The next days passed by fastily. Hoseok spent every day at the house of his boyfriend but every night he have to go home. He hated it. But on the other side he would feel bad to leave his mother, father and sister alone. His mother sometimes offered him that he could stay the night at Yoongi but Hoseok always shake his head. Also he didn’t want to disturb Yoongi and his family that much, maybe they also want to spend some time with their son. But at the weekend Yoongi came to him like before. Even though Hoseok love it to be at Yoongis place, he also loves it when Yoongi was at his place.

The two cook together Hoseoks favorite meal since Yoongi wanted to learn it. Also his parents weren’t at home – they visit his grandmother and also his sister wasn’t at home. So the two boys were more relaxed.

And now Hoseok lies in his bed, Yoongi in his arms who sleep peacefully. Hoseok often stays up all the night just to watch Yoongi sleep. He always looked so calmed and Hoseok just want to watch him sleep and then he starts to think about him. Sometimes he asks himself how could he live without Yoongi? Why should he stand up when he knew his boyfriend wouldn’t be in the kitchen or in the bathroom? Hoseok bites his lower lip and close his eyes for a moment. He feels how his eyes get watery. More he presses Yoongi against his chest and caresses his cheek. “I don’t want to let you go”, Hoseok whispers and sighs up “I would do everything that you get healthy”. With his other hand he rubs his back and tears running down his cheek. He never wants that Yoongi see him like this. That he see him crying because of him. It wouldn’t help him, not a tiny bit. “I don’t know how I should live without you”, he continues and open his eyes “I want to keep you by my side”.

“Hoseok do you ever listen to me?”, Yoongi then mumbles and let out a sigh “I don’t leave you”. The younger one looks at his boyfriend who slowly opens his eyes and look at him. Hastily Hoseok tries to wipe away his tears but Yoongi grabs his hand. “Stop it… I think… you have cried enough alone”, he says and slowly he interlocks his fingers with Hoseoks “Please cry”. But the taller one shakes his head “I don’t want to cry it won’t help you when I cry”. “Nothing will help me Hoseok and I want that you cry… I don’t want to die and regret that I was never there for you like you was for me… Hoseok please”, Yoongi tells his boyfriend and squeezes his hand. This one looks at him and similes a bit before he close his eyes and then starts to cry. Yoongi pulls him closer to him, put his arms around Hoseok and just let him cry. He through his soft black hair and close his eyes. It hurts him so much to see and to hear him cry. But he wants to be there for him now.

“It’s not fair Yoongi… it’s not fair! Why does thing like this exist? I…I don’t want this… I don’t know how I should live without you…. I’m so afraid of the day... where you left me”, Hoseok mumbles and let out a loud sob again. “Hoseok…Hoseok, I won’t leave you I will always be there with you”, Yoongi mumbles and wipes away some tears “I will watch over you”. “Stop this!”, now Hoseok almost screams at him. He sits up a bit and looks at Yoongi. A bit Hoseok shakes himself and bites his lower lip. “I… I don’t want to hear this! I don’t want to hear this that you will take care of me afterwards. You are dead then Yoongi… dead. You won’t come back… you will leave me alone and I’m so afraid of this…”, Hoseok lets out a sob again “You will go forever…”. Hoseok buries his face in his hands and still cries. But Yoongi just sits there next to him. He didn’t know what he should respond. He feels like it’s his fault… or that Hoseok thinks that he wants to die. But the thoughts that he will be reborn again give him power every day. The thoughts that he will take care of Hoseok somewhere above help him. But now his boyfriend destroys everything in a few seconds. But then the pale boy just shakes his head, stand up and then he leaves the room slowly. He still can hear Hoseok cry but he can’t stay there in this moment. He just can’t.

The smaller one walks downstairs into the kitchen where he made some tea. He can’t forget Hoseok words and the way he have said them to him. The way he looked at him. Now Yoongi bites his lip to hold back his tears. He didn’t want to leave him. He wants to stay with him, he wants to be there by his side his entire life. Yoongi looks down to his hand where he sees the ring Hoseok gave him. The night he has asked him he dreams of their wedding. Hoseok looks so good in his black suit and he styled his hair out of his face. Yoongi loves this, on their first anniversary date Hoseok has styled his hair like this. Hoseok had planned the whole day and it was really romantic. Yoongi wasn’t this type for it but as long as it was with Hoseok it’s okay for him. The small boy grabs his cup of tea before he walks over to the living room. There he opens the glass door slowly and outside he sits on the veranda. It’s already cold and dark outside but Yoongi didn’t care. Here he can think about everything. Maybe he should leave Hoseok and then he won’t be sad when he’s dead. Maybe he should be mean to him that Hoseok will start to hate him.
“Yoongi? What are you doing there? You freeze and you can get ill”.

A few seconds later Hoseok sits beside him and puts a blanket over his shoulders. The pale boy looks at him. Still Hoseoks eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were still wet. But Yoongi looks away and drink a sip of his tea. “Hnn”, Yoongi let out a soft whimper and hold his mouth. The tea was still hot and he didn’t expect it. “Yoongi… please look at me”, the taller one says and grabs his small hand softly. Still he didn’t look at Hoseok. The younger one clears his throat and squeezes Yoongis hand. “Listen Yoongi, I’m so…so sorry that I have said this to you. I didn’t want to hurt you but… It’s so hard. It’s so damn hard to know that you will die soon and I will be alone then. I hate it being alone and I don’t want to lose you. You are my everything Yoongi, my everything”, Hoseok caresses the small hand of Yoongi and let out a sigh. “I’m so sorry for hurting you”.

The pale boy nods a bit. “I am sorry that I always say these ty things but… but they help me and so I thought that they also will help you”, he said and interlocks his fingers with Hoseoks again. But he smiles a bit “They help me…I also start to believe in them and I like the idea of meeting you in my next life”, Hoseok says and through Yoongis hair carefully. The pale boy looks at him and smiles a bit. “So you want to meet me again?”, he asks him and Hoseok nods. “Sure!”, he says “I want to have a kitschy school romance with you”. Yoongi starts to laugh then and also Hoseok did. Then the two boys sit there a moment in silence before Yoongi moves closer to Hoseok and put the blanket also over him and hands him the cup of tea. “Drink a bit, I don’t want you to get cold”, he says and Hoseok places a kiss on his cheek.

“And you are sure about it?”, Hoseok asks and watches his boyfriend. This one lifts up the top he is wearing and looks at himself in the mirror. Today was the day when Yoongi gets his tattoo. The pale boy stands in front of the mirror and look at his left side. The tattooist draws the symbol Yoongi wants on his side. The sign for Infinity and Hoseoks name in it. The taller one watches his boyfriend who nods then and smiles a bit. “It’s perfect”, he says before he walks over to the daybed and lays down there. The tattooist smiles a bit. “Great”, he says and starts to explain Yoongi a few things about what will happened next. That when it hurts too much he must say it, when he needs a break he must say it and how it will feel. A few minutes later the tattooist starts.

Yoongi expects that it would hurt much more. But it feels more like someone would rub with a brush over it. Hoseok looks a bit worried and watches his boyfriend. “So – Hoseok is the name of your father or your brother?”, the tattooist asks after some time and Yoongi shakes his head. He starts to smile a bit “It’s the name of my boyfriend, the handsome guy who’s sits there”. The tattooist looks over to Hoseok and then to Yoongi and start to smile. “You two are a cute couple”, he says and Hoseok now starts to grin. “Thank you”, he says and rub his neck a bit and the tattooist smiles more. “How did you come together? And … sorry for being so curious – how do you realize that you love each other?”, the tattooist asks. “We meet at school and we have been friends before… but it was always more than a normal friendship”, Hoseok says and look at Yoongi. Slowly the taller boy places a hand on his small back and starts to caresses him a bit. He starts to feel that now it stat to hurt. “Could you stop? It’s hurt him”, Hoseok says and the tattooist stops immediately. Yoongi opens his eyes slowly and look over to his boyfriend. “Hoseok in the pocket of my jacket… my pills”, Yoongi mumbles and his boyfriend stands up. Yoongi closes his eyes. The tattooist looks at him worried but the pale boy just smiles a bit “I need to take some medicaments”. A second later Hoseok stands by him and hands Yoongi his medicaments. Slowly he caresses his back and place a kiss on his temple. One of the coworkers in the studio hand Yoongi a glass of water that he can take his pills.

“You two seem to have a deep bond”, the tattooist says and Hoseoks smiles a bit. “I just want that he feels good”, he says before he sits down again. The tattooist looks at Yoongi who slowly lies down again. “Should we continue?”, he ask and Yoongi just nods. “Please, I don’t have enough time maybe”, he says and close his eyes again. The man continues his work and Yoongi tells him almost everything about Hoseok and his relationship. But only the things he also told other people. Private things he keeps to himself or tell them Nam Joon or Jimin. But he loves to tell everyone that Hoseok is his boyfriend and that he loves him.

“I can’t believe that you really did it”, Hoseok mumbles as he watches his boyfriend change into his sleep clothe in front of him. Yoongi grins at him before he walks over to him. He places his hands on Hoseok sides and kisses him. The taller one puts his arms around Yoongis shoulders and deepens the kiss. Yoongis hands start to wander over Hoseoks chest and press himself against his body. Immediately Hoseok tight his grip around his shoulders and he lean his forehead against his. “Yoongi”, he mumbles and kisses him again. But then a loud ring echoes through the rooms. Hoseok grins against Yoongis lips “I’m going to pick up the blancmange”. And then the taller one disappears and Yoongi looks after him.

Dear Hoseok,

Today we have fought – it has been a long time since we fight the last time. I mean a real fight. But afterwards I always realize how much I love you. And spending the night with you on the veranda was so beautiful. Even thought it was really cold I didn’t feel that at all. You keep me warm Hoseok. And I’m proud to have your name inked in my skin.

It looks pretty, doesn’t it? Kekekek!!

You know what Hoseok, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of my next doctor appointment. I don’t want them so say that it’s over that soon. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I always wanted to go on vacation with you… visit America with you. Can you do this with one of the others? Please?

But I can’t wait for the more memories we are going to make. And also I want to ask you something… But I’m so nervous! Yes you read right, I’m nervous about asking you something.

I love you Hoseok

Yoongi

The picture of the tattoo for this chapter - just imagine instead 'faith' Hoseoks name there :D