(Chen)

I watched in the side lines as Kyungsoo sang Baby Don’t Cry and I had a feeling it was dedicated for Hani. I know Hani may be confused with me now because I bluntly told her about how I feel about her.

But I saw the look in Hani’s eyes when Kyungsoo sang for her, she and Kyungsoo were looking at each other even if there was such a big crowd.

I could see Kyungsoo really does love Hani and I don’t have the guts in me to break that up.

Hani is happy now, and I should be too. For her at least.

I will try to be happy for her. I guess this is just my reflection of the things that I have done before that made her cry. I don’t deserve her love. And all I can do for now is to make her happy…

By letting her go.

“THANK YOU CONTESTANT NUMBER 14!!!” the host said and Kyungsoo, Luhan, Baekhyun and Chanyeol walked back to the backstage.

“JONGDAE?! YOU JOINED!? BUT YOU SAID YOU DON’T WANT TO!!!” Baekhyun yelled once he saw me

“oh. Sorry but I decided last minute so… I didn’t think you’d want me in since I decided too late.” I said

Baekhyun sighed “well, you’re right about that but it would’ve been more fun if you sang with us.”

“maybe next time.” I said and then the host called my number.

“good luck.” Luhan said and I gave a nod before walking to the stage.

I faced the audience with my mic and I looked at Hani. she was definitely surprised to see me. I gave her a soft smile, but behind this smile…

Is a sad and lonely goodbye..

(Hani)

Hey guys… WOOPS!!! DON’T KILL ME!!! I know you’re all mad at me since I can’t decide between Jongdae and Kyungsoo..

But hear me out okay??

Do you have any idea how hard it is to forget someone you love for almost two years?? Do you have any idea how strong Jongdae’s hold on me is??

Believe me, I have moved on from him but there are times when I just… I don’t know… I still feel a little something for him..

But here’s the best part… it’s just a little feeling.

It gets overcome by my feelings for Kyungsoo. I know I’ve only known Kyungsoo for a two years and I have known Jongdae more than that but it’s not a matter of time, it’s not a matter of how long I have known this person or not. It’s a matter of feeling… it’s a matter of how my heart skips whenever I am around Kyungsoo..

The day Jongdae had a sleepover was a very fun day for me, we returned to the old days which was what I really wanted.

But then I got all jumbled up when he said he loves me.

Believe me, I was happy. I was floating on cloud nine for goodness sake!! But when Kyungsoo barged in… I saw the hurt in his eyes… I saw how confused he is… and how he was dying to ask me serious questions but couldn’t because he isn’t the type to jump to conclusions.

We talked about that after Jongdae left and that’s when I realized that I love Kyungsoo…

I couldn’t bear to hurt him. Jongdae lost his chance, I waited for too long. And I know he’s not gonna wait around for me like I did before

He is willing to wait, then… I’m not sure I if I will be able to give him the answer he wanted.

Kyungsoo has given me so much. And I am not about to let that go.

--

The day of the talent show arrived and I couldn’t help but feel very light when Kyungsoo sang. He doesn’t sing in front of large crowds but he managed to join this one.

And all the time, his eyes were on me. I could feel the sense in his song and I couldn’t help but smile.

I love Kyungsoo and he loves me, even after everything. He’s loved me in the past, he loves me now and he said he’ll love me for eternity.

The song ended and the last contestant was called… and I was surprised to see Jongdae on the stage.

Jongdae sings, but like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t sing in large crowds. So I was really put to a stop when he was there, we met eyes and I saw sadness but I also saw certainty…

Like he was sure and sincere of what he was doing…

I wonder what he’s going to sing??

I can still remember yesterday
We were so in love in a special way
And knowing that your love
Made me feel... Oh... So right
 

Jongdae started to sing… I forgot.. Jongdae has a really powerful and electrifying voice…

But now I feel lost
Don't know what to do
Each and every day I think of you
Holdin' back the tears
I'm trying with all my might 
 

His eyes were focused on me and I could tell that the song was for me…

Because you've gone and left me 
Standin' all alone
And I know I've got to face 
Tomorrow on my own
But baby


Before I let you go
I want to say I love you... 
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it's true, baby... 
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do... yeah... 
So before I let you go
I want to say I love you... 
 

I could feel the emotions flowing from Jongdae’s voice and if I’m right, he’s just fighting back the tears from flowing…

I too am fighting back the tears.. because I know that every word is true, but there is nothing more I can do about it because the feelings have changed.

I wish that it could be 
Just like before
I know I could've given you 
So much more
Even though you know
I've given you all my love

I miss your smile, I miss your kiss
Each and every day I reminisce
'Coz baby it's you 
That I'm always dreamin' of

He was staring at me and I was staring back at him. I tried my best to give him an encouraging smile and he closed his eyes.

Because you've gone and left me 
Standin' all alone
And I know I've got to face 
Tomorrow on my own
But baby
 

I saw a tear slip from his eyes and after a few seconds. I felt something wipe on my cheeks. I looked to my right so see Kai wiping my tears.

Before I let you go
I want to say I love you... 
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it's true, baby... 
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will doohh... yeah... 
So before I let you go
I want to say
 

“he’s letting you go.” Kai said

“am I a bad person Kai?” I asked and he looked at me in alarm

“no. princess, feelings change. you can’t possibly expect the feelings you have for Jongdae to be 100% all the time. Feelings changed for you and for Jongdae as well.. it just so happens that---” Kai paused

Cause letting love go is never easy
But I love you so
That's why I set you free
I know someday, somehow
I'll find a way 
To leave it all behind me
Guess it wasn't meant to be my baby

Kai took a breath and looked at me. “he was too late. Your feelings have completely changed and even if people may see it as a bad thing, I think it’s for the best. Because what if his feelings didn’t change? you can’t possibly wait for him forever…”
 

Before I let you go
I want to say I love you
I hope that you're listenin'
'Coz it's true, baby
You'll be forever in my heart
And I know that no one else will do
So before I let you go
I want to say...

Jongdae looked at me and I looked back at him… and then he smiled.

So before I let you go
I want to say...

I returned the smile. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Him and I. but I am thankful for all the feelings that I have felt for him.

I love you

--

The talent show ended and Kyungsoo’s group won!!! Kai, Sehun, Yura and I walked back to the backstage to congratulate them.

I saw Kyungsoo talking to Jongdae and I heard their conversation.

“take care of her okay?” Jongdae said

“I will. I hope there are no hard feelings between us.” Kyungsoo said and extended his hand

“nope. I just feel a little jealous.” Jongdae chuckled and shook Kyungsoo’s hand.

“why?” Kyungsoo asked

“because you’re the one who’s making Honeybee happy now, and not me. but I guess that was my fault.” He said

“don’t say that. Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes it appears on the dot, sometimes it shows up too late.” Kyungsoo answered

“yeah. I guess you’re right. I just want her to be happy and I could see that you can do that well. I leave my best friend in your care, Kyungsoo.” Jongdae said

“I think it’s up to her to decide who takes care of her or what.” Kyungsoo said and looked at me. Jongdae turned around with wide eyes and I faced him with equal wide eyes.

“How did you know I was listening?” I asked Kyungsoo but he just gave me a small smile

“I’ll leave you two to talk.” He replied and walked to Luhan and the others.

“hey.” Jondgae started

“hey.” I replied… okay… how do we start?

“Honeybee.” He called. I missed that nickname. I looked at him and he smiled.

“I know my feelings for you won’t disappear in a heartbeat but I will do my best to be happy, because I figured you wouldn’t be too happy if I wasn’t.” he grinned and I couldn’t help but chuckle

“I’m sorry for the hurt I gave you before, I’m sorry for being a dense idiot. I realized it too late that I have felt the same way for you, I was so late that I realized it the moment you had another. I guess the saying ‘you’ll never know how important something is until it’s gone’ applies to me.” he said

“I see that you’re happy with Kyungsoo and that’s good enough for me. seeing you happy will also make me happy, cause Honeybee…” he said and pulled me into a hug.

“you’re my happiness.” He whispered and I felt that I was shaking from emotion.

“I’m sorry Jongdae. I don’t want to hurt you but I----” I choked out a sob and he patted my head.

“it’s okay. It was my fault. I was late. I’m sorry for confusing you with my actions.” He said and my hair

“I don’t want to lose my best friend.” I said and cried on his shirt

“you won’t. it’ll just take me some time to recover but you won’t lose me.” he said and I felt very happy to hear that.

We just stood there for a while. both of us were too immersed in ourselves and our commitments to think or speak about anything…

“Honeybee…” he called and I looked up to meet his eyes.

“I love you.  And I just decided it just now but… I will wait for you.” He suddenly said and my eyes went wide

“but Jongdae---” I started

“no buts. I know it’s impossible but I’m willing to take a risk for you. Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” He said and I felt tears form in my eyes again.

“Why are you doing this Jongdae? Don’t wait for me… I’m not even sure if I will go back.” I said

“I know. I know. But it’s my decision so please let me.” he said

“I can’t do that to you.” I sobbed but he hushed me with a hug. I can’t let you wait for me Jongdae, it’s impossible.

--

A few weeks passed and tan tan tatan!! Tan tan tatan!!! It’s GRADUATION DAY!!!

The talk I had with Jongdae is still fresh from my mind. We were disrupted by Baekhyun yelling about a party that day so I didn’t really get to tell Jongdae my answer about his decision.

But today is the day he’ll know.

“all right seniors!! Line up!!” the professor called and we all lined up to walk down the made up aisle to our seats.

--

“------ so here’s to the seniors who did their very best to finish high school!!” our valedictorian cheered and we all threw our hats to the air.

The program finished and I held on my diploma… I can’t believe it… this is it.

“HANHAN!!!!” I heard a yell and I turned to see Jonghyun running up to me with Key, Taemin and Minho. Jonghyun lifted me up and twirled me around.

“JONGHYUN PUT HER DOWN!!” Key scolded but Jonghyun being Jonghyun, didn’t listen

“you’re going off to college!!!! I feel like a proud dad!!” Jonghyun yelled and I laughed

“now Kim Jonghyun, you’re not trying to rob me of my daughter am I right?” a sweet voice said and I turned to see my dad and Jinki.

“APPA!! JINKI!!!” I yelled and hugged them. Dad ruffled my hair and Jinki kissed my forehead.

“you’re all grown up I want to cry.” Dad joked and I rolled my eyes.

“where’s your prince charming?” Jinki asked and someone covered my eyes. WHAT THE!?

“HEY!!” I yelled and I heard a laugh.

“JONGIN!!” I elbowed him and he let go. I turned to see him with his mom and Kyungsoo was next to him. Kyungsoo’s mom couldn’t come to the ceremony since she was busy but it was okay.

“there he is.” Jinki smiled

“good afternoon.” Kyungsoo and Kai greeted.

“so… are your things ready?” Jinki asked

“yep. They’re in the car.” I replied with a soft smile.

“have you said your goodbyes?” dad asked and my face fell. Just then…

“HANIIIIIIII!!!” I heard a familiar yell and I turned to see HunHan, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Jongdae and Yura running up to me. well Luhan and Baek were running but the others were just walking.

“hey guys.” I smiled a soft smile

“let’s go to Sehun’s place today!! Let’s have a party!!” Luhan smiled and I frowned before looking down.

“what is it?” Baekhyun asked

“sorry kids, but Hani can’t.” Key said and LuBaekYeol groaned

“why not?” Jongdae asked

“because I’m leaving today.” I replied and his eyes went wide.

“WHAT!?!” Luhan yelled

“we’ll leave you to it Honey. We’ll wait by the car.” Dad said and I nodded. Kyungsoo gave me a will-you-be-okay look and I nodded. Once they left…

“WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING THIS TO US!?!” Luhan yelled

“during the talent show. But I couldn’t rain on your parade after winning and days passed and it slipped my mind.” I said

“HANI!!” Baekhyun flailed

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled

“Honeybee…” Jongdae called and I saw the sadness in his eyes. This is the reason why I didn’t want him to wait for me… it’s impossible.

“I’m sorry Jongdae, I’m sorry guys. For not telling you sooner, but I already passed the entrance test in the college I chose in Japan.” I said and looked down.

“will you come back?” Jongdae asked

“I don’t know for sure.” I replied and in a flash I was wrapped in warm arms. My body froze and I looked at Jongdae who was shaking.

“I can’t believe you.” He said and his hug tightened and I heard him sob.

“I’m sorry Jongdae. I’m sorry.” I said and he buried his face on my shoulder.

“please come back.” he whispered

“I don’t know if I can.” I answered

“I will wait for you still.” He said and my eyes went wide, I pushed him back and looked in his eyes

“you can’t possibly be----”

“I’m serious.” He cut me off.

“but I don’t know when I’ll be back. I don’t even know if I will come back this time.” I admitted

“even so. I’ll wait.” He smiled and the tears in my eyes decided to make an entrance. Jongdae wiped them away and he kissed my forehead.

“I’ll see you soon.”

------------------------------------------------------

oops... that was unexpected... oh well... love me or hate me because of my decision but it's done ^_^v