“You know, I’m still not comfortable with you staying in my room.” Suzy sat on the side of her bed a towel atop her head. She had just gotten out of the shower and saw the boy waiting for her whilst sitting on the chair on her study table.

The boy shrugged. “Where am I supposed to stay? Your aunt’s room?”

“Well that’s a suggestion,” Suzy pretended to think about it. “She can’t see you, so she wouldn’t even know you’re there, right?”

“Ha.ha.” the boy faked a laugh. “I’m sure you need the company.”

“You seem so sure about that,” she remarked.

He innocently shrugged and flashed a smile, baring all his perfectly occluded teeth. “Just a feeling”

Suzy shook her head, “Whatever -,” she paused for a while. “Hey. Didn’t you say you didn’t remember your name?”

“Yeah,” the boy nods.

“Haven’t you ever thought about naming yourself?”

The boy shrugged. “No.”

“It’s hard to refer to you as a person if you don’t have a name,” Suzy reasoned. “How about I name you then? How about… ‘Spacey’?”

“Wow… You call that a name?” the boy sarcastically remarked.

“No, that is your usual disposition,” she said a matter-of-factly. “If you don’t want me naming you, then think of a name yourself.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. What do you think your name is?”

“I don’t know. What do I look like?” he asked, turning the question back to her.

“Tan-skinned…” Suzy eyed the boy. She then pointed to the top of her head, “Curly hair... ” she suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay,” he dismissed.  “I’m never asking you that question again.”

Suzy giggled a bit. It was the first time the boy has seen her do this. This expression fits her best in his opinion. Her eyes turning into crescents and her lips perfectly angled for the smile.

“Fine with me.”

The boy sighed. “Then what name should I go with…” he said in a thoughtful manner.

“How about Phantom?”

“Paen-tom?” the boy crudely repeated in a strong accent. “Why Paen-tom?”

“Phantom means ghost in English,” the girl reasoned. “But since you can’t say it right, we’ll have to look for another name…”

There was silence for a while as the two thought of a name for the boy. The girl rested her head on one of her hands, while the boy crosses his leg atop the other.

“I know!” Suzy exclaimed. “Casper!”

“Ca-sue-puh?”

“No, it’s Casper,” Suzy corrected his pronunciation. “Say it right.”

“Ca-sue-puh-rue,” he said merely adding the r.

“Ah, you’re hopeless,” Suzy commented. “You can only get the Ca- part right.”

“Maybe if you’d stop giving me English names, I’d be able to pronounce them better!” he argued.

“Maybe I should just call you Ca,” Suzy joked. “Ca-yah, Ca-gun, Ca-shii, Ca-i,” she played around with the boy’s ‘new name’.

“Say that last one again.”

“Ca-shii?”

“No, Ca-i. It sounds nice. Like Kai,” he smiled.

“Kai?” the girl repeated. It did sound cool. “And least you can say it properly. So, is that what I’ll call you now… Kai?”

The boy nodded happily. “It may not be my real name but at least it sounds cool right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she said trying to exude the same amount of enthusiasm Kai had. She tries to give him a smile, but the smile is worn out when a thought enters her mind. “Speaking of your real name… How could you not have any memories at all?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I wish I did, but I can’t remember anything after I woke up in that school.”

Suzy studied him carefully. “You look like you could be around my age. Maybe we go to the same university?”

“That would explain why I was there,” Kai thought aloud. “Say,” he said looking at Suzy’s eyes. “Have you never seen me there before? Am I not familiar at all?”

Suzy shakes her head in thought. “No,” she said simply.  It’s not like he was an acquaintance, Suzy knew no one at that school.

“Maybe had some classes together..?” he toyed with the idea.

She shrugs in denial.

“Maybe I owed you something when I was still alive-,”

“Wait,” Suzy interrupts the boy. “You’re dead?”

“You’re the one who wanted to name me after a ghost.”

“I was just joking! I never actually thought you were already dead,” she defended.

“Do you think I’m still alive?” Kai seemed to be cool about his current situation.

Suzy on the other hand was mortified.  “If you’re dead then shouldn’t your soul be resting in peace or going into the light, or something? Choosing between heaven or hell… Those kinds of stuff?”

“I don’t know. I’m here aren’t I?”

Suzy cupped her chin in thought. “Maybe you’re right. You could have some unfinished business that made you stay here instead of resting in heaven… or rotting in hell.”

“Could you please not say I’m going to rot in hell?” the boy rubbed the sides of his temples in frustration.

Suzy shrugged, “Just stating all the possibilities.”

There was silence after that. The two weren’t looking at each other anymore. Suzy had her eyes fixed on the white fuzzy towel in her hands, while Kai was staring at the wooden floor. Both of them had their thoughts centered on the same thing. If Kai supposedly had unfinished business and could only be seen by Suzy, wouldn’t that mean that Kai’s unfinished business ultimately relates to Suzy?

Kai looks at Suzy and senses they were on the same plane of thought. “Are you sure you don’t know me? At all?”

Suzy looks up to the boy and negates his statement again. “No, I really don’t know you,” she takes a breath in. “You don’t owe me anything… As far as I know, I’ve only known you since last week,” she clarifies once more, seemingly spelling out her answer to the boy.

“Ah, this is so frustrating,” he exclaimed ruffling his curly hair.

“Tell me about it,” Suzy agrees and gives out a yawn.

“Kai, I need to sleep. Get out of my room.”

“What?!” the boy’s jaw drops. “Now?! But I’m still in the middle of my crisis!” he complained.

Suzy pointed to the door. “And I’m sleepy. People like me need sleep,” she yawns again. “We’ll think about it again in the morning.”

“B-but,” Kai wanted to complain but then he sees Suzy starting to fix her bed. He sighed. “Fine. I guess it has been a long day for you.”

“Yes, it has been,” she affirms and puts on her flowery pink covers atop her pajama-d legs. “Good night Kai,” she says eyeing the young man who still hasn’t moved from his place, still sitting on the chair.

“Good night,” he replies plainly, still not moving from his spot.

Suzy gives him a questioning look. “Really. You’re just going to stay there?”

Kai shrugs. “I don’t have anything better to do. It’s not like I need sleep anyway.”

“And do what?” Suzy asked in frustration. “Watch me sleep? No way. Get out of my room, Kai,” she pointed to the door once more.

“Why? Can’t you sleep with me around?”

She sighs in disbelief. “Kai, you may be immaterial right now, but you’re still a guy. And no, I still do not feel comfortable with you around, let alone when I’m asleep,” she reasons. “Please go downstairs for the night and wait for the morning. Please.”

A single corner of Kai’s lips pull up in a smirk as he nodded to express his understanding.

“Okay, okay,” he says and stands up from the chair. “Good night,” he gives his hand a wave and turns away, passing through the study table towards the wall.

Suzy looks at him in wonder. “Wait,” she calls out before Kai leaves the room.

“What? Missed me already?” Kai turns around and raises his eyebrow.

“As if,” Suzy rolled her eyes.

“I’m just curious, if you were immaterial, then how could you sit on furniture and lean on walls like that?”

“I just do,” he shrugged. “I’ve never really put much thought into it.”

“Ah…” Suzy just nods. She supposes it will be one of those mysteries that will never have a clear cut answer to them. She couldn’t really expect the laws of physics to be present in such a surreal situation. “Okay then, good night,” she ends the conversation, putting the covers over her head and laying her head on the pillow.

“Good night,” Kai bids once more and passes through the wall, out of Suzy’s room.

Suzy peeks one eye out of her blanket and sees Kai leave. She sighs, levels her covers down to her hips and sits up.

What if he was really dead? Suzy was really troubled. What if she really was Kai’s unfinished business on earth? Did his death have something to do with her?

Not again…

She pulls her covers up to her head and plops herself back down on the bed.

She closes her eyes and wishes, for the first time in a long time - that everything will turn out better tomorrow. A few minutes later, Suzy fell asleep.

That night Suzy had a nightmare.

She was in a spectacular place. A chandelier was illuminating all the framed paintings around. She recognizes all these paintings to be of her work. She was wearing a beautiful beige evening gown, where as all the other people in suits and dresses would critique her work. She hears nothing but praises for feedback.   A few laughs and a sip of champagne later, she, along with other people from her exhibit, hear something crash outside the building.

Her heart pounds at this instance. The chandelier lights become dimmer and the color of her paintings seemingly start fading to grey. She looks around and the next thing she knew, she was outside, staring at the place of the accident.

A family car was at ruins after coming into impact with the back of a 10 wheeler truck. There were no police around. No one was around. The place was barren except for her and a few people who were wailing from inside the car.

The driver of the truck gets out of the truck and sees the damage behind him. With one swift glance he turns the other direction and runs the other way. Suzy tries to yell at the driver to come back and go get help, but no voice comes out of .

Her gaze falls upon the family car now, blood was dripping out of its pummeled doors and shattered windows. The crimson red reaching the asphalted road. She starts to cry hysterically now, crying with the family inside.

“Help us, please!” the passengers in the car yelped, their voices seemingly running out of air. “Suzy!” her named echoed in the deafening silence.

She quickly ran to the car and tried to pry open the doors but to no avail. The crying subsides as she tries to break open the doors. She looks through the broken glass of the car and sees the people inside bathed in blood, and apparently have breathed their last.

After seeing this miserable sight, Suzy kneeled to the floor outside the car and sobbed hysterically. She put her hands around her eyes and wiped her tears frantically. “Make it stop, make it stop…” these were the words that finally come out of .

Suzy Bae awakes to her room, bathing with sunshine, her face covered in tears and a man at her bed side looking at her with concern.

“Had a nightmare?” the man asked. Worry was evident in his face and tone.

Suzy sat up and sniffed, wiping back the tears that uncontrollably rolled on her cheeks. “It’s just been bothering me for so long,” she says in the middle of sobs.

“Was it about me?” Kai thought that she had been crying because of the burden his situation has posed on her. “I’m sorry.”

 “No,” the girl sniffed as she reached for a hankie on her bedside drawer. “It was about my family,” she said quietly.

“Oh,” Kai’s gaze fell upon a picture frame on Suzy’s bedside. It was a family of five. They were all smiles on the picture. The picture definitely spoke of a perfect family vacation by the beach. He spots Suzy in the middle, with her hands around what looked like her older sister and younger brother

“They died in a car crash,” Suzy commented whilst looking at the same picture Kai had his attention to.

“I-I’m sorry,” Kai said, commiseration in his tone.

“Why should you be?”

There was silence between the two. Only the rustling of the leaves outside were heard.

“It’s not your fault they’re dead,” she whispered. “It’s more of mine actually.”

Kai’s gaze went to the girl who was now about to tell her story. Her eyes were still fixed to the picture, her tears still flowing. “I was an art student when I was in my first year of college. Everyone appreciated  the art I made, claiming I was a prodigy of some sort. All my works got first place in any contest I would enter, so one day, despite being a freshman, the art department gave me a chance to display my artworks in an exhibit at the Fine Arts department.”

Suzy’s gaze turned to the middle aged woman in the picture whose arms were circled around Suzy. “I remember being all jumpy about it when I called Mom about that. She was so proud and asked when the exhibit was. She asked me if I wanted them to come see it, and of course I just had to tell them yes. I told her to make that trip from Gwangju and even mentioned to bring Dad, my older sister and my younger brother along. Before the accident, she called to say that the four of them were in the car already heading for Seoul.”

Suzy’s gaze fell to the floor. There was a long pause after that.

“They never got to see my exhibit,” the words that ended her story echoed in the silent room, sending more tears to Suzy’s eyes, and piercing through Kai’s heart.

There was yet another period of silence. Nothing could be heard from the two except for Suzy’s soft snivels and occasional snuffles while she kept her face covered with her hands.

Kai looked at the pitiful sight in front of him. Now, he could see why the only girl who could see him always seems so sulky. It’s like a picture painted in his mind of Suzy’s story. A cheerful young lass studying in Seoul waiting for her family see on her biggest accomplishments so far was now diminished to the crying wreck in front of him, still mourning the loss of her entire household.

Kai was unfamiliar with this girl. He has only known her since last week. He has no memories that were these heartbreaking to go back to, but why did his heart ache so much when he saw her crying like that?

He knew he wanted to comfort her. To make her feel better. He wanted to give the crying girl in front of her the hug she deserved, but he couldn’t. He wanted to give her a pat on the head or an arm around her shoulders, but he can’t. He couldn’t even hand her a tissue.

And, somehow, he hated himself for not being able to do these kinds of things for her.

“I-,” Kai wasn’t able to say much more. He knew that no amount of “I’m sorry’s” or “It’s not your fault’s” would make her feel better. Instead, he silently approached her and sat by her side, keeping a sympathetic face on.

“I really don’t know what I can say to make you feel better,” Kai admitted with a bit of discomfiture while the girl kept on crying.

The girl looks up to him, her eyes shining with the tears she just shed her cheeks burning with an intense red. She stares at his eyes that seemed to offer her comfort rather than pity. She composes herself, wiping her tears back.

“It’s okay,” she sniffs. “Words really don’t help anyway,” her tears stop flowing, much to the boy’s relief. “I’m sorry for venting it out on you like that.”

“I don’t think you should be sorry for that,” Kai expressed honestly. “If you’re sad, it’s better to just release your frustrations rather than just bottling them in,” he reasoned. “It also helps that you have someone by your side, right? I told you that you needed the company.”

“You seem so sure about that,” Suzy had repeated her response from last night.

The boy nods. “I mean, I felt less alone when you saw me at the library,” he sheepishly admits. “I felt better that I had someone to finally talk to about my problems.”

“I guess we’re even now,” he smiles at the girl. “I’m sure you’re just happy you’re not that alone now.”

The girl avoids the boy’s gaze and looks to her side. She wipes the remaining tears off her cheeks with her handkerchief. She then gives a small nod and whimpers a muffled “thank you”.

The corner of the boy’s lips stays on the smile he had earlier. Suzy glances at him for a while and takes note of his facial features. There were slightly dark bags under his eyes, but one wouldn’t take notice of this because of his crescent shaped eyes, with the corners a little bit creased.  His bow-shaped pink lips revealed his pearly white teeth in the smile, lines appearing on the sides of his mouth, contouring his cheek bone.

This was the first time Suzy had thought that Kai’s bright smile was like a perfectly sketched portrait.

“Oh,” Suzy sees Kai’s lips round, then its corners pull up again. “You’re smiling.”

She snaps out of her trance. “Huh?”

Suzy sees Kai’s smile grows larger, his eyes wrinkling more on the side, slightly becoming smaller. “You look better when you smile. You should do it more often.”

Suzy looks away, embarrassed. Why did I smile just now?

Kai chuckles. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

“Mn,” Suzy gives a small nod and asks him to leave her room for a while. “I have to get ready for today.”

“Okay, okay.  I’ll see you downstairs then,” he bid while getting up. He then passed by the wall closest to him, swiftly making his exit.

She stays still for a while, Kai’s words echoing in her head.

“You’re not that alone now.”

Suzy turned to the calendar on her bedside. She took it and started to mark another cross on its smooth white surface. To her surprise, the ink from her black broad tipped marker started to go dry, leaving uneven of black ink on the crossed square.

She stares at the heavy black crosses on her calendar and compares them with the cross she marked just now. It seemed lighter than the rest of them. A thought comes to her mind. “Maybe the burden’s lighter with someone after all.”

Kai goes downstairs, hands in the pockets of his hoodie, and a smile plastered on his face.

He made Suzy smile.

A rush of giddiness flowed in him as he recalled Suzy’s expression a few minutes ago. It was a genuine smile. His deed shouldn’t have been a big deal, Kai thinks, but somehow he felt so invigorated having comforted her. At least now he didn’t feel useless – Suzy may actually, kind of need him too. Though he knew Suzy may not admit to that anytime soon.

He sits down an a red arm chair, rests both of his elbows on the arm rests, lolls his head back and shuts his eyes. The corners of his lips pull up to a smile as an image of Suzy’s smile emerge as his eyes are still shut. He opens his eyes slowly, his head still extended back and looks to a painting hung behind him.

The flurry of different hues of yellows, browns and greens attracted his eyes. He immediately pulls his head back up and turns his trunk around to examine the painting in its entirety.

It was a painting of a sunflower field.

The painting was about 2 feet tall and 4 and a half feet wide. He notices the details on the painting. There was a trail on the edge of the painting, seemingly leading into the horizon, a bright blue sky with a few white fluffy clouds embellishing it.  He then sees a rolling slope of dark green, a hill with a gentle steep extending up until the end of the canvass. In the foreground was the bright yellows and greens that had attracted his attention earlier. There were numerous golden yellow sunflowers strewn in the luscious green of the meadow, each sunflower getting smaller as the distance from the viewer increases. The sunflowers at the far end looked like dots, which they might was well be, considering this was just a painting.

But it looked so… Life like.

Picturesque.

All it needed was just one good look to feel like you were really looking out to the country side, seeing all that beauty around you.

He looks away from the painting when he hears Suzy’s aunt yell.

“Suzy! Where’s breakfast?!”

A mid age woman in a corporate business attire then hurries downstairs, whilst strapping on a pair of heels, her hair still undone. She scrambles to get a nearby chair and places it in front of a mirror. Whilst sitting, she makes sure her shoes are well fitted then proceeds to fixing her hair up in a neat bun.

“Coming, Auntie!” Kai hears Suzy yell from upstairs. After a few seconds, Suzy hurriedly goes down and politely asks her aunt if she would like some eggs, toast and milk for breakfast. After her aunt agrees and reminders her to wrap a napkin so as ‘not to get crumbs on her uniform’, Suzy bolts into the kitchen and Kai immediately hears tinkering sounds from the utensils. He stands up and goes into the kitchen.

He sees Suzy busily hovering around going back and forth from the fridge to the stove and to the kitchen counter. Suzy takes note of his presence there but carries on with her tasks. Kai lazily leans both his elbows on the kitchen counter as Suzy places two plates there.  He crosses his arms together and leans forward on the counter, further observing Suzy’s daily task

“Are you the cook here?” Kai decides to tease, breaking off the silence wherein only the beating of eggs could be heard.

Suzy pauses for a while and puts down the bowl of beaten eggs. She then approaches the counter and whispers, “Kind of.” She then takes a plate from the counter and places it near the toaster. After a few seconds, toasted bread springs up and she takes them with a napkin on hand and wraps them neatly with it before placing them on the plate.

“Does your Aunt always tell you to do that?”

Suzy merely gives a small nod, before tending to the stove where she had just heated a pan with sesame oil.

“Ah,” Kai nods. “That’s a weird habit though.” The thought he said aloud made Suzy giggle. Though he thought it was odd that Suzy forcibly stopped her smile by covering and coughing a bit. Nonetheless, she looks at him with crescent eyes and nods, seemingly agreeing with his statement.

“You’re acting weird too, you know,” he comments after seeing Suzy’s string of awkward interactions with him.

Suzy takes the plate with the wrapped toast and put in the scrambled eggs on the side. She then proceeds to take it to the counter where she whispers once more, “That’s because if I act normal around you, I would look like a lunatic if other people saw.” She places the plate there and gives Kai a small smile.

Kai shakes his head and flashes a grin. “Fair point.”

“Don’t you have classes today?” Kai asked Suzy who was resting on the couch and was about to turn on the television.

“Not until 1:00pm.” Suzy answered him ‘normally’ now, since her aunt already left for work at 8. It was 9:16 am and she still had plenty of time before she needed to be in school.

“Oh,” Kai then proceeded to sit on the red arm chair he had sat on earlier. He tilts his head back as before and sees the sunflower field painting once again.

“Suzy,” he props his head back up and looks at the girl who had her eyes glued to the TV.

She turns around and asks Kai what he called her for.

The boy jabs his thumbs back on the drawing and asks, “Is that painting yours?”

Suzy’s focus goes from the boy to the painting. She glances at it once and looks away from it disinterestedly. “Yes,” she answers while she preoccupied herself with the remote on her hand. “My first landscape painting.”

Kai’s jaw drops as he takes one more look at the painting and then back at the painter. “Wow…” He was at a loss for words. “This is seriously your first landscape painting?” to draw such a landscape with that much skill, that much detail… and this was Suzy’s first?

She doesn’t look at Kai, nor the painting. Instead she looks down, her thoughts seemed to be distant. After a while, only the commercial model speaking on TV could be heard in the room.

Kai sees the sad look on Suzy’s face. It seems that this painting has a story behind it. Another story for him to hear, another problem that Suzy needed someone to talk to about… And Kai didn’t mind. He didn’t mind hearing Suzy’s stories. Even if they were sad. Somehow felt like the reason why he was there was to be with her during times like this.

“What’s the matter?”

Suzy heaved a sigh and glanced up to see Kai’s worried expression. “Can we please not talk about painting anymore?” her request sounded more like a plea.

 “But why?” Kai keeps a compassionate face on. “It’s a harmless to-”

“I quit painting,” Suzy firmly cuts in before Kai can finish his statement.

There was silence between the two. Kai keeps quiet in thought - a surge of understanding comes to him and gives him a grasp of the situation. Suzy also remains silent. She blocks out the flood of memories coming back to her by closing her eyes. But it was too late. Memories of a summer in Gangwon-do come rushing back, her father taking pictures of the scenery in front of him while she told him that the flowers were beautiful and wished she could draw the whole view.

She opens her eyes and glances at the painting once more. The vibrant yellows and greens give her the sense of happiness she once had, and memories of carefully dabbing and each shade of color on the canvas. She remembers having happily completed that landscape and comparing it with the picture her father took. She remembers the sense of pride in her father’s eyes when she had shown him that painting.

All those memories came back to her in what seemed like only a second. A second of looking at the picture was long enough for her to relive all those memories.

She looks away from the painting and stares at the floor again. “I’m sorry.”

Kai approaches her, sits on the floor in front of her and looks up to her sad black eyes. “For what?”

“A lot of things” she pulls her feet up on the couch and hugs her knees. “I just get snappy whenever people try to remind me about my art.”

“Because you quit art? Is that it?” Kai clarified.

Suzy quietly avoided his eyes.

“But you don’t want to…” her unvoiced answer dawns on the boy. “Do you?”

 “Do you think you know me that well now?” she remarks condescendingly. Why did this boy seemingly read her too well? It irked her that was he always so spot on with his assumptions.

“I can see that longing in your eyes when you look at the painting, Suzy,” he argued. “You can’t hide that.”

“I tried to,” she agrees with a sadistic smile. “I stopped at art ever since my family’s accident… I just,” she paused for a while, looking for the words she wanted to say. “I don’t think I’ll ever have the heart to paint anything ever again.”

“The accident wasn’t your or your exhibit’s fault. Why would you stop doing something you love?”

“Guilt,” Suzy looks melancholically into Kai’s eyes. “You’re not the first person to tell me that, Kai. People keep telling me that it wasn’t my fault, but at the end of the day, feelings of guilt and loneliness consume me every day. They eat me up before I go to sleep, in my dreams and every morning I wake up.” At this point some tears start welling in her eyes. “Tell me,” she says as she wipes the tears with her hands. “With all that sadness, do you think I could ever hold a paint brush and create anything beautiful ever again?”

It took a moment for Kai to absorb everything Suzy has said. He knew she was living a hard life but he didn’t know that her outlook towards her situation was this grave… This helpless. He now sees that the accident scarred her in more ways than he could imagine. It took away the things she loved. Even her art was taken away from her.

“I’m staring at one of the saddest wrecks right now,” Kai thinks aloud. “Yet it still looks that beautiful.”