Ren’s POV

After the conference meeting had ended, Aron, Minhyun and Jason all returned back inside of Pledis. As I was about to join them, I noticed that I had received a missed text message from Baekho. I opened it and winced as I read Baekho’s furious text about Minseok. I gulped. Oh, Minseok, what did you do…? I bit down on my fingernails nervously, debating whether or not I should go visit him. If I were to go, Baekho would kill me. If I didn’t… well, he might not kill me now, but he would surely later. Either way, I didn’t very well have a choice. I pouted then left the Pledis building, walking my way over towards the bus station further down the street. I sat down at the waiting platform and sighed heavily, clicking the bottom of my shoes together. When the bus drove up I stared at it for a moment, still debating whether or not I wanted to get on. Quick, Ren. This is your last chance. You can totally make a run for it… No, I’d just be delaying my fate. I unwillingly dragged myself up and climbed into the bus, scanning my card and then taking a seat towards the back. As the bus took off I glanced back at the Pledis building down the street. Minhyun, Aron… save me. I mentally cried.

A mere fifteen minutes later the bus arrived near Baekho’s neighborhood. I hopped off and walked the rest of the way. When I arrived at his front door I severely hesitated before sending him a text that I had arrived and then waited. About a minute had passed and I hadn’t received a response. I raised a brow. Maybe he didn’t have his phone on him. I glanced over at the security keypad and pursed my lips together. I didn’t want to resort to breaking into his house every time I wanted to come in, but… who was I kidding? Either way I was dead. One more reason to kill me couldn’t really make it worse, right? I sighed, shaking my head before punching in the passcode Minseok had taught me to overwrite the system. The lock clicked open and I tugged on the door, stepping inside. As I entered I froze dead in my tracks. Baekho had been sitting on the couch with my brother standing above him, looking into his ear with his otoscope. I was… shocked. Minseok had actually… gotten through to Baekho?

Minseok glanced up and folded his arms across his chest, taking a step back and sighing heavily. He turned and looked at me as he noticed my presence. Baekho glanced up and stared at me with wide eyes. He nervously sat up straight and put on an annoyed front.

“Just waltz right in like some kind of thug.” He muttered, referring to the fact that I had forced my entry.

I pouted. “I told you before; I’m not a thug.”

Baekho glanced back at Minseok. “Did I tell you how this one beat up a home intruder with a golf club not too long ago?”

Minseok gave me an amused smirk. “That you did not… way to go, Minki.” He laughed. I narrowed my eyes at Baekho and then approached them.

“What did you find?” I asked, lowering my voice so that Baekho purposely would not hear. The smile on Minseok’s face disappeared into a frown. He tiredly rubbed his chin.

“There is a unilateral fracture in the temporal bone region. It’s healing, but… as a result, there has been sensorineural damage…” Minseok looked frustrated by his discovery.

“I don’t know what that means…” My voice trailed off. I only taught the deaf. I knew about the type of hearing losses, but that was about my extent. I didn’t know much about the anatomy and science behind it like Minseok did.

Minseok nodded. “Right, so a unilateral fracture is a single fracture in the temporal bone affecting only one of the ears. The temporal bone is the bone that supports the temple of the skull and houses the hearing organs. Usually when there is a fracture in that bone, we look to see if it affects one or both of the ears. In Baekho’s case, it only affects one, but the hearing in his other ear is severely reduced due to his profession, making him close to near deafness. He has sensorineural hearing loss, meaning that the nerve pathways in his inner ear have been damaged both from the impact and from loud noise exposure.”

“I see… is there anything you can do to help him?”

Minseok frowned. “Minki, sensorineual hearing loss is the worst type of hearing loss you can possibly have. It cannot be medically or surgically corrected. Baekho’s case is… rather unique, to say the least. He can hear to a small degree, but not clearly. The thing about hearings aids is that sure, they can amplify sound, but it doesn’t necessarily make sounds clearer. Baekho needs something more than just a regular old hearing aid.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Well…” Minseok began to pace around the living room, lost in thought. “There are cochlear implants and then there is the BAHA implant… A cochlear implant can help bypass the damaged inner part of the ear to help stimulate the hearing nerve directly, but that’s if two ears are involved. BAHA is a bone anchored implant that transmits sounds through the bone and towards the other working ear. In Baekho’s case…. I think his best bet would be the BAHA implant.”

I glanced down at Baekho who seemed confused as he was oblivious to what we were discussing. I could tell he was trying to read our lips, but we were going too fast for him. I turned my attention back to Minseok. “That presents a problem though… Baekho doesn’t want for people to know, at least, not yet.”

Minseok turned his glance away from Baekho and looked at me with surprised eyes. “And why not? Is it embarrassing for him?” He replied distastefully.

“He plans to go back to singing. But in order to return to the stage, people shouldn’t know about it yet or it might be impossible… the BAHA implant, you said it’s anchored to the bone, didn’t you? That means it would be clearly visible… I don’t think we could convince him to do something like that… Plus it would require surgery-”

Minseok placed a hand on my shoulder. “We?”

I blinked. “Aren’t you going to help?”

He smiled. “I am helping, dear brother. But my job is to fit him with the right piece of technology. He’s your friend, isn’t he? Then convince him. But for now, until I can get more information about his case put together, teach him how to live in a world full of noise. He still has partial hearing.”

“Yeah, but…” I wasn’t sure of myself. Convincing Baekho to elect surgery for a hearing aid that he definitely didn’t want was hard enough. But trying to teach someone as stubborn how to get past his prejudices against the Deaf and hearing impaired community was something else. Of course I wanted to do it, but not alone. If left alone with Baekho… I don’t know what could happen. Things were just… they were strange between us. It wasn’t like before. Before he hated me. Now he looked at me with those eyes and I just… every time he looked at me, I felt it in my heart. I felt my feelings for JR start to waiver when they shouldn’t be. Baekho, these confusing feelings inside of me… they’re happening because we’re friends, right? It shouldn’t matter if you like me or not. Plenty of people have liked me in the past before and nothing ever happened beyond friendship. Why was it a struggle with Baekho though? Feeling jealousy towards U-ie, missing Baekho when he was nowhere around… This wasn’t good and I knew it.

“This is what we’ve been working for our entire lives.” He replied, patting me again on the shoulder. “I have faith in you.” He removed his hand and waved at Baekho to get his attention. “I got what I needed. I will stay in touch with you. Take care.” Minseok said then left.

Now that Minseok was gone and it was just the two of us alone inside of Baekho’s house I felt the uncomfortable tension in the air. I nervously cleared my throat and ran my fingers through my hair, wondering what I should do or say to break the ice. I pointed at the door. “I… I can go too if you want-”

Baekho glanced up at me from the couch with a smirk on his face. “I saw you on TV.”

I froze. “TV…?” My thoughts trailed off as I suddenly remembered that I had been a part of the cheering fan club outside of Pledis earlier this morning. My skin went pale as I realized the horror that I had been filmed. Oh my god… my students… what if they saw me? No doubt they would question my affiliation with 2DREAM and that would put my contract in jeopardy. I had a mini-panic attack.

“You made a cute ‘Minhyun fanboy.’”

Ah! Fanboy! That was it! I would tell them I was a fanboy of Minhyun and-… wait a minute, did he just call me… My heart began to race so fast that I almost fainted. I grabbed onto the back of the couch Baekho sat on and leaned forward trying to calm my beating heart. Baekho gave me a surprised look.

“What in the world is wrong with you now?” It was as if Baekho hadn’t realized what he had just said to me.

I shook my head. “Nothing!” I exclaimed in denial.

Baekho shifted his gaze downward. “Ren…” His voice trailed off. I paused and stared down at him as he called my name. He wasn’t making things any easier for me. What was wrong with him? Why was he calling my name like that? I felt blood start to rush to my cheeks.

“Y-yes?”

“Who is ‘Tosunnie’?”

I blinked. “…what?”

“Minseok told me I needed to ask you who this was.”

I smiled in annoyance and glanced off to the side, silently cursing at my hyung. Oh, you would, wouldn’t you, Minseok? When it comes to embarrassing me, you wouldn’t miss a beat! How could you tell Baekho about my favorite toy from childhood? I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill you and make it look like an accident!!! I stood up straight. “No one. Ignore him. Minseok’s an idiot.”

Baekho smirked. “Could have fooled me. He looks smarter than you do.”

“Well, he’s not!” I exclaimed childishly.

“He went to school for over ten years. How many years did you go…?” Baekho continued to tease.

“Shut up! How many did you attend?!”

Baekho scoffed. “Those who have no talent study. I don’t need it.”

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot. It’s because you’re Kang freaking Baekho, the most perfect being in this universe.”

Baekho smugly folded his arms and legs over one another. “As long as you acknowledge it.”

I brought my hands over my mouth and laughed. Baekho gave me a strange look in return. I lowered them and smiled at him. “It’s great seeing you like this.”

Baekho tilted his head to the side. “Like what?”

“Like the Kang Baekho I know.”

Baekho paused. “I couldn’t sit in the darkness forever.”

“What made you finally decide to come back into the light?” I asked.

Baekho stood up. “As the list of people that kept showing up to help began to grow bigger, I found that I couldn’t keep going on ignoring them. All these people have confidence in me and that I can return… if that many people think I can do it, there’s got to be some truth in it, right…?” He replied, still sounding uncertain in himself.

I nodded. “I believe in you, Baekho.”

He smiled. “Thanks, Ren.”

I awkwardly shifted my gaze elsewhere as I sat down on the couch in front of him. “Baekho, let’s begin.” I replied, staring him straight in the eyes.

“Begin what?”

“Getting you back out into society.”

Baekho paused hesitantly.

“Baekho, the world isn’t going to raise their voice for you to hear. You have to learn to adjust yourself to the world, unfortunately. But I can help you and I will. Will you work with me?” I asked. Baekho slowly nodded.

“I will.”

I smiled. “Look at me.” I replied then shifted my voice back into my normal speaking volume. “Watch… my… lips.” Baekho leaned forward and stared intensely at my lips. “Do you still dream?.... What… did… I… just say?” I spoke in a normal speed and then adjusted myself to speak slowly.

Baekho uncomfortably fidgeted. “I didn’t catch it…” He replied, disappointed in himself.

I shook my head. “By the time we’re done, you will.”

“I can’t understand you!” Baekho exclaimed, frustrated. “Slow down!”

“Learn to catch up. Producers, fans, when they speak to you, they won’t slow down for you. Why would they? As far as they know, you’re just like them. If you want to carry on this charade, you have to match them. You can do it, Baekho. It’s possible. There are plenty of deaf and hearing impaired people who receive messages through lip reading.”

“Name one.” He snapped.

“My mother.” I replied. Baekho awkwardly looked down into his lap. “Our family communicates with Korean Sign Language, but not everyone knows how to sign. She accommodates to the rest of the world by reading their lips. Those that do not know sign language she will ‘listen’ to them and write out her message. My mother does not talk. Because she was born deaf, growing up she missed out on the crucial language formation stages. If you miss these stages, it later presents problems, causing delayed speech impairments or communication disorders. In other words, if you cannot hear sound, you cannot possibly know how to correctly produce the audible tones needed to speak a language. This is why you often hear a ‘nasal’ quality to the tone of voice that most deaf people use for those that do choose to speak. My mother hates this though… she said that she feels like people would judge her intelligence level by the way she sounds, so she doesn’t speak.”

“At all…?” Baekho asked curiously.

I shook my head. “I’ve never once heard her voice.”

Baekho gave me a stunned look but remained silent.

“So tell me, Baekho. Are you above learning how to read lips? I’m sure you certainly don’t want to learn how to sign.”

“Okay, I get it. I’ll do it, and I’ll get better.”

I smiled. “Good!” I replied, satisfied. “So then, let’s begin.”

After spending practically the entire evening over at Baekho’s house, I returned to an unusually quiet mansion. Minhyun had locked himself up in his room while Jason and Aron were nowhere to be found. I shrugged it off; everyone each had their own lives going on. There was no surprise if there wasn’t anyone to greet me once I got home. I went straight to my room and closed the door before sitting down on my bed and peeling my socks off. It felt amazing to finally take them off. I ed my pants and wiggled my hips out of them before kicking them off, throwing them messily into the corner of my room. I stood up and entered my closet, pulling out an oversized white shirt. I removed my remaining clothes, sans my boxers and tugged the comfy white shirt over my head. I was now in my lazy clothes. I had assignments to grade from my class, but all I wanted to do was just lay in bed. I returned to my bed and laid down on my side, cradling my pillow.

I closed my eyes, reflecting back on the time I had spent over at Baekho’s house. Although talking to Baekho was like talking to a stubborn mule, it was actually… fun. I enjoyed my time over at his place. I don’t know why… maybe it was because I had missed being near him. I had grown accustomed to living in the same house as him in that short time that we did live together. With him no longer here… well, it felt empty. Surely I wasn’t the only one that thought so, either. I mean, sure, there was the loud as ever Jason, but he wasn’t Baekho. No one could replace him, not even 2DREAM’s new choreographer, who was ten times friendlier (not to mention stranger) than Baekho ever was. We didn’t get much accomplished during our meeting today. All we really did was talk. But at least I made small, significant progress with him. It was better than nothing at all, right? Helping Baekho would probably take a long time, but I was determined. Baekho will stand on stage again and he will be successful. I just know it…

“You make a cute Minhyun fanboy.”

My eyes suddenly snapped open as this thought reoccurred to me. I immediately sat up and touched my cheeks, which were burning hot and turning a deep shade of red. I felt my heart begin to beat fast once again, just like earlier. Why had Baekho said that? I paused. More importantly, why was I even thinking about that again? I pouted then brought my knees into my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs. Maybe it was because deep down, I was happy that Baekho called me ‘cute.’ Why, though? I didn’t act like this whenever JR called me cute. Why was it so much more special when he did it? Probably because the idea was so foreign and far-fetched. When I had first met Baekho, he hated me. And now he was calling me cute? It just sounded so… bizarre. And for some reason, I liked it.

I sighed. Ren, what is wrong with you…? Baekho likes you… but do you… do you like him back? I think it was time to start being honest with myself. I found myself constantly thinking about him, constantly smiling about him, and constantly becoming flustered whenever I was around him. I have JR… but… what we have together… it doesn’t feel alive anymore. Granted, we both had been trying the best we could to call one another whenever we had the time, but we were both busy people. The time zone difference and the distance definitely put a damper on our relationship. I wasn’t sure where we stood in our relationship anymore. Did JR still feel the same way for me as he did before he left? Had he too met someone over there in America? There was no way of knowing without possibly asking, and that would only insinuate that I was accusing him of cheating when I was the one having second thoughts.

Second thoughts… that’s what it was, wasn’t it? When you replace the image of your current significant other with the image of someone else, that’s what you call second guessing, right? Was it cheating? Could it be called that? Where exactly does one draw the line when it comes to cheating? When you think of someone else while still in a relationship? Or is it when actual physical involvement comes into play? I haven’t… I couldn’t… that just wasn’t me. My thoughts are full of Baekho, but when it comes to physical attachment… I can’t touch him. I couldn’t do that to JR. I might have hugged him a couple of times, but friends hug, don’t they…?

I paused as I realized that I was trying to justify my wavering heart. Why am I spending so much energy trying to convince myself of something that is already happening? I don’t want to become a bad person… I stared down at my phone. I need to talk to JR. I need to find out how he feels about me. I need to know if I’m not the only one who thinks that we’ve drifted apart. I shifted through my contact numbers and called JR. It took several rings before I finally received an answer from my exhausted boyfriend.

“Ren…? What’s up? Do you know how early it is here?”

“Oh… I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” I asked in a panic.

JR chuckled. “Nah, actually, I was on my way down to the stage. We’re getting ready for my first choreographed Broadway musical…” His voice trailed off. “It’s actually happening, Ren. I’m in total disbelief.”

I was shocked. “No way! That’s awesome, JR! Congratulations!”

“Heh, it’s all thanks to you.”

“H-huh?” I accidentally stuttered. His ‘thanks’ caught me off guard. Here I was about to question the status of our relationship when he suddenly drops this bombshell…

“If you hadn’t of pushed me to leave and pursue my dream, none of this would have ever happened. I’m really, really grateful that I have you, Ren.”

There it was. There was the answer I was subconsciously waiting for. But why did it feel like I had literally been struck in the face by a bag of bricks? Why was it so shocking to hear that my boyfriend still loved and was grateful towards me? It shouldn’t be that surprising, unless I’m doing something wrong… “A-ah, don’t mention it.” Please, don’t…

JR paused, as if sensing something was wrong by the tone in my voice. “Ren?”

“Huh?”

“Everything alright?”

I forced a smile on my lips. “Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?” I’m not sure if I love you anymore…

“You sound upset. Is something bothering you?”

“I’m fine.”

“How many times do we have to go over this? I can tell when you’re lying. Something’s up, now speak.”

I paused. “Do you… miss me, JR?”

JR laughed. “What kind of question is that? Of course I do.”

“How… much?”

He paused for a long while before hesitantly replying. “Ren, what is this phone call really about?”

“I just… need to know… There’s so much distance between us. You’re still the same, I’m still the same, but are we still the same? I feel… I feel lost.” My heart was pounding inside of my chest.

“Of course we’re still the same! Why do you ask that…? Perhaps, do you feel it’s otherwise?” I could hear his voice start to tremble on the other end of the line.

“I don’t know…”

JR sighed heavily. “That really hurts, Ren.”

“JR-”

“Save it. I’ve just arrived. We’ll talk another time. I’m hanging up.” He quickly replied before his end went dead. The phone slipped out from my palm and hit the soft bedding. I bit my bottom lip and then leaned forward, resting my chin on my knees. I just screwed up, didn’t I? I just made life ten times more complicated for everyone around me, haven’t I? Baekho was right; I am stupid. Minseok is the genius of the family. I’m nothing compared to him. He was always so suave, intelligent and cool. He never had relationship problems and everything just seemed to go smoothly for him in all aspects of his life. I, on the other hand, had several rocky relationships growing up until finally I just abandoned the idea of them altogether. Then JR confessed to me and everything seemed to be going right for once. But then I was forced to room with DREAM, and then spending so much time with Baekho after JR went away… something happened. I didn’t do it on purpose, JR, I swear…

I still felt like a terrible person. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I can’t continue to live like this though, pretending as if nothing is going on. I have the burning feeling that perhaps Baekho is waiting for me to approach him. Of course; he already approached me and I shot him down. Of course he’d be waiting on me, who was uncertain about anything. I groaned and then flipped down onto my side, pounding my fists into my pillow. Everything was all just so frustrating!

The next day, after a rather question-filled morning as to why I had been at 2DREAM’s press conference by my students, the school day finally ended and at last I felt like I could breathe. I gave them the excuse that Baekho had helped me come up with: I was a fan. Of course that wasn’t true. I had only heard about a dozen of DREAM’s songs but it wasn’t enough to call myself a devoted fan. Minhyun and Aron had yet to perform a new song under the new subunit, 2DREAM so nothing was certain either. But my students couldn’t know my affiliation with Pledis, and so I had to give them an innocent white lie. They believed it though and quickly dismissed it. After work was over, instead of making my way back to the mansion, I headed over towards Baekho’s house to pick up on where we last left off. When Baekho opened his front door he instantaneously smiled at me.

“I’m glad to see you.”

I almost melted. Dammit! What was wrong with me…? I decided to play it off. “Well, that’s a first!” I chuckled, making my way inside. Baekho laughed then shut the door, following me back into the living room.

“I know, it’s shocking to me too.” He teased.

I narrowed my eyes at him and pointed to the sofa adjacent to the one I had sat down in. “Sit.”

Baekho smirked. “Spoken like a true teacher.”

“Don’t mock me!”

“Well, someone has to.”

“Don’t even! Minseok is the head of that committee.” I snorted, folding my arms across my chest while Baekho silently chuckled to himself. I caught myself briefly staring at his smile before shaking any thoughts out of my head. “Right, so Baekho, I have something important to discuss with you today…” I replied, thinking back to the subject of hearing aids that I had a deep conversation with Minseok about the other day.

“Are we not going to practice reading lips today?” He asked, puzzled.

I nodded. “Yeah, but that all depends on how well our discussion plays out.”

Baekho tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy. Baekho. Stop. “And why is that?”

“Well, because you’ll probably kick me out…” I replied, already anticipating it. That’s what Baekho did. He had a short fuse and was quick to anger. From my past experience, when something upset him or didn’t go his way, he’d either leave or force the other person out of the room. It would make no sense for him to leave his own house, so…

Baekho raised a brow. “Alright… try me then.”

“Minseok informed me that you need a hearing aid.”

Baekho paused. “I… know.” He replied quietly.

“How do you feel about that?” I asked, well aware of his previous responses of not wanting anything to do with them. Baekho shifted his gaze down as he nervously twiddled his thumbs.

“Not that great, but… I kept this a secret from you, but the other day… I tried singing.”

“You did?” I stared at him with wide eyes.

He nodded then sighed heavily. “Yeah, but… it was… difficult. I couldn’t hear what octaves I was producing. Ren… I understand now, the reasoning behind Pledis’ decision. If you can’t hear, you really can’t sing. At least from what I discovered. It doesn’t make their decision any less wrong… but still. I really don’t want one. I mean, I really, really don’t want it. But… I’ve been thinking about it, and if it helps, well… maybe I should do it.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Baekho was actually considering the idea about getting a hearing aid? This was almost too good to be true. And I knew this positive outlook would be short-lived once he actually realized what he was agreeing to. “Minseok suggests that you receive the BAHA.”

Baekho stared at me. “And that is…?”

I pulled out my phone and ran a search for the hearing aid. Once the images popped up I bit my bottom lip, trying to gather the courage to show it to him. I stood up and traveled over to the couch Baekho sat at and sat beside him. I handed him the phone for him to scroll through the pictures. “It’s called the Bone Anchored Hearing Aid.”

I felt Baekho’s body go stiff as he caught a glimpse of what the device looked like. He immediately handed the phone back. “Absolutely not.”

“Baekho, this is the best shot you have to restoring your hearing back to normalcy!” I exclaimed.

Baekho pointed at his head. “They’re not going to drill a hole inside of my skull and screw a hearing aid on the outside! There’s no way I’m going on stage looking like Frankenstein! Did you forget? I’m an idol! My looks are everything! Everyone will be looking at me! I can’t be some monster on stage!” He screamed at me.

“Having a hearing aid does not make you a monster, Baekho!”

“Forget it!”

“Then forget ever singing on stage again!” I screamed back at him, making him pause. He stared at me with big, hurt eyes. “Frankenstein? The people who wear them are just like you and me. Tell me, who is the real monster? You or them?”

“Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand why I don’t want that stupid BAHA thing?!”

“Tell me!”

“I’m scared, dammit!” Baekho exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the armrest. “I’m scared…” His voice broke down. Immediately, without hesitation I swung my left arm behind his shoulders and pulled him into me, leaning him on my chest as I patted his back.

“Baekho… you’re not alone in this. You have no idea just how many people are supporting you and wishing for your well-being. You are strong. You are going to get past this. I’m here for you and I’m not leaving your side, no matter what. If you need me to be there for you if you choose to get the surgery, then so be it. If you’re worried about the outward appearance of it, then don’t be, because I am your stylist. Everything will work out for you in the end. You just have to believe it.”

“Does it have to be that? Does it have to be the BAHA? Can I trust in you…?”

I nodded.

“I just… I don’t get why you’re doing this…” He replied. I could tell Baekho still wasn’t used to the idea of friends. According to what he had said in the past, I was practically his first and only friend in this world, even though I could tell he wanted more. He wanted more… It was time, wasn’t it? It was time for me to start being honest with myself now too, wasn’t it?

I placed my hands on both of Baekho’s shoulders and pulled him away from me, sitting him back up. “I want to show you something.”

Baekho quietly watched me as I shakily brought both hands up to my sides and slowly began to move them into the necessary signs that I needed to convey my message. Baekho’s eyes followed every gesture I made. My heart was pounding the entire time I was shyly signing.

‘I… like… you.’

Baekho gave me a strange look. “What does that mean?”

I did it. Oh my god, I did it. I nervously smiled at him, somewhat relieved that he didn’t understand the meaning to my message. I felt like a coward though. I finally brought myself to admit my feelings towards Baekho, but I had done it in a way in which it was impossible for him to understand. But I didn’t have a choice, did I? I couldn’t have Baekho returning his feelings towards me, at least not yet. Not until JR was out of the picture. We were done, weren’t we? The way he rudely hung up on me, avoiding me, that must have meant something, didn’t it? If we weren’t done, we were very surely on our way to being done. I shook my head. “N-nothing. It’s just something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.”

“Can you show me again?” He asked. I stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. A-again? I watched as Baekho slowly raised his hands and mirrored the exact same message that I had signed to him just seconds ago. I felt the blood rush to my head and my chest tighten, almost as if my heart were about to explode as I received his message.

‘I… like… you…’

I placed my hand on my beating heart and awkwardly stood. “L-let’s call it a day for now!”

Baekho blinked. “What? Why? What did I say?”

I laughed nervously, pulling out my cell and pretending to read an imaginary text message. “They need me back at the mansion. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? Bye!” I exclaimed then bolted for the door, slamming it shut behind me. As I found myself standing alone outside on his front porch I placed both hands on my chest and took deep breaths. I hadn’t expected for Baekho to sign those words back to me. He completely caught me off guard! Oh my god… oh my god… A small smile crept upon my lips as I felt butterflies float around inside of my stomach. The image of Baekho signing those three words to me would forever be ingrained inside of my memory. I laughed then sighed, shrugging my shoulders before making my way back to the mansion.

Aron’s POV

I sat lifelessly out on the porch in the backyard, blankly staring out into the evening sky. I hadn’t left the porch since last night. My entire body was numb. I was in too much shock to move. I didn’t know how to process what had just happened. At first I cried. I cried a lot. In fact, I don’t remember another time in my life that I had ever cried so much. Not even when she disappeared. When she had disappeared, I grew worried, agitated, frustrated… but I never cried. I was never the type of person that simply cried. Growing up, when bad things happened to me, I just accepted them, shrugged them off and kept going because it was pointless to let the small things get to me. But what happened with Min… that was no small thing. That was a big thing. A very, very big thing.

It hurt. It hurt so much to breathe. In a way I almost felt… betrayed. It wasn’t an easy thing to confess to Minhyun when I did. It was hard to entrust my heart to another person, worrying that possibly the same thing might happen to them as it did my ex. But I did it. I got over my fears and I confessed to him. I was scared to burden him with my heart, but Minhyun told me not to worry about it. He said he accepted everything, and I believed him. Min… am I perfect? I’m not… I’m far from it. I struggle, feel pain, and have scars too. I told you that it would take time… it wasn’t as if I weren’t trying. I’m just… slow. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m doing my best. I made one mistake… aren’t I allowed to make just one?

My heart was broken. I thought it couldn’t possibly rip apart any further from the past scars that it had received, but I was wrong. I was… happy. Even though we hadn’t been together for long, it was the happiest I had been in a long time. Yes, maybe I didn’t express it well enough… I’ve never been the type of person that showed their emotions well… but… I was happy. Being with Minhyun made me realize that I wanted to be a better person. I had become so fixated on living life as the way it had always been because it was familiar. Familiarity meant comfort. I wanted to be comfortable. But when it came to loving Minhyun, everything suddenly felt uncomfortable; not in the bad way, but in the good way. Everything was unfamiliar and I loved it. It was a challenge, but I wanted to break out of my old mold and go for it. I wasn’t fast enough for you, though…

I suddenly heard the door slide open and I was joined by Jason, who knelt down beside me and swept Mel up into his arms, patting him on his head and scratching behind his ears. “Hey, yeah, hi. Remember me? Your good buddy, Jason? Yeah? Yeah? No?”

“Go away.”

Jason sighed. “Ah! How frustrating! The air in this house is so tense, don’t you think? I dunno about you, but this simply will not do.”

“Can you just go?” I asked, already feeling annoyed and not wanting to be bothered by him right now. “I want to be alone.”

“Nope.” Jason chimed, setting Mel back down on the floor beside me. “I’m not going to let you sit here and brood.”

I glanced over at him on my side. “Hyung, leave.” I demanded.

“You still love him, don’t you?” He asked, startling me.

“Does this concern you?” I asked.

Jason smirked. “Apparently you still do. Ah, what a bunch of idiots I live with!” He threw his arms up into the air and stretched. He lowered them back down and pouted. “If you love each other, why can’t you still be together? Hmm… there might be several factors at play here.”

I sighed. It was clear he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. “Once again; does this concern you?”

“Actually, it does! You two are supposed to be the next Trouble Maker on stage in a couple of weeks and I will not have you ruining my performance!” He scolded.

“What do you want me to do?!” I snapped, finally losing it. “He broke up with me.”

“Change.” He replied, switching to a serious mood.

I paused. “What?”

“You heard me. Change. You haven’t the slightest idea of how to treat a man, do you?”

I scoffed. “Of course not; Min was the first-”

“AWWH!”

“Shut up!” I continued. “Min was the first guy I was ever with. I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to him.”

“Then you just need to be shown the way.” Jason smirked.

“What? Is there like some handbook when it comes to dating men? Don’t be ridiculous and just leave.” I replied, growing fed up with him. Normally I thought Jason was a cool guy, but right now he was infuriating. Was it too much to ask for to be left alone? Why couldn’t this guy take a hint?

“Hey, Aron?”

I sighed. “What?”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

Baekho’s POV

I was surprised to receive a text from Ren’s older brother a few minutes after the blonde had literally run out of here. He said he was on his way to come see me and that he had something to discuss with me. An hour later Minseok arrived and he took a seat in front of me inside of the living room. He opened his bag and took out a small device that looked like the one that Ren had showed me a picture of and handed it to me. I took it into my palm and examined it.

“This is a-”

I cut Minseok off. “BAHA…”

He gave me a genuinely surprised look. “Very good… how did you know that?”

“Ren was here.”

“Really? It’s a shame he left so soon…” His voice trailed off. “So I assume he told you that it’s something that would benefit you in the long run.”

I nodded.

“And how do you feel about that?”

I couldn’t help but smile in amusement. “You two ask the same questions. Are you sure the two of you aren’t the same person?”

Minseok narrowed his eyes. “Of course not; Ren is an airhead.”

“Funny; he referred to you as an idiot.”

Minseok clenched his fists and smiled, annoyed. “That little… its okay. I’ll let it slide.” He sighed heavily, trying to cool himself off. He glanced back at me. “So how do you feel about it?”

“When would I have to do it?”

“The sooner the better, but I won’t force you. Take all the time you need. Electing for surgery is not an easy thing to do. When you’re ready, come to me, alright? I’m sure Ren tried to shove the BAHA down your throat and tried to make you eat it, but I tend to take a gentler approach when it comes to trying to convince clients of what they need.”

I paused. “No, the both of you are about the same. Blunt, cruel, does whatever they want…”

Minseok scoffed. “If I did whatever I wanted, my foot would be so far up your-”

“Can I ask you something?” I asked, cutting him off. He gave me a surprised look.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Do you speak sign language?”

Minseok smirked in amusement. “Speak? Yeah, sure, why not. Why?”

I glared at him. “Can you tell me what this means?” I asked then slowly preceded to repeat the signs that Ren had signed just a couple of hours ago. I felt Minseok’s eyes watch my every gesture and when I was finished he gave me a witty smile. He folded his arms across his chest and gave me a coy look.

“This sign means ‘you.’ This one, ‘me,’ or ‘I.’ And this sign means ‘like.’ Since sign language has a completely different grammar structure, put together it would be like saying ‘I like you.’ Why? Where did you see this?”

It felt as if time had frozen. Although I couldn’t literally hear it, it felt like I could hear my heart pounding away inside of my chest. My eyes went wide with shock and my body grew numb. I was rendered dumbstruck by Minseok’s information just now. My mind flashed back to that moment when Ren had pulled away from me.

“I want to show you something.”

‘I… like… you.’

“What does that mean?”

“N-nothing. It’s just something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time.”

My heart was racing. ‘I like you.’ This is what that meant? That fool… that idiot! I shot up to my feet and angrily grabbed my keys, forgetting about Minseok who was still sitting in my living room and racing outside to my car. I swung the door open and hastily climbed inside, starting the engine and speeding down the street like a demon. My mind was racing. I couldn’t get Ren outside of my thoughts. Inside of my mind, that same scene kept replaying itself. The innocent, shy, terrified look on his face as he signed those words suddenly made sense now, as well as the awkward behavior that resulted when I had asked about it. No wonder he took off running when I signed the exact same message back to him. It all made sense now. Everything finally made sense.

As I made my way back to DREAM, or rather, 2DREAM’s mansion, it seemed like I hit every single possible red stop light as possible. It was as if every possible barrier that could prevent me from seeing him was doing so. The quick fifteen minute drive seemed to take forever. I didn’t care that going back to that mansion would be bittersweet for me. I just needed to see him. Nothing else mattered right now but getting to him. When I finally arrived, I placed the car in park. I was so lost inside my thoughts that I had forgotten that I had left the engine running as I swung open the door and ran towards the gate. I punched on the speaker.

“CHOI REN, OPEN UP! YOU HEAR ME?! OPEN UP!” I screamed into the intercom.

There was a long silence before a startled Minhyun finally answered. “B-B-Baekho?” His voice loudly blared from the speaker.

“OPEN UP! LET ME SEE HIM!”

There was another moment of silence before the iron gate popped open, allowing me entrance. I ran inside and pounded on the front door. Minhyun shakily pulled the door open and stepped to the side as I rushed past him and entered the mansion, running down the hall and practically tearing the door open to Ren’s room. A startled Ren who had been sitting at his desk, grading papers suddenly spun around in his chair, giving me a wide eyed look. I could tell he was as shocked as Minhyun was seeing me back inside of this place.

“B-Baekho…” I couldn’t hear him, but I saw his lips shape the sounds that were required to pronounce my name. I slammed the door shut behind me and angrily marched up towards him. Ren was practically shaking with fear. “W-what’s wrong? Did I do something-”

“You goddamn idiot!”

Ren stared at me in silence with stunned eyes.

“Is it fun? Is it fun toying with me like this?”

“What are you talking about…?”

I scoffed before repeating the signs that he had showed me earlier. Ren’s big eyes grew wider. “I asked Minseok what it meant!”

Ren’s skin went pale. “You asked…” His voice trailed off before he suddenly stood up from his chair, angrily leaning forward at me. “You idiot! How could you ask my brother what that meant?!?!” He screamed at me.

“I’m not the one at fault, here!”

Ren angrily shoved me in the chest. “How could you do that?” He looked as if he were about to cry. “Don’t you know what you just did?”

“Tell me! What did I just do?!”

“Idiot! He’s going to tell JR…”

I scoffed. “Hey, Choi Ren, tell me, what the hell do you think you’re doing? What was going through your mind when told me those three little words?”

“They’re not little to me!” He exclaimed. “You have no idea how hard it was for me to even sign it to you!”

I grabbed him by the shoulders. “You’re crazy!”

“I’m out of my mind!” Ren looked at me through teary eyes.

“How dare you confess something like that to me when JR is still in the picture!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!?!” Ren pushed my hands off of him. “I hate myself! I hate myself so much! But why? Why can’t I stop thinking about you? When we first me, I honestly had no idea that you would be so important to me… It’s tearing me up inside. Why did it have to be this way? Why?!” He looked absolutely devastated by his own feelings that it pained for me to see him like this. He just looked so… so lost.

“Ren-”

“Am I the only one at fault?! Who told you to try to kiss me? If you had never have done that, I wouldn’t be where I’m at now! So tell me, am I the only one to blame? What about you?” I slowly raised my hand to reach for the side of his face that I longed to caress. I paused for a moment when I remembered JR and my hand slowly fell back down to my side before I could even touch him. Ren’s eyes followed my every movement and he almost seemed disappointed that I hadn’t gone through with my original plan. “Why did you try to kiss me? Don’t give me another excuse; I want the truth.”

“Why…?” I sadly smiled. “Because… because I like your smile. I like the way you make me feel whenever you’re around. At first you used to piss me off all the time because whenever I looked at you, I always saw this perfect person… and then there’s me, this angry, temperamental person with all these problems… but I like it. I really, really like it now. I like you for not only who you are, but for what I am whenever I’m near you. If you hadn’t of shown up when you did, I would have never dreamed again. You might not feel as successful as you want to be, but I like you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but what you are making of me. Choi Ren, you really don’t know it, do you? The power you have over me? The way just one glance or one word from you can absolutely make me feel amazing or miserable…”

Tears rolled down Ren’s cheeks. “Stop it, Baekho…”

“I can’t stop my feelings towards you.”

“Neither can I!”

“But you’re taken, Ren!” I snapped, frustrated. “I can’t touch you, no matter how much I want to!”

“Just do it!” Ren exclaimed.

“I can’t!”

“Then let’s be terrible people together.” Ren suddenly grabbed both sides of my face and leaned forward, planting the most passionate, romantic kiss of my life onto my lips. I tried to fight him. I tried with all of my might, but I couldn’t do it. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong and I hated it. But I couldn’t stop myself. I returned the kiss, knowing that I was going against everything that I had ever once stood for. I never believed in cheating. I never believed in trying to take something that wasn’t mine. But I wanted him… I really wanted Ren. It wasn’t fair that he belonged to someone like JR, who didn’t deserve him and wasn’t even around. I needed him. I needed a person like Ren by my side, someone who could help me and motivate me to give it my all, despite my differences. I needed someone to reassure me that everything would be okay. I needed someone who actually knew what they were talking about instead of dealing with all those doctors that treated me as a paycheck and not a human being.

I finally pulled away from Ren’s lips. “Ren…” My lips trembled. “What have we done…?” I asked in horror.

Ren stepped backwards and away, touching his lips as if he had realized what he had just done. He shook his head hysterically. “W-we can’t tell anyone about this!”

“You’re damn right we can’t tell anyone about this!”

“B-Baekho, I’m s-sorry….”

“No, I’m at fault too.” I sighed and rubbed by forehead.

“Baekho, what do we do?”

I stared at him. “What do you want, Ren?” I asked, startling him. “Do you still want to be with him?”

Ren glanced down at his feet before looking back up at me. “What do you want, Baekho?”

“I want you, but not if I have to share.” I replied, boldly confessing my feelings. We were already past modesty now. We had just swapped saliva. There was no going back from that now. There could be no more pretending. I had to be a hundred percent honest with him.

“I can’t break up with him…”

“And why is that? Are you afraid of hurting his feelings? What about mine? Is it only okay to hurt mine?”

“Baekho, I’ve betrayed him!”

“What do you want, Ren?” I shook him. “What. Do. You. Want?!”

“You!” He screamed, pounding his fists against my chest pathetically. “Dammit, I want you…!” I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my chest as I whispered to him.

“I want you too…”

Ren’s POV

The next morning Aron, Minhyun, Jason and I all sat at the dining table, forcing ourselves to eat a breakfast that none of us seemed in the mood of eating. My stomach was still in knots from the previous night. I couldn’t believe what had happened and what I had did. I was wracked in guilt, but at the same time, I was a bit excited, as one would be at the very beginning of a new relationship. The others seemed awfully quiet as well, but no one seemed to want to speak up. That is, all except for-

“Alright, I guess I’m going to have to be the one to break the awkward silence in the room.” Jason said.

“Please, don’t.” Minhyun replied tiredly.

Jason ignored his comment and carried on anyways. “Someone here at this very table has an important announcement to make to the rest of us regarding their personal life.”

My eyes shot up from my plate and I stared at him intently. Had Jason overheard my fight with Baekho last night? But how? And why would he even care? I felt my body go numb from anxiety. Shut up, Jason. It’s not any of your business and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t fill the others in on my morality slip from the other day. Oh my god, Jason. Shut up, shut up, shut up…. All eyes were on him.

“Yep! I think you guys heard correctly. I’m going on a date with Aron!”

Minhyun stiffened in his chair as his skin went pale. I shifted my shocked gaze between both him and Aron and then finally at the crazy lunatic making morning announcements at the breakfast table. Minhyun suddenly slammed his chopsticks down hard on the table before scooting out his chair and abruptly standing, leaving the room in angry silence. I sat in confusion. What in the world…? Did something happen while I was out these past few days? Why was Jason going on a date with Aron? And why didn’t Minhyun tear at Jason’s throat like he usually did whenever he tried to put the moves on his boyfriend?

Aron glared at Jason. “That was insanely insensitive of you to do that in front of him!” He snapped at him.

Jason smirked. “Was it?”

“Guys?” I asked. Wasn’t anyone going to clue me in here? My comment was left ignored.

“Trust me; my methods are strange, but they work.”

“Great. Now he not only despises you, but me as well.” Aron slammed his head on the table.

Jason gasped. “He doesn’t despise me! We’re besties!”

“Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?”

“Of course it is! That’s why I befriended Min!”

“Don’t you know when to stop talking?”

“Don’t you know when to start?”

“Do you want to die?”

“If that’s a reference for ‘in the bed,’ then yes!”

“GUYS!” I screamed, grabbing both of their attentions. “What in the world is going on?”

Aron shifted his gaze down to the table. “Nothing.”

“Minhyun broke his heart.” Jason replied.

“Hyung!” Aron exclaimed angrily.

“What? He’s a bright kid. He was going to catch on sooner or later.” Jason pouted. I was beyond shocked. Minhyun and Aron had broken up? Oh no… how was this going to affect things between them now, living inside the same house and being within the same subunit?

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked Aron.

“Oh, don’t you worry about him. Nothing ever truly stays broken. I’m going to teach him how to get him back.” Jason confidently replied. “The first step being: making him jealous.”

“Is this true?” I asked.

Aron nodded. “I can’t… I can’t accept this. Some things are worth going outside of your comfort zone for. I want… I want to be with Min. He makes me want to be a better person. I just… need him by my side.”

I was suddenly reminded of Baekho’s confession the other day and how similar it sounded to Aron’s speech just now. A small smile spread across my lips. Aron was right. Some things were worth going outside of your comfort zone for. “Go for it, Aron. I’m rooting for you.”

Aron smiled. “Thanks, man.”

“No prob-” I was cut off by the sound of my cell phone ringing. I pulled it out and saw that it was my brother’s name spelled out across the screen. I excused myself from the table and traveled into my room to take the call. “Hyung? Why are you calling me so early in the morn-”

“From now on, you are to stay put, do you understand me? I will be taking over from this moment onwards.” Minseok’s voice sternly poured out from the phone speaker.

“What?” I asked, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I know what you’re up to, Minki, and I’m telling you to stop before it starts.”

“What…” My heart began to race.

“It must be awfully convenient to have a boyfriend overseas and someone to play around with over here.” Minseok replied accusingly. I fell down onto the edge of my bed.

“Minseok, I can explain-”

“Am I really the one you should be explaining things to? Minki, what were you thinking? You honestly thought he wouldn’t come to me, asking about the meaning behind that little message of yours?”

“I was joking-”

“No, Minki, I know you. You’re never the type to joke when it comes to your true feelings. I’ve carried a lot of your secrets. You told me not to tell mom and dad about your internship, fine. But a secret like this… this is wrong and you know it.”

My eyes widened with fear. “Hyung, please, don’t tell JR!”

“I’m not going to tell him. That’s your job. Cut things off with him or tell Baekho to get lost. Either way, don’t string those two innocent guys along with you because it will not end prettily and all three of you will get hurt. You just cannot have both Minki. You just can’t. In the meantime, until you sort your feelings out, I don’t want you stepping foot near his residence, do you understand?”

I narrowed my eyes. “This isn’t any of your business, hyung!”

“Keeping you out of trouble is my business as your older brother.”

“I am 24 years old, living on my own with a career in education; you can’t order me around like a child anymore.” I said through my teeth. “You hold no power over me. I am a legal adult, free to do as I wish, go wherever and see whoever I want.”

“Is that so?” Minseok paused. “Then how’s this? The moment you approach Kang Baekho while still being tied down will be the moment mom and dad finds out about your internship with Pledis. I am dead serious, Minki.”

“I hate you…” My voice trailed off. “You really think I want both? Do you really think I’m that bad of a person, hyung? Of course I don’t want both… I just… don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“There is no escaping it; someone will end up hurt. Please, think about what you’re doing wisely and make a decision. It’s either JR or Baekho. You hate me? Fine. I’d rather you hate me than hate yourself. Sooner or later you will find out there is truth to my words. Just do the right thing, Minki. That’s all I ask.”

I hung up on him. I didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. I knew Minseok was just looking out for me, but I hated it. I already felt like a bad enough person. I didn’t need to hear it from him too. I knew confessing and kissing Baekho while still being tied down to JR was wrong, but I didn’t do it on purpose. I tried really hard to fight these feelings, but they overpowered me in the end and I ended up betraying one of the people I cared about the most. But I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t physically here. It was just too painful.

JR… will you ever forgive me?