Ren’s POV

As I had finished up with my video call with my mother I was distracted by a loud slamming noise from further down the hall. That was strange. It sounded like it had come from the guest room, where JR had been staying the last couple of nights. Did something happen? I rose from my desk and slowly poured out into the hallway, stopping in front of JR’s closed door. I heard mumbling coming from the other side of the wall. I raised a brow. Who was he talking to? My hand slowly reached for the knob and I gave the door a slight push.

“Hey JR, I heard a loud noise coming from-”

I paused, cracking the door halfway as the image of JR leaning forward, pinning Jason against the wall and devouring his lips played out in front of me. I felt my heart stop momentarily before it started to beat fast and out of control, clenching itself inside of my chest and making it difficult to breathe. A sudden wave of nausea swept over me and my legs felt like they were about to go numb. JR… what are you doing to me…? With Jason? Jason… how could you…

JR’s eyes suddenly snapped open and he instantly pulled away from Jason, taking several steps backward until he tripped against the foot of his bed and fell to the floor. He stared up at me with wide eyes, knowing that he had just been caught. I didn’t know what to make of this scene. JR with Jason? It didn’t make any sense… they had just met today, hadn’t they? I was shocked. I didn’t see this coming at all. I glanced over at Jason. It would have made more sense if the roles had been switched and it was Jason coming on to JR, not the other way around. I would have expected it to have happened that way. Jason came onto anything with a pulse and heartbeat. I was hurt. I couldn’t believe that after all that we had gone through, that Jason would turn around and betray my trust. I wanted to yell and scream at him, but no words would come out. My lips moved but my voice had become mute. Almost as if on auto-pilot my right hand began to rise. Jason immediately looked away, preparing himself for the impact. When it finally registered that I was about to hit him I stopped myself.

Hit Jason?

For what? For doing something you’ve been doing all along behind JR’s back?

My hand fell down to my side. I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to hurt anyone anymore. I have no right to be mad at Jason. JR was the one that kissed him. And JR… I have no right to be mad at you either. I want to be mad at you. I want to be mad at you so bad… but I deserved this, didn’t I? I slowly spun around and began walking away. I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions right now. I was angry. I was hurt. But I was also guilty. Ren… you put yourself in this situation when you kissed Baekho. You should have known everything would fall apart once JR came back. Dammit…

JR suddenly stopped me at the end of the hallway, gripping my upper arm in his hand tightly. “Ren-”

“Don’t touch me!” I shot back at him, glaring down at his hand that was still on me. I couldn’t handle him touching me. Not after what he did… Not after what I’ve done either. JR, neither of us deserve one another. Why are you still holding on to me? You made it quite clear that you’re done with me the way I’m done with you. So don’t touch me! I yanked my arm from out of his grip and used both of my hands to shove him backwards. As soon as his back hit the wall I took off running, tearing the front door open and hurrying out into the yard and past the gate. When I was already halfway down the street a sudden thought occurred to me. Where was I going? I was running without a destination… but… I glanced around me. My body… it was running in his direction. Without having known it, I had started to run towards Baekho’s house. Why? Why would you possibly run towards the person that you betrayed your boyfriend’s trust with especially after having caught said boyfriend cheating on you with someone that you thought was your friend?

Maybe it was because Baekho never really ever left my thoughts. Minseok had phoned me about removing him from the hospital, so I knew he was home. Maybe that was why I started to subconsciously run there. Baekho… I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I should feel. Shouldn’t I feel happy that JR doesn’t want me anymore? I knew I should; JR liking someone else should be a relief to me. I had let go of my feelings for JR a long time ago, hadn’t I? If I did, why did it still hurt so much to walk in on them kissing? Did this mean that maybe I wasn’t 100% ready to let go of JR, who I had known since my childhood? Were these feelings I had for JR feelings of love or friendship? Baekho, I’m going crazy… Please, please, tell me something. Tell me what I need to do. I don’t care if you yell at me or call me annoying or stupid like you always do. Just don’t push me away right now. I need for you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be fine.

By the time I had arrived in front of Baekho’s house my feet had gone numb from running and I was heavily panting. I stopped in front of the gate and punched in the security code. Once the gate slowly swung open I ran inside and began to pound my fists crazily on his front door. I paused when I suddenly realized the error in my judgment. Baekho wouldn’t be able to hear my knocking. I silently cursed at myself. Stupid Ren, stupid! I grabbed my phone out from my pocket and began to type a text message for Baekho to let him know that I was waiting outside when suddenly I was caught off guard and startled by the front door slowly opening. I jumped. As I did so, my phone went flying out of my hands and I messily leaned forward and luckily caught it before it hit the ground. As I glanced up I stood frozen in panic when I realized that it wasn’t Baekho at the door to greet me. It was…

“U-ie…?” I stared at her with wide eyes full of shock. Why was she at Baekho’s house? Had they… made up? My heart began to race. Oh my god… Ren, you’re really something else, aren’t you? You’re so stupid; so pathetic!

“Oh, you’re 2DREAM’s stylist, aren’t you?” U-ie glanced back over her shoulder. “Hey, Baekho, Choi Ren is-”

Baekho was in the living room? He could see me? Oh god… I must look like such a fool in front of both of them. Choi Ren, the unwanted, unloved airhead suddenly showing up unannounced… I… I need to go. I need to get out of here. I need to be alone. Silent tears filled my eyes. You deserve this, Ren. You deserve all of it. JR realized he didn’t want you and so he went to Jason. Now Baekho realizes that he doesn’t want you and he went back to U-ie. I knew when I had kissed Baekho that there would be consequences to my actions, but I never would have expected that this would happen… I hadn’t counted on Baekho leaving me too. Now I was alone… all washed up and alone; everybody’s fool. Stupid, stupid Ren… why can’t you be more like hyung? I tried. I tried to be like him but then JR came into the picture, messing everything up. I started dating him, but then living underneath the same roof with Baekho… I didn’t plan for any of this to happen…

I quickly bowed in front of U-ie, dismissing myself before running off down the street. I hated myself. I hated what I had done to JR. I hated what he had done to me. I hated that U-ie was the one to have opened Baekho’s door. I hated that I was jealous of her. I didn’t know what hurt the most; all of the above or the thought that I couldn’t have Baekho anymore. Baekho belonged to U-ie again. Everyone was moving on in their lives. Everyone had someone and something they could lean on. JR, a successful Broadway dancer could lean on Jason, a successful choreographer in Pledis. Minhyun, an accomplished singer could lean on Aron, an accomplished rapper. And now Baekho, who was about to make a return to the music scene, could lean on U-ie, another accomplished singer. Then there was hyung. Although Minseok had no one to lean on, he had his career and that was all he needed to make himself happy. Why couldn’t I be more like him, like how my parents wanted me to be?

When I had made my way into the city and out of the residential area I fell to my knees on the middle of the sidewalk. I didn’t have anything. I had spent so much of my life trying to appease others, that I put aside my own dreams. I majored in a field that was someone else’s dream for me. I loved my kids… I loved teaching them… I didn’t regret becoming a teacher for the deaf at all… but it wasn’t my dream. The first step I took to reach my dream was returning back to university behind my parents’ backs. Then I got my internship that I needed from Pledis, but I got mixed up with these guys whose sole mission at first was to make sure I didn’t get anywhere. Luckily that outlook changed once we got to know one another better, but I was still stuck in the same place. I was still stuck in an internship where the longer I stayed, the longer I learned that I didn’t want to be here. Pledis was terrible. Who knew? Maybe all entertainment companies were like this… if that was the case, did I really want to continue with this profession?

Minseok… I want what you have. I want a career that doesn’t feel like a job, but a hobby. I want to be happy like you when I’m alone. My kids and teaching make me happy, but I oftentimes can’t help but wonder if pursuing fashion would make me happier. There’s always a feeling of loss or like I’m missing out on something greater whenever I stand up there in front of that white board and I teach my daily lessons… I feel… empty. I feel like I have nothing. I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to in life, at least not yet, and I know the clock is ticking… should I give up? Should I just be happy with my job as an educator? If I left the fashion world and Pledis, could I be happy again? I wouldn’t have to see JR, Jason, Baekho or U-ie again if I were to quit. Maybe if I left, I wouldn’t feel so… lonely. Whatever happened to being that determined, self-reliant person that I used to be? I pursed my lips. I knew what it was. I knew what happened…

I fell in love.

Not once, but… twice. With two completely different people.

I was startled from my thoughts when a hand from in front suddenly reached out to me. I glanced up to see its owner and stared blankly at Jason as he knelt down. “Ren, get up.”

I turned my head away in defiance.

Jason paused. “The floor is dirty. Get up.”

“Go away.”

“You can hate me all you want, but don’t sit in the middle of the sidewalk and become a public disgrace. Have some dignity.”

I scoffed. “You’re one to talk-” He cut me off when he grabbed me by my arm and drug me up to my feet. He pulled me with him, not stopping until we reached a bench on the side of the road. We both sat in an uncomfortable silence. I fixated my gaze on the buildings across the street, trying my best not to look at him.

“Ren, look at me.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Why not?” Jason asked sternly.

“Because I can’t…”

“Ren-”

“I have no right to be mad at you, but at the same time I want to hate you. But why can’t I hate you?” I finally glanced over at him. “It doesn’t make sense…”

Jason paused. “Look, Ren, I need to be honest with you. When you introduced us at the studio, that wasn’t the first time JR and I had met.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “It wasn’t?”

Jason shook his head. “We had met at a club the previous night. He had gotten drunk. We danced. And then… one thing led to another.”

It felt like my heart were about to burst from my chest. I looked at him with hurt eyes. “You didn’t… he didn’t…” Jason and JR… slept together too? I was on the verge from passing out. I held on tightly to the edge of the bench to keep myself from falling over.

“You deserve to know, Ren.” Jason hesitantly replied. “I wanted to tell you as soon as I realized who he was to you, but he said that he wanted to be the one to tell you. But when he kissed me again earlier, I realized that it was something that I would need to come clean about first. My conscience wouldn’t allow me to wait any longer. Ren, I had no idea he was your boyfriend. He came to me in the club, a drunken mess because he said that he had found out that his boyfriend had been cheating on him while he was overseas. It didn’t click on me that he was referring to you-”

My jaw dropped. “W-what did you just say?”

Jason stopped. “Which… which part?” He asked, unsure of what I was referring to.

“He knew that I was cheating on him?” I asked with wide eyes.

Jason hung his head down apologetically. “That’s what he said. I knew that you had mentioned before that you had a boyfriend overseas, but I hadn’t figured that you would… that’s why I didn’t think JR had any relation to you. Ren, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done-”

Jason continued to apologize but I tuned his words out. All I could hear was the sound of my own heartbeat racing across my chest. JR knew… JR knew about Baekho and I… My entire body went numb. But… how? I knew it was something he always feared and even expected… But not once had I ever given him any validity. Oh my god… everything was my fault. The reason why JR did what he did was because I had driven him to it. I really didn’t have any reason to be mad at anyone, did I? If there was someone I should be mad at, it should be myself.

“Don’t be sorry…”I finally brought myself to say. Jason gave me a shocked look. “Do you at least like him?”

“What?”

“Do you at least… like JR? You’re not using him, are you?” I asked.

Jason paused. “You really were cheating on him, weren’t you?” He asked, dodging the question. “Was it with Baekho?”

I shifted my gaze down to my lap. “It was really that obvious, wasn’t it? But I… but we… we never did something like that. I kissed him. Both of our consciences didn’t allow us to go further than that. Dammit… we even distanced and separated ourselves to calm things between us because we both knew it was wrong…”

Jason placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed it. “Don’t get hung up on it. The past is a nice place to visit, but it definitely isn’t a good place to stay. You asked me if I like JR. I don’t know. I don’t know what it is right now, but it’s ‘different.’ I understand what you mean when you said you tried to distance yourselves; there was still that electric pull, wasn’t there? I’ve been experiencing that sensation ever since we shared the dance floor that night in the club, and then again when we were competing in the dance studio at Pledis. When he kissed me earlier, I told him not to, but even still I couldn’t fight him off. I don’t know what this feeling is, to be honest, Ren. The last time I felt anything remotely similar was when I was with Leo, but, even still, it was different…”

I forced a painful smile on my lips. “That means you like him.” I replied. It hurt talking about something like this. Once you love someone, even after you’ve moved on, it will always hurt to see them with someone else. I had moved on from JR… but to see him with Jason… it hurt. But if what Jason was telling me was true, then maybe… maybe it all worked out for the better.

Jason stared at me with wide eyes. “You’re not… mad at what I’ve done to you? Don’t you hate me or JR?”

I shook my head. “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. I truly like to believe this…” My voice trailed off. “But I’m not so certain anymore. Everyone has someone or something that makes them happy, and me… I don’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not so sure I want to be here anymore.”

“What?” Jason stiffened. “You want to leave?”

“I don’t know if what I’m doing is making me happy or causing me more pain. I thought fashion was my dream. My career is as an educator for the deaf, but that was my parents’ goal in life for me. So then I went back to school and that led me here, interning for Pledis. But I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere; I feel like I’m stuck in one place forever. I feel like I have nothing… no dream, no love…”

“What about Baekho?” Jason asked, trying to find the positive in the situation.

I shook my head again. “There is no Baekho.”

Jason sadly glanced down. “I’m sorry to hear that…”

“I just feel like maybe… maybe it’s time to just let go. The longer I stay, the longer that I realize the cons of working for this industry. It’s hard. It’s so hard… I used to believe in myself. I used to think I was strong. But now I’m losing confidence in myself. I feel like a failure.”

“Just because of a couple of guys?” Jason asked, startling me.

“Huh?”

Jason smirked. “Look, you don’t need a guy to tell you your self-worth Ren. You’re not a failure. The point of the matter is that you’re trying, aren’t you? You said it yourself; you went back to school. You’re working on an internship. Yeah, you may be stuck in a rough place right now, but nothing lasts forever. If something isn’t working out, try again with another method or new perspective. I mean, just look at me. I used to be at the top back when I was in China, and then I crashed and burned and literally fled the country. BUT, I didn’t crawl in a hole and die. I kept trying. I became a choreographer and I still produce and write music on the side. As long as you keep doing what you like to do, that’s all that matters. If you like style and fashion, keep doing it. Don’t let the drama around you prevent you from doing what you love.”

“Keep trying?” I asked, unsure.

“If ‘Plan A’ doesn’t work, always remember there’s 25 more letters in the alphabet. Luckily for me, I’m Chinese. So I have 50-60,000 more chances before I’m royally screwed.” Jason replied with a smile. His comment caught me off-guard, making me laugh. “So no more talk about quitting just because you’re surrounded by us insensitive boneheads.”

A small smile swept across my lips. “Ok.”

Jason stood up and held his hand out to me. “Will you come back home?”

I nodded, taking his hand. “Yeah.”

Baekho’s POV

“Kang Baekho… I believe you and I need to have a little discussion.” JR intruded into my home and walked past U-ie, ignoring her. He stopped right beside the couch arm rest, glaring down at me. I matched his gaze. Suddenly without warning JR reached forward and grabbed me by my jaw, turning my head to my right and angling it so that he could get a better look at the bone anchored hearing aid sticking out from above my left ear. I remained silent, letting him observe it for a couple of seconds before angrily grabbing his wrist and throwing his hand off of me. I looked back up at him with narrowed eyes.

“And what is it that you want to talk to me about, JR?” I asked calmly, even though I was pissed that he was here.

“Can you really not hear?” I read his lips. His sudden question caught me off-guard.

“To an extent. Right now I’m reading your lips. If you speak louder I can hear you.”

“Tell me about you and Ren.” JR asked, raising his voice. I pursed my lips together before motioning to the sofa across from me.

“Take a seat.” I replied. JR was hesitant to receive my offer but he did as I asked and took a seat across from me. “What is it that you want to talk about specifically?”

“Since when? When did this happen and why?”

“A little after my accident occurred.” I replied. I could see a look of pain and anguish wash over JR’s face. He immediately glanced down, staring into my rug beneath my coffee table. “Why? I don’t know. But it did. I knew that he was with you, and even though I don’t like you and never have, I still respected you enough to keep my distance from him despite my own feelings. After the accident, Ren came running to me, offering his help and assistance because you and I know that’s just the type of person he is. I couldn’t deny his help. You’re well aware with his background with the hearing impaired and the deaf. He helped me; he taught me how to adjust to life this way. He taught me how to read lips. We just… connected.”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

“I wish I could.”

JR froze before nervously glancing up at me. “And then what? You put a move on him?”

I shook my head. “I never touched him.”

He gave me a shocked look. “What? Does that mean that Ren-”

“We never slept together, if that’s what you’re trying to ask me.” I replied, cutting straight to the chase. “Nor did we hold hands or hug or any of that. We kissed once. But shortly after we put an end to our meetings.”

“What? But why?”

I stared him straight in the eyes. “I told you before; I might not like you, but I respect you. I refuse to take what isn’t mine. And I told him that. Him and I; we cannot be possible if there is still a ‘you and him.’”

“But those flirty texts… you can’t call those nothing.”

“They were harmless.” JR bit down on his bottom lip. He gripped the edge of the sofa armrest, remaining silent. “JR, do you still love Ren?”

“What?”

“I love him. I absolutely cannot live without him. I need him. If he is not in my life, I feel like I won’t be able to survive. These feelings are strong. Now I want you to ask yourself this; do you still feel the same way about him, even after all this time of having been abroad?”

JR paused. As he was about to say something I cut him off.

“You had to think about it. You hesitated. I wouldn’t have waivered in the slightest if you asked me the same question.”

“Do you love Ren?” He asked rather painfully.

“Absolutely.” I easily responded, taking him aback. He seemed to be struggling with inner turmoil. “Is there no one else that makes your heart stir faster than Ren?”

He glanced away. I studied his reaction.

“There is, isn’t there?”

“I wouldn’t call it that.”

I raised a brow. “Then what would you call it?”

“I… don’t know.”

“JR,” I called out to him. “I know you want Ren, but, don’t you think you should let go, especially if there’s someone else that’s on your mind?”

JR gripped the edge of the armrest again. “Our relationship has run its course… I know that. But even still, I don’t want to lose Ren.” He replied, acknowledging it for himself that things between him and Ren were more than likely over. “He was my best friend… my first love.”

“JR, as crazy as it sounds, sometimes you have to give up the person you want in order to find the person you need. Ren makes you happy, but admit it; you were never comfortable around him. You always had to worry about someone else coming into the picture because you put Ren up on a pedestal. In your eyes, he was beautiful and perfect and you felt inferior towards him; that’s where all the jealousy came from. What kind of relationship is that? You should both be equal and comfortable around each other. Ren… he isn’t it for you.”

JR shifted his gaze to the ground again and mumbled something that I couldn’t hear.

“I didn’t catch that.”

JR looked back up. “I said…” He hesitated and paused for a long while before standing up. “I know that.” He replied, starting to walk away from the living room.

“Wait!” I called out after him, unable to get up. JR paused. “What does this mean?”

JR clenched his right fist by his side before slowly glancing over his shoulder. “I hate you, Kang Baekho. I’ve never like you or your smug attitude. You were always giving me hell back there back when I worked for Pledis. You were the ultimate diva and demanded everything… but you’ve changed, haven’t you?”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “What?”

He closed his eyes momentarily before reopening them. “I’d have to be a fool not to think that he did this… Ren, this is his doing, isn’t it?”

“I don’t… know.”

JR scoffed. “Deny it all you want, but I know Choi Ren. He has that kind of effect on people… Kang Baekho, you said you needed Ren?”

I nodded. “That’s right.”

JR turned away from me. “Then just take him.”

I froze. “What…?”

“I realized this the first day I arrived… Ren doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t make him happy and to force him to have to be with me… you can’t force something like love. If he’s not happy, I’m not happy. What you said just now… you’re absolutely right. Ren and I; we’re not equal. Ren isn’t it. I’m smart enough to realize this too. So take him… no, I’m saying this as if he’s an object to be given away and he’s not. I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t hurt him like I have… and make him happy. Ren… he’s always going to be my friend. And deep down I’m always going to care for him. So just… make him happy, ok?”

“JR,” I called out to him. “Thanks.”

He looked back over his shoulder again. “What?”

“For handling this in a respectful way. You very well could have kicked my right now.”

JR smirked. “I could have.”

“But you didn’t.”

JR exhaled loudly, digging his hands into his jean pockets. “I’ll find someone that’ll make me so happy, you and Ren will be completely jealous.”

I laughed. “Please do.”

JR smirked then headed towards the door. U-ie rushed over and pulled it open for him, escorting him out. Once he was gone she returned inside, shutting the door behind her. She leant back against it and sighed heavily. “This makes me want to fall in love too.”

I smiled at her. “You will.”

“You think so?”

I nodded. “If something as impossible as me and Ren happened, love is bound to find you too.”

U-ie smirked. “I guess so, huh?”

JR’s POV

I slowly pulled one leg in front of the other, making my way back to 2DREAM’s mansion. It felt like my body didn’t want to work anymore. My brain couldn’t function. After sitting down and finally having a one on one talk with Baekho I became speechless. Hearing him confess his heart out about my boyfriend was rough. At first I didn’t want to hear it. I hated Kang Baekho. He had always been defiant and did whatever he wanted. Everything he ever wanted was just given to him in life. When I found out that my worst fear had come true and that he had indeed taken Ren away from me, I wanted to rip his throat out. In fact, when I followed Ren all the way to his house I was determined to do so, but once I was inside I don’t know what came over me. Maybe reality sunk in when I saw for myself that Kang Baekho had indeed lost a significant portion of his hearing and that he wore a hearing device attached to him. Baekho losing his hearing… it wasn’t a joke after all. He had really gotten hurt.

Why couldn’t I bring myself to kick and scream at him though? All that anger that had been building up inside of me… it suddenly vanished once I got a good look at him. Kang Baekho wasn’t the player that I had painted a mental picture of in the back of my head. He looked like just an average guy in a regular t-shirt and jeans in his living room; a stark contrast to the iconic superstar that I had last seen before I left for the states. Baekho looked worn down, defeated almost. He looked almost insecure about himself. Which was why it surprised me when he was so confident in his feelings towards Ren.

Baekho… you really need him, huh?

I sighed heavily, continuing the walk back. What he had said back there made sense. If there was anyone that was capable of helping that guy, I knew more than anyone else that person would be Ren. Ren had a natural giving, caring way about him. He also had knowledge of how to deal with cases such as Baekho’s. Those two… they fit together more than Ren and I ever could, didn’t they? It hurt to admit this. My pride was damaged and my heart was torn. But what’s done is done, isn’t it? Ren had already fallen out of love with me and in love with Baekho and vice versa. Besides, I had already done what I did with Jason. There was no taking that back even if I could. Jason… I wondered. Could I find a new start in someone like him? Did a person like me even deserve a new relationship? Was it worth it? I’d be going back to America soon…

About an hour later I finally arrived back at the mansion. As soon as I came in I went straight to Ren’s room to confront him but he wasn’t there. I searched the entire house but I couldn’t find him. The only other place would be back outside… I exited out into the back porch to see Ren sitting on the floor with his knees bent to his chest and hugging them as he stared out into the starry night sky lost in thought. I sat down next to him, but Ren didn’t seem to take notice. Maybe he did, but he didn’t want to acknowledge me. Either way I understood. But still, I wanted to make things right between us. That was the last thing I wanted to do for him before finally letting him go like I had originally planned. If only I hadn’t of gotten distracted by that text, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have stormed out to go see Baekho and then end up drunk and in a bathroom stall with a total stranger at the time. Then I wouldn’t have broken Ren’s heart and I wouldn’t have felt this strange attraction towards Jason.

“Ren…” I called out to him, hoping he would respond. After a long while Ren finally spoke up, still keeping his eyes looking forward.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it…?” His voice sadly trailed off. “Stars… they’re so pretty… but they must be so lonely, don’t you think? There’s so many of them… there’s millions and millions of them. A single star must feel so insignificant amongst the rest. After all, what makes one stand out the most against all the others?” He said with pain in his voice.

“Insignificant?” I asked. Was that how he felt? Insignificant? “Ren, you’re not insignificant.”

A sad smile washed over Ren’s lips. “I just want to be the star that shines among the rest.”

“Ren, to me you weren’t just a star. You were the entire sky.”

“At one point I was.”

“And me?” I exhaled heavily. “What was I ever to you?”

Ren paused, slowly turning his head to finally make eye contact with me. “You were my entire world.” He whispered. My heart grew numb.

“But now he is, isn’t he?”

“I’m sorry, JR.”

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, my heart swelling up. “Idiot; don’t apologize. You made a small mistake, but I made a big one. I’m the one that should be apologizing. Ren, Jason and I-”

“I know.” He cut me off.

I stared at him with wide eyes. “You know? But then… even knowing everything, you still apologized to me first? Why?”

Ren stared down at his knees. “Because… I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Losing.”

“Losing what?” I asked.

“You.” He bit his bottom lip.

I paused. “Ren, we’re always going to be friends.” I replied painfully. He glanced back up at me with wide eyes.

“Does that mean that-”

I nodded. “I’m letting you go.”

“But…”

“I spoke to him.”

“H-huh?” Ren asked, startled.

“Baekho,” I replied. “I spoke to Baekho just now. And you know what he told me?” I asked. Ren shook his head. “He said he loves you. Can you imagine? Straight to my face.”

Ren placed his hands over his mouth. “He what…?” He asked in disbelief, almost in tears. “But what about… U-ie…?”

“U-ie?” I paused. “Ren, there is no ‘U-ie.’ They’re not together. Come on; he literally said he loved you in front of her face.”

Ren became quiet, letting this information sink it. “I’m such an idiot.” He waved his hands in front of his face to fan away the tears that threatened to fall.

“He’s changed. He made me realize the major flaw in our relationship: that we don’t fit. Not like you two do. And well…” My voice trailed off. I was hurting on the inside, struggling to be strong. “Who am I to stand in the way of your happiness when you never, not once stood in the way of mine?” I asked, remembering how Ren could have held me back when I had first received the letter from Broadway. Hell, I had even asked him to, but he refused, pushing me forward, urging me to follow my dream. Because of Ren, I was able to experience the opportunity of a lifetime. Although it was hard work and oftentimes miserable, the ending product of my effort gave me enough satisfaction to keep going. Dancing on stage made me… happy. And now it was time to return the favor, wasn’t it? I wanted to make Ren happy, even if that meant that I was no longer a part of the picture.

“JR…”

I took a deep breath. “But before I let you go, tell me something, and tell me honestly. Is it because he can’t hear?”

Ren froze, staring at me with wide eyes. “How did you find out about-”

“Minseok explained everything. When I found out about you and Baekho I lost it and I ran over there only to be confronted by your brother. I was going to rip Baekho’s throat out, I truly was. But then Minseok told me that he can’t hear… I don’t know what came over me. Despite what he had done to me, taking you away from me, I felt bad… And then I followed you to his place earlier-”

“You followed me?” He asked, shocked. So he really didn’t notice me running after him…?

I avoided the question. “And then I met with him. Then I saw it for myself. I saw that hearing aid that he was wearing and then Minseok’s words finally hit home: Baekho really cannot hear. It was… startling. The man that was sitting before me, it was like it was someone else. Sitting right there was the legendary idol that I use to train, and now he was reduced down to nothing… How did something like this happen? Is this really how the world works? I thought to myself ‘he must be suffering,’ or ‘he must be lonely.’ I just felt… bad for him. I didn’t know what to do or say. I wanted to scream at him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Then I realized… he’s not alone. That you and him… you fit better together than you and I ever could… He has you…”

“JR…” Ren’s voice trailed off.

“It’s not easy admitting that.” I replied, my chest bursting with pain. “You have no idea how much it hurts to let go of someone that meant the world to me, only to give him to someone I’ve never liked to begin with. But I’ve had enough; I’ve had enough of being selfish. I’ve kept you in a miserable long distance relationship for long enough, and well, I’m man enough to know when it’s time to let go. You’re not happy. I’m not happy. So let’s change that, alright? We’re breaking up… So go to him, ok?” I replied. Saying that we were breaking up… I thought it would be much harder than this. But the words so easily glided off my tongue, surprising even myself.

Ren stared at me with wide eyes. “JR-”

“But please… answer my question. I need to know. Are you staying with Baekho because you really do feel something for him, or is it because you feel sorry for him?” I asked. He seemed to be taken aback by my question.

“JR!” Ren snapped. “When is it ever okay to say that?”

A sad smile spread across my lips. “Never.” Having been Ren’s friend for so long, I knew what was acceptable to say about the deaf and the Deaf Culture. I had learned because of Ren’s association of being a deaf education teacher. Of course there had been many times in the past where I found myself being scolded for saying the wrong thing, like now, but my question still stood. I needed to know. If Ren was determined to be by Baekho’s side, god dammit, it better be for all the right reasons. “Ren, I’m sure it goes without being said, but there’s a difference between loving someone and feeling sorry for them. They’re so similar at times that it’s hard to distinguish between the two of them. If you go to him because you’re feeling sorry for him, you’re not only hurting yourself, but Baekho as well. That guy… I saw it in his eyes just how much he cares for you. I saw it every time your name was even mentioned, so much that it made my feelings for you seem inferior when it came to his…” I pursed my lips together. I hated this…

“Not once have I ever felt sorry for Kang Baekho.” Ren replied.

I glanced up at him. “Never?”

Ren nodded. “I admire him too much to ever feel sorry for him. That man… he’s an inspiration. To have worked hard to achieve his dream and have it ripped right out from underneath him, the fact that he’s been knocked down but is still standing back up despite all the odds and differences… He’s courageous. He motivates me to want to work harder to achieve my dream. For a moment today I became lost. I became so lost in my own self-pity that I reconsidered my dream, wondering if it was worth it because of all the heartbreak and struggle surrounding it, but thankfully, Jason showed up and talked me out of it… Jason, he’s truly an inspirational person as well.”

I paused. “Jason?” It was sad to say that for someone whom I felt so deeply attracted to recently I hardly knew anything about him. Ren nodded.

“He’s the same as Baekho. He once stood at the top and then fell, but he got right back up and continued to pursue what he loved the most. He had to make adjustments to his plan, but I’m sure if you asked him if he’s happy, he’d say ‘yes.’”

“What… happened?”

A small smile spread across his lips. “You should ask him yourself. I’m sure he would love the chance to spend time with you to talk about it.” Ren replied, placing his hand on top of mine on the floor. “I want for you to go ahead and become happy too.”

I shifted my gaze down to my lap, smiling. “Time heals all. Eventually there’ll come a day where I’m able to smile even wider because of the person that makes me happy.”

“I really do hope so. But JR… what about us? Can we… still be friends? Is it even possible?”

I sadly smiled, glancing up into the star filled sky. “Consider our friendship like the stars, Ren. You can’t always see them, but you know that they’re always there.” I placed my hand on top of his. “Thanks for being my friend, Ren.”

Tears trickled down Ren’s cheeks. He climbed onto his knees and immediately swept his arms around me, hugging me in a tight embrace. “Thank you, JR. Thank you so much…!” He cried into my shoulder. I patted him on the back.

“I’ll see you next time I’m in Korea?”

Ren nodded. “Yes, yes of course.”

“I’ll look forward to it.” I replied. “Now go.” Ren squeezed me tightly one last time and then stood, making his way over towards the sliding door. He stopped, turned around and bowed to me. He slowly and very painfully raised his right hand up and waved at me.

“Goodbye, JR…”

A sad smile spread across my lips. “Goodbye, Ren.” And with that Ren spun around and left. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he had left for Baekho’s house. Well… we had our run. Ren, I’ll never forget the times between us. The times where we laughed and the times where we cried; I’ll remember them all. Even if it was for just a short period of time, I’m glad you agreed to go out with me. I’m glad you turned that brief period into one of the happiest in my life. I’m finally happy now… so now it’s your turn. Be with the person that makes you want to become something great and inspires you and makes you smile… I’ll be rooting for you, Ren. Reach your dream. Achieve it. And I’ll continue to do the same, even if that means without you.

I was startled when the door suddenly slid open again. Did he forget something? I glanced back to see Jason. He was standing with his arms folded across his chest and a smug smile spread across his lips. He knelt down on his feet beside me and crouched down. “I saw what you did there.”

“And what was that?”

“An honorable thing.” He replied, smiling at me.

“Were you spying on us?”

“Yup.”

“Don’t you have any shame?” I asked in disbelief.

“Nope.” He easily responded. “So sue me; I got jealous.”

I stared at him like he was crazy. “Jealous?”

“So Ren might have given me the go-ahead to like you earlier today.”

“What?”

Jason nodded. “When I told him about our little romp in the club bathroom, I expected him to knock my head off. But you know what he said? He asked me if we at least ‘liked’ each other. Surprised me too. So then I thought about it some more and I thought to myself: well why the hell not? I think I do like you!” He cheerfully exclaimed and leaned forward, growing dangerously close to me. I felt my heart begin to thump heavily in my chest.

“What are you-”

Jason happily spread his arms out and then grabbed both sides of my face, planting a rough kiss on my lips before releasing me. “Mmm, yummy. Heh.” He shot me a wink.

“C-C-crazy!!!”

“The next time you’re in Seoul you should give me a call.” He replied then stood up. I paused for a moment, watching him as he started to turn his back to me and placed his hand on the door handle. As he started sliding the door open I quickly stumbled to my hands and knees before jumping up on my feet and grabbing him by his left wrist. Jason stopped for a moment and glanced back my way with a questioning look on his face.

“Did you hear everything?” I asked.

“Hmm?” He looked up into the starry sky as if it somehow magically held the answer to my question up there. “Oh, your conversation? Heh. I sure did.”

“Then what Ren said about you… is it true?”

Jason smiled in amusement. “Are you curious about little ol’ me?” He pointed at himself with his right hand. I sheepishly glanced off to the side.

“Maybe…” My voice trailed off.

“I used to be a top Chinese idol. When I became too popular, the company circulated a rumor about me to the public and kicked me out of the music industry. I became one of the most hated individuals in the country. When it became clear that I could no longer remain an idol and it became too difficult to live in China, I altered my path and ran away to Korea to pursue my backup: dancing. After all, it is my major. Heh.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. So that was why he was so good at what he did. But it was amazing to hear his story. Looking at the way he carried himself now, no one would ever assume he had gone through such an amazing feat and still smile the way he did. Now I could understand the meaning behind Ren’s words when he said that Jason and Baekho were alike. I almost wanted to look at Jason for inspiration. If this was the way Ren felt towards Baekho, then maybe I really did do the right thing about letting him go. “Don’t you miss it? Being on stage?”

Jason dreamily glanced back up into the stars in the night time sky. “Nah. I’ve already been blessed to experience more than most people do in a lifetime. It’s a fond memory, but I live in the present and for the future, not the past. Now I’m helping others achieve their dreams and its pretty badass, heh. As long as I’m surrounded by the music, it doesn’t matter which side of the curtain I’m standing on.”

I looked at him with eyes full of admiration. At the same time I could feel my heart pumping and the feeling of butterflies floating around in my stomach. I shyly glanced down. “Do you… really mean it?”

“Huh?”

I suddenly felt embarrassed. “Can I… call you?”

An amused smirk spread across his lips. “Awwwh!” I immediately glanced up, startled by his reaction. “I’ve even already seen you before; how can you still be this shy and cute? I just want to pick you up and put you in my pocket!!!!”

My heart was racing and I was blushing ferociously. “Forget it!” I stammered, turning my head away from him when suddenly he pulled his wrist from out of my hand and then took a bold step forward before tightly lacing his arms around my waist and snuggling up against my chest.

“I like you, Mr. Ex-Choreographer!” He declared like a child.

I was stunned speechless.

Jason pulled away from me. “Hey, can I still take you up on your offer?”

I tilted my head to the side. “Huh?”

Jason smiled. “Will you help me choreograph DREAM’s comeback song?”

Ren’s POV

I flew through the house. Earlier when I had come back home with Jason, the first thing I had done was change into my house clothes, which consisted of my oversized, flowy white top and a pair of snug black shorts. I had pinned my bangs up and switched to my black box framed glasses. I was a complete bum. But even still, knowing that I looked like a total wreck I couldn’t stop myself to take the time to change before making my way back over to Baekho’s. I ran to the front door and slipped on my pair of black sandals before hurrying out the door, making my way over towards the bus station. Luckily I was able to catch the last bus of the night. As I climbed on board I took my seat over by the window and stared out. I couldn’t believe what had just happened between JR and I just now. Without much of a fight or struggle JR simply let me go. I hadn’t at all imagined that he would react like this. In fact, he accepted the end of our relationship and even accepted my new one with Baekho…

Speaking of Baekho, I couldn’t get those words that JR had said out of my thoughts. Baekho said he loved me? But what about U-ie? Was JR right? Was it… was it all some sort of misunderstanding on my part? I needed to know. I needed to know what was real and what wasn’t. I felt hopeful. Yet, at the same time, I felt grateful. JR… thank you… thank you for being understanding. Thank you for not hurting him when you paid Baekho a visit and talking it out like two adults should do. JR, you and I might not be together anymore, but at least I can take comfort in knowing that you’ll still always be in my life, not as my boyfriend, but as my friend. And as your friend, I truly, truly hope that maybe you and Jason can have something completely different and better than anything we had together. I wish you happiness too, JR.

As the bus stopped near Baekho’s neighborhood I hopped out and ran the rest of the way. When I approached the front of Baekho’s house I entered the code that my hyung had taught me and ran up to his front door, once again punching in the same code. The door popped open and I swung it and ran inside towards the couch where Baekho had been fixated on watching TV, not having heard or noticed my presence until I flopped on the couch next to him, startling him. Baekho must have jumped three feet in the air before I crawled on top of him, taking both sides of his face in my hands and planting a kiss on his lips. Baekho’s eyes widened in shock before he melted into the kiss and returned it. I began to kiss him feverishly, planting several dozen around his lips and chin. Baekho reached for my face and held me away from him.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Is it true?” I asked.

Baekho paused, confused.

“What you told JR; is it true?” I asked, staring him straight in the eyes. “Do you… love me?”

Baekho stared at me. “He told you?” He asked, stunned. “So then you and JR are-”

“We’re done. We’re finally done, Baekho. We broke up.” I replied. It felt good to finally say these words to him. It felt good to finally be in his arms and not feel guilty about it towards JR and I’m sure Baekho felt the same way, judging by the look of relief that washed over his face just now.

“Are you sure? And it was mutual? Is it certain?” Baekho asked, paranoid.

I nodded hysterically. “Yes, yes!”

Baekho pause again. “Was it on good terms…?” He asked, wondering if he should be prepared for another battle.

“Baekho,” I replied, staring him straight in the eyes. “He told me to go to you.” Baekho seemed stunned, but at the same time he wasn’t. His reaction made me wonder just what exactly it was that the two discussed when I wasn’t here.

“Ren, I meant every word I said.” He said before pulling me back into him, gently brushing his warm soft lips against mine and sending chills up my spine. He parted my lips with his and slowly entered my mouth. I fell on top of him. Embarrassed, I started to pull away but Baekho slid his hands behind my neck and held me down.

“Baekho…” I managed to say in between our kiss. I felt myself growing a bit excited…

“What is it, Ren?” I pulled away from the kiss and sat back, turning my head in the other direction. Baekho sat up. “What’s wrong?”

“This isn’t… this isn’t what I planned… It wasn’t my intention to-”

“Are you sure?” Baekho smiled, glancing down into my lap. “Well what did you think would happen when you broke into my home and started attacking me?” He teased.

“I don’t know, Baekho! You’ve said it a million times yourself before: I’m stupid!” By now I was turning extremely red. “I can’t believe this is happening… I mean, look at me. I’m a mess! This isn’t y at all!” I knew I should have changed before coming here… stupid, stupid Ren!

Baekho chuckled. “You’re still pretty.”

“Oh, save it, Baekho!” I pouted. Baekho pulled on my left arm, sending my flying onto my side and falling onto his chest. By now my heart was racing. I shyly glanced up to see him staring down at me with eyes full of longing.

“To me, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. You’re nonetheless beautiful. I fell in love with you, Ren. Not your clothes or your ability to style them.”

“You mean it?”

Baekho placed his hand on my chin and slowly sat me back up. He grazed his lips against mine. “I need you, Ren.”

My heart skipped a beat. “I need you too, Baekho.” I stared hazily into his eyes before closing them again as he swept my lips up in his. He placed his right palm on the back of my neck and his left on the small of my back, sweeping my body into him. He laid me back and climbed on top of me, devouring my lips until we parted for air. Both of us panting, Baekho smiled.

“It’s simple then. I need you and you need me; I guess that’s the universe’s way of saying that it’s meant to be, don’t you think?”

I began to laugh. I had no idea he was so lame, but I was starting to get the picture now. He really hadn’t dated much, had he? He still seemed so innocent. Not to say I was a ual deviant, because I wasn’t. Nor was I some sort of dating expert. But still, even though his words were lame and his texts were sometimes corny, they still managed to sweep me off my feet. The diva persona that he had lived up to for so long was really just a mask to cover up the sweet gentle giant that he really was, wasn’t it? “Baekho, you’re amazing. You know that, don’t you?”

Baekho laughed. “Well, actually-”

“It’s rhetorical!” I exclaimed, hitting him playfully in the chest. “But I mean it. Not everyone would have the strength and courage to do what you’re doing. The world knocked you down but you still didn’t give up. Instead you’re fighting against all odds to follow your dream and get back on stage… you’re just… simply amazing.”

“Don’t you get it?” Baekho asked. I stared at him. “I’m only able to do it because you’re at my side. You support and encourage me. Without that, I’d still be down in that cellar, a total mess of my former self wallowing in pity. You made me realize that it’s not over once the music stops; in fact, it’s only the beginning.”

“You will stand on that stage again, Baekho. I promise.”

“I believe you.”

“And I believe in you.” I replied. Baekho swept me up into a kiss again. Our lips parted and our tongues collided. Baekho tore off my glasses and threw them onto the coffee table and then removed my hair clip, my long blonde bangs messily falling over my face. As he sat me back up I latched onto his hips with my legs, sitting on top of him. Baekho’s hands began to travel underneath my shirt and explore my upper back. The sensation of his hands against my bare skin gave me chills and only made resisting the temptation to take him even harder. I paused; we didn’t have to resist anymore. Baekho, we didn’t have to pretend like we didn’t have feelings for each other. I was free… we were free to be us. And it was all because of JR’s last gift to me.

I crushed my lips down even harder on his and then madly grabbed onto the hems of his shirt, tugging it up until it reached his chest. Baekho rolled the rest of his shirt up over his arms and shoulders by himself and then threw it across the room, quickly going back to my lips. My hands feverishly explored every square inch of his chest. It was only a small matter of time before Baekho began to tug my shirt upward. I leaned back and allowed for him to pull it over my head. Once it was off I leaned back forward onto his chest, our bare skin touching. I glanced off to the side. I was actually a little flustered seeing the both of us like this. My mind flashed back to our first encounter back at the café where because of a complete misunderstanding, I straight up told him he wasn’t my type and basically told him to screw off. If someone had told me that mere months from then that I’d find myself in a situation like this with the man that I thought I hated and hated me back, I never would have believed them. It didn’t make sense. Kang Baekho was an idol. He was THE idol of the century. He could have anyone he wanted, but he… he chose me…

Baekho placed his index finger on my chin and forced me to look back at him. As I did so he leaned forward and kissed me again, resuming our activities. My heart was pounding inside of my chest. Baekho, did you really mean everything you said? Do you… do you really need me? Baekho laid onto his back on the couch and pulled me over him. With Baekho still in his jeans and myself still in my shorts, I felt him begin to rock his hips into me. I stared at him with wide eyes, my face turning red. This was really happening, wasn’t it? Me… with Kang Baekho… I was a mix of emotions right now. I was a bit star struck, nervous, anxious, excited, but fearful of doing anything wrong. Baekho grabbed both sides of my face and continued to kiss me, not giving me any option to escape. Of course, not that I’d want to… By now it felt like I would explode inside of my shorts. Dammit, this was embarrassing, really it was. I knew he could probably feel my bulge on top of him, even through his jeans. I was that .

I pulled away from the kiss and looked away. Baekho’s eyes slowly opened. “What’s wrong?” He asked. I shook my head. Baekho studied me for a moment before a small smile spread across his lips. “It’s okay.”

“Eh?”

His eyes shifted downward to our crotches. “I’m pretty too.” I placed both hands over my eyes. Oh my god, Baekho. How could you easily say such a thing with such a straight face? He sounded almost like Jason just now. In fact, how that redhead ever mustered the courage to be so bold in his declarations like that I’ll never know. Even when I was with JR I was a little shy. Sure, I took over every now and then but I wasn’t some sort of self-confident vixen. Baekho started laughing at me. “You’re cute, Choi Ren.”

I pouted. Oh, this was so embarrassing. I don’t know what I’m going to do-

“Here.” Baekho slowly reached for my hand and placed it on his chest. I paused for a moment and then glanced at him with wide eyes. His heart was beating so fast just now that it felt like it would burst at any moment inside of his chest. Was it possible that Baekho was just as nervous as I was right now? But… how? He seemed so confident… I almost jumped when Baekho sat up and placed his left ear on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.

“Can… can you hear it?” I asked.

Baekho shook his head. “No… but I feel it. And that’s all that really matters now, doesn’t it?” He said, sitting back up with a smile across his lips. “I might not be able to physically hear the sound of your heart, at least maybe not right now or maybe not even in the future, but… I can feel it. And I know it’s there.”

I smiled back at him. “Baekho-”

“It’s pretty.”

“Huh?” I asked, taken off guard.

“The sound of your heart.”

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes.

“It is, Ren. Trust me, I know.” He grinned cutely at me, making me blush. “Like I said, I can’t hear it, but I definitely feel it. Not just physically, but in the things that you do for the people around you. I remember what you did for Aron, Minhyun and I at one point. Your heart… it’s pretty. Just like you.”

I laughed. “Stop it or I’ll have to pinch you, Kang Baekho.”

Baekho swept me up in his arms and just held me. “I’m glad that you finally came to me, Ren.” He replied. “I’m not perfect, but… I promise, I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

My heart was racing. “Baekho, you don’t have to promise me anything.”

“Hm?”

I smiled. “Just be yourself. Even your arrogant, cocky little diva self! Then I’ll be happy.”

Baekho chuckled. “You just gave me permission to unleash the kraken, you know that, right?”

I playfully punched him in the shoulder. “Go easy on me.” I pouted. Baekho grabbed me by my chin and squeezed his thumb and index finger into my cheeks.

“As far as I remember, we still have a war going on, you and I.”

“Oh no…” I replied. We had never actually declared a stopping point or a winner…

Baekho leaned forward and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I win.” I paused before glancing back over at him with wide, startled eyes. The big smile that I had been trying to suppress slowly slid across my lips. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his.

“Congratulations then, winner.”