It seems that I've shifted roles. Instead of living in reality, I'm living in fantasy. Instead of loving a real-life girl, I have my eyes set upon someone I imagined. Instead of moving on for the day as another morning came, I found myself going back to my last night's dream - and it's always back to Luna.

I, Do Kyungsoo, was living backwards.

Apparently, it was not only I who noticed that. Suho was getting more and more disapproving every time I narrated my dreams to him. His unconvinced expressions are frankly annoying me, until one day, I stopped sharing my dreams to him. I kept everything to myself, knitting the words on my dream diary. At least there, no one can ever judge me.

And if it was wrong, then call me mad.

Summer came too fast, which was probably what I always look forward every year. During the month of May, we were deployed on province hospitals and do practicum with veteran doctors and perform actual consultations with real patients. It was one of the few things left in real world that enthralled my profession. Even though I lacked enthusiasm on being a neurologist lately, I know in my heart that this career is still what I desire. It's just that the odds aren't really in my favor.

I sat next to the window when I reached our shuttle bus. Chanyeol flopped down next to me, which I did not protest because I know he won't give me a suspicious eye whenever I drift to sleep and wake up with a stupid grin on my face. Unlike someone who was obviously looking at my direction.

"Chanyeol, wake me up when we're there." I told him. I was not sure if he even heard me because he was too absorbed in the music playing in his headphones. Well, not that it mattered.

Luna and I just watched the river flows silently in its bank. This peaceful silence between us was not a disturbing, awkward one, but a silence that says we were comforted even at each other's mere presence. But there was one thing I noticed in my dreams: the setting was always in a provincial place, where there were only trees and flowers and butterflies and rivers. I somehow kind of missed dreaming of the big city, even though I pratically lived in the big city in real life.

"Say what Luna. How about we change our dream into a city?" I suggested.

As soon as I said those words, the scened dissolved slowly until we were suddenly standing in front of skyscrapers and mountainous buildings with its slightly polluted air and honking cars.

Luna clapped her hands over her ears and squatted.

"What's the matter?" I asked hurriedly.
"I don't like cars. I don't like the city." she said.
"Why?"
"I just don't!"

I noticed her hair rising on her arms, the sweat that trickles rapidly on her face, the scared expression she wore for the first time. I totally regretted my suggestion now.

"I'm sorry. Let's go back to the river." I said. I helped her up and turned to cross the street. But when I stepped out of the sidewalk, two pairs of screeching tires went ravishing towards my direction. I stood paralyzed in my position. I know I should run. Run Kyungsoo! Just run! But I can't. My feet can't move at all.

The next thing I know, I was at the other side of the street with gashes in my arm so deep I think it hurts, the sirens calling for emergency, and a bloody woman beside me.

"Luna!" I shouted out loud.

My classmates including Chanyeol turned to look at me. I wiped the sweat from my brow and gulped, trying to regain my composure. It was a dream Kyungsoo. Just. a. dream. You never saw someone die again. It was not another person close to your heart again. You are not alone again. No. Not again.

"Are you okay dude?" Chanyeol asked concernedly.
"Yes." I grunted. I hope I was at that moment because we've pulled in Busan National Medical Center already. My scared look wouldn't help my mentors get impressed in me which was the last thing I want right now. So I gulped down a few water from my jug, straightened the creases on my sleeves and walked out of our shuttle bus.

My whole class walked towards the hospital's lobby and waited for our mentors to come. We studied the marbled floors, the white-painted wall, the nurses with beautiful curves, and doctors going in and out of the wards while we let the time pass. Soon, Dr. Song Ji Won, the medical center's head doctor, welcomed us.

"Good day." he said formally. He had a young face, probably on his early 30s, but his stern manner made him look older. He was twirling his fountain pen while he talked to us. "Let's get down to business. Follow me."

We all trailed after him as we walked down the longest corridor I've ever been. Dr. Song was still having his introductions while he toured us around.

"...each of you will be assigned in a private ward wherein you have to track and learn from the patient's doctor and from the patient itself. I want you to consult me every week, and present me your findings. No exceptions."
"Dr. Song!"

A nurse came running towards us, panting, and stopped in front of the doctor.

"What is it?" Dr. Song asked.
"The patient in Room 104 had this complications and Dr. Kim was asking for you."

Dr. Song looked at us and sighed.

"I'll get my assistant to tour you instead. Wait here. Don't wander around." he ordered and we nodded.

Then he followed the nurse towards the opposite direction. Now we were left alone. We stood our ground, right where the doctor left us. Well, not until Chanyeol started wandering around.

"Chanyeol, Dr. Song said don't wander." Suho scolded but the latter did not listen. He peered on each ward, going further and further away from us.

"Chanyeol." Suho repeated with a warning tone. My best friend really sounds like a mother to me sometimes.
"Hey Kyungsoo! Look at this!" he shouted.

I cocked my eyebrow but did not follow him. Chanyeol was flapping his arm at me urgently, like something excited him suddenly.

"Hey! Come here! I told you I saw her before! I told you I saw Luna before!"

At the sound of her name my stomach lurched. I suddenly remembered my dream, and dread flowed in at me fastly. I literally ran towards Chanyeol, my heart thumping loudly against my chest.

"Now I remember where I've seen her. I saw her on the papers! She was hit by a car or something..." Chanyeol ranted but I did not hear him. I leaned my forehead desperately on the window, peering at the comatosed girl who resembled someone so much from my dream. I can't believe it. Luna was real. She's not a figment of my imagination. She's real!
"Excuse me." a doctor grunted from behind. "I need to consult my patient."

Chanyeol and I gave way for him. But at the last second I reached my arm toward him and grasped the doctor's shoulder.

"Wait doctor." I said. "Can I know the name of your patient?"

The doctor looked at me suspiciously. But I guess when he saw my I.D tag he was ensured that I mean no harm to his patient. So he flipped his clipboard and looked at the stream of pages in front of him.

"Her name is Park Sun Young."
"And what was the cause of her condition?"
"Comatosed. Bumped by a car." the doctor grunted. "at November 17, 2013, 11:13:07 p.m." he rearranged his files and looked at me. "Can I go now?"

I nodded numbly, not believing my eyes nor my ears. The date and time of her comatose were the exact date and time when Jinri died. It was all too much of a coincidence, but it was yet again, real. Luna was alive, but she was dead at the same time. How miserable her life was?

"So that's why you two always meet on your dreams...." Suho interrupted. I looked at him and saw him looking directly at Luna.
"Because she's always  sleeping." I filled in.