Hyesung frowned as he took one look around Minwoo’s apartment.

It was a minimalist’s dream, containing barely any furniture at all.

‘Everything’s in a mess on his bedrooms floor though’ Eric whispered in his ear, making him shiver.

‘Don’t do that’ Hysung grabbed at his ear protectively, pushing the other away. He willed his goosebumps away, hurrying inside the living room.

Lately Eric had been getting too close for comfort and he knew exactly why. Not so accident brushes against him, indirect hugs and skinship; but most of all his eyes gave him away.

Dongwan had tried that years ago when they were still teenagers and it hadn’t worked then, it wasn't going to work now.

He just didn’t like men.

Minwoo happily hurried past them, carrying with him everything he had bought in the store. Hyesung had been hesitant to join the party at first but realized he needed to find out what Dongwan was keeping from him. Working late, for sure, that had lied to him.

This was what Hysung had feared the most. Dongwan was too soft, too trusting. Despite everything he still seemed to believe in the good of people.

'Eric, don't even think about stealing the cakes. What's wrong with you' Minwoo yelled from the kitchen where Eric had disappeared.

'Give it back!' he heard a hopeless yell before Eric reappeared in the room, grinning happily. Hyesung scowled when he jumped on the couch beside him. How could this be the same man as the cool guy from the magazines where he was crowned as the young prince of the business world? What a ing mystery. Praised as one of the last gentlemen still having the manners others lacked in this modern world. Gentleman his , Eric Mun was an overgrown child.

‘I got this for you’ Eric grinned, the only thing separating him from a big puppy was the lack of a wagging tail.

‘For me’ Hyesung stated as he observed the cupcake in his hand, then looked back at him critically ‘you stole a cake from Minwoo for me?’

'Yeah!' Eric nodded his head enthusiastically, sitting down and breaking a piece off the sweet, putting it in front of the other’s lips.

‘Eat’

Hyesung stared back wide-eyed, confused why the other was acting this way. So far he had been mostly reserved but now suddenly he was this straight forward.

‘Maybe you want to feed me?’ Eric leaned closer, making Hyesung’s heart beat twice as fast.

‘N-no’ he grabbed the small piece out of the other's hands and put it in his mouth, chewing dutifully. He turned away from him to hide the blush spreading on his face.

How embarrassing. 

‘You guys look like a couple’ a voice commented and Hyesung’s head snapped up. Minwoo was standing in the doorway.

‘Maybe we are’ Eric looked back slyly, bumping the other's shoulder. 

Hyesung almost choked on his cake. It he didn’t know better, he would say that Eric was on drugs. He was getting more disillusioned every second.

Minwoo chuckled, a smug look on his face.

‘Told you’ he commented, going back to the kitchen, the stolen cake forgotten.

Hyesung refused to look at Eric now when they were left alone, not knowing what he expected from him but his presence feeling overpowering. He just wished for this to end. It was getting harder to stay in Eric’s presence with every day.

‘What do you think about it?’ Hyesung froze as he felt a head lying on his shoulder, the other’s large eyes looking up at him.

What did he think about what? The couple thing? It was hard to think with someone looking at him like that. He hated this. He hated Eric.

‘Ugh’ but that was not a response he could give ‘I- I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. I just-’ a warm hand traveled to his back, making him jump. If Eric was to do something like that again, his heart was in danger of overworking itself.

 ‘Well, I like you’

Hyesung knew.

Eric texted him often but didn’t call. They were bad at talking, awkward. The conversations didn’t flow. The past month had been spent almost in silence, them doing nothing except being in each other’s presence. Eric seemed content with that, though.

‘And I like your cooking’

He had only cooked for Eric once. It really wasn’t anything special and he added too much of everything.

 ‘Even the sesames?’

‘Even the sesames’ Eric nodded, his hand still on Hyesung’s back.

The closeness was making him nervous and he wanted to get up and leave. Goosebumps formed on his skin, making him grit his teeth and try to relax.

 ‘And I like your singing’

He hadn’t sung since their meeting in the club so why would he even mention it?

‘Don’t be silly. You don’t know me at all’

Why was he resisting this? Eric was making it so easy for him. He should use the opportunity but everything about the tall man scared him off. All of his alarms went off when he was around him, a strong feeling of rejection overtaking his mind.

Hyesung took a deep breath, forcing himself to turn to Eric with a fake smile. He had to do this, had to look past his own resistance and disgust and make this work.

Eric was just another stupid man, only a tool in his plans.

 ‘Why don’t you let me explore you better then?’ there was an undeniable ual innuedo in Eric’s voice now. Hyesung suppressed a shiver. The child was gone and now there was a grown adult man in front of him, with desires and needs.

‘Maybe-’ he had to talk to Dongwan first but he knew he shouldn’t refuse this opportunity ‘I’ll think about it’ he pushed Eric away, getting up and escaping into the kitchen.

---

Dongwan’s expression changed from excitement to terror the moment he entered the room and saw Hyesung there. He’d been so happy and hurried to Minwoo’s apartment once he called and now he was standing there like he’d just seen a ghost.  

‘Oh’ was the only thing he could say, his fear-stricken face turning towards Minwoo. ‘Eric’s here as well?’

Saying Hyesung’s name aloud seemed too much for him at the moment.

‘And Hyesung also agreed to come!’ Minwoo hugged Dongwan, planting a kiss on his cheek ‘Happy birthday!’

Although he tried, it was hard for him to enjoy the moment with Hyesung’s murderous eyes staring at him from the side.

‘I don’t think I feel so well’ he mumbled when Minwoo dragged him to the table and clapped excitedly for him to blow out the candles and make a wish. Was survival a legitimate wish because that was what Dongwan wanted the most right now. He shouldn’t have lied, shouldn’t have done anything without Hyesung’s permission, now he was in trouble.

‘Yes, Wannie, make a wish’ Hyesung said, calmly putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing tightly.

If he hadn’t been scared less before, he was scared less now. With his heartbeat rapidly increasing Dongwan blew out the candles, his head feeling dizzy from all the noise Minwoo was making. He wanted a moment to think, muster up some courage and lie or tell the truth but everything was in a limbo all around him.

‘I bought you a gift’ Minwoo was holding a little package in his hands, putting it in his lap and taking a step back. He looked proud and Dongwan had no choice but to unwrap the present in front of everyone and try to say something positive about it.

‘What is this?’ Eric asked once he caught a glimpse, his confused voice matching how Dongwan felt.

‘Well’ Minwoo said, seemingly the only unfazed one in the room. He picked up the small bottle and pressed it in Dongwan’s hand firmly.

‘That’s cough syrup for your throat. It’s because you’ve been coughing a lot lately and you don’t seem to take care of your health properly so I figured I’d have to do something about it instead. Therefore, please use this to get better soon’

Dongwan stared at him in shock, the gesture reminding him of the time he had fallen ill and Hyesung had- he glanced at the man who kept looking away stubbornly, not saying anything.

‘Ok, fine, but what’s the meaning of this crap?’ Eric pressed on, grabbing the toothbrush Minwoo had given to Dongwan, inspecting it as if trying to find some kind of hidden meaning to it.

‘Ah’ Minwoo was not a man easily confused ‘that’s the second part of my gift’ he grabbed the toothbrush from the other’s large hand and gave it back to Dongwan.

‘A toothbrush is very important because- it’s not for you, it’s for me’

Even Hyesung looked at Minwoo in confusion, wondering if he had lost a part of his brain somewhere.

‘I will keep your gift in my bathroom, Wanny’ a bright smile adorned his face when talking, ‘so that you can use it whenever you need it in the morning’.

The three men sat there dumbfounded until the meaning of it dawned upon them, Dongwan’s face coloring red and Eric letting out an annoyed yell of how stupid Minwoo was.

Feeling the embarrassment rise in his chest, Dongwan put the ridiculous items away and hugged Minwoo, hiding his face in the other’s shoulder. Despite everything, he felt happy. So happy he wanted to forget Hyesung sitting there, probably not finding this amusing at all. Why couldn’t he have this one moment of happiness? Hadn’t he earned it by taking care of his friends so dutifully, never complaining and giving all his love and affection to them?

‘We need to talk’ Hyesung whispered in his ear as soon as he let go so- apparently not.

There was always someone there to bringing him back to the reality.

‘Just give me a second’ he whispered back, turning to look at Minwoo who handed him a knife. He could as well just stick it right through his chest with that smile and sparkling eyes but instead he calmly cut the cake, passing the pieces around to everyone. This was the first birthday party he had ever been to.

 The celebration didn’t last long as moments after Hyesung dragged him out of the room, pulling him into the bathroom and locking the door.

 'Do you want me to go to jail?’ Hyesung grabbed him, forcefully shoving him so that he stumbled back and hit the wall. His head was spinning, his fever running high again. His cold had not gotten any better and with the other’s screaming there was little hope that it would.

‘I wanted to tell you’ he mumbled, not daring to look Hyesung in the eyes. He should have told him, he knew he should.

‘Hell you did. You weren’t even thinking about it’ Hyesung poked his chest, the repetitive movement hurting him ‘I’m surprised you haven’t told him the plan already. Do you want to get rid of me and abandon Junjin?’

The shorter man gritted his teeth, the insults hurting his pride. For everything he had done, he surely didn’t deserve this.

‘ you! I would never!’ he shoved the other back, getting out of his tight grip. Hyesung was breathing heavily, angry, his hair messy, his body strung up like a violin.

‘Minwooo wouldn’t’ Dongwan tried pleading, his voice having lost its fighting spirit. He looked tired, his face ran hot, sweat was rolling down his forehead and the dark circles around his eyes were more prominent than ever.

Hyesung took a step back.

'You don’t know what people are capable of. Imagine your own reaction if you found out that the guy acting as your friend is a dirty orphan who lies and steals for living. Would you easily accept that? Hell you would’ Hyesung’s voice had turned cold, a disgust about his own existence written in his face. The anger was gone, replaced by loneliness and desperation.

‘I killed someone, Dongwan’

His hands fell to his sides, the look in his eyes pleading.  Dongwan could feel his own eyes glass over, not sure if it was because of the fever or the sorrow. He was sorry for Hyesung, sorry for Junjin, and lastly, sorry for himself. They had been only children then.

‘It was self-defense’ he tried, knowing it wouldn’t help.

‘It’s not self-defense if you run away afterwards’ Hyesung shook his head, stubbornly looking at the floor. ‘And even if it was, what do you expect will happen? You think you can keep your mouth shut about everything? That they won’t find out about us? You think this is the love of your life? You think he will care for Jinny? Nobody wants to care for Jinny because he’s a bother. Do you want to throw him away like you’ve always wanted to throw me away?’

Dongwan  gasped and looked at him, begging for him to stop. He knew that despite always scolding him and being mean to Junjin, Hyesung never regretted anything he’d done for them. Didn’t regret that they ran away, didn't regret that he got money for his medicine by selling himself, didn't regret that he stole and cheated for living. It's like he thought of himself as less deserving. Dongwan sometimes wished he could see past the walls he had built and see that everyone was not always against them.

If he were to do it all over again, he would; he would only change two little things – he should have been the one to stab that bastard at the orphanage and he should have been the one selling himself for money. Hyesung had been so innocent back then when he had first met him. He himself had been innocent but he never had any expectations from life, not like Junjin and Hyesung. He hadn’t know the warmth of a mother’s smile. He was a fighter, a knight to protect the weaker around him and he had failed.

Minwoo would understand and Jinny is stronger than you think he wanted to scream, wanted to shake Hyesung out of his misery, make his see the good in people, that life was not black or white. There were always threads of hope if you looked for them, let them in.

But Hyesung had lost the ability to trust anyone years ago and Dongwan couldn’t leave him now, not in such state.

‘Fine. Let’s do it tonight’ he said, sitting down on the bathtub. Hyesung had been in Eric’s house before, he’d seen the safe, he’d told him that cracking the code wouldn’t be a problem. If they didn’t do it tonight, Dongwan knew he would break and confess everything to Minwoo.

‘Ok’ the reply made Dongwan’s heart sink. Had he hoped Hyesung would refuse?

‘Ok’ he said back as if in trance.

 ‘Then let’s go back’ Hyesung grabbed him roughly, forcing him to stand up. Dongwan let out a cough, his chest feeling too tight for comfort, his eyes teary from the fever. He felt a soft cloth pressing against his forehead as Hyesung cleaned up his face.

‘You’re in such a mess’ his voice was soft and deep now, making Dongwan feel happy again. He was still the same fool as years ago, letting everyone drag him around as they wished.

 ‘If you come back looking like this they will find it suspicious’

If they hadn’t found them suspicious so far, Dongwan doubted they would now but Hyesung was treating him well and maybe that’s all that mattered.

He waited for Hyesung to wipe off his face, following him to the living room afterwards where Minwoo and Eric were sitting.

Minwoo looked at him with piercing eyes as he came in, patting the seat beside. He obliged, feeling a bit better once he had sat down. The other put an arm around his neck, leaning close and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Then he leaned in further, whispering in his ear.

The words made Dongwan’s entire body go numb.

 ‘I won’t let you escape’

tbc

a/n: This is such a bad chapter. That's the only thing I could think about when editing it. It's so bad but there's no way I can rewrite it now. :(