CH 31

(Chen)

So this is it? I lose? I didn’t even put up a fight yet I already lost. Is this my punishment?

It’s been a few days since I admitted to Hani that I am in love with her. Exams are over and I was surprised I was able to study and answer the questions even with Hani on my mind.

Our relationship seemed to go back to the awkward meetings. Ugh, what the hell have I done----

“waaaaaa!! Tomorrow is the talent show!!” Baekhyun yelled and I looked over at him. We were at the cafeteria, HunHan, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Yura. Even if we’re not together now, she’s a part of the friendship circle.

“I am sooooooo nervous!!” Luhan flailed and Sehun sighed.

“you’ll do fine.” Chanyeol said

“that’s easy for you to say! You’re not gonna hit high notes and what not…” Baekhyun sulked. I thought he was the one who’s confident in his talents??

“relax Byun. You’ll be fine.” Someone said and we turned to see Kai.

“where’s KyungHani?” Luhan asked and I felt my heart shatter at that.

“they’ll be here soon.” Kai smiled and sat down. We had a normal conversation and what not but Kyungsoo and Hani never came by the table.

Is she avoiding me?? she hates me now doesn’t she?? I made her confused again (something Kai clearly said to me that I should not do), but what am I to do? I don’t want to hide my feelings any longer!

But… I guess even if I show my feelings… it’s too late isn’t it?

--

The day of the talent show finally arrived. I am freaking shaking!!! I’ve never sang in front of a crowd this big before. But what bothered me the most was the fact that Hani was going to watch me sing. I’ve sang for her before but that was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and we were 8.

“JONGDAE!?” I heard someone yell and I turned to see Kai. What’s he doing here? Only participants are allowed here.

“what are you doing here?” we said in unison.

“I joined.” I replied

“I came to give Baekhyun his necklace, he forgot to take it from my bag.” He replied and I nodded.

“so you joined huh?” he asked and I nodded

“well. Good luck.” He smiled and then ran off.

I actually don’t feel any luck come inside me!!!

“Jongdae?” I heard another voice and this time I turned to see-----

“hi Kyungsoo.”

(Kyungsoo)

It’s my turn. I haven’t formally introduced myself. I am Do Kyungsoo. 19 years old. I lived in Korea for 5 years then my parents moved to Japan. I had been living in Japan ever since. But I know Korean very well since my mother teaches me.

Anyway, you all probably know me as Hani’s boyfriend. That’s true, I am Hani’s boyfriend and I love her to bits. And I am not planning on letting her go.

The day I met Hani I vowed to make her happy, I vowed to myself and to her that I won’t make her cry anymore.

When she moved to Japan, even if she wasn’t saying it out loud, I could see the pain in her eyes. Only when I got to know her did I understand what her situation was in.

It was a broken heart.

Though I did not only court her because she had a broken heart, I courted her because I really do love her. At first it was a simple crush, then I saw Kai making moves on her, knowing Kai, Hani wouldn’t probably pay attention to me. Kai has more appeal than I me, he’s cooler and all that stuff. But what surprised me was that Hani didn’t like Kai.

SHE LIKED ME

Of course I was on cloud nine that day, but since I’ve never really had any experience in dating, Kai had walked me through it with Hani…

I know she wasn’t ready to have a relationship because she was broken but I promised her I would be the one who’ll be mending her wounded heart.

I was so happy she gave me a chance. I immediately talked to my mother about moving back to Korea to finish High School, and surprisingly, she agreed.

I kept my promises to Hani and she did as well. We’ve been dating for at least two and a half months now. And we are both happy.

But sometimes, I could feel that she is lost.

It hurts to think about this but I know that she still feels something for Jongdae. A best friend’s love is the best and it is hard to forget about because most of the time, the two had practically grown up with each other. They’re used to one another.

I am not trying to match up to Jongdae and Hani’s relationship because I know nothing can match up to that. What I’m trying to do is to show Hani that it’s not just Jongdae’s love she needs to be happy, she has mine too.

I am not trying to steal Hani away from Jongdae, I am just fulfilling my promises to Hani; that I will make her happy. That I will love her like no one else has ever had.

I know Hani knows that as well and she has shown me that she accepts my feelings. I am thankful for that. I could feel that even if she still feels something for Jongdae, she loves me as much as I love her.

I don’t want to hurt Jongdae but I don’t want to make Hani cry again. Maybe Jongdae can make her laugh, maybe he can make her smile too, maybe he can be the reason why she’s glowing but I know, deep down, Hani still feels the hurt Jongdae left for her before.

To say that thinking about Jongdae making her happy bothered me would be a lie, to say that I am fine with Hani falling in love with Jongdae again with also be a lie. Of course, who in their right mind would want the person you love, fall in love with someone else? And that someone else is someone who she loved before?

That’s just insane.

It hurts me, true, but I am not the type of boyfriend who’d go on a rampage the moment my girl lays eyes on another man. I know Hani and she will never do that to me.

The day I entered Hani’s house and I saw her and Jongdae so close, it broke my heart. But I realized that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I intend to take care of Hani and lashing out on her would be madness.

I didn’t lash out on her when we talked about what happened. The thing I love about our relationship is we can be honest with each other. Although she didn’t tell me Jongdae was going to sleep over at her house but I let that matter slide.

She also told me that Jongdae told her that he is in love with her.

To say that I was worried that Hani would leave me would be a lie, but to say that I didn’t trust her decisions would be a lie as well. I trust Hani.

So I told her that it is up to her, whatever makes her happy. I just wanted her to be happy and if it means she needs to go back to Jongdae then I would oblige.

I love Hani, so if letting her go makes her happy then so be it.

Although… Hani made it clear to me that she won’t be leaving me.

She made it clear that she loved me and only me, she may be confused for now because of Jongdae’s confession, she assured that it’ll go away soon.

Though I doubt it, I need to believe in what Hani says. If this makes her happy, even temporarily then I am going to give it to her.

I’m sorry Jongdae. But maybe, you can’t make her happy like what you had imagined.

--

We were at the backstage of the talent show and I was surprised to see Jongdae there.

“hi Kyungsoo.” He smiled and I bowed in response. I know Jongdae is a good guy and he’s just wanting Hani’s happiness as much as I do… but I can’t let Hani go just like that. I need to make sure, that before she leaves me, she’ll be happy with who she’ll be with.

The host called the start of the program and I walked back to where Baekhyun and the others were waiting. Jongdae didn’t want to come with me though.

“ohmygod! This is it! we’re performing second to the last! I am shaking!” Luhan flailed and I couldn’t help but chuckle. I’m glad Hani has friends like them.

We decided to sing a song called “Baby Don’t Cry” and I somewhat can relate to the song.  Baekhyun and I practiced our notes with Luhan and Chanyeol was sitting calmly on the side, he was going to rap so I guess it’s not that hard for him.

After a few contestants… our turn came. The four of us walked to the stage and I saw Hani with Sehun and Kai sitting up front. I gave her a smile and she smiled back.

Don’t hesitate another minute please take away my heart
Yes, the sharper the better, the night that even the moon has closed her eyes
If it were any other man, if it were a single verse taken from a comedy
Burn all the scars you’ve exchanged for that love

I looked at Hani, all the scars she had suffered because of that love… all those times she cried, all those times she was in pain, all those times she was hurt…

Baby don’t cry tonight after the darkness passes
Baby don’t cry tonight it’ll become as if it never happened
You’re not the one to disappear into foam, something you never should’ve known
So Baby don’t cry cry my love will protect you

I will protect her from it. I will shield her from it. using all my strength and love.

Exchanging only our separate fates that lead to one another
As inevitable as it seemed that we’d miss, I know we loved just as much
When you smile, sun shines A brilliance you can’t fit into a framework of language
The waves crash my heart and crumble down oh

I see her looking at me while I sang this part alone. I pictured her smiling face and I couldn’t help but feel my heart flutter.

Baby don’t cry tonight a night plagued by violent storms (Ooh As if the sky will fall)
Baby don’t cry tonight It’s slightly befitting
To let you go at a moment that shines more brilliantly than tears like this
So Baby don’t cry cry My love will be remembered

Above the dark shade of pain, at the doorsteps of farewell
Even if I take a brutal fall, I can manage if it were for you
Uh, Instead I’ll give myself to you who don’t know me
Don’t cry, give me chilling laughter instead of hot tears Baby,

I’d do anything for her, to shield her from the pain and to love her like no one has. Just so she won’t cry.

Say no more (baby) no more (don’t cry)
Please don’t hesitate at the moment you’ll become foam
Say no more (baby) no more (don’t cry)
So you can remain as a shining person, burn me with that dagger instead

Chanyeol ended his rap and I saw Hani’s eyes went wide. She looks so cute when she’s like that.

The moonbeam that brims up in your eyes
This night that silently overflows with pain

Baby don’t cry tonight after the darkness passes
Baby don’t cry tonight it’ll become as if it never happened
You’re not the one to disappear into foam, something you never should’ve known
So Baby don’t cry cry my love will protect you

The early sunlight comes down
A blinding force that reminds me of you comes down
At last my eyes that lost their way Cry cry cry

My love will protect you Hani. No matter what.
 

Everyone clapped and I was relieved to see that they liked it. I turned to Luhan and Baekhyun who was relieved as well. Chanyeol smiled happily and that’s when I noticed that Jongdae was standing behind the curtain. Listening to our song.

I’m sure you heard me Jongdae. I know Hani loves you and I know you love her as well. But can you protect her like I did? Will you not make her cry again? Until I am sure of that… I am not yet ready to give Hani to you.

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so this is Kyungsoo's POV I got nothing else to say....