My wishes go unanswered as he turns away from me without a word and storms out the door, jacket in hand. I pick myself up off the floor to give chase, but the door has already slammed shut and I skid, hitting the door hard. I ignore the pain and start clawing at the door. I can't leave him alone when he's upset like this. Without a second thought, Yongguk is opening the door for me – down the hall, I just catch a glimpse of the elevator door closing. I race down the hall to the stairwell and start clawing at that door too. It's opened for me and I bolt down the stairs, almost falling as I move as fast as my four legs allow me to, until I reach the door out and I'm let out into the lobby and out of the building.

Nose to the ground, I start looking.

People are everywhere and I have to constantly look up to avoid being stepped on. Mid-size or not, busy streets are not a good place for a lone Nova Scotia Retriever at night. It takes me more than an hour to track him down to a local club where I sneak in past the bouncer, careful to keep to the edges of the room and under tables where I can. Suddenly, I catch his familiar scent right near me. Rushing over to the next table, I find him half-drunk with a girl straddling his lap and his hands on her thighs, fingers playing with the hem of her already short skirt. They're all over one another, their tongues down each other's throats as she grinds her hips against his, practically ing him where he sits. It isn't until I bark that he notices me, practically dumping her off his lap to drag me outside by the jewelled collar he bought me for Christmas.

"Why are you here? I… I never asked for this. You're a just a dog. There's something wrong with me." His voice is shaky, panicky and all I want is to comfort him, but as soon as I take a step toward him he moves away from me. "No no no… This is ridiculous. This can't be true. Even if it is true – if werewolves are real – why me? I don't have a choice, I never had a choice. I never had a chance."

Suddenly he leans against the brick wall and slides to the ground crying. I walk quietly over with my head low and I his hand to tell him I'm there for him but he pushes me away.

"Leave me alone. Just… leave. Go away."

I can practically hear my heart ripping in two. There is nothing for me here.

I wish I could cry but alas the limitations of my form. Walking back to the only place I have called a home in years, my world once so bright with the hope of unconditional love is crashing down around me. I can hear Yongguk and Kiva inside, waiting for Himchan to come back to talk with him, and all it takes is scratching at the door for someone to let me in. Slinking past, my heart feels heavier and heavier with every step I take.

For some, even after the time they spend wandering, it takes a long time for their mate to accept them as simply being important enough that they can change back and their true connection can be made. I wandered for more than seventy years, searching tirelessly out of blind love and hope and after finding him, I am left with nothing. My mate doesn't love me – he doesn't even want me around. If the way he spoke to me was any indication, I would go so far as to say he hates me. Slowly, I make my way to our room – his room. Everything smells like him. My heart, previously heavy, has disappeared and I'm left with a void in my soul that cannot be filled. I try twice to jump up onto the bed but I stumble; I'm out of breath, my chest is tight. Putting my paws on the bed to steady myself, I scramble up and lie curled up around his pillow.

"Saoirse?" I lie down, exhausted, not even the energy to look at Kiva as she comes in.

Taking on her canine form, she lies down behind me, her head on resting on my shoulders, and she starts whining – she knows what's happening, but she doesn't want to leave me alone. I bury my nose in his pillow and breathe his scent, my eyes closing slowly. At the very least, I want him to be my last thoughts as I fall asleep.

*****

Himchan's point of view

By the time I come home it's past midnight – the new year. I'm not drunk anymore. I couldn't get what the others had been telling me, what I had come to realise, out of my head. I knew there was something different about Saoirse from the moment I met her, but to expect me to accept I had someone I was destined for? That she has known about and loved me since before she had even seen me… I couldn't help feeling trapped. It's frustrating. Intimidating. When I thought she was just a dog, I loved her; she quickly became my best friend and I didn't want to go anywhere without her. I still don't. Kiva and Felice were right. Despite the things I said earlier, all I want is some space to think for now. I don't want her to disappear from my life. As I reach my door, I resolve to swallow my pride and apologise; she deserves to know what has been going on in my head. All I want is to make things right and to fall asleep scratching her ears like I always do now.

"I'm back." No answer. "Hello?"

I start walking through the house looking for Yongguk when I see him sitting on the couch crying quietly, comforting Kiva who is sobbing on his shoulder. When I ask what happened, he shakes his head. Puzzled, I ask if Saoirse has come home which only makes Kiva cry harder and he just shakes his head again, turning to kiss her forehead. I open my mouth again but he waves me away, holding his girlfriend closer.

Getting worried, I unfasten the top few buttons of my shirt and head down the hall to my room when I notice Saoirse curled up on my bed with my pillow as I walk in.

"Oh, Saoirse. Thank god you're okay. They're crying downstairs and I thought you got hurt or something." She doesn't wake up. "Saoirse? Hey."

I reach out and run my fingers through her fur.

"Saoirse, wake up. Wake up! Hyung, noona – help me! Please help!" I try shaking her shoulder and playing with her ears but she's not moving.

Her warm fur is cool to the touch and as I sit down next to her I can feel tears pricking at my eyes. I can hear soft footsteps behind me and I know my friends have come – given how slow they're walking, I know they have nothing good to say.

"She's gone, Himchan. I don't know what happened but there's nothing you can do anymore."

"She can't leave me now. She just can't. I was supposed to apologise to her, to tell her all the things I said earlier tonight were bull…" Hot tears begin slipping down my cheeks to land in her fur as I lean over her to hug her. "She's so important to me. If just that would turn her back then maybe things will turn out. We can fall in love and she'll be okay."

"Himchan."

I sit up, my vision blurry but I can see that she's changing. There on my bed is a pale young woman curled up around my pillow, long, soft brown hair cascading over her bare shoulders, her eyes closed and her face the very picture of peace. This is Saoirse – my Saoirse.

"She changed. She changed! Then that means –"

"That means you've acknowledged her as your mate, Himchan, not that she has returned to you. You broke the spell binding her but that can't bring her back."

"What happened? I saw her only a few hours ago."

"Your emotions got in the way again, didn't they? And you said something you didn't mean, didn't you? I told you to be kind when I explained our situation because words can cut just as terribly as a knife. When we search for our mates we become ageless, not deathless. We can be shot and killed whether a bullet is silver or not. We can suffocate. We can drown. And most tragically, we can die of broken hearts."

My chest suddenly feels empty and I can't breathe. I can't even cry anymore. "This… Then this is my fault. She's dead because of me."

There is a moment of silence before Kiva answers. "No one is saying that, Himchan."

"I'm saying it."

Taking the finality of my statement as a dismissal of their presence, they shuffle out of the room as I hang my head in shame. Careful not to jostle her, I wrap her in my bed spread. For as long as I knew her, she always seemed conservative about seeing me – I should do her the same courtesy. Gathering her into my arms, I brush her hair away from her face and place a gentle kiss on her lips. I always prided myself on judging someone for their personality over their appearance and the only time my hesitation in the face of fear of the unknown caused me to falter, I am left cradling the lifeless form of my one true love. Holding her head to my chest, I bury my nose in her hair and close my eyes.

"What do I do now?"