31st October 2013

 

Dear Diary,

On this day, 31st October, three years ago, 2010; we seemed so close yet we were so far. We were close as both of us were at least on the same stage performing the same performance together for once. Yet, we were so far; at least both of us were not next to each other. The 'We' I am referring is referring to the two of us, 2NE1's maknae, Minzy, who is also known as Minji and nickname is Mingkki, and I. 

 

Earlier today, I found my lips curving into a small smile on face. That was because; my mind was filled with nothing but immerged in the process of visualising Minji's face after I leaned back on my bed. Afterwards, I took my mobile phone from the side table and I fidgeted with it. 

 

It was Halloween again… The curve on my lips grew wider after I scroll down the search for images on for the phrase, 'Taemin Halloween'. True, I was bored as in like very bored type of bored. The smile was formed when I saw a photograph, taken exactly three years back on this exact day. It was a photograph taken with Wooyoung, Chansung, Minji, Kikwang and I. My eyes were on Minji; she grabbed my attention to look at her hair, her eyes, her nose and her lips… Her hair then was dyed cameral brown, whereas, mine was light brown. The smile on my lips vanished as soon as I studied the photograph which I was viewing once more. The fact that it was Kikwang who stood beside her made me red with rage. But then, it was not his fault or her fault, it was because we were told to stand that way; in that arrangement. If it wasn't for that arrangement, I would be the one that will stand beside her, well; at least, I am her closest friend amongst them

 

Three years ago, Minji was pretty and cute then, now she had changed in terms of looks; she has a mature look; a look which made her more feminine, a look whereby she looked ier.  Similarly, I knew I that my looks had matured into a dashing young man from a pretty boy, yes, I admitted that I was a pretty boy. Now, she's the y maknae of 2NE1 and I am the y maknae of SHINee. Truly, both of us are so similar, yet we are so different. We are similar in the roles we play in our groups: the dancing maknaes, yet we go in different styles, I am in a pretty boy group in SM Entertainment and she is those punk groups in YG Entertainment.

 

If anyone were to remember, in 31st October 2010, in the Halloween special performance, there was a part whereby, I turned and looked at Minji, pointing at her. That was the moment whereby I spend my time and analysed Minji. That was when; I admitted that Minji was pretty and seriously y. Minji was so y to the limit whereby I had to push my jaw upwards with my hand manually when I saw her done the y dance for the first time during the first dance practice for 'Thriller'. That caught me off guard at how well Minji could dance.

 

I turned around and placed my phone there. A curve appeared on my face as I saw that empty banana milk bottle, beside my bed on my side table. To me, this empty bottle of banana milk was special as it was a gift, a gift from someone special to me. It contained value. It may seem ordinary, but no it was not, at least, it had wordings on it which were ‘Lee Taemin, fighting! Happy Halloween~ I am your fan…’, those wordings make me smile daily, without fail, no matter whatever time it is, whatever season it is, it will still make my lips form a curve which indicates happiness on my face. That someone who gave me that bottle of banana milk was none other from someone, someone who had performed with me, three years ago, in that Halloween Inkigayo special. That someone is a female. With that, all of you should know who I am talking about; I am talking about someone from YG Entertainment, someone who was the maknae of a well-known female group. Since that someone was from 2NE1, 2NE1’s maknae is only that one person which is none other than Minji, Gong Minji; the adorable yet y female on this Earth.

 

I shut my eyes as flashed that memory in my head. I felt someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around and saw her, Minji. “Taemin sunbaenim, would you like a drink?” she asked. I nodded my head then. I expected that she would ask what I would like to drink but surprisingly, she did not and she continued asking the rest of the guys and she headed to the vending machine. When she came back, she gave them all their drinks and then gave me banana milk. ‘How could she know what I like?’ That was what I was thinking then. It was until; she passed me the banana milk with her scribbings on it. I then nodded my head in realisation that she was one of my fans.

 

I don’t know why maybe it was because I wanted to pay her back as she was my fan but ever since then, I also became a fan of hers. I caught every episodes of 2NE1 TV, every performance she performed in: Live or not. I collected her albums. I would always get Amber noona to get Minji’s autograph and also, I will ask her to pass Minji’s my new albums and so on if Amber noona were to meet Minji. Sometimes, I would even tag along Amber noona when she went to meet Minji.

 

Today, 31st October 2013, I found myself, smiling over her and I realised that I unknowingly had customised my room in a way whereby, in every corner of a room, I would have her merchandises and posters which was all over my room. Not only that, I had been keeping Stitch soft toys which were meant for her... I shook my head, for once and once more. I realised that I would get jealous as long as she is close to any male friends of hers when I saw the last episode of WIN, Who Is Next, an YG survival programme which consisted of eleven trainees and only one group will debut. That night, Minji commented, “They stole my heart. They are like the Black Hole.” That made me bitter, why is that Team B black hole and not me… I should steal her heart…

 

Wait a moment… What am I thinking? Did I fall for her? It can't be... It couldn't be... Wait... It might be... Though I meet Naeun weekly as she is my ‘We Got Married’ partner, I texted Minji way more than I texted her. Minji will always give me a different feeling. Yet, all my thoughts were concluded with a sigh. A sigh as I know that Korean idols should never date, once they choose love life, their career will be ruined, once and for all as the public might not be able to take it... As long as we maintain our relationship, even if we are only friends, I will never tell Minji my feelings to her until, until she gave up her career… Till then whatever feelings I have for her shall remain…

 

Since, you are just a book... Let me admit that I reallly love her... I surrender already... I think I should lying to myself... But what is love?

 

Taeminnie signing out, see ya soon, my Diary...

Keep this secret well, 

Taemin