Taking three steps at once Hyesung was leaping up the stairs.

‘Hello Mrs. Kim, you look exceptionally lovely today’ he smiled politely, slowing down as he spotted an elderly woman in the staircase. He stopped to take the two heavy bags she was carrying and helped her to bring them up to her apartment. It was small and it stunk of cheapness and poverty. There was some charm to it but these people had no value to Hyesung. Without any children they were living for themselves in these four bleak walls. It was a senseless and miserable existence.

‘Take care, keep well and say hello to Mr. Kim!’ Hyesung grinned and gratefully accepted the three apples she pressed into his hands, ‘I’ll pass them safely to Junjin and Dongwan Mrs. Kim, I promise’ he bowed deeply and left the apartment.

Being friendly with the neighbors was a must or there would be questions. He had learned from previous experiences.

Once outside the door the smile from his face disappeared and he rushed up the rest of the way, stopping only when he had reached his door, panting and completely out of breath.

He hammered on the wooden door a couple of times before yelling for Junjin to let him in.

There was a click on the other side and the handsome, dark haired man emerged from the shadows.

‘Oh! You brought apples!’ Junjin’s eyes lit up in delight but the joy disappeared as soon as Hyesung pushed him aside, proceeding to enter the place. Making sure Junjin was watching him he went over to the trashcan and threw the apples in there, one after another, all while maintaining eye contact with the younger.

‘Why would you-’ Junjin pouted, his happy expression turning sour. He looked like a kicked puppy which Hyesung thought ridiculous. Why would a grown up man look like a puppy standing and sulking there in dirty pink slippers and a cardigan. Like a child.

Taking off his jacket and loosening his tie Hyesung sat down at the table.

‘Why wouldn't you answer me?’ he asked, keeping eye contact until Junjin looked down. The pout of the younger's lips was still there but his expression was changing. His eyebrows knitted together and he kept finding cracks to count in the floor, his eyes starting to glass over. This helpless behavior drove Hyesung insane. He wanted to beat some sense into him.

‘Just say it’ he sighed, his tone unchangingly harsh.

Junjin’s shoulders slumped down and he bit his lip. He was refusing to raise his eyes from the floor, flexing his fingers and rubbing his hands.

That caught Hyesung’s attention. It was a bad habit Junjin had picked up during their childhood - he hadn’t been able to get rid of it ever since they escaped from the orphanage. Hyesung stared at his hands suddenly realizing that Junjin only did this when he was scared. 

'Jinny' he said, none of the previous harshness left in his voice ‘I promise I’m not angry. Just- talk to me’ he rubbed his tired eyes frustrated at himself for screwing up. He should be a person Junjin could trust and feel safe with, not be scared of. This place shold be a safe haven. 

‘Jinny I really am sorry' Hyesung stood up and went over to the younger. He leaned clos, trying to reach for one of the hands to stop it from clenching but Junjin flinched away from his touch. Hyesung took a step back, his expression growing darker and the pain in his heart turning physical. This had to be the worst day ever. Or maybe the second worst day since last Tuesday.

‘Junjin-’ he pleaded this time reaching for the other’s hand more carefully. When he managed to touch it he quickly brought his own hand to Junjin’s face, resting his palm on the other's cheek and turning to look into those wide eyes.

‘I promise not to yell anymore, ok?’

Junjin nodded, some of the tears that had gathered in his eyes spilling over and falling, soaking his worn out cardigan.

‘And I swear I’m not angry with you’

Junjin nodded once more, his hands settled by his sides. He brought one of his sleeves up to wipe off the snot from his runny nose which made Hyesung’s face contract in disgust. He stopped him in time, taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiping the other’s face.

‘You’re such a kid’ he complained as he rubbed his cheeks. A feeling of relief came over when Junjin smiled and hiccuped. It was a ridiculous way of apologizing but it was sufficient. Hyesung smiled back, shaking his head and ruffling the younger’s hair.

‘When’s Dongwan back?’ he asked with the most neutral expression he could muster up. Scenes like these had become a daily occurrence so he should treat them like normality even when he never quite got used to them. While waiting for an answer Hyesung went over to the trashcan, his face scrunching up in disgust as he fished out the apples from there. It was fortunate they had not eaten anything but take-outs for the last couple of days so he did not have to dig through too much.

‘Did something happen while Dongwan was with them and that’s why you couldn’t answer me?’

Two of the apples could be retrieved easily but the last one had fallen thoroughly to the bottom and Hyesung cursed when his hand met something soft and mushy. He vaguely remembered Dongwan eating some bananas the other day. That bastard.

‘You don’t have to-’ Junjin muttered while biting his lip. Hyesung digging through trash was not a pleasant sight for him. It brought back memories of some other times- times he suppressed in his mind with all his might yet the memories kept popping up, especially during the night. He would wake up in cold sweat, screaming and crying and Dongwan or Hyesung or even both of them would have to sit with him and wait until he calmed down.

‘Nonsense, food is food and hey I might think about this more carefully next time I act like a dipwit' Hyesung victoriously clutched the last apple in his hand and waved it above his head like a first-place trophy for trash-digging. Realizing that his hand stunk of rotten food he moved to the sink.

‘So what’s about Dongwan?’ he brought the subject back up, letting the water run until it turned to lukewarm. He washed the apples one after another, drying them off in a faded kitchen towel. He found a knife and a plate from the cupboard above the sink where some dirty bowls from three days ago were still waiting their turn to be washed and Hyesug decided that they could wait some more. Having found what he needed he brought the apples to the table, put his plate and knife down and patted the seat next to him.

‘Uh-’ Junjin hesitated for a moment but sat down, looking how the older started peeling the apples carefully, ‘there’s really not that much to tell you. Dongwan cut me off the conversation shortly after he told me the plan’s off and when I tried calling him but he didn’t reply. Well, ok, I mean, he didn’t call but he sent a text saying not to worry. He didn’t write where he was so I kept texting him. He only replied saying that he’s got some big news for us’

Big news implied either good or bad things. Hyesung felt dread rising in his chest when he thought about it. He watched the blade in his hands melting through the hard skin of the apple, removing it from the soft flesh. Big news implied mostly trouble. His hand slipped and he cut his finger, a bit of blood seeping out.

He froze at the sight of the liquid ,memories from long time ago forcing their way into his head. The red stains those never seemed to come off. There had been red everywhere- on his hands, his face, his clothes. The red puddle growing on the floor, spreading from the still warm, convulsing, dying body in front of him.

Hyesung jolted when something touched his hand, turning his head to meet Junjin’s worried face. He realized he had stopped peeling with his finger dripping blood on the table.

‘I’m going to bed’ he let the knife fall and clatter on the table, feeling as if it was laughing at him for his weakness. He escaped to the bedroom, leaving Junjin alone and confused. One thing he could not afford was to appear weak and defenseless in front of the younger.

Once in the room Hyesung threw the dark curtain aside and pried the window open, hanging half of his body outside, the crisp autumn air hitting his face. Gasping in large gulps he tried to calm himself down. It would take so little to lean a little further and end it all- the thought in its appalingly overpowering simplicity scared him. 

‘Pilkyo-’ Junjin’s voice rang out soft and quiet and he sighed, dragging his body back in a standing position and turning around. They both looked at each other like two lost children with no means of protecting themselves.

‘Don’t-‘ Hyesung was the first to speak, ‘use that name, Junjin. Please. I’m fine’

Not waiting for an answer he went over to hug him, taking some of the weight out of his words, needing the embrace more than the younger did.

‘We’re going to get through this, little birdy, ok?’ Hyesung gripped his shoulders firmly and took a good look at him. Seeing was believing and when looking at Junjin he could almost imagine them sitting in front of a fireplace in their own house where nobody could come and harm them. Even at their most vulnerable they could be strong together.

‘Ok’ Junjin replied with a smile, that being the only comfort Hyesung needed to get through another day.     

tbc

A/N: Oh well, drama.