“Let’s see how good you are.”

I could recall that cold voice clearly. I was at the audition. I felt like throwing up looking at the judges’ face but I knew I couldn’t. It was weird that I wasn’t the one who got stage fright but I guess this time it’s different. So, this was how some of my friends felt like when they had to do speeches on stage, huh?

After introducing myself in exactly 270 words – because it was stated in the rules to not exceed the word limit (don’t judge me) – I held the microphone. I cleared my throat and my lips. I looked at the judges once more before I closed my eyes and let out my soul into my voice. My hands trembled at first but eventually, I was too engrossed with my singing that I didn’t even feel nervous anymore. It was a nice feeling, really.

The song ended and as I sang the last few words, dragging the words in a calm tone, I glanced at the judges. All of them had their eyes closed and relaxed expressions plastered on their face. I smiled in relieve. Maybe I would pass this audition after all.

Once finished, I whispered a thank you then the judges’ serious features came back to their face. I gulped and waited for comments because the contestant before me took about half an hour in the audition. It was stated that each contestant can only sing a four minute song, so surely the judges were giving their opinions and he had to listen. That why he took so long, right?

However, the panel of judges didn’t say anything else except two sentences.

“You’ve done well. Your results will be informed through a phone call.”

I felt demotivated because I expect a good comment or maybe even a nice compliment from them. Nevertheless, I felt satisfied that one of them said I’ve done well. I bowed a good ninety degrees, said thank you once more and left. As I went out of the building, I could see people still in line to the audition room. I couldn’t help but notice that most of them look far elder than me. I shrugged that thought and went back home to reward myself with a nice steak for dinner.

 

 

*****

 

“Why aren’t they calling yet?”

“Hyung, I’m the one who’s the contestant. Not you.” I told him with a chuckle as he paced around back and forth. It was true that it was two hours passed the time they told and I was showing it but I was beginning to worry.

What if my voice ? I don’t think so, he said I’ve done well but I can’t help but have doubts. Or maybe I was too young? Or what if my face doesn’t look good enough? It made think whether I would still join the company if they asked me to go for plastic surgery. Was I that desperate?

“Yah! Myun! Your phone is ringing!” he shouted at me.

“Pick it up! Oh ! .”

“God, hyung, keep quiet.”

“Good luck.”

I picked up my phone from the table after muttering a thank you to my brother. I took in a deep breath and answered the call. The caller didn’t say much all she said was, “This is SM Entertainment. You passed. Details will be emailed to you. Congratulations.” And the call ended immediately.

But it was enough for me to scream in joy and my brother understood my gesture. He told me congrats before jumping up and down. Yes, he is my hyung but sometimes he can act like he’s three times younger than me.

“This calls for a celebration!”

“Hyung, you’re treating me as if like I debuted.” I told him as I rolled my eyes.  Just then, my brother’s annoying ringtone sounded.  He picked it up and told me that it was Dad. After a short while, he put down his Samsung Note 2 and informed me that later he wanted us to dress up nicely.

“What for?” I questioned.

“Probably going out.”

“Out where?”

“Dinner, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I am as curious as you!” he knocked on my head.

 

*****

 

“Aw son, order something bigger! Come on, I’ll pay for it!” Dad nudged my shoulder. He must be in such a good mood. I just nodded in response and ordered something a little bit more expensive. Maybe he knew I got accepted in SM? Yeah, my nosy hyung must have told him. My father didn’t nudge hyung’s shoulder like he did to me though. Probably because Dad already knew that Joonyoung would order something luxurious. He’s always like that.

“So what is it, yeobo? Spill it out. You won’t randomly take us out for dinner like this since you’re always busy with work.” Mum stated the truth, making her husband cleared his throat. He inhaled deeply and told,

“I got promoted as the President of Soonchunhyang University.” He told us with a smile and applause followed. Our mum was proud and I was really happy for my dad. I swear that each year our family’ wealth is getting more and more extravagant.

“So… someone else is going to take your professor job?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“That’s the good news, son!” he exclaimed, punching my shoulder a little bit too hard. Mum gave him a curious look while hyung just concentrated on his black pepper steak. I gave Dad a weird look and he rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to take over me.” He told excitedly, making Mum nod understandingly.

But both hyung and I froze.

“W-What you mean?”

“Oh come on, I found a job for you! Maybe you won’t get your name with professor yet, but you’d be a lecturer in one of the most famous universities in South Korea!”

. . .

I looked down. My feet were twisting around each other and my hands started shaking slightly. Didn’t he know I’d apply and went for the audition?

“But I thought Myunnie was gonna become a k-idol?” my brother probably spotted my uncomfortableness and asked the question that was lingering in my mind for me.

“Pfft. He’s not going to pass. Even if he did, that occupation of an entertainer won’t pay him enough.”

Hyung looked at me but I didn’t really notice. So, all this while my parents, well, Dad, didn’t really take my dream career seriously. Maybe he thought it was some kind of joke. I squeezed my fist tight – it was a habit when my thoughts are chaos – and tried my best to relax. I felt a hand on my right fist. I knew that delicate hand anywhere, it was hyung’s.

I looked at him and through his eyes; I knew he was saying that is going to be fine. His sparkling eyes and assuring always made me feel better. But then he said something that made me confused.

“How come you passed on your job to Joonmyun, appa? Aren’t I supposed to get it since I’m your eldest son?”

“He’s got a point, yeobo… Why did you pass it on to Joonmyun instead?” Mum finally spoke.

“Because I thought Joonyoung always wanted to be a doctor.” Appa raised an eyebrow at hyung.

  “I change my mind.”

What?

“You’re so weird, you know that son? But I told Joonmyun that I’m giving that occupation to him. Won’t he feel disappointed if you–”

“My dear dongsaeng, can I have that job? Please?” Hyung held both of my hands and dragged his please as he pleaded for me to agree. I, being the blur person, just smiled and nodded.

“Alright then, Joonyoung, you’ll replace me.” Dad told and then he ordered all of us to eat.

Hyung always wanted to be a doctor since young. Why did he want to change his ambition all of a sudden?

 I didn’t get it at first but then I realized. He was trying to help me achieve my ambition by destroying his. We both knew our strict family tradition and one of the rules – hyung doesn’t really follows them but he does follows this one – was to accept and respect what your father has planned for you. We were taught that anything our father decides it was for our good.

Hyung knew that I couldn’t decline Dad’s request, so he…

That idiot.

I remember that day as the first time I was seriously angry at hyung. I screamed and yelled at him for being stupid and such. He kept telling me that it was a biology lecturing job, so it was similar as a doctor’s occupation but I wasn’t buying the excuse.

“I want you to get what you want.” He said.

I eventually broke down and hugged him. He whispered, telling me to do my best as he hugged me. I sobbed, probably destroying my hyung’s sweater. Then he told something I’d never forget.

“I don’t mind as long as I’m doing it for my dongsaeng. Work hard and never give up. Yah… Don’t cry!”

 

 

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You know, most of the facts I wrote about Suho in here are true. But as I said, MOST NOT ALL