"Jin-Ae!"

I groan inwardly. "Hello."

"Hey, are you working tomorrow night?" the cheerful boy asks, shaking the rain out of his brown hair.

"I am not going out with you, Daehyun," I deadpan.

He laughs as if my rejection means nothing. Which it does. Though I hang out with them now and again, I'm not particularly close to them – which made it a little awkward when he asked me out the first time. Less so the second time. Or the third. I don't even know what to make of him anymore. Sure I like him, he's a sweet guy, but from the moment I met him, I decided there's no way he's my type. He's pretty. He's almost never serious. He's younger than me. He doesn't act like he could be the leader in a relationship. I do like him, but I can't forever be the one taking care of everyone else. I need someone who can carry me when my own legs fail.

And anyway, even if he was the kind of guy to take care of me, he would take it all back the second he knew. He wouldn't love me. I doubt anyone ever will if they find out my secret. I've met his friends' girlfriends; they're like me. The difference is that I haven't transformed yet. Given how touchy-feely Yongguk and Jongup are, it's obvious they know and they don't care. But how many people in the world are so open-minded?

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come to movie night at Himchan's tomorrow. We were going to grab some beer and a couple of pizzas. Just hang out, you know?"

"That depends on whether or not you're going to put your arm around me when you think I'm not paying attention again."

"Will you hit me again if I do?"

"Yes."

"Then no."

I sigh and turn away from the bar but am stopped when he suddenly touches my arm. Not grabbing. Just… touching. His fingertips are hot against my cool skin and I jump like electricity just shot through from his fingers to my spine. I'm about to give him when I notice the look on his face.

"I know you don't feel like you're incredibly close to some of the group, but it would mean a lot if you'd come. Truthfully, it's not just a movie night this time around. You were there when Himchan got back from Japan and he's…" his voice trails off and his hand drops away. "You're the easiest person in the world to talk to."

I scoff but he shakes his head and frowns. "I mean it, Jin-Ae. You act all tough and I know you could back it up if you really had to, but something about how you carry yourself…"

He screws up his lips a bit and chews on his lower lip. "What are you not telling me?"

"Himchan… he's not doing so good. It's why we're making such a big deal out of movie night this time. He doesn't want to talk to anyone, but I really think he would talk to you if you sat down with him."

"Want to tell me what this is about?" I ask only for Daehyun to shake his head.

"It's not really my story to tell." He reaches for my hand and I find myself either unable or unwilling to pull away as he clasps it gently between his warm palms. "Please say you'll come. I know you find me irritating about ninety percent of the time but this genuinely isn't for my sake. It's for Himchan."

Himchan. The last time I saw him was very nearly two months ago. We had all gotten together for a movie marathon but he was so exhausted that he fell asleep on the couch, the dog he adopted after coming home from Japan curled up against his chest. But she is like me. They have found each other and she is just waiting for him to see the reality of things. The two of them are inseparable. But then I hadn't seen Daehyun or any of the others since the day before New Years Eve; maybe by now he has accepted her, maybe she's still waiting.

"Only boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands, Daehyun," I sigh, trying to pull away.

"I know," he suddenly smiles. "I guess you'll just have to agree to go out with me, then."

I glare.

"Okay, okay. I'll let you go if you promise to come and try to get him talking."

I finally relent with a defeated shrug of my shoulders. I'm not particularly close to the group but I do enjoy the time I spend with them, even if it means having Daehyun practically hanging off of me.

"Yes, fine, I'll come. If you would just ask me normally…" I grumble.

His grin fades a little as he lets my hand slip from his, the sadness that had edged its way into it remaining. "Can I walk you there? I know you can take care of yourself, but it would make me feel better if I could make sure you're safe."

"Daehyun –"

"I know. You're not my girlfriend, Jin-Ae. But please… I just. I have this feeling."

I shake my head lightly at myself. "Yeah, okay. Fine."

"Alright." Sitting down, he leans forward with his elbows on the bar. "Can I get a beer?"

I nod lightly with a half-smile. I don't know what to make of him – I really don't.

*****

By the time I leave my apartment, Daehyun is already waiting for me outside though he isn't paying much attention to anything as he watches a group of kids playing with a soft smile on his face. I can feel my face heat up at the sight of him standing there in skinny jeans, a grey muscle shirt and a black leather jacket, leaning against the back of a bench without a care in the world. As much as I don't want to get involved with him I can't help the blush creeping across my cheeks, especially when he crosses his legs and a bulge becomes very obvious. My hand immediately goes to the necklace around my throat and I start playing with the beads. What can I say? I'm twenty-four, haven't had a boyfriend in five years, and haven't gotten laid in almost three; I notice things. I clear my throat and he perks up.

"Jin-Ae!" Daehyun bounds over to me with a surprised smile on his face. "I was starting to think you had ditched me."

"I said I'd be here."

He pauses a moment to study my face. "Yeah, I know. But you don't like me so I was worried you'd leave before I got here, or wait until I left."

"I never said I don't like you."

"You don't have to," he replies, disappointment lacing his words as he starts walking.

I open my mouth to argue but for once I'm at a loss for words with him. Truthfully, I do like him. If he didn't constantly grab at my hands or try every time he sees me to convince me to go on a date with him, the two of us would probably be good friends. I close my mouth again and just follow. He pauses to let me catch up so he can walk beside me but for once he doesn't have anything to say. It's odd. I don't know if I really like the silence – it's fortunate that Himchan's apartment is only a couple of blocks away.

Once inside, we see that everyone else is already there and the pizzas have just arrived. I take a deep breath and I'm shocked at how strong it smells in here, though I definitely appreciate that there's meat on everything. I find myself suddenly craving all kinds of meat, but I don't have the cash to just go on a spree. I begin the necklace again.

"That's such a pretty necklace!" Felice chirps happily. "Where did you get it?"

"Hm? Oh. It was from my little sister."

"A present?"

"Sort of." I don't want to talk about her. Not with them. "So where's Himchan? Daehyun said he was feeling down and that talking to me might do him some good."

"I'm here," says a voice quietly from the couch.

I hadn't even seen him when I came in. Lying down on the couch, he has a pillow balanced on his stomach and he's splayed out over the cushions. The first thing that strikes me is that the normally chic, well-dressed young man looks like he has been shopping at the thrift store and keeping his clothes on the floor. The second thing is what disturbs me more.

"Hey, sweetie," I greet him gently as I sit beside him. "What are you bumming around like this for? Shouldn't you be playing with Saoirse and wrecking the place like usual?"

The whole room falls deadly silent and Himchan suddenly chokes up – I've hit the nerve they want me to get him talking about. The others shuffle around in the kitchen, pretending to not listen as they hope Himchan will start talking.

"She's gone."

"Gone? She ran away?" I don't understand why she would run away from her mate when she seemed so happy to be with him. "Have you gone to the –"

"No."

"But –"

"I mean she's gone."

I can feel my heart breaking for him as his words sink in. His mate is dead. They will never find happiness in each other's arms.

"How did this happen?"

Himchan sits up and shoves the pillow to the floor, his face buried in his hands. "I was so stupid. They told me to be kind and I didn't listen; they showed me the truth and the first thing I did was get drunk."

"Himchan, what truth?"

"Soairse… my Saoirse was human. She was living with a curse. I said so many stupid things that night. After she looked for me because she wanted to see that I was okay. After she found me feeling up another girl like she was nothing, even though I knew by then who she was… who we were." He leans against me and starts crying, his tears quickly soaking my shoulder. "She died because I was a selfish coward and tore her heart in two. When I came home, she was on my bed like she was sleeping – like she was waiting for me to come home just the same as always. I couldn't even fathom how much she meant to me until she was lying dead in my arms. It wasn't until I couldn't ever have her that the spell broke and I saw her. My soul fell in love with hers before she had even changed, but my heart didn't realise it until too late."

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and shush him gently. More than anything I wish to offer him words of comfort, words of hope about how there are plenty of fish in the sea and there's someone out there for everyone, but that's the problem: she was the one person out there for him and no one could ever come close. He knows it, too. No one tries to stop his crying and I don't either. It's not until he has worn himself out and fallen asleep that the others tentatively make their way over. I don't want to move him far, so I carefully lay him down on the couch, his head in my lap; Daehyun brings a blanket in and drapes it over him.

"Do you need anything?" he asks me softly. "I can get you some pizza if you're hungry."

"That's alright. I just –"

"Are you thirsty? I made tea to keep myself busy."

"No, I'm fine."

"You're probably cold from just sitting here. I'll get you a blanket."

"Daehyun!" I hiss, careful not to wake Himchan. "I'm okay."

He stays silent for some time, chewing his lip and staring down at me.

"No one has been able to get him to say more than three words for the past two months," Daehyun tells me quietly as the others sit around eating in silence. "Thank you. Me and the others, we've been worried sick. He almost starved himself to death in the week after it happened and if we hadn't been able to start forcing smoothies on him, he probably would have ended up in hospital the next day."

I nod solemnly and run my fingers through Himchan's hair. This is why I'm terrified of the day I transform. That poor girl travelled untold distances only to die because her mate was not ready to find out.

"It's all my fault." I look up to see Felice leaning against Jongup who is trying his best to comfort her quietly. "If I had never shown him the truth… He would have come to realise it on his own one day and she'd still be here. Maybe he would have broken her curse by now and they'd be happy together."

She bursts into tears suddenly and I can't help but reach out for her.

Daehyun watches on as I embrace her and rest my chin on her head. A normal person I'd be more hesitant of, but I know who she is and I know how much physical contact plays a role in our emotional well-being. I have very few friends – only this little group – and I've lost contact with most of my family ever since my father died. He was like me. He transformed later than his siblings and that scares me. He wandered for twenty-seven years before finding my mother.

"Are you okay?" Daehyun asks again, and I look up at him. Deep concern is written all over his face.

"It's nothing you could help me with," I tell him with a shake of my head. "I should go. Sorry your movie night went kind of sideways…"

Felice looks at me suddenly. "No, please stay."

I carefully replace my lap with a pillow under Himchan's head. He won't be okay. As much as everyone wishes to believe he'll be alright, I know he won't be – any werewolf would tell you the same thing. He will go through his life with half his heart missing, with the painful knowledge that there's no chance of him finding her again until his next life. If he's lucky.

"We know it's a lot to ask," Kiva continues, "but I feel like he prefers your presence over anyone else's at this point. Felice and I… we make it worse. We are here with Yongguk and Jongup. He sees us happy and it tears him apart. Please understand what I mean when I say that being around someone who doesn't have anyone right now may be the best thing for him."

Yongguk carefully shakes Himchan awake and helps him to his room.

"Please stay here tonight," Jongup pleads. "Maybe it will help having someone around that he feels he can talk to."

I'm still hesitant. As much as they're all my friends, I have never stayed at anyone else's home before. I don't know what will finally trigger my transformation and the last thing I need is to be in another person's home when it happens. A hand turns me around gently.

"Stay here for tonight. Himchan needs someone he can relate to and I need my friend."

I pause for a moment. "What do you mean by "someone he can relate to?""

It's Daehyun's turn to stay silent and he suddenly looks uncomfortable before he begins to ramble. "Nothing. It's just that you're smart and caring and good at empathizing with people. I mean as a bartender you listen to people a lot and they ask for advice, right? Of course he'd relate to you because you're good at understanding people and the things they're going through. Please, Jin-Ae? It's just for tonight. You don't have to stay longer if you don't want to. It's just that this is the first time he's opened up to anyone about the actual reasons behind how ty he's feeling, and –"

"Okay! Okay. Just stop trying to convince me. ."

With that, my bid for freedom for the evening is lost. The others pull out blankets for me as Daehyun demands a hug and drags me into it despite my best efforts. As the door closes behind the others, he looks at me one last time and places both his hands on my shoulders, a serious expression taking over his face once again.

"Thank you for doing this."

"Well, it's not like I had much of a choice, right?"

His eyebrows furrow and he looks hurt. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Keep us at arm's length? We're all supposed to be friends, but you never… It's like you don't want friends at all sometimes."

"You," I say pointing at him, "don't want to be my friend. You want more than I can give anybody."

"Can or will?" he mutters under his breath, clearly upset.

I freeze for a moment feeling my hackles rising at his question. Who is he to make judgements about me? I brush his hands off and throw my jacket over the back of a chair. "You should leave now."

"I – I shouldn't have said that. I'm –"

"You know what? It's fine. You're right. I won't. Not to you, or anybody else, because there are things about me you don't know and that I don't plan on telling you ever."

"Jin-Ae, please just listen to me."

"I always listen to you, Daehyun. The problem is that you're always the one talking. I'm not being heard."

"That's not true!"

"Really? Then why are you still here?"

His mouth hangs open as he searches for an answer but slowly closes it when he draws a blank. I point towards the door and he shuffles away.

"For what it's worth, I would love everything about you if you just let me."

The door closes quietly behind him and I stare after him. Liar…

*****

I wake up to the powerful smell of coffee and dishes clinking in the kitchen.

"Can I have some?" I ask before rolling off onto the floor, reaching low along the ground in a stretch before shaking myself awake.

"Oh. Morning. Yeah, sure."

I stare at him as he pours mug for me, asking quietly if I wanted cream or sugar to which I shake my head.

"You look a little better this morning," I tell him gently.

He shrugs.

"Do you want me to help you over there?"

He takes a few moments to answer, looking around at the kitchen. "Yeah… Yeah, I haven't actually cleaned in a couple months."

The laugh that bubbles up is hard to stifle and he looks at me, unimpressed. "I'm sorry, I just… I'm sorry. I won't laugh at you again. I just never ever thought I would see the day you admit your place is a total sty."

"Hey!"

"I'm just saying."

"Oh, shut up."

We fall into a more comfortable silence as I get up and make my way over to him. I envelope him in a hug and he rests his forehead against my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my middle.

"I miss her so much," he mumbles into the fabric of my shirt. "It's like part of me is missing and I don't know what to do."

"I know, sweetie. I know."

"And it's so hard watching the others," he continues, pulling away to lean against the counter. "Yongguk fell in love with Kiva almost immediately. Jongup got confused and scared and ignored Felice after he found out, but in the end they found each other. I had to be stupid. I ruined everything. I took her whole world and everything she was living for, literally, and shattered it. And what's worse is knowing that it was completely intentional. I killed my mate. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe watching everyone else be happy is my punishment."

"No." I touch his face gently. "No, things don't work like that."

He pulls my hands away and shakes his head, turning back to the coffee machine.

It's the first of many days I spend at his place, just being there to listen when he can't keep it all in. Though it happens a lot at first, it becomes less and less frequent. He's eating regularly. He's caring about his clothes again. He's starting to clean his apartment without my help all the time. I know that he's still not okay, but he's turning his life into some semblance of what normal will be for him now.

"You said your necklace is from your sister?"

I'm startled from the book I'm reading. "You remember that?"

He shrugs. "How old is she?"

"She was twelve."

"Oh. I'm… I shouldn't have asked. I'm so sorry."

"It isn't that she's gone that really bothers me anymore."

"…What does?"

I shake my head with what I know is an unconvincing smile. "Don't worry about it."

He nods, taking a hint. The silence between us is long but comfortable before he speaks again.

"Were you close?"

"I suppose so. I was two years older than her so we understood one another pretty well. Our parents had to work a lot to make sure she was okay though, so I had to grow up pretty fast when I had to take care of everything."

"When did you lose her?"

"Ten years ago this September."

He nods slowly. "If you ever need to talk…"

"I know. Thank you."

"Maybe you should talk to Daehyun, too." I freeze. "They're all coming over tonight, anyways. It has been two and a half weeks and according to everyone else he has been moping around like a mouse that lost its cheese and mumbling about how you hate him for life the whole time."

"I don't hate him," I grump.

"Do you like him at all?"

"I'd like him a hell of a lot more if he'd stop trying to force himself on me when he doesn't understand a damn thing about me aside from that I'm apparently fun to be around and am good at taking care of everyone else even though there's no one to take care of me!"

Himchan just stares at me; I finished my short rant much louder than I intended.

"You should talk to him," he says softly before standing up, ruffling my hair as saunters past towards the kitchen for more coffee.

I grumble irritably.