You were lonely.

I was too.

So we were lonely together. 

x

For the first time today, you seemed troubled. Perhaps this immature 'me' did not understand your 'adult' concerns. Exams and assignments were piling up for both of us, but even so, I wanted to see you again. I managed to get through the day with little trouble, attended club activities and took the later train seven stops home. Of course, no right-minded human would take the last train back but I had gotten into the habit of waiting for you.

"Hey," I say as you step out of the cram school gates. 

"It's late you know," you scowl at me. 

"I know," I search for your hand and you offer it to me. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

You laughed with your sleepy voice. "Can you hear the sparrows there?"

I listen and nod.  "It's cold now, isn't it?"

"Yes," you sound sad as you rest your head on my shoulder. I feel your hair tickle my cheek and I can't help but grin. You see this and you laugh too. The sound vibrates within you and warms me up from the inside. 

I walk you home under the city lights. 

x 
 

"We should take a break,"

My heart stopped.

"I love you, isn't that enough? We'll figure things out and everything will be fine-"

"I can't afford to think like you!" You raise your voice. "A relationship is a partnership, it's no good if we depend on each other so much that we forget who we are!"

My mind is a mess and I couldn't think of anything to say to you. 

"I need time to find myself again." You said to me. I could find no tears to give, and you brushed my hand gently as you left. Leaving me in some part of the unfamiliar city, with the scent of your light perfume.

I watch as you get on your bus. It will take you another forty five minutes to get home. By then, it would already be eleven and you will be tired. Studies are your main focus now. You turn just as the door closes and you wave with the same smile. I wave back. I feel a bit better. 

x

"Call me sometime," you said to me on your graduation. I forced a smile and nodded. No tears came. I handed you the flower I was clutching throughout the entire graduation assembly. A small wildflower, the kind that grows nearby the train station. (We crossed by many times during summer to go on silly day trips to other towns). 

"Congrats on your graduation." I force a smile on my stiff muscles. 

"Thank you,"

I believe we both made a pact that this childish romance would end once you graduate. And you have.

"I'll call you," I said. I promised you I would call. You promised me you would call. 

The thing is, I never called you.

You never called me either. 

x

We meet again three years later at an impromptu reunion of sorts. People are talking and sipping at their drinks with polite smiles and obligated small talk. 

You bewitch those in the room, as you always did, in the same manner as before-- only gentler this time, bringing about some kind of 'glow' I can't quite put the finger on. You are in the arms of another woman. You seem happy.
 

x 

"Hey," you say as you tuck a stray bit of hair behind your ears. It is cold outside on the balcony and you shiver. I decide against offering you my coat. I had three drinks and the warning bells were already ringing. 

"Hi," I lean against the railing. My cheeks feel warm and the distance between us feels all too far. The noise inside, the rattling of plates, dancing, and laughter fill the night air, the light casting a warm orange onto your blue dress, it feels surreal. 

"You never texted." 

I find myself looking intently at you. "Neither did you."  

You laugh at this. It sounds lighter than before. "I was hoping that you would," you tilt your head in that charming way so that your bangs fall over your eyes.  "It's a nice night, isn't it?"

"I suppose."  Your nails are painted mint and they're dancing-- tapping on the hand railing, your breath puffs of white, and your lips a closed smile. I am brought back to the spring of your last year, the way you looked at me-- genuine and full of affection, how the sunlight in your eyes reminded me of a clear water's surface. Just as quickly, I am brought back by the loud laughs of those inside. 

You are looking at me now. You appear thoughtful. I note that you expression is different, slightly more guarded, yet curious all the same. The laughter inside dies and your smile became faint. 

I consider kissing you. 

I follow your eyes back into the room, to that other woman.

And I change my mind. 

x 

"See you around," you lean in and press a chaste kiss to my cheek. 

Others are still talking and catching up with one another. 

I watch you leave with her. 

You didn't look back.