HAEMIN with very hinted! KyuMin

Summary: Because really, even if I did such nasty things like how Siwon suddenly kissed Heechul hyung in front of thousands of people, fans would just consider it normal. Afterall, it is just fanservice anyway.

It was a good thing the fans refer to it as normal fanservice. I looked at the two guys at the middle of the stage, one was singing and the other was doing everything he can to distract him. I smiled inwardly realizing how these two can easily do everything and just get away with it. A lot may just call it fanservice, but little do they know that deep within the roots of the thing the fans think we do “for” them, lies life’s most complicated scenarios, complications involving undisclosed feelings, problem of acceptance, preservation of societal status and a whole lot more. These were the secrets Super Junior had been keeping to themselves ever since the day they started, the secrets we have been keeping to our very own selves, and the stuff we usually tend to deny or forget, whenever we would step into our third home, the stage.

The two of them are dating. That was a fact that makes itself visible and makes it presence strong once we already step foot in our respective dorms. It has been hardly a year, as far as I remember, when the two of them shyly went up to us and told us, with their hands intertwined, that they are officially going out. All those fictions weren’t wrong in the description of their relationship though, as one of the two would really spend nights in the living room in front of his laptop sacrificing his sleep just to get to the level he wants to achieve in a certain game he plays. The other also really loves pink things, adding it to the well-known fact that he is obsessed over his collection of wines. They would eat on separate plates, sometimes even far away from each other. They are also often seen with other people during their free time, and well… they don’t talk much about it publicly. They really weren’t all that touchy feely, even in the dorms, but when they do occasionally, that’s when the world stops revolving for me. The way he holds him as he nuzzles his head into his neck was driving me crazy. The way they would suddenly innocently cuddle next to each other was sweet, yet it was one I couldn’t ever tolerate.

Yes. I was in love with one of them, and I am not denying it, not now, not here. It was the truth that brings the humidity and awkwardness of the atmosphere whenever we two interact. The one that fans always see in pictures or even in those fancams they have of the two of us. I am not bitter. It’s not like I got rejected or what anyway. The fact is, I didn’t confess, or better yet, I didn’t confess early enough for me to warrant his full acceptance.

Super Junior has its own share of dark secrets, them being together counting as one of the best yet most heart-breaking amongst all of them. What the whole world and the most of the members doesn’t know though, is the fact that even individual people hides some secret from one another. WE were one of those few secrets. I wasn’t getting jealous because of a one-sided unrequited love. Hell, I don’t even know how I can handle those kinds of stuff.


He claims to be mine, and I am his forever. It was the unspoken mantra that seems to be radiating from the two of us whenever we meet somewhere far from the dorms, as we shared those forbidden kisses, as we let the other claim what he thinks is rightfully his. The way his body arches back as I bury myself deeper into him, the way he screams almost too loudly with his high pitched voice, it was totally mind-blowing... and it was all I ever needed to remain sane. It may be considered as an act of pure selfishness, but we haven’t thought of ending it, not even once, and I don’t think it will come across our minds for the next few years. I often wondered how long we’re going to keep this a secret from everyone else, and most specially, what will happen in case someone suddenly finds out. A kiss of reassurance, I think, was then all I needed, for after I received such from him, I seem to forget everything I had thought beforehand.

It is the feeling of wanting to hold the one you love and caress him or her with your touch that drives me crazy whenever I see him with that other person. Does he really mean it when he holds him and looks at him with eyes full of love and warmth? I almost choked on the possibility of an affirmation.

A rather uncomfortable feeling seeped through my stomach and into my veins as I thought more of about our situation. We never promised forever because we always believed that promises were meant to be broken, but looking at everything the two of them did on stage and even at the dorm, the feeling of wanting something to hold on to crept in my mind. That was when I felt its importance, maybe promises were not made because it holds an absolute value, but because it gives a feeling of security, a reassurance that whatever happens, it will still be upheld.

A well-known bitter feeling then invaded my body, but then it all disappeared when he held my hand and looked at me with that same knowing look. The fans in the whole stadium screamed, and I smirked. This was one of the few moments when I wished for time to stand still, when I have him in my arms and I can feel his warmth deep inside of me. The other members didn’t look at us weirdly, not even throwing a suspicious look. It was then I smirked for the second time around. I personally think it is one of the perks of fanservice, I get to hold him close, I get to drag him wherever I want, I get to look at him lovingly, and the world won’t seem to know what I truly meant. Because really, even if I did such nasty things like how Siwon suddenly kissed Heechul hyung in front of thousands of people, fans would just consider it normal. Afterall, it is supposed to be just fanservice anyway.