Everyone has insecurities and Jessica has her own fair share of them. She likes to think that she doesn’t have many, but she knows that isn’t the case. For the most part, she doesn’t dwell on them because there isn’t time to dwell. All of the concerts, shows-- schedules, in general, keep her occupied. She likes being occupied, but she knows she can’t be occupied all of the time.

Being with Tiffany keeps her occupied with work, but being with Stephanie actually doesn’t occupy her at all. She finds it strange that despite being the same person, her behaviour differs. She welcomes it because she can separate her personal and work lives, but at the same time she fears it. She fears not being able to be occupied with Stephanie. Stephanie makes her think about things she wouldn’t want to think about.

In a sense, she is occupied by Stephanie with these personal thoughts, but in all honesty it scares her. She knows that if she wasn’t scared then she wouldn’t be hiding in the bathroom. She tries to clear her mind with a bath, but it isn’t any use. Her thoughts linger around that angel ornament, decorating the tree, Christmas and family.

Family.

Her family is here in Korea, but Stephanie’s isn’t. Stephanie should be in America celebrating Christmas and the holidays with her family, so why stay in Korea when there aren’t any schedules?

“You’re doing it again.”

Soapy water splashes onto the floor. Jessica turns to the side and sees Stephanie by the sink with a wry smile on her face. She weakly smiles in return and wishes to sink into the water.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your face-- you’re thinking again and it isn’t that good if you needed to ditch me.”

The older woman just turns her head to the side and slides lower into the tub until her chin just breaks the surface of the water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please, Jessi, this is me you’re talking to. Come on, tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”

Jessica smirks and stays quiet. She doesn’t need Stephanie knowing how much being with her freaks her out. She loves Stephanie, but the woman’s life circumstances makes her question herself. She knows she admires Stephanie for having the strength, courage and resiliency to get through her hardships, but it also bothers her knowing she isn’t the same.

Like snowflakes they are different and the differences are so glaring that she does wonder how they work. She wants to say that they work together in a way that can’t be explained because it works so well, but she isn’t sure if they are working so well. They are so beautiful together, that they complement each other, but how far can complementing a person go?

A hand cups Jessica’s cheek and turns her head. She blinks and focuses her eyes at the one person who makes her feel like her world isn’t what it really is. She sees the concern in Stephanie’s eyes and it grips at her heart.

“I love you,” she croaks out. The look on the younger woman’s face tugs at her heart strings even more.

“Jessica, what’s wrong?”

“I love you,” she repeats, but in a clearer voice. The hand holding her face feels hot and it almost hurts. She closes her eyes and swallows the lump in .

“Jessi--”

“I actually do wonder how we work. All of the stuff you’ve gone through with your mom, leaving your family to reach your dreams-- am I really worth it, Steph? Am I really worth being with you, much less your family? When I look at you I see daddy’s little princess, but then I remember you’re really your mother’s angel. You’re so strong and I just… do we really work? It always feels like you’re picking up my pieces and it isn’t fair to you--”

“I love you, Jessica.”

“I--”

“You’ve been talking a lot tonight, which is really strange, you know?”

The sound of Stephanie’s voice is strange to her. She opens her eyes and flinches when she sees the other woman crying again.

“Stop doubting yourself, please? You make it sound like I’m this godly person, but you and I both know that isn’t true. Yeah, I had to deal with a lot of stuff and it… shaped me to be who I am today, but you can’t cut yourself short. You had (and still have) a huge impact on my life, so what’s there to be worried about?”

“A-Am I enough?” Stephanie just stares at her like she’s crazy and she isn’t sure what to do or say.

“Do you trust me, Jessica?”

“That sounds like a stupid question--”

“Then, does this conversation sound stupid to you? I love you, I trust you and I believe in us. You said it yourself that we work because of our differences-- that we fit like puzzle pieces-- and we’re beautiful because of them. Was that just a lie?”

Jessica can only furiously shake her head because she meant everything she said.

“Have a little more faith in yourself, Jessi.”

“I’m scared that you’ll leave me one day. If we don’t really know how we work, then how do we know this is working? You’re always patient with me, so what happens when things fall apart?”

“You’re so pessimistic sometimes,” Stephanie whispers. “A relationship just doesn’t happen. Yes, love is an important factor, but a relationship takes work. You can’t expect us to just work, did you? We click, we fit, but we’re rough around the edges. We have to work on some things so we can fit without a problem.

“I know you think I’m this amazing person, but so are you. I’m not the only one who’s separated from her family-- we all are-- but your sister is also a part of this industry, so seeing each other doesn’t work out either. I think it’s harder to be away from your family when they’re so close. You’re strong for being able to be away from them for so long even if they live just around the corner. We may have different stories, but at the bottom of it all it’s almost the same.

“Steph…”

“To be honest, I’m surprised you’re still with me after all of the impatient fits I’ve thrown when I see you with other girls and guys. Sometimes, we act so similarly it’s frightening, but we work it out. Sure we have problems, but what couple doesn’t? We learn more about each other and it makes us stronger, don’t you think? We understand each other better so don’t you think that’s why we work? Our differences makes us learn and from that we can make our relationship can grow?”

Jessica isn’t sure what to think because she knows tears are spilling down her cheeks and her heart is ready to burst out of her chest. Leave it to Stephanie to know how to pull her heart strings and make things better.

“I love you,” she whispers out, reaching up for Stephanie’s hand. She feels the other woman’s lips on her forehead and whimpers.

“I love you, too, but please just talk to me when you feel down, okay? If you see me as a strong person, then at least let me shoulder on some of your problems. You’ve done it for me time and time again and it’s only fair if I do it for you, too.”

A weak nod and Jessica rests her head against the edge of the tub still holding onto Stephanie’s hand. She feels a little lighter now, but something still doesn’t sit well with her.

“Are you okay?”

Puzzles.

Snowflakes.

Opposites.

Differences.

Family.

“Jessi?”