Goddess

Goddess |ˈgɒdɪs|

1. a female deity

2. a woman who is greatly admired, especially for her beauty

That she is, which makes Yoona believe that their connection is shallow. They have never spoken, at least, no longer than a few seconds. Yet, how could she say she is in love with her? All Yoona knows is her name, her grade and her face. But something about her is just different. It is the way she walks, the way she laughs loudly and how unafraid of everything she is. Her tanned skin and slender body, her black hair in contrast to their dyed ones.

She was a mixture of feminine and masculine but not yet androgynous.  Her arms were often bruised from a serious volleyball game, but they were also the sign of a successful victory. When she was in the art classroom, her feminine fingers became more obvious. They were the ones that carefully added brush . Despite her strong stature, she is quite sickly. There are times when she is absent from school, weeks at a time. Which makes Yoona wonder whether or not she has someone to look after her. 

"What did you think of the story?" 

Yoona jumped to her English teacher's question. Fortunately, it was not directed at her, but at Sunny. The girl hesitated but answered. 

"It was sort of an intense love story, like Romeo and Juliet, except on the Yorkshire Moors."

Kyungsoo nodded in agreement with Sunny's statement and coughed to get attention, "does everyone else agree?" 

Yoona was too focused on a picture of her goddess to realise that all her classmates had raised their hands. Her teacher looked at her expectantly. "Yoona, how did you perceive the novel?"

She paused and quickly read through the notes that she had prepared beforehand. 

"Well the characters were interesting," Yoona began hesitantly, "Catherine seemed unsure of what she wanted to become." 

Kyungsoo rose a brow and nodded for her to continue. Yoona sighed to herself and prayed that her teacher did not have a BS detector. 

"Heathcliff and Edgar are very different. In some way, they offer different things. Edgar can provide her higher social status, whereas Heathcliff can 'provide' passion."  

He watched her, nodding, urging her to continue.

"They're not very likeable characters, monstrous, really. What they experienced wasn't really the love that is usually seen in novels, it was more obsessive, selfish and... " Yoona gestured with her hands for the lack of the word that seemed to have trickled from her mind. 

Classics are just screwed up. She clenched onto her phone and shifted her attention again. She would be safe for this one lesson. Kyungsoo nodded in agreement and expanded upon the point she bought up. Yoona sighed to herself again. A look from Sunny told her to check her phone again. Sure enough, a new message. 

Sunny; [ Are you moving today? It's her last day today! ]

[I already brought money for the yearbook.] 

Sunny; [That's so lame! Go speak to her properly!] 

She heard a dissatisfied sound from Sunny.  Yoona ignored it and glanced outside the window. It was winter, all colours gone from the leaves. The summer uniform has been replaced with thick blazers, stockings and knee-high socks. Where her group of friends would usually hang around, now is just rows of desolate tables. The seniors had already taken their exams last week. They were officially 'free'. A handful did return to bid farewell to club members and teachers, however. It's a weird feeling, knowing that Yoona's graduation would be approaching next year. But more disheartening, the fact that her unrequited love would probably continue, despite her graduation. It was not like Yoona knew her personally either.  Just her name, her grade and her class. How can you love someone you do not know? Is it possible to like someone just by their gestures and the way they walk? Probably not. That's why Yoona can't take such a chance.  Things like confessing, they've never crossed her mind. Her goddess is here on exchange, she would probably leave the minute she graduates anyway. And to think that she was the one that told her friends not to get involved in a useless love. Good job, Yoona. 

The bell sounded and Kyungsoo handed out the marked papers. Yoona sluggishly packed her pencil case, laptop and earphones before making her way down the crowded halls. Sunny was a few meters in front but Yoona didn't bother calling out to her.  Once she made it to her locker, she crammed all the goods inside, took out her purse and hurried to student services.  As she predicted, there was a long line for the purchase of the yearbook.  When she finally did make it to the front of the line, she bought the yearbook and left. There was still eight minutes of break, she could at least eat something before the next lesson

starts. 

As Yoona passed the courtyard on her quest to her locker, she frowned to the noise her friends were making. This was just another typical day for them, the holiday season packed full of to-be-plans and arrangements. Yoona stopped by her locker and flipped through the yearbook, to the very last section with all the seniors. She was in there. Kwon Yuri. In a section where the seniors could write anything, she wrote: "Never ever give up. Also, to be beautiful like me you must eat dark foods." for some strange reason, this half-hearted quote brought a smile to her face. She mindfully placed the yearbook in her locker and left with an apple. 

It was almost as if the Heavens had heard her prayers and answered them that second. Yuri was there. 

There will be no chances after this. None. Everything seemed to slow down, the world stopped spinning and those around her turned monochrome. She could only see Yuri. Okay, Im Yoona, you can do this! You've never been afraid of talking to people, why are you scared now? Come on! 

She steadied her breathing and let her eyes sweep off the ground, onto Yuri. The distance between them was rapidly shortening, she her lips and opened to speak just as Yuri's facial features became more delicate, more defined but no words came out. Still under the beautiful girl's spell Yoona tripped stupidly on nothing but thin air, somehow managing to not fall over completely but stumble and quickly steady her footing. 

Earth returned to full-speed, and the two girls passed by, Yuri's eyes briefly flickered her way but returned to Jessica. Yoona felt as though a violent wave came crashing down onto her, casting her into the ocean. In her despair, she swore she saw a little smile on Yuri's lips, to the sight of the weird faces Yoona was making. Yoona returned to her group,  settled on the grass who seemed to have been observing her the whole time. She groaned in response and waved their queries away. She wasn't in the mood to be joking about.

Not when she didn't know exactly what she should be feeling.

For the rest of the day Yoona was gloomily sitting with her group. She listened and nodded when needed and occasionally cracked half a smile-- besides that, her thoughts were elsewhere, on her goddess.

Yoona had agreed to help Seohyun finish an art project for the Art Club (in which she would soon become the vice captain of, seeing as Yuri was graduating). As Yoona waited in the Art Hall for the younger girl, she couldn't help tracing her hand across some of the lockers.

"Why are you here so late?"

Yoona jumped.

Yuri was there, alone, one earphone in and a friendly smile on her face.

"I was going to help Seohyun with something." Yoona said and quickly flashed an equally dazzling smile back.

"Seohyun can be quiet most of the time," Yuri thought aloud, "but I know she will make a great to-be captain."

Yoona nodded wordlessly in agreement.

There was a minute of silence.

"Dang this year passed by fast." Yuri smiled nostagically. "Most of the time were exams though, they absolutely so make sure that you actually study when you have time-- otherwise you'd be stressed out as hell."

Yoona chuckled at the senior's advice.

"Well, yeah, I'm going to miss my tram. Tell Seohyun I said 'hi' and that she better keep the club running, it was like peeling off a layer of skin to get this thing started."

The tanned girl turned to walk away.

"Congrats on graduating!" Yoona called out.

Yuri spun around, both earphones in, the usual charming grin on her lips.

"See you soon, Alligator." 

Yoona's gaze trailed after Yuri, trying desperately to memorize everything. The tone of her voice. The way the setting sun and the orange light brings out the colour of her eyes. Her exaggerated gestures and her killer smile. All of it, before everything becomes a blur, before her face becomes distorted in Yoona's memory.

You don't know do you? I won't be seeing you again.

It's time Yoona let her goddess go.

Yoona shut her eyes and leaned against the lockers. The sun was setting and her goddess had long left these halls. Yet the presence of her lingers in this school, this classroom, this hallway and in Yoona. The same scene replayed itself many, many times in her head. She could sprint down these halls and forget the promise with Seohyun, chase after her and spill out her feelings… But honestly, she was afraid and now, it was too late. There was no way she would hang around school. 

Don't forget. She said to herself. Remember this, every single second of it. Remember the way her hair falls when she dips her head lightly, the way she smiles politely, the way her head tilts backwards when she laughs, the way her eyes express her feelings, the way she says goodbye and the way she leaves the scene. 

"Yoona!" 

Yoona's head snapped up to the sound of footsteps. She couldn't resist a smile as she commented tiredly, "Seo, you're slow today."

Seohyun's facial features grew more worried as she neared Yoona. The girl was crying.

"Are you okay?" Seohyun asked worriedly.

Yoona in a breath of air and laughed, roughly wiping her tears away. Seohyun passed her a packet of tissues, Yoona could only smile gratefully and give the cute girl one powerful hug. She didn't resist but squirmed after a few minutes and slowly pushed the older girl off her.  "You are really off today." 

Yoona chuckled and lightly hit the girl's head. "C'mon, you said you needed to finish that sculpture." 

Seohyun smiled helplessly and led her into the art classroom.  As they weaved around finished paintings, sculptures and mosaics Yoona's eyes fell onto a particular finished water colour piece. Seohyun stopped in her tracks and turned around, noticing Yoona's fixed stare. The younger girl blinked curiously and inspected the art piece Yoona was peering at. 

"Ah, that one is Yuri's." Seohyun said, Yoona's attention returned to her friend. Seohyun frowned slightly. "That's weird. Usually the school makes you take all this before you graduate. Plus, this was on exhibition at least a semester ago." 

"Hmm…" She examined the name of the piece. Admirer. Seohyun explained about what she planned on doing and asked for the girl's opinion, Yoona however, was completely unaware as her thoughts had already drifted to a different place. After a brief period of silence the deer-like girl responded, still a little dazed. "Ah, you should." 

"You weren't listening. There's no way I can paint it that colour." Seohyun frowned and showed Yoona the colour she was talking about. Yoona frowned too. Right, she was originally here today to help Seohyun. "What about this?" She suggested thoughtfully as she mixed in some extra dabs of white. The younger girl chewed her lip thoughtfully.

"Perhaps, but..."

As Seohyun spoke to Yoona about what she planned on doing, the girl's mind drifted elsewhere. Yuri . She read the little address card. She clenched onto the paper tightly. 

Always. Yuri will always be the goddess of her heart. In the depths of her consciousness and unconsciousness she will remain. Though Yoona told Seohyun those were tears of happiness…Maybe, there was just a little bit of sadness in there too. Just a little. She found the courage to read the note she had found on the back of "Admirer". 

Everything stopped. Yoona got up abruptly, shocking the young girl beside her. 

"I need to go." she announced. Before Seohyun could give Yoona the appropriate reaction, she was already out the classroom, down the stairs and out into the yard. The track club peered up from their training as she recklessly ran through their freshly marked tracks. 

Never before had she ran so fast in her life, this will be the first and final time she does something as rash as this. What an idiot I am.  She shouldn't have read the note. Yoona didn't know where she was going, heck, the note had no address. She followed her heart, her instincts and her senses, in the belief that she would find her way by feeling and feelings alone. The way she first encountered Yuri, by feelings alone.The note hidden behind that canvas only had three words delicately written on it. Not the typical words that would make girls swoon.

These three words were arranged simply, they were blunt but expressed her goddess's feelings perfectly in a way only Yoona could decipher, a way that only Yoona could understand.

Come get me, Alligator. 

xxx

A/N: This was written years ago. Not beta'd or proofread, all mistakes mine.