The titel for this chapter is this song.It's such an amazing and powerful song... I really love it! But it always makes me cry... because... the lyrics are so sad but also...ahh I can't describe it. Its one of the best song ever for me...ahh ♥ Okay I need to stop now xD

And! -> I don't know what stands on the lock on the picture above... just imagine there would stand they names >D

Yoongi and Hoseok sitting in the chair in the small praxis of Yoongis doctor. The younger one looks at his boyfriend every few seconds. This one nibble on his own lower lip and looks at his hands. Yoongi let out a small sight before he looks up and smiles weakly at his boyfriend. Sure he was nervous… he was always nervous when he sits there. It always remembers when his mother and he sit there and the doctor tells him about his heart. When the doctor then starts to talk about some facts and list up some methods of healing, pills and other therapies which will help Yoongi ti live a bit longer. But after a half year the doctor tells him that most of the things won’t work…  Only the pills help him a bit. But now Hoseok is with him and automatically he feels save. Hoseok grabs the small hand of Yoongi softly and squeezes his hand. “Don’t worry…everything will be fine”, he whispers and Yoongi smiles a bit. “Thank you”, Yoongi says quietly and squeeze his hand also. He looks at the both hands and sighs up. Again different thoughts start to run through his head and he closes his eyes. He want to remember everything. The taste of cotton candy and the fair, the sounds of the trains the feeling of the sand running through his toes. But then he hears the door open and Yoongi looks up. His doctor looks at him with his usual soft smile as he enters the white room. Slowly he walks over to his desk and greets the two boys before he also sits down.

Yoongis doctor was an old man, white hair but he don’t have any wrinkles. He has small lips and a kind of big nose… But his voice has a warm sound and Yoongi always calms down a bit when he starts to talk. He sometimes gets the feeling that there won’t happen anything when he starts to talk, that he is going to tell Yoongi a history and then he can leave.

“How do you feel the last days?”, the doctor ask as he starts to look through his documents. “Fine… everything was good… expect the collapse”, Yoongi responds watch him doing this. “Ah yes, I get the information from the doctor there… you should be more carefull especially with your pills. I raise the dose for a reason”, his doctor says and Yoongi feels the gaze of his boyfriend. He didn’t tell him anything about it because he didn’t want to make him worry. But now Hoseok is more than worried and also squeeze his hand. But Yoongi didn’t look at him. His eyes were focuses on his doctor. This one sighs up and look at these two guys in front of him. “Do you have any big plans for the future? I mean… like a big voyage, to move to another house?”, the old man asks as he puts down his glasses. Now his voice sounds more serious and Yoongi bites his lower lip. He just shakes his head because he couldn’t say anything. The change of the voice of his doctor irritates him. This one sighs up and it’s a moment of total silent in the room. Then Hoseok clears his throat and look at the doctor. “What’s wrong? Did something change?”, he ask then. By the look of the doctor he get he wasn’t sure if he want to know the answer.

“So…Yoongi I….”, the doctor starts and Yoongi let go Hoseoks hand. This one looks at him with wide eyes before he turn his head to the doctor again. This one looks at the smaller one with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry to tell you but… It would be a miracle if you would survive this summer”.

Then was silence again. Hoseok looks at the doctor and swallows. Did he really say that? He can’t believe it….it was so surreal for him. Yoongi seems to get better and now he would only live a few months before he…dies. Hoseok shakes his head. “No…no this can’t be true…no”, he says and wants to grab Yoongis hand again but this one just stands up and rushes out of the room. “Yoongi!”, Hoseok didn’t wait a second and runs after him. Normally Hoseok was faster than Yoongi but this time it was different… Yoongi runs so fast… He has left the practice before Hoseok really left the room. And as the taller one steps outside he can’t see his boyfriend anymore. “Yoongi?”, he screams and look around. His heart starts to run faster. The information still makes him weak, he feels like his legs were made out of jelly and his hands start to shake. And he feels such an unbelievable pain in his heart. Not, it can’t be true. His Yoongi couldn’t leave him so early. No. He didn’t allow it. Then he spots his boyfriend across the street… he runs in the direction of the park. Hoseok follows him fastly. He need to stop Yoongi… it wasn’t good for his heart to run like this.

Finally at the park he reaches the smaller one and grabs his wrist and pulls him into his arms. This was the moment when Hoseok realize he has started to cry. He presses the small body against his chest, arms tightly wrapped around him and he buries his face in Yoongis hair. He can’t control himself in this moment… he just stand there and cry his soul out. All the pain he feels… he doesn’t want his Yoongi to die. He wants to die instead of him….Why must something happen? Why? Hoseok let out a sob again before he lift up his head and look into the eyes of his beloved boyfriend. This one also cries. His face was paler than usual and his eyes were already red and the tears didn’t stop to fall. “Yoongi… my little Yoongi”, Hoseok whispers and cups his face with his own hands. His boyfriend clings into the jacket of him and let out a loud cry again. “I… I don’t want to leave you Hoseok… I want to stay by your side… Please…”, he whispers with his broken voice before he buries his face again in his jacket. How he wish he could make this happen… how he wish he could heal Yoongi… Then the taller one feels that Yoongis legs getting weak and he walk with him over to a bench near the Han River. There he wraps his arms around Yoongi who didn’t let go of his shirt. Hoseok himself tries to calm down… he don’t want to cry in front of Yoongi. He does the very rare – in front of his boyfriend. He thinks it wouldn’t help him when he cries… so he holds back his tears until he is alone and let them then out.

“Hoseok… Hoseok”, Yoongi whispers and this one looks at him. To see his tears hurt the taller one so much, he can’t explain. “Why did this happen? Why did this happen to us?”, the smaller one asks and sobs again but Hoseok shakes his head. “I don’t know Yoongi… I… I don’t want to let you go, I want to hold you”, he says and the tears welled up again in his eyes. “Then hold me”, he mumbles. And Hoseok does this. He put his arms around the smaller one and holds him close. He through the hair of his boyfriend and let him cry. Hoseok hold back his tears, he want to be there for his boyfriend and be strong for him. When he is alone he can be weak but not now.

The two sit there for hours. After an hour Yoongi stop crying but they didn’t stand up and walk home. They just sit there and watch the people who passed by. No one says a word, they don’t need any words in this moment. When it gets darker it starts to snow again… some small snowflakes. Only one street light light up the night a bit. Hoseok slowly lifts his hand and some of the snowflakes land on his hand and start to melt slowly. This morning when Yoongi and him watch TV they say it would be the last snow for this year and tomorrow it would start to get warmer. “I will disappear like one of them”, Yoongi says quietly and look at his boyfriend who has put an arm around his small shoulder. “No you don’t… I know that you will always be there”, this one responds and press a kiss on his temple before he leans his forehead against Yoongis. Again he grabs his mall and pale hands and interlock they fingers. “The list… we are going to start with it… we doing everything you want”, Hoseok mumbles and the back of Yoongis hand with his thumb. “And we are going to start with it now”, he says and stands up. He help Yoongi stand up and cup his face with his hands again. Slowly and carefully he wipes away the last tears. “But Hoseok…it’s too late”, the smaller one responds but Hoseok shakes his head. “Now nothing is too late”, he says and grabs his hand before he start to walk down the road with him.

Both boys went to buy a lock and Hoseok write down they names in it and also the sign for infinity. With that they went to take the Namsan cable car to ride up to the N Seoul tower. They sit in the cable car with three other happy couples who kiss and holding hands. Yoongi instead sits there, with the back to Hoseok and watch the night lights of Seoul. The taller one has put his arms from behind around his waist and places his chin on Yoongis shoulder. He just wants to be close to him in this moment. Finally they reach the station and get off the cable car and walk up to the N Seoul tower. When they reach the tower both went straight to the elevator. “Hoseok?”, Yoongi asks quietly as the elevator starts to move. The taller one looks at him and Yoongi smiles a bit. “I’m… not afraid to die”, he says quietly and lean his head against Hoseoks shoulder. This one smiles weakly and squeezes his hand. “You are the bravest person I know”, he whispers. “I’m brave because of you”, was the respond of Yoongi before the door of the elevator opens and the two enters the terrace and walk to the Love padlock trees. They were huge and full of locks and notes. “Do you think we find a place for ours?”, Yoongi mumbles as they start to search for a free spot. “Sure…if not we put it somewhere else”, Hoseok says and walk up to the next tree. “Ahh, Yoongi here…”, he calls over his boyfriend. This one follows him. Together they put they lock at the free spot and Hoseok hands Yoongi one of the two keys. “Let them throw away”, he says and walks up to the fence. “But… Hoseok this is prohibited!”, Yoongi follows him and grabs his arm. But this one shakes his head. “I don’t care”, he says and takes the key and throws it away into the dark night. Yoongi watches him doing this before he smiles a bit and also throws the key away. Both stand there and look into the night and watch the light of Seoul in front of them. It was just a peaceful moment. Slowly Hoseok interlocks his pinkie with Yoongi and lean down a bit to him. “I love you”, he whispers and the other one chuckles a bit. Even the doctor told him that he won’t make it through the summer… he was happy. Hoseok makes him happy and gives him so much strength to go through this. “I love you too”, Yoongi responds quietly and look at the other one. Still the snow falls around them. “What do you think about drinking some tea or cacao? They have a restaurant there”, Hoseok says and the smaller one nods. “That would be great”. Again Hoseok places a kiss on his temple before they leave the terrace.

Dear Hoseok,

You are downstairs in the kitchen and make us some green tea and so I take the time to write you again. We went to the doctor today and he tells me that I’m going to die soon… I just run away and starting to cry because of this. But… I’m not afraid to die. Because I know it won’t hurt… I will fall asleep … I know this. Also you give me so much strength that I can’t be afraid. I just cry because I don’t want to leave you… I’m only afraid to leave you and that you are sad… I don’t want to be the reason that you are sad… that you cry. It hurts so much just the imagination that you lie in your bed and cry. I know that you cry sometimes when you think I have fall asleep. But I hear you… I hear you slight sobs and how you try to control your breath. And every time I hear you I snuggle more to you to let you know that I’m there. So please don’t cry anymore Hoseok. And when you cry… please call someone, your sister, Sang Chul, Jimin or Jungkook… or whoever you want. But don’t cry alone. Please. And remember I will watch you and I will be angry when you don’t do this.

And today we went to the N Seoul Tower and leave a love lock there. It looks so pretty… and it will be there forever. So this was the first thing on my list… and there will be so much more. I’m really looking forward to this and enjoy this moments with you.

I love you Hoseok, I love you so much for being there for me. For stay by my side… and I will stay by your side forever. I will never leave you. But now… hurry up! I want my tea and I want to cuddle with you!

Yoongi.