaejin wants to explain himself, he can do that later. Time is crucial and I don't like the thought of Jinri being on her own right now, especially with the state she is currently in.

We reach the basement. As I’m about to jump into his car, I groan when I remember that I've left my work folio at the boys' dormitory. I half-close the door and mutter to Jaejin, “I'll meet you at the front of the building?”

Jaejin nods and taking that small gesture, I’m sprinting back to the elevators. After I snatch my folio and bag from their apartment, I get off the lift at the ground level. Once I step outside, I squint at the sun setting. The sky is a fiery, blinding orange. My hand covers my eyes, blocking the light.

“Chaeri?”

I jump, startled. I pivot around my heel and find Jonghoon looking at me indifferently. I hate when he stares at me like this because, most of the time, I can never tell what he's thinking. If he's fooling around with his infamous smirk, I know to expect the worst. However, when I see him like looking reserved, I really don’t know what to make of him.

He asks me, “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing,” I immediately say, a bit too quickly for my liking. “Um, you see. Uh-”

“Well?”

From the top of my head, I try to think up a valid excuse. “I just wanted to yell at you for making me late for my meeting, but you weren't at the dorm.”

“Is that so?” Jonghoon tilts his head to a side. He knows I'm not telling the truth. However, he lets it slide. “If you're here and not holed up at your apartment, that means you're free.”

“I guess you can say that,” I reply.

From the corner of my eye, I spot Jaejin's car park across the street. I try to disguise a groan.

With Jonghoon here, I need to try a different approach. Jonghoon knows I'm available and telling him that I'm busy would be digging myself into a hole. Also, if I were to get into Jaejin's car he'd know something was up. Even if I say that I need to go home, there is a chance that Jonghoon will want to keep me company. I know him and he can be very demanding like that.

“How about we go to yours?” Jonghoon suggests.

Jonghoon loves going over to my place. He has a thing for utilising my spa and my billiard table. Since his dorm doesn't have a spa, he every so often takes a trip to my place and bubbles up my bathroom, leaving a mess. That, or he'd abuse my billiard table and challenge me to multiple games. He loses most of the time, which is why he has an undying obsession to beat me.

“Let's get ice-cream?” I suggest.

Without another word, I place a hand on his arm as I redirect him the opposite direction, away from where Jaejin is. From the sudden movement, I can feel his back straighten ever the slightest as he glances at me with questioning eyes.

Minutes later we step into our favourite ice-cream parlour, which is literally around the block. It's a got a vintage feel to it. I like how the interior's got old mahogany furniture. Jonghoon often describes that the ice-cream parlour is quite warm because of the interior and the friendly atmosphere. Not to mention, their ice-cream is heavenly.

Jonghoon makes me sit by the window while he goes to the cashier to place our orders.

While Jonghoon's away, I take this opportunity to take my phone out of my bag. I grimace when I see the three missed calls. I lift the phone and press is against my cheek, calling back the person who had attempted to call me.

Jaejin hisses as soon as he picks up the phone, “Chaeri!”

“I'm sorry!” I exclaim as soon as he answers the phone. “Jonghoon talked me into hanging out with him. He basically ambushed me and you know how bad of a liar I am-”

“If I wait here any longer, they might give me a parking fine. I'm only permitted to park here for fifteen minutes,” Jaejin speaks over me. “What am I supposed to do? Should I wait for you?”

“No. Go to my apartment. It's more important that you're there right now. I'll message you my passcode. You need to see Jinri ASAP. Got it?”

He starts to protest, “But-”

“Jaejin, seriously. Just go. This is important and Jonghoon can't know about it yet,” I whisper, lowering my voice. “Right now she needs you, not me. You.”

After hanging up the phone, I text Jaejin the details. Although I think that I should be with Jaejin and Jinri right now, perhaps it's good if I'm not. The two need to talk this out and my priority and responsibility is to keep Jonghoon grounded and distracted from finding out what is happening. What Jinri doesn't need is her brother finding out about her pregnancy and punching Jaejin in the face. Tonight isn't the right time for that because Jaejin doesn't even know what's going on yet...

I sigh, raising my feet under the table and resting them on the opposite chair. If anything, I really do hope they decide to keep the baby. I know it'll be a lot of drama with FNC if they found out, but it's a baby's life at stake here.

Jonghoon soon returns with two scoops of strawberry on a waffle cone and a cookies n' cream milkshake in his other hand. I take the strawberry ice-cream cone from him, around the bottom of it, catching a drop before it falls. Jonghoon nudges my feet off his chair, sitting in front of me.

I'm still thinking about Jinri and Jaejin's dilemma, as I eat my ice-cream absentmindedly that I almost forget that Jonghoon's with me.

When I look up, I see that he's gazing at me. In fact, I think he's been gazing at me quite some time because it looks like he hasn't taken a sip from his milkshake at all. There's something different about him today. We'd naturally kick back, laugh and enjoy ourselves whenever we're at this ice-cream parlour. Today it isn't the case. I'm preoccupied with other things on my mind right now and it's evident that there's something disturbing Jonghoon too.

He's not himself. By now, he'd be ranting and raving about stupid things. Bragging about the celebrities he's met, getting excited over a new song he's composing or grumbling comments about one of the other members in FTISLAND.

There's a glint in his eyes and I don't like how he’s unnaturally silent.

“What?” I dare to ask him.

Jonghoon then reaches out for my hand. I don't get why he's doing it, but I let him take it. His eyes are still studying my face and I glare at him back as he caresses my hand. As I'm about to pull my hand back, he holds onto it.

“Why didn't you tell me?” He speaks up before I do. “I thought you were my best friend.”

“About what?” I say.

Jonghoon directs his gaze at my hand and then I finally know what he's addressing.

My throat dries up as his finger traces around the diamond ring.

While I had been upset about Jinri not telling me that she's been with Jaejin, I notice what a  hypocrite I've been because I had done the same thing to Jonghoon. I had been so focused on Jinri, that I hadn't looped the ring through the chain of my necklace.

I hadn't wanted Jonghoon to find out this way…

Guilt surges in the pit of my stomach when I realise the hurt expression in his eyes. Why does it feel like I've betrayed him? Why am I even feeling guilty? It's not like I've only been hiding my engagement ring from him; I've been hiding it from everybody.

He lifts my hand and kisses the back of it. His eyes intently bore into mine.

“Congratulations,” Jonghoon tells me. There's a biting bitterness in his voice that makes me shiver.

He's not genuine at all.

•••••••••••••••

Last Edited: 22.03.16

o5.06.14

(a/n)

 I struggled with this chapter. I admit this. Haha. It took a while (I rewrote it a few times), but I'm finally happy with it. I'd say more, but I need to take a 5 minute shower and get ready for work. Thanks for reading :)