A week passed after Jongin's all-day-and-night sleep and Kyungsoo is staring at his food with the others beside him.

Kyungsoo curses the weather because it's raining and reminds him of Jongin. Then Luhan came accompanied by Sehun, "Kyungsoo." Luhan greeted.

"Hi Luhan." Kyungsoo greeted emotionlessly. Then Luhan hands him out a book entitled ‘Dream Of Me' And he knows, that's why the tears starts to fall from his eyes again. He knows who's the person behind this book,. His reality..

"He told me to give this to you when it rains."

"Thank you." Kyungsoo's voice trembles and the he runs to his house to read what Jongin gave him.

--

Hello hyung!!

Now that you've opened and started to read this, I bet I died just a week ago. But don't be scared when I talk about me watching you right now. Don't be scared, I won't scare you because I don't want you to punch me just like what I did to Tao. I'm really disappointed that time, I felt stupid. But before that...

I asked Luhan hyung how to write a book, because…. I'm sorry I can't say it in here, so just ask him if you're curious why I consulted Luhan hyung about writing a book.

I tried hyung I tried to write a book, but I failed, and it turned into this!! J.. just read it,, I feel like it's a dedication book. Yah! I'm sorry hyung. I'm embarrassed right now.. >////<

When I was still dreaming of you, in my dreams

            I always felt stupid when I always wake up every morning from my dream with you. Yes hyung, I am always dreaming of you. I always dream of perfect places, perfect time, perfection with you. That's why I always wanted to sleep, anywhere, because I know that I would dream of you. And I am so happy about that, because I am stupid, I didn't make a move immediately, I didn't talk to you, because I was so shy that time. I'm afraid because you may hear my heart thu-thump thu-thump… I'm shy because I always get nervous all the time when you're near me, I always felt that I'll collapse in front of you so I seemed to be spacing out whenever you're around. But because of my dreams, I could hold, kiss, and embrace you endlessly. Because of my dreams, I am happy that I'm not awkward when you're near me. I am happy because in my dreams, you love me like I do.

            But I realized that those dreams , I'm sorry to say that. But don't ever ever think that you (because I could remember that I told you that you are my dream).. no, you don't , my dreams , those dreams. Because, they're only dreams; they're not the reality. They're not true. And it hurt me… and I cursed those dreams. Those dreams , or maybe I . Because even though I realized it, I still dreamt of you, of those things. Because I love you, and I thought I would never get a chance to hold you.

            The statement up there should really be ‘When I was still dreaming of you' ONLY. But I added ‘in my dreams' because I just share to you what I experienced when I was hopeless reaching you in my dreams… and because I'm still dreaming of you until now..

I will always be dreaming of you.

When you told me that you wanted to know EVERYTHING about me TOO

            I was really happy when you told me that. I wanted to die that time! My heart was ready to burst and I saw hope!! I thought that time, you could have liked me, too!!

I really couldn't sleep that time, well because my head was killing me, I had a cold that night, but I felt hot because of what you said. My cheeks were red that night as well as my nose. But I ignored that because I'm just so freaking happy when you told me that.        

When I caught a cold because I was soaked in the rain

            When I caught a cold, I realized something that freaked me out. And this is the first time I called myself a ert. Because…. AHHHH!!! I feel like I couldn't say it… but it's okay, you won't see me again, so here it goes….

            When you told me to come with you in your room to get umbrellas for both of us, I was really amazed how neat and clean your room is.. But my dream dirtied it and made a mess with it!! And I'm so sorry hyung!! Please forgive me after reading this!!

            My dream is about me… you…. D-d-doing ‘that' in your room.. y-you're feeding me the ‘food' you prepared for me. A-and that ‘food' was….. AHH HYUNG!!! It was you!! Huhu,, I feel like crying!! And it feels so hot right now, my cheeks are red and burning now hyung, I can feel it. Back to my dream... Uhm, by the way, you could skip this and go on the next message if you don't want to continue reading this... But if you want,, here it is.. So! Then when we're doing ‘it'… you moaned… and closed your eyes... And spre--- Ugh,, writing this is sending me shivers throughout my body…

            But that dream was cut off!! Luckily!! Because you were asking me for help, because you were stuck on the door. But it was just a blessing in disguise I realized. I think you noticed that it took a long time before you got out there right?? B-b-because I struggled getting you out the door. Because you were so impatient and kept on saying "Faster! Faster!!" it violated my ears because you're shouting that in my dream.. then after some time, you'll say "go slower... Because it hurts.." then you shouted at me, getting impatient again. Then told me to go faster again because you're tired.. what hurts hyung? Your back? Because it's different in my dream.. When you told me to go slower, y-y-you m-moaned breathlessly. I asked you if it hurts th-hen you said, "Y-y-eahh ~~ it hurts... But it feels so good.." and then I rocked back and forth and OH MY GOSH I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!

T-then when you got out of the door, you blurted out, "Why so long?! It hurts!!" I bowed my head that time, because I didn't know what you were referring to.... Because of my dream, I'm confused... Of what are you talking about... I don't know if you're referring to the time or ...to my… d-d-d…. I don't want to say it...

AND I FEEL LIKE DYING!!! I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS!!!

When you sang Baby Don’t Cry

            Your voice is the music in my ears. I was really broken-hearted that time because of my parents, they are sleeping forever. (But they’re with me now so I’m happy, too.) And I’m really thankful because I didn’t wished for that anymore because I wanted to see you before and after going to school, I wanted to see your beautiful face and your signature heart-shaped smile which made me fall inlove with you deeply.

            I am thankful because I heard you and you understood me that time and even sang me a song. Your voice soothes my heart. Your voice is the best hyung!! Uhm, even if my voice , I’m telling you, I am humming right now, this time when I’m writing this message…

Deoneun mangseoriji ma jebal nae simjangeul geodueo ga

Geurae nakarulsurok joha dalbit jochado nuneul gameun bam

Na anin dareun namjayeotdamyeon huigeuk anui han gujeorieotdeoramyeon

Neoui geu saranggwa bakkun sangcheo modu taewobeoryeo

Baby don't cry tonight

Eodumi geochigo namyeon

Baby don't cry tonight

Eobseotdeon iri doel geoya

Mulgeopumi doeneun geoseun nega aniya

Kkeutnae mollaya haetdeon

So baby don't cry, cry

Nae sarangi neol jikil teni~~.

            I don’t want to see you crying hyung, please don’t cry anymore. It hurts me because I know that I am the cause of your tears, I’m sorry hyung. But I love you. So baby don’t cry tonight, just be happy and dream of me.

            And I really wanted to kiss you in your lips after that, but I’m scared that I’d get rejected and you’ll just slap me on my face for being impulsive. Then you said that you could be in my dreams, I blushed deeply that time, because I’m guilty. You’re in my dreams right from the start, you’re the man in my dreams, you’re the man of my dreams, and you are my dream.

            My heart was really thumping so hard when I realized that I told you to see you in my dreams, I was really ashamed and I cursed myself for blurting it out, because I saw you stunned and staring at me like there’s no tomorrow. And remembering this, I thought, you’re already inlove with me that day, right hyung? Just tell me if I’m wrong.. /winks/

When I discovered that the boy who light up my world was you

            I was really down that day when I first met you, because my parents just passed away. My parents got into an accident when they were going to watch me dance in our school. And after that, I never danced in front of an audience again, until I met you guys. And I’m so happy that you see me dance before I died, my last dance, it was for you hyung.

            I ran to that playground because I was expecting that there were kids playing there, even if it’s raining. But I realized that the kids were afraid being soaked in the rain until I saw you, who own the heart-shaped smile. I was dreaming of my parents before you woke me up, but don’t worry hyung, I’m not mad at you that time because I fell inlove the time I saw your smile. I realized that not all the kids were afraid of being soaked in the rain, rather of being scared, you enjoyed it. And I’m so happy that I enjoyed it and played under it together with you.

            You light up my world again when you said you love me. I’m so happy that I wanted to explode.. ahh hyung. I’m giggling now, because I never thought you love me, too. That you wished that I would dream of you too. And I wished that it was not a dream anymore, and if it would be a dream again, I could sleep and dream of that forever.

            But then again you kissed me to prove that it was not a dream, and I was like I’m in heaven!! You have such soft lips. I realized that because in my dreams, whenever I kiss you, I always felt nothing. But feeling your soft lips that time, I realized, I’m really lucky, that I chose you as my dream. I will never regret that. I love you and I’m happy that you love me too.

 Your smile lights up my world and your tears kill me. Don’t cry and don’t lose that smile.

When I doubted my health

            Hyung, do you remember when I told you that I am going somewhere and yet I didn’t ask you to come with me? If not, do you remember when Sehun scolded us from being sweet in front of him? Well I think you could remember it now. That day, I went to the hospital to get a medical check-up because I often feel that my heart aches time after time. My chest always tightens that I can’t breathe, especially when I’m so nervous and when I am surprised. And as you always say before, I always seem pale. So I took the risk, even if knowing my condition could make me cry or relieved. Before I got out the hospital, the doctor told me to just be careful because he’s not yet sure if I have a problem, so it’s best for me not to stress myself, and to calm myself always. But I want you to be happy. And my heart really gets faster and faster whenever you’re in my arms, I just love you so much.

When I asked you to feel my presence

            Remember when I covered your eyes because you're scared and you said you felt a presence? I thought, what if I died? What if I died and then became a ghost, then I want to see you. And you’re scared and run to someone or cry or ran out the street and get lost? I thought of it that time, so I decided that when I die, I won’t appear in front of you. But I would make you feel that I’m here. I covered your eyes and asked you to feel my presence because I wanted you to feel me, even you won’t see me anymore. Because I feel like I won’t last long in this world, especially that I would get the result of my medication after a week. So, doing this, I want you to remember that I'll always be by your side. Just close your eyes and I hope, you'll be able to feel my presence, to feel my love for you.

            Close your eyes hyung,, can you feel me?

            Then you told me, you’ll love me forever, and I told you, I’ll dream of you forever. And see! I’m doing it now! My dream has started, and I am creating it with you. I will dream of you forever. Thinking that if I dream forever, I will also sleep forever, or in other words, I’ll die. I’m scared, not of the ghost, because of the possibility that I would leave you in your world. I felt so sorry for myself, because I’ll hurt you. Then I cried, I don’t want--- I never wanted to leave you. I cried and you asked me why, yes, I got carried away and I told you let’s just sleep.

            But I didn’t sleep that night because I will miss your face. I will miss everything we do. I will miss your laughs, your SMILE!! I will miss that… and then I cried, again because I’m in regret that I won’t see that anymore maybe in the near future that’s why I took the chance, and I lingered that very moment when you’re still by my side, when I’m not yet leaving. But I woke you up…

            You asked me what’s wrong and I told you I’m scared. I’m really scared hyung. I’m scared that I’ll be leaving you, that I may hurt you, that you may get angry at me because I leave you, that maybe you’ll love someone else. I’m scared, but you embraced me tightly and I felt safe, I wished that moment would never fade.

            And then I could still remember and hear your precious voice when you sang I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing. I never thought you knew that song but I am thankful when you sang that to me. Because it really suited what am I feeling that time… Look

I don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

‘Cause I miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

‘Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I still miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing~~

            I don’t want to close my eyes hyung that time, no, everytime. I know, before, I always wanted to sleep but now,

I’m afraid hyung,, what if…

            If I fall asleep, would you be there to wake me up?

            If I fall asleep, would you be there when I open my eyes the next morning?

            If I fall asleep, would life give me another day to be with you?

            I’m afraid hyung,

            If I close my eyes, I won’t see you anymore

            If I close my eyes, I won’t get another day or night to dream of you

            If I close my eyes, I won’t be able to open it the next day and just find myself closing it forever….

            I don’t want that to happen

            That’s why I’m scared

            I don’t want that to happen

            Because I love you

            I cried that night, but I didn’t noticed that I soaked your shirt, good thing hyung, you thought it was my drool.

When I decided to let you go

            This is day before I broke up with you. I went to the hospital to get the result of the medication, and it just broke my heart… it ing broke my heart,, and I’m crying right now, sorry.. it says I have rheumatic heart disease, I don’t know what is that, really, I didn’t want to know but the doctor told me everything. How damaged my heart is, how am I going to deal with it… and he told me some ways to prolong my life, because I was so fragile, and the doctor told me I would only have a half year or less to live. I want to curse the doctor because he was so straight!! I hate him, it’s like he’s not considering my emotions, then he’ll tell me that I shouldn’t get too emotional because it would worsen my condition.. eh how am I going to deal with it??!! Should I be happy knowing that I am dying?! He doesn’t know!! That’s why he can’t understand why I got too emotional that I broke in front of him… he just scolded me, then I punched him because he doesn’t know what I’ve been going through, he’s not dying!! I am! He’s not leaving this world less than a year!! But I am! He doesn’t know how much it hurts that I’ll leave you in less than a half a year…

            I ran through the campus to look for you. Even if it will hurt, I feel I have to tell you because I love you. But when I heard you and… funny to say… and Jongdae, singing in perfect harmony. I got jealous because you’re with Jongdae and you smiled at each other sweetly. My heart stung and it reminded me that I have a disease. And it reminded me a line of a fanfiction I read which is SUMMER, 21… “I love you enough to let you go.”

            I want you to be happy, so I decided to let you go…

When I caught a cold because I was soaked in tears and sweat

            This was when I broke up with you. I was reading the result of my medication again and again and I cursed myself for having a disease like that. I regretted everything that time, I thought, the world was stingy, I only had very very short time with you. First, because I didn’t have enough courage to make a move. And now, he was giving me less than half a year to be with you, the world must hate me, huh… I thought, we were not destined for each other so the world made it easier for us to move on so we’ll go find someone else better for us. Yes, hyung, you can go and find someone better than me after I leave. But I would never look for someone else because no one is better than you, you are the best hyung. And because of course I am dying and who would like to love someone who is dying, and I bet you also don’t want that.

            And I want you to be happy. And I thought that you’ll be happy with someone else so I have to let you go. I decided, even though it hurts so much. I have to let you go. I cried inside the bathroom but Junmyeon visited. And I didn’t want him to hear me crying, so I opened the shower and I told him trying my best not to choke, that he should just visit next time because I was taking a bath. I was relieved that he left the house immediately after I said that. So I cried there alone, soaking in tears and sweat. And I caught a cold.

            And then you now went to my apartment, unfortunately, I was still reading the result of the medication. And tears were strained on my face so you asked me what the problem is. I really don’t know what to say especially I see your signature heart-shaped smile. That’s why I kept on looking away. And I wanted to cry again because you were so sweet and I thought, I’m not yet ready to break your heart and rip that smile. But when you asked me if I still love you, I didn’t answer you because I love you, and I have to let you go.

            I really wanted to stop you from running out my apartment. But I want you to be happy. I’m sorry for that because I’m not by your side… Whenever it rains before, you’ve been always there. It rained that day but I’m not by your side. I did not enjoy that rain because you’re not by my side.

            I couldn’t enjoy the rain alone hyung.

When we’re apart

            I wanted to die hyung knowing that I am the cause of your tears, and because I broke your heart. I ripped your smile apart. And I curse myself for that, instead of giving you happiness and love, all I gave you was sorrow. I’m sorry hyung.

            But I’m happy that he’s with you, our friends were there for you. But seeing you cry in other’s arms, I couldn’t help myself but to cry every day and night. Yes I cried every day and night even if doing that would only worsen my condition, I ate foods with too much cholesterol and there are some times I don’t eat. Because I wanted to die so that it won’t hurt you that much.

            Then Luhan told me that he saw me in the hospital and that he saw me faint. He was the one who brought me to the doctor. So, he knew my condition. But I told him not to tell you about it so I’m the one who’s apologizing for he learnt to lie because of me, tell him I apologize, I’m a bad influence.

            I regretted that I still hold you but I also let you go. I shouldn’t hold you if I know that I’ll also let you go because it only hurt you. It only hurt the both of us. I let you go and I should be happy right? But why am I feeling the opposite way?? Tell me hyung, I was so confused.

When I broke your heart and you told me to fall inlove with someone again

After knowing my condition and after I heard you still love me, I decided, THIS IS THE FIRST AND LAST TIME I FALL INLOVE. And I should be happy if you’re happy, whatever your decision is.

When we’re apart (again)

            Hyung, this is when you discovered my condition, of how fragile am I, of how am I not going to live at least half a year, so I have to let you go.

            You stopped visiting me and it killed me again and again. I missed you hyung. every night, I cry, and tell you, whispering to my pillows, to have a good night,, to dream of me. And as days and weeks passed, I found myself in regret, I wanted to see you again for the last time. Then Junmyeon hyung told me something which made me realize that I’m wasting my time dreaming of you again. So I decided to write these messages with the help of Luhan hyung. This is my gift to you, even if it’s not your birthday, our birthday, and my birthday. Because I know that I won’t be able to live until January hyung. So, just, happy birthday in advance. Well, I somehow regret I cannot be with you on your birthday now that we’re together. I died so early, sorry hyung. I cannot celebrate our birthday with you, even Christmas and New Year. I’m so disappointed that even one important holiday, it didn’t happen to celebrate with you, and it hurts me so much…

When you came back to me

            This, I promised that I won’t ever let you go again. I will hold you forever. I will spend my remaining hours with you, full of love. I love you so much and I’m so happy you came back to me. But after I die, promise me that you would fall inlove again and be happy hyung.

I wondered why it seemed that the world doesn’t want me to be happy. Because she took me immediately away from you… T^T  But I realized, it’s not that she doesn’t want me to be happy, I realized because it is the reality. I will die and die no matter what. Everyone will die. So I just accepted that fact and lived my remaining hours in this world WITH YOU. And I felt happy. Very happy. Because I am with you. because I dream of you, and because I love you. And I know you love me too. And I am thankful of that.

            And hyung please remember that I know hyung I know… and it hurts me to admit this.. I know, when you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom,,, ugh, I can’t help but to cry… hyung, I know you’re crying… and it’s because of me, everyday, I make you cry, I break your heart, I’m sorry hyung. But I love you so much that I couldn’t let you go.

When you showed me shooting stars late in the evening

Hyung, I don't really wanna close my eyes but I just wished upon the stars that I hope you'll be happy when I'm gone, live the way you wanted. Dare to fall inlove again. Don't worry, I won't scare the both of you, instead, I will be happy for the both of you. Let him kiss away the pain I left you. And sorry for that. Love him much more the way you loved me. But remember this hyung, I will always love you, in my dreams and in this reality

I want to live with you in this world, this reality forever, but I know that won't happen anymore. So I'll just dream of us being together, someday, somewhere, not in this world but maybe in heaven, hopefully in our dreams.

You are my everything. You are the reason I'm fighting.

You're the reason I'm still smiling in spite the fact that I am dying.

You're the reason love is to feel and not to learn (because it seems like I didn’t learn anything in our school, I was always sleeping, remember? /winks/)

You're the reason I learned to dream

You taught me how to love

And I'm so happy I taught you to love me, too.

Stars, someday I will be one of them. And when you want to see me, just go to sleep and I’ll visit you there. But when you couldn’t sleep, just open your windows at night and you’ll see me there up in the sky, I’m one of the stars now and don’t worry, I’m with our parents here. I’ll dance with my parents and sing with yours (even if my voice ). And when you couldn’t see stars because it’s raining, just go outside and let’s enjoy the rain together. And when you couldn’t do the three I suggested above, just close your eyes and feel my presence, my love.

Probably, my last message, but I hope it’s not

            I wanted to thank the world for letting me meet you, under the pouring rain. For letting me dream of you. For waking me up. For letting me love you. For letting you love me. For letting us love each other. For letting us to be happy.

And hyung, after I die, I want you to let me go. Don’t live your life staying in the corner of your room and doing nothing but crying all day. I will be sad, I will get mad, remember that or else I will scare you! But I know you won’t do that. I trust you. You will make your remaining hours there worthwhile. And I’ll just wait for you here… (woah, sorry for it sounds creepy) but not that I wanted you to die immediately and be with me here. Yes, I want you but also, I wanted you to of course live your life in that world. And I will live mine here, wherever will I be. But trust me hyung, I will wait for you until the time comes that we will dream of us being together. Forever.

Yeah, I am sleeping forever now. But don’t worry hyung, I will be the one to visit you in your dreams this time. (sounds creepy again, sorry.) I will protect you. I will always watch over you. I love you.

And now, it’s my time to tell you, SWEET DREAMS, DREAM OF ME DO KYUNGSOO. And

SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS HYUNG!!

When I decided to LOVE AND DREAM OF YOU FOREVER

            Hyung,, it’s hard for me to write now, so spare me for these short words.

            I LOVE YOU

And

Hyung, is it raining today? If it is, let's enjoy the rain? Together??

Bye.

--

"Together."

It rains today, Kyungsoo steps outside his apartment and takes my hand. He smiled as the raindrops kissed the pain away, slowly. I kissed away the pain, and I'm so happy, he smiled at me again…

The wind blows hard, and I dream and wish upon a shooting star to tell him… "Hyung! Good night! Sweet dreams. Dream of me!! Don't worry. I'll see you in my dreams!!"

= END =