The atmosphere around the house the next day was unbelievably tense and awkward. No one was speaking to each other, well not much of a difference to me, considering I spent half of my life in silence. But this quiet and stillness was incredibly daunting and deafening; you could almost cut the tension with a knife.

I was also surprised to see Luhan still in the house, I expected him to leave for some reason. The argument between him and mother seemed far too intense for him to stay by his own choice.

He seemed like the stubborn type too, the kind of person who won’t tolerate other people putting him down a peg or two, so it was quite unexpected on my part to see him retreating into his own little quiet bubble of isolation in our home.

However, even though he was at home, I could tell he was ignoring me the most, usually he chides in with a snide remark, but today he was extremely quiet. He avoided any sort of eye contact. But I wasn’t letting go off yesterday’s event so easily.

I eat my dinner of instant ramen as no dinner was made, mother and father went off to work an hour ago and had late shifts therefore I knew they’ll come home late. After finishing my food and washing the bowl I ate in, I quietly make my way upstairs.

 I did not want Luhan to know I’m heading towards his room because I’m absolutely sure he’ll lock it or forcibly kick me out.

I stand next to his door for a few seconds and intake a large breath and finally prepare to knock, but before I even could the door swings open and a blurry eyed Luhan stands before me.

‘I could hear your heavy breathing from inside’ He looks at me with a tired, irritated face

‘Really, was I breathing that loud?’ I answer feeling my cheeks redden in embarrassment. Luhan has bedraggled hair, and for a long lost sibling, well he looks cute.

‘I also heard you whispering to yourself, could you be any more of a weirdo’ He rolls his eyes at me, before proceeding to close the doors.

‘WAIT’ I shout, not ready for him to close the doors yet. That small second of interaction gave me hope that he won’t ignore me the rest of the evening

‘What do you want’ he asks impatiently, tapping his foot in a bored manner, while leaning one arm out on the door frame

‘I-I...want to know what happened yesterday’ I say gulping with nervousness several times, it was difficult to get all that out.

However, as expected Luhan starts to close the door but before he does, I push him hard on his chest, which puts him in a daze for a second. I take this opportunity to run into his room and quickly fall on to his bed to mark my victory.

He looks at me with an exasperated expression and slowly comes towards me. He then stands in front of me and stares at my face for a moment which confuses me immensely.  I then suddenly feel two arms encircle my waist and roughly pull me up from the bed and he makes his way towards the door.

I was too stunned to complain for a second, I don’t know why but my heart done a crazy jump. Was I experiencing a heart attack? This boy just arrives and causes me so much stress that now I’m suffering from an irregular heart beat.

However, I soon notice that his trying to get rid of me and give out a startled scream , all while I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist to stop him from carrying on with the consequent actions.

This seems to do the trick and he freezes to the spot while looking at me with an unknown expression. Quite frankly, this look made me feel awkward and put me back to reality, therefore I unwrap my legs and slide down to the floor whilst sending him a sheepish look.

‘Look I’m sorry for doing that, I know it’s inappropriate ...I’m sorry I just want to speak to you’ I try to reason with him, my cheeks feeling sizzling hot.

‘Oh, OH yeah, what we’re you going to say’ he replies with a drastically changed tune. Luhan clears his throat out and awkwardly coughs for a brief moment. You could tell the coughing was blatantly false as his face held no expression; he was just making a weird hoarse sound with this throat. To be honest this was only adding to the awkwardness of the situation.

I try to break the strange atmosphere

‘Soo....going to tell me what Mother and you were fighting over yesterday?’

Luhan looks at me with enlarged eyes

‘How do you know we were fighting?’

‘Well..I heard snippets of it’

‘What did you hear???’ He asks me, again in that desperate tone. His face looked panicky which made me wonder what he was trying to hide.

‘Well not much, just that you said you felt like a freak for feeling like something’

Something suddenly clicked in my head and I rush it out of my mouth before thinking about it properly.

‘By any chance are you gay’. It did seem like a plausible reason at the current time, he probably dealt with an identity crisis when he was younger because of this. 

‘If you are, you know you could tell me?’ I try to reassure him, ‘Was the girlfriend you mentioned before actually a boyfriend?’ I try to understand. It could be, maybe that’s why he paused and found it difficult to answer me in a straightforward way.

I then started thinking about gay stereotypes and how a lot of men are generalised to be sassy and to me Luhan had sass written all over him. The boy got mad at the most minor things.  Everything started making sense and falling into place, however Luhan stopped my theories from further developing as he fell into a full on laughter fit.

‘Why would you even think that’ He says in between laughter and tears, I see him rubbing his eyes to stop the tears from forming. Was it that funny, I think feeling stupid.

‘So you’re not’

‘Not even close’

‘Then why did you feel like that when you were younger’ he suddenly stops and stares into my eyes.

‘I’m going to tell you things briefly, just to shut you up because you ask way too many questions’ I roll my eyes at his subtle insults directed at me

There’s a brief silence before he continues.

‘Your parents didn’t actually have to break the news to me that I was adopted when I was nine years old, because in all honesty I knew since I was five. Your uncle wasn’t fond of me then, well he probably hates me now, but back then he narrated the entire story of how I was unwanted as a baby and that your parents aren’t my real parents. So for five years after that, I carried on life with the knowledge that I didn’t actually belong to this family. During those five years things changed in how I saw people, some negatively.....others well, a little too positively’ He abruptly stops, just when I was getting really into it

‘That’s all I’ll tell you, now get out’ he points a finger at me. I decide against arguing with him, especially since he seemed quite vulnerable now.

I take a few steps out of his room and walk into my room. Feeling a sudden heartache on behalf  of Luhan.

----------------------

Signing off at 3;19 am 

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