It's just after eight o'clock when the buzzer goes off and Youngjae's laughing voice cuts through the comfortable silence, the familiar bickering of the others coming through as background noise. For the first time in almost three weeks, I see a smile flicker across Himchan's face. I sigh, glad to know that he's slowly beginning to heal. Death is a hard thing to get over and sometimes you just never do; even if he won't be the same, I'm glad he has started living again. Everyone files into the apartment and the place is quickly filled with conversation and laughter, easing my feeling of imminent disaster. As the night wears on I notice that, oddly enough, the quietest person tonight is the one who is normally one of the loudest – Daehyun hasn't said a word all night. Everyone else, on the other hand, is rowdy. After a couple of beers there are no filters between brains and mouths and the results are hilarious. Less amusing to me though, is seeing how touchy-feely the other girls and their mates are.

I'll never admit it to anyone, but the truth is that I hate being on my own. The only thing that trumps that hatred is the fear of losing the one I love and all that we have together. I'm supposed to find my mate one day, but I think I'd rather run from them. I'd rather live forever as a dog than know that one day, maybe soon, I'd have to sit beside them and watch them die – that if they die, my own broken heart will kill me. It's barely eleven when I stand up from my seat.

"Are you okay?" Himchan asks immediately.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm feeling a little tired, though. I'm going to go crawl into bed."

Out of the corner of my eye, Daehyun bristles.

"Of course," he replies, nodding slowly. "I'm sure you've missed your bed and your things."

I smile at his meaning and lean down to give him a hug. "If you need anything, just call."

I close the door carefully behind me as I run away from the sight of my fears. Whenever I see them, the girls and their mates, I'm caught between jealousy and fear. I know they know, and they know I know they know. It seems to be an unwritten rule for them however, that until the day I say something first, they will go on pretending with me that the only thing I am is human. They'll go on letting the others without mates think that I'm completely normal. I'm more than happy to go on playing make-believe.

"Jin-Ae…"

His voice is soft and begs for me to turn around as I reach the elevators. I look up, but I can't turn to look at him, choosing to stare at his shoes over the shoulder I have facing him.

"Let me walk you home."

Though his voice is gentle, it's obvious this isn't a request. Whether he is there or not makes no difference as I make my way home, his presence silent, almost contemplative. It seems as though he has a secret as heavy as mine and he isn't sure whether he should share it with me just yet, or if ever. I have never been so happy to see my apartment building. Childish as it sounds, all I want is to bury myself under blankets and pretend everything is okay.

"Goodnight," I rush as I reach for my keys.

"Jin-Ae."

"No. I just want to go inside and have a cup of tea before –"

"I know."

Just two words, but they hang heavy in the air. "If… If you know I want to be alone then why are you still here talking? I –"

"Jin-Ae. I know. Don't play dumb, because I know you're not. The way the others talk around you, I'd have to be brain dead to not to know what you are… and what you are to me. Even if you can't feel it, I haven't been able to shake this feeling since I met you and it has only gotten stronger in the past few weeks."

I get the door open and try to get away. I even take the stairs to try and shake him but I only succeed in wearing myself out as I make my way to the eighth floor, Daehyun following me tirelessly with silent determination. Though I try to slam the door in his face, he stops it easily and forces his way in.

"I'll scream."

"No, you won't. I'm not stupid either." He reaches for me and I back up. "Jin-Ae, please stop running. You and I both know what's going on and running from it is only hurting you – I can't stand watching you hurt."

"I don't want this. Whether or not I run, someone is going to get hurt. Someone always gets hurt and I don't want it to happen to me, too. I don't feel like dying just yet."

He looks dumbfounded. "No one's going to die."

"You don't know that! Saoirse didn't know it when she found Himchan! Himchan didn't know it because all he knew was his mate was stuck in the body of a dog and it was too much for him to understand all at once and he did the first thing anyone who panics does – they run! My sister –!" I clap a hand over my mouth.

His voice softens. "Your sister? What does she have to do with this?"

I try to steel myself and look away from him. "Nothing. She's not around anymore, so it doesn't matter."

A hand gently wraps around my wrist as I brush past. "You wear your sister's necklace all the time; you wouldn't do that if her story didn't matter to you."

I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes as he keeps talking, trying to draw the story from me.

"Did her mate reject her when she found him?"

Hearing about her mate is the last straw and I break down. I pull out of his soft grip and slide down the wall, tears streaming down my face.

"No. She was sick."

"But her mate –"

"Became cursed in her place because she was too frail to transform. When they found out it was terminal she had her epiphany – that if she met her mate, she wouldn't have a lifetime to spend with him. That every moment she had with him would have to be enough."

"How long?"

"When it was diagnosed as terminal and they gave her five months, she refused to spend any more time in the hospital. She went out every day hoping that she would somehow transform anyways, but in the end, she didn't have to. A few months later, a dog showed up at our doorstep. Polite little thing. Sat and waited for us to ask him in. When he saw my sister sleep on the couch, pale and thin, her wig still on its stand, he sat down at beside her and just waited. When she woke up, all it took was one glance, one smile from her, and there was a Japanese boy about her age sitting beside her. He didn't say a thing. He just sat up on his knees and kissed her in the most loving and innocent way imaginable. They learned each other's names and that was it. Neither of them could speak a word of the other's language, but they didn't need it. He spent every waking moment taking care of her. Every day he piggybacked her around everywhere, and every night he carried her to bed and just held her. Four weeks later, when my parents were at work, I went to bring breakfast in for them and they were gone."

"They both –"

"I could see the tear stains on his face. He held her in his arms in her last moments, and then he followed her into death."

He doesn't say anything. Strong hands pull me forward and I am crying against his warm chest, his arms wrapping lovingly around me.

"I don't want to fall in love just to die. I'm scared of what happened to my sister. Of what happened with Saoirse and Himchan. If that's what's going to happen when I find my mate, I'd rather be alone."

Daehyun my hair softly. "You're afraid of dying…"

It's like a switch is flipped. I feel my tears suddenly dry up and I open my voice to speak but nothing comes out. I'm shrinking in his arms, swimming in my clothes. I try to get away, but I get tangled up in my clothing and trip over myself, tumbling off his lap and rolling around on the ground as I struggle to get them off.

"Stop stop stop," he tells me sternly. "You're going to hurt yourself."

Holding me still, he carefully pulls the now useless garments off and tosses them onto the couch. "There. Don't you feel better? You know, sometimes it's easier to go with what life is giving you than fight it. Just because something starts out tough doesn't mean it's going to be that way always."

If dogs could glower, I would be glowering at him. I don't need his lectures right now.

I watch as he makes his way to my kitchen and starts making himself a midnight snack. What the hell does he think he's doing? I know who he is. I can feel it. It doesn't make me change my mind, though. I would rather live with permanent heartache than die just when I thought I'd finally found happiness. I'm curled up on my couch when I hear his approaching footsteps and I start growling.

"No need to be nasty," he chastises. "It's been a long night. I figured you would be hungry, too."

I snap at his fingers as he puts the plate down, forcing him to half drop it and my vegetables to roll away across the couch cushion.

"You know, I usually love Samoyeds, but damn woman. You almost took my finger off!"

As he munches away at the food on his own plate, I start thinking about how things are. Try as I might, I can't deny that over the time that I've known him I've become attached to him. I thought it was just awkward friendship, but I should have recognised it – I should have left before he knew what was happening, too. But what is done is done. It will hurt, but if I can just get away…

"We should sleep. Do you want me to save your food for later?"

I stare blankly up at him before turning away with a sniff. Hopping off the couch, I wander over to my room and push the door open, closing it behind me. If he's going to insist on staying here, he damn well won't be sleeping in my bed. Burying myself under my blankets, I try to plan my best course of action, but I feel my heart ache at just the thought of abandoning him. A frustrated whine escapes me as I yawn. I'll deal with this later.

"Later" doesn't come though, when a ruckus in my entryway the next morning jars me from my sleep. I rush to the door to see what's going on when I realise my own stupidity: I've locked myself in.

Sticking my nose under the door, I can smell my friends. Even as a human I could tell them apart by smell and it would seem everyone is standing outside my door.

I bark.

"Morning, Jin-Ae," comes a sing-song voice from the other side.

Silence.

I bark again. Daehyun is standing directly on the other side.

"Yes?"

If I could flip a desk right now, I would. I start howling and scratching at my door, demanding he let me out.

"Are you stuck? Well, I suppose I could help you, but then you are trying to isolate yourself from me so…"

I can hear the smug grin on his face, the little .

"You shouldn't so much," Yongguk sighs and I hear him walk over. "That's why she's always frustrated with you, you know. Sometimes you don't know when to call it quits."

The door opens and I march out, clearly unimpressed. I snap at Daehyun's toes and he dances out of the way while the others laugh at him. I have barely passed him when I feel arms wrap around my chest under my fore legs and I'm lifted off the ground, my front paws sticking straight out and my legs dangling.

I want to kill him.

"Isn't she adorable? I mean, she's always pretty but like this she's just plain cute." He puts his nose on the top of my head and nuzzles into my fur. "She's so soft!"

I'm going to kill him.

Wriggling and kicking in his grasp, I demand to be let down and when he does I make for the door, scratching and whining. I want out.

"I don't have a leash for you."

This time it's Kiva who growls. "Have a little faith in your girlfriend! She probably has to pee and she can't just go and use the toilet like I can."

"But the leash laws!"

I whine.

"I'm sure she won't go far."

I appreciate her faith in me. It makes things a lot easier when she opens the front door to the building and I bolt. Sadness creeps into my heart the farther I get from him, but I keep going. He can't die of heartbreak and I won't give the world the opportunity to kill me. I can't die of a broken heart if I'm not with him to have it broken. I spend the day dashing down side streets to avoid people who might report a stray dog. Every so often I can smell Kiva and Felice nearby, making it much harder to hide, but as night falls everything seems to calm down.

I can't seem to, though. I barely sleep.

As the days turn into weeks, it seems like I'm in the clear of people hunting for me. My heart however, still won't let me forget what I'm doing not only to myself, but also to Daehyun. I suppose it really is as they say: there is no rest for the wicked. There's a fine line between love and hatred – they're both emotions of great passion. At first part of me hopes he has come to hate me for intentionally hurting him, that he's angry at me for not even trying to face my fears when they affect him too, but the more I think about him hating me, the more I hurt myself.

It's the first truly warm day of spring when I give in to my exhaustion and collapse on the grass. A nap, even for a little while, would be glorious. I'm basking in the soft warmth of the springtime sun when a shout wakes me up again; a trio of teens walking through… I'd rather not find myself in more trouble than necessary. I move to pick myself up when I find that my legs don't want to respond properly. I stand only to fall and to my horror I hear one of them calling out to me, jeering.

"Look at this ratty little piece of ," one laughs, poking at me with the toe of his shoe. "Can't even stand."

"You'd think they'd just take it out and shoot it."

The laughter that follows makes my blood runs cold.

"Someone ought to put it out of its misery."

"Dude, pass me a stick."

They encircle me and I start whining, begging for mercy; the little psychopaths just laugh more.

The first blow strikes me across the muzzle and I yelp. My ribs. My back. My legs. My whole world is nothing but pain. My agonized howls echo into the distance as the boy with the stick strikes me across the head and my left ear sears with white-hot pain.

"Holy , man," one of them laughs.

I close my eyes and stop trying to move.

The sound of a high five.

Maybe they think I'm dead?

Someone screams. They're angry. Suddenly there's the sound of people running and someone falls to their knees beside me.

"No. No no no. You'll be okay." I open my eyes.

Daehyun?

"She's awake! Guys, she's awake. Oh my god." His hands touch me carefully, checking me over. "I don't think anything's broken, but you probably have a lot of fractures. Just hold on. We'll have to take you to the vet. They'll make sure you're okay."

His phone is to his ear, calling Jongup for a ride as Kiva and Felice to come lay down on the ground beside me. So that's how he found me… The phone is thrown to the side suddenly and he leans over me.

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been? Once you're patched up, you better believe you're going to hear it for running off like that. I don't care how scared you were. That was irresponsible and stupid and you almost died and if you had just stayed with me none of this ever would have happened! What if we hadn't found you? They were going to kill you!"

Tiny warm droplets fall on my fur and I look up to see he's crying.

"How am I supposed to make sure you're safe if I don't know where you are?! Stupid!"

My heart tightens in my chest.

Daehyun's warm arms pick me up carefully, cradling me gently as he ducks into Jongup's waiting vehicle. Kiva and Felice leap in through the open window in the back just before Jongup fires up the engine and speeds away. Fingers run through my fur and I close my eyes, finding myself lost in the welcomed feeling of safety from just having him so close.

"You don't have to love me," he whispers. "Just come back. I want to be the one to support you when your own strength fails you, but I can't do that if you don't let me. I was so scared when you left. I don't know what I would have done if I lost you forever. Things felt so different after I met you for the first time and I can't go back – I don't want to go back.

"I know you're still hurting about everything you have seen happen and I know you're afraid, but so am I. My whole world revolves around you now and it's the scariest thing in the world. I don't know what to do anymore when I don't have you beside me. Even if you don't love me, please don't leave me again. Even if you don't love me, just let me love you."

As his fingers continue to run through my hair, I sigh. I'd almost died and he was there to save me, to keep death away. Maybe this attraction isn't just about being with him for a lifetime. Maybe it's every moment that I will have with him that means everything. A lifetime is, after all, just countless moments all strung together. If he's telling me the truth, then I've been blind this whole time.

The feel of skin on skin is heavenly as he my bare cheek.

"Jin-Ae," he breathes, his palm warm against my face. "You're back."

"I'm sorry, Daehyun," I gasp, the pain in my ribs making it difficult to talk. "For everything. I've been so terrible to you."

He kisses me again before replying with a smile. "I don't care what our past has been like."

Felice reaches over the seat and touches his shoulder. "We can't take her to the hospital like this. There will be too many questions that can't be answered."

"Then where?"

"Connor," Kiva says with finality.

Daehyun nods and looks back down at me, my face with the back of his fingers. "You'll be okay, I promise. I won't let anything so terrible happen to you again."