Taoris in the POV of Tao.

Kris turned away from me. I felt the desperate yearning again in my chest, the feeling of need. I tried to press it down, keeping my hands firmly at my sides even though they itched to touch him. I stared at his toned, muscular back, defined even by his loose shirt.

I wanted him so badly.

It had been a year. An entire ing year. He had disappeared off the face of the earth. I'd wasted so much time worrying the hell out of my mind, wanting to search the world and flip it upside down, to unearth him from wherever he was. I wanted to find my Kris. I thought he was traveling abroad and decided not to tell anyone. Worse, maybe he was dead. I'd tried not to think about that, but right after school I would rush out and check all our usual hangout spots and the remote places we rarely visited. Sometimes when I didn't feel like school I cut class, roaming the towns and wearing my shoes down just to find him.

I always searched until after dark. Rain or shine, I would be out there. I would catch colds and get sick and still stumble out into the streets past midnight, coughing my lungs out but knowing that Kris was somewhere out there. And I needed to find him.

I'd been worried sick. Literally. Once when I came down with pneumonia and it was so bad I couldn't even move from my bed, my best friends Baekhyun and Chanyeol had taken care of me. Baekyeol. At least they'd found their happily ever after.

They were dating, and still very in love. They had tried not to show their intimate affection for each other in front of me. I appreciated the gesture, but that somehow made it worse. I would see them in each other's arms and I would only think, Kris. Even though we weren't dating, even though Kris had never claimed me as his, even though he had never said those three words to my face, I knew he had nearly popped the question.

And then he had disappeared.

Three words. What would three small words do to him anyway? They were so weak and insignificant when separate. He was here now. I was still waiting for it. 

Now, after an entire year of fruitless searching, after an entire month of coming down with pneumonia and staying in bed only because of Baekyeol's brute force, he was back. The jackass—he sure had gut to show up around here, just as suddenly as he'd disappeared. And act like nothing had happened, even give me the cold shoulder. Not saying a word to me, ignoring me as if he didn't know my heart had leapt with joy upon seeing him, and then crumbled in on itself when he turned away.

The ruthless bastard.

Now here we were. His back was to me, as if I was too lowly and despicable for him to even look at. It stung so much, his indifference, that I had become numb. I didn't feel anymore.

"You motherf*cker," I suddenly seethed, the words I'd been longing to say hissing out of my mouth through clenched teeth. My fists were pale and clenched at my sides. I tried hard to hold back my traitorous tears.

He cringed. It felt both terribly good and terribly agonizing to know I'd hurt  him. Maybe he still had a caring bone in his body.

"Do you not know how long I've waited for you," I said quietly, trying to mask my hurt and rage and all the chaotic emotions that swirled around me. "DO YOU NOT KNOW?" I finally lost control. My heart, already cracked and bruised, finally shattered like a precious China vase. My insides caved, my vision whirled, I was a hot mess. I'd waited. I'd hoped. He was here, after so many prayers and hopeful wishes and long, painful nights alone, crying myself to sleep.

"I do know," Kris suddenly replied. His voice was soft, cold. My broken heart throbbed. I remembered how much I loved that voice; that deep, rich, y voice. My nerves cracked at the iciness in it, the nonchalance and his refusal to look at me.

After all those nights. After all those nights he would shower with me, caressing my face in cupped hands as he nibbled at my lips lightly, with all the gentleness yet all the lustful ferocity of Kris, while the near-scalding water pounded down on us, on his y godlike body intertwined with mine. Where we held each other. And afterwards, he would hold me tight until I fell asleep in his warm, delicious arms, shirtless and his lips pressing against my ear, whispering my Tao, my baby Tao. I would exchange one last sleepy kiss with him, his scent filling my nostrils and my mouth as he teased with my lips. And he would be there when I awoke, his slumbering form no longer ferocious and tall but gentle and angelic. That happened, almost every day for weeks. Right before he disappeared and no one knew where he went.

And I loved him so much. I knew I was in love. Wasn't he?

Did he not remember those days? Could he return after all this time I've spent in pain, the torture and emptiness of him not being there ripping me internally, pretending like I was a nobody to him? Was I just another crazy, gay- fanboy now?

And yet, he had never said I love you. Three cursed, disgusting words always with hatred lined around the meaning like poison on a glass. Three words I only wanted to hear from one person, a person who wouldn't even look at me.

"Please. Kris. I don't know what I did to you. Tell me. Tell me what I did and why you left, and then you can get the outta here." The tears were uncontrollable now, salty rivers down my face. I started to feel the pieces of my heart ripping for the millionth time. God it hurt like hell.

He paused, as if considering, and then slowly turned around. Those dark, rich eyes I'd fallen for the first time I saw them were nothing but orbs of savage flint embedded in his face. No gentleness that there once was. His perfect, smooth lips were in a hard line. The lips I'd taken for granted, I yearned for now. He stared at me, the  mess I was with my hair askew and my eyes puffy with crying. I took in his milky complexion, stony expression and his flawless face, wanting to touch him so bad but knowing I couldn't. His jawline was stiff and prominent, and his cheekbones...and those lips that right now I wanted nothing more than to be kissed by...

"Tao." I shivered to hear my name.

"You can't love me."

It was like a nuclear bomb went off in my chest.

"I never told you I loved you," I croaked. Ouch.

"You didn't," the demonic beast agreed. "But we all know you did."

I stared incredulously up at him. Was this really the time to be an arrogant -hole? Really?

But with his face and of what we used to have, it was so hard to hate him. And to know I couldn't love him...for him to tell me to my face I couldn't love him...

"Why can't I? Tell me. WHY CAN'T I?!" My voice pitched to a shout.

He said nothing.

"...Then did you not love me?" The more I voiced my fears, the more they reared their ugly heads and became the truth. Kris had acted it out, all of it. He had played me like a puppet master. And for what? For all those nights taking a shower with me, sleeping in the same bed, almost having it, all those endless hugs and kisses...why? What were they for when they were private, and nobody was watching? What did he want to gain? "You were using me? What the for?"

A wry, empty smirk perched on his face. His eyes were cast down so I couldn't see his expression. "Don't jump to conclusions, Tao. I wasn't using you.

"Do you know why I came back?"

I sniffled. "How would I know? I don't even know where you ran off to!"

He took a deep breath, breaking away from my accusing gaze. "Why I left I can't say."

"Why not."

"I can't, Tao! I can't, okay?" He looked up, his voice rising, his eyes desperate. I shut up.

"But I came back because I owed you something. I'm sorry." Kris stepped forward, beginning to wrap his arms around me like he used to, but I pushed away from him, even though it tore at me to do so. His eyebrows raised, his eyes crinkling the way they did when he was hurt.

"Just get out," I hissed, jabbing a finger at the direction of the door. I couldn't fall for any of his , not now. Just when I started to rebuild my life.

He smirked, his expressionless mask back again, shielding his emotions. "You don't mean that." He sounded so certain, so confident, so .

"Oh you bet I do. GET THE OUT!"

Kris frowned, his perfect face still insanely beautiful with his frown. It looked like he was going to explode in a rage of his own, but then he stepped forward again and whispered in his lusty y voice, freezing me in my tracks:

"Vulgarity doesn't suit you, Tao. My panda."

And then he grabbed my arms and rammed his lips onto mine, charging forward and running me into a wall so I was trapped and couldn't escape, my mouth pressed against his and the heat growing between us as he proceeded in the rough, sloppy kiss.

Fireworks exploded inside my head and my heart leapt with nervousness and ecstasy, reveling in his lips working furiously at mine in such a savage, hungry manner that I couldn't keep up. I was torn in two again, wanting so badly to push him away before I could be dragged down into the endless cycle of heartbreak again, but wanting to stay this way and kiss him forever. He had an extremely tight grip on me anyway, and the air of not letting go until HE decided it was over.

And finally I succumbed to him. My lips quickly caught his speed and they molded into his with a sort of insane hunger that we both shared, the need to be with him after so long. I took in as much as I could of him, of this deity I wanted so badly but I knew I couldn't have. I drank in his delicious scent as his lips glided over mine, smooth and full and perfect and slowing the pace after the initial starvation had been satiated and now it was simply the lust. My pants were extremely uncomfortable, and I could feel his rubbing against mine, both rock-hard, in the most agonizing, torturously pleasurable way. He could feel it too and he groaned in my mouth.

Finally he broke away, both of us gasping and panting for breath but still craving physical contact. He still had me cornered, his mouth inches from mine. My tears had dried and he kissed the streaks gently, lapping up the salt on my face with his tongue while his sweet breath panted softly on my cheeks. "Do you want me to go now?" he asked. My body trembled hearing the iness in his deep voice. I shook my head quickly, at a loss for words.

"I thought so," Kris said triumphantly, almost smug. Then he got serious, a small playful smile still on that amazing face. "I ran, Tao. I ran from you because...because I didn't want to be gay. I wanted to love girls, not boys. I wanted to be...normal." He searched my eyes. "But I was an idiot. I was delusional and I didn't know what true love was. After that first shower with you, those first kisses, I knew it wasn't possible to be what society has dubbed 'normal'. We only showered together for six weeks, did you know that? Just six weeks, so I ran, thinking that by running my mind would clear itself of you. Because you filled my mind. I ran in hopes that staying away from you would get rid of this...feeling, where my heartbeats increase and I can’t think straight, because you fill my mind. And the strangest feeling of being happy when you’re with me, feeling the same emotions you feel...I didn’t want to face reality. But the longer I was away from you, the more I craved you. Your touch, your taste...I couldn’t stand being away from any of it anymore than I could stand pretending I wasn’t gay. And I learned that love is unconditional if it is true love. Love shouldn’t be about being gay or straight, it should be about who you’re with and if they make you happy. That’s you."

He stared deeply into my eyes and I couldn't tear my gaze away. My body was numb and electric at the same time.

"I don't know why I ran from the best thing that ever happened to me. I was stupid."

"You were a bastard," I blurted.

He laughed, a quiet gentle laugh that sent me shivering with pleasure just hearing it. "That too, I suppose." He stared, so close again. "Truth is, I just can't stand you because I need to be with you. I HAVE to. And this urge makes me dependent on you...I've never felt this way before."

He met his lips with mine, gentle again, caressing. He rubbed and brushed them with me, parting my mouth slightly so we tasted each other. I never wanted to forget his scent. He nibbled at my lip, a move he always did, and whispered the words I've never wanted to hear more:

"I promise you. Now wherever you are, that's where I'll be. I'll always wait for you. I'll always be by your side. I'll never leave you again.

"I love you, Huang Zitao."

A/N: Taoris for the first story! Hope y'all liked it! Click that subscribe and upvote button, and leave a comment below!