How long was it? I lost count of the seconds, minutes, days, weeks and months since Sulli died. I would fall asleep in the hope of escaping this pain only to end up waking in the morning on a house as empty as my heart. It felt so useless on living in this mansion with no one - neither my parents nor my sister - to lighten my life. 

My phone beeped under my pillow but I did not bother to read the message. It was probably Krystal, Sulli's best friend, checking on me about how well was I doing. I met Krystal a few months ago during Sulli's burial. She was one of the many persons who cried harder than me. The image of her weeping over my sister was heartbreaking because it reminded me how loveable Sulli was. Since then, I befriended her, kept her company when she was alone, and treated her as my new little sister.

But it was not as close as Sulli's.

My phone beeped again. I sighed defeatedly and dug my hand under the sheets. As it turned out, the message was not from Krystal but from Suho.

Kai's out of the hospital. The message said.

It's just a simple sentence, I know. But that was enough to flick a fresh wave of anger within me. Like I wanted to skin Kai alive and see him suffer in pain. As if what happened to him was not grave enough.

He was confined in the hospital for three months until he was fully recovered from the car crash. I saw him once, the day when Sulli died. I literally launched myself in his room and shout all foul words I can think of only to get kicked out by the security afterwards.

I managed to saw him though. His face was crumpled, his feet almost crippled, his hands barely used. He was pity-looking. But I did not pity him. Not even once.

I dashed outside my bedroom and hastily bathed. It took me forty minutes to finish preparing myself for school and ran towards my car.

When I reached MedTech's building on SM University, the entrance door was blocked with a large swarm of students pressed on every corner of the corridor. There was no doubt who brought all this commotion. I pushed people out of my way and squeezed in until I reached the frontline of the crowd. Our eyes immediately met, and anger aroused again.

Kai averted his eyes and limped away from me. 

"Stop." I called.

The sound of his crutches pounding on the floor faded as well as the buzzes from the nosy students around us. Kai turned around slowly and our eyes met for the second time this day.

"What? You want to laugh at my face?" he asked in a bitter tone.
"No. I want to torture you." I admitted. "But that was too merciful to do."
"It's so nice to be at your mercy." he snorted.
"Oh yes it is. Because you don't know how painful it was to lose the only person you protected and valued for so long."

But as I pored over his eyes deeper, I don't know what happened to my hatred that flared in me seconds ago. I can see his pain masked by his cocky and bad boy demeanor. A part of me was saying that I was wrong to judge him too soon. Maybe deep inside, Kai was also crying... in a room where no one can see; when he can plead forgiveness to Sulli.

I was the first one to break our eye contact. I couldn't bear to look at him any longer. Kai's dark eyes reflect my dark life. It was unbearable to see my own sorrow reflected from the man I loathed the most. And so I walked away.

Classes were as uneventful as expected. My professors droned on and on and on and on about the functions of human brain, anatomy and biology. Before, medicine was my greatest interest. But my interest gradually decreases because of the number of times I watch a person die. Now look the irony of my life: I study medicine to save people but I couldn't save my own family.

Giving up, I ducked my head under my arms and let my mind slip away from earth unconsciously...
 

"Nice to meet you again." Luna greeted.

She was sitting under the shade of the nearest tree, with a harp in front of her which she was obviously playing before I came. Then she whistled in a defined pattern, as if she was calling someone around. One by one, passerine birds of different colors and sizes topped the branches surrounding us. The birds were whistling back to Luna, but it was not the eerie sort of way that makes me irritated when I'm somewhere in the open. It was calming, soothing almost...

"Kyungsoo, come and sit with me." she tapped the space behind her which I gratefully obliged. I immediately smelled her cherry scent, and I discreetly leaned closer so I can smell her more. It's that addicting that it can make me look like a .
"Have you been well?" I asked to start a conversation.
"I do. But it puzzles me why it was only today when I meet you again?" she asked me.

I know why. For the past three months, only nightmares loomed in and out of my mind. No happy thoughts. None at all.

"I've been in a nightmare for so long...."

Luna strummed the harp and hummed.

"And since you came back in dreamland, I assume you found peace?" she asked calmly.
"Maybe."
"I think you do." Luna smiled and started singing. I rested my head instinctively on her lap and closed my eyes, listening to her sweet and melodic voice. She stopped playing and chuckled.
"Why did you stop?" I asked.
"I was just surprise that you found the boldness to lean on my lap." she said.

I straightened up, embarrassed.

"Sorry." I mumbled.
"No. I don't mind." she clarified, urging me to rest my head on her lap again. And I did.

Luna resumed on singing. Her song was unfamiliar, and I guessed it was a ballad song in late 70s or 80s. It was a comforting change to be frank, because nowadays music had evolved into a wide range of genres from hiphops to raps and sometimes, songs that make no sense at all. On the other hand, old songs that bear more meaning and value were sadly forgotten by new era.

"I like your voice." I mused after she finished her song.
"I get that a lot." she grinned.
"Luna."
"Hmm?"
"Do you really think I found peace?"
"I do." Luna nodded. "Because people don't go in dreamland if they haven't."
"It's weird."
"What's weird?"

I reached out my hand to brush a stray strand of Luna's hair, curling it behind her ear.

"That I found peace despite of my hatred."
"Is this person you hate did something bad to you?"
"Really bad."

Luna blinked and nodded, not saying anything anymore.

"Aren't you going to ask what was it?"
"If you want to." she smiled.
"He killed my sister. But before he killed my sister, he took her away from me first."
"Then you must have a really pure heart Kyungsoo because you were able to start forgiving him."

I remembered his pain's reflection from Kai's eyes. I couldn't mistaken the evident hurt masked by Kai's cockiness and I wondered... how long did Kai blame himself from the accident?

Luna started my hair lightly. I snuggled closer to Luna and closed his eyes, enjoying Luna's soft touches. How strange it was that Luna was able to bring me serenity despite of the loneliness I felt in reality. 

Reality. Yes, I almost forgot that I was dreaming. That the place far from me right now was my real world. That Luna was and will only be a figment of my imagination.

And it hurts.

"Luna." Kyungsoo said again.
"Hmm?"
"Can I kiss you?"

Luna stopped Kyungsoo's hair and stared at him.

"This... everything... was just a dream. So can I kiss you even in just my imagination?" Kyungsoo continued.

Luna chuckled.

"Yes, everything around us was just our imagination." she answered. Luna slowly leaned down to her lap until her nose touched my nose. The almond-shaped eyes and rounded eyes met, captivating each other with our breaths.
"I'm really happy that we met." I whispered.

Luna closed her eyes and touched my lips with her own... my soft, plump lips caressing her. I reached for Luna's cheeks and lightly it with my hands, kissing her back. Thousands and thousands of positive emotions wrapped my whole persona, like nothing else matters besides Luna. It was that surreal.

"DO KYUNGSOO!"

I snapped out of my dream and straightened up, my eyes red and puffy. I was still intact from my dream that I forgot where I was. I traced my lips in a continuous circular motion, my mind still thinking of Luna.

"DO KYUNGSOO!" my professor repeated angrily. He strode towards my desk and towered over me.
"Yes sir?"
"Prepare a twenty-paged essay about brain nerve cells tomorrow! If I ever caught you sleeping in my class again, I will make it forty for you!"

But I don't care. If possible, I would like to go back to sleep and meet Luna again.