“But inside, you're just a little baby 
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than loved, loved, love for what you're not.”

Yes, though I’m sort of still shy to admit, but the past twenty-three years of my existence, my nights were always spent inside my bedroom. If not, I probably got to fall asleep in the small library of our mansion. And I only got the brain, just now, to realize that I should experience something else…perhaps, more than those childish stuffs.

And so, with the help of some friends in crime, I was able to sneak out. I was able to savor the night of my first-time experiences. My friends teased me for being a late-bloomer but I was just too euphoric to mind them.

I definitely had the laxity in my shoulders, contrary to the pressure and expectations I used to carry on my back. It’s not easy to be me at all. I gave up on my own dreams and lived for the ambitions of others. I have locked my own freedom for the leisure of the majority.

Not for this night though.

I didn’t want to mind any of them, even just for this moment. I didn’t care if I would fail a major exam tomorrow. I didn’t care if my parents would find out in the middle of the night that their daughter wasn’t around. I didn’t care if I had succumbed to the dark lifestyles of my peers.

On the other hand,  I was able to kiss the most popular guy in the university. I was able to drink my first alcoholic beverage. I was able to pound my hips in the club and the list just went on. Would I even be able to experience being tipsy and silly for once if not for those sacrifices? Heck no!

However, for every freedom that you would have, there would always be a responsibility. And I believe that the responsibility came too late for me to see.

I did not fail the exam after that night, nor did my parents find out about my escapade. Not until three months of crazy symptoms and of unfamiliar sicknesses came. And I was clueless to even perceive the fact that my world was just about to crumble down.

It all started with unusual morning sicknesses. I didn’t know why, but I just felt like vomiting my stomach, even if there would be nothing to come out whenever I’d come to my bathroom. I thought it was like, an aftermath since I got too intoxicated by the alcohol. But after three months? I doubt if it was still about me getting too drunk.

Then there was my ludicrous craving for weird foods. During the middle of nights, when everybody was already on a deep sleep, I would wake up and check for foods in the ref. I would get some pretzels and marshmallows to plunge into the unmoved jars of peanut butter in the cabinet. I would also munch some fresh celeries while I would prepare some instant black bean noodles.

There were times when I would get too sensitive or too angered by the little things that people around me would do. I would usually vent my frustrations on my male classmates, who were all too scared to even go against me. I would also spend most of my free times sleeping. Honestly, even during classes, I would take a nap. Nobody would mind though as long as I got to answer questions in my examinations perfectly.

There were also few changes in my body: like my sudden swollen pair of s, obvious belly pots and even a bloated face. I mean, I knew I would eat too much but to get that huge in a span of three months? And so, I decided to make a schedule with my doctor. Although, I wasn’t there for getting fat in the first place.

The most nerve-wracking change I experienced was when I lost my period for three months. I was never an irregular in regards to menstruation. I was so pale at that actualization, even though I practically had never released blood for the past three months.

And the most frightening nightmare slapped me, hard, when my doctor gave me an appointment with Mrs. Kim–the resident OB-GYNE of the clinic in our area. She only gave me an encouraging smile as she handed me the OB-GYNE’s calling card.

When I got home, I went straight to my bedroom and locked myself inside, ignoring the questions of my dear mother outside. She eventually stopped as father came, and I heard him saying that I seemed exhausted so they must give me some space first. I laughed, did they just realize that now when I looked like a distressed panda with dark circles under my eyes and huge belly pot? PUHAHA!

But as soon as silence was the only one that was left to me, I cried inside. All of the memories that night came crashing on me, real hard.

It was actually a heedless, mindless and reckless night. I could remember drunken bodies swayed frenziedly against the loud music, emitted by huge amplifying devices. Males and females were making out in the hallways, on the tables, at the corners and even in the bathrooms.

Blurred memories suggested me that once, I was just about to puke out stuffs in a bathroom, when I saw plenty of couples (I wasn’t even sure if they were couples) in the action. Goodness gracious, I swear, all of the stuffs that I was supposed to vomit were pushed back, down to my stomach again.

Perhaps, the ual lyrics of the songs played that night influenced them. I knew myself those things were disgusting but it was also my first time so I couldn’t really think about what’s right and wrong anymore.

I cried even more, though quietly for my parents not to hear any commotion, as I realized that I couldn’t trace any memory anymore. Other than the fact that one of my friends offered me a glass shot, mistaking it for one the mild alcoholic beverages they used to give me. Other than that, I could only remember getting shook by one of the seniors I admire in the university, Cho Kyuhyun, gently telling me that it was already morning.

I was in the middle of this dilemma, when all of a sudden, small and quick beats of the heart inside me though didn’t literally belong to me, echoed in my mind. I cried harder as I realize the whole concept of another human being growing inside me.

As much as I want to think about myself only, I couldn’t help it when some motherly instincts developed in me. I started to wipe and dry my tears off of my face and gently rubbed my tummy. It wasn’t really that huge but nonetheless, I could imagine another human being developing inside my womb–and she or he was definitely going to be mine, my baby.

I suddenly didn’t want to cry, not when my bay could hear me out. What would this baby say once she/he came out of me? I definitely could not bear the feeling that this baby inside me was also depressed since I was feeling all ty about the consequences of my wrong deeds.

The feeling of protecting this baby living in my womb suddenly became stronger, both the urge and the desire to deliver her/him out of me safely planted themselves that deep. I didn’t really have anyone but this baby through this catastrophe, so I was even more determined to stand as this baby’s rightful mother.

Though, I wondered, how about this baby’s rightful father?

//

And thus, the day after Seohyun found out about herself going through an early pregnancy, she immediately went off to school to search for Suji. Suji was the girl she treated as her closest friend, who happened to be the very same girl who invited her at the party that night.

As much as she hated that night for ruining her everything, she was thankful for Suji for two things. One, that girl helped her just to let her experience being carefree for once. Second, that girl indirectly caused her the baby in her to exist so she at least was very thankful.

She wanted to share her thoughts about the whole scenario. After all, Suji’s the first one she could rely on. However, in the mid of her search, students around her started to look at her maliciously. Some were talking, like they were gossiping or something, as she walked on the corridors of the campus. She could barely hear their words out but with the looks they kept giving her, she started to feel cautious.

At first, she thought that it was just because she found out that she’s pregnant and believed that she’s prone to terrible mood swings. But as minutes ticked off, and she went around the university, she just couldn’t help but to think that they were really talking about her.

But the moment that one of administrations in her department walked to her and led her to the dean’s office, she began to see things clearer. The dean of the college of medicine blabbered about her and her achievements. However, the woman in her early fifties paused. And Seohyun was sure that the real issue was just about to be dropped.

“Ms. Seo Joohyun…sad to say, some scandalous rumours reached our office. There were, some students who claimed that they saw you entering a notorious club. Worse, you were seen doing more…stuffs that you wouldn’t really seem to do.”

The woman continued but Seohyun actually got stuck there. Of course, it was indeed that such awful information spread around but after she spent all of her time (yes, she didn’t really sleep last night), she realized that she couldn’t do anything anymore about her actions. Although, it didn’t mean that everything had to stop there.

That incident might block her from accomplishing her goals in the future but she had done it already. She couldn’t really undo everything–or if she could, she wasn’t the type to do so. She was already a woman with a responsibility, not only to herself but also to the baby living in her womb.

“We were sorry for these misleading things and we would like to help you from getting out–”

Getting out? Seohyun mentally laughed.

“–of this situation. We would also like to help you track those people who brought the misleading pieces of information. So–”

“Excuse me, ma’am.” Seohyun breathed out, as she finally got the strength to do so. With a polite smile plastered in her face, she continued. “As much as I would like to know who are those people who have broken my private issues, I would like to clarify things first.”

The dean paused and nodded, to show that she had allowed Seohyun to speak first.

Seohyun felt that there was something clenching inside her stomach, but she held it in. She just couldn’t let this pass anymore. She knew that the more that she would keep this, the more that it would get worse.

“There’s no need to escape out of this anymore. After all…I was the one who’s at fault.” Seohyun admitted, throwing pails of tube ice to herself. Not only at how the old woman’s gaze sharpened, but also the shame she had in herself as she committed to her mistake.

“Three months ago, I was invited to a party, in the middle of the night. I got drunk…and the rest of the things that happened, those memories, they were all repressed already. I thought, I thought nothing occurred. I, I was just feeling glad that I finally could enjoy my life outside the house and school.”

Seohyun inhaled deeply, as if she would also muffle her tears and push them back into the glands where they belonged in the first place. She would like to confess this thing, of course, but definitely not this time or not in this way.

The way that the dean’s eyes judged her so hard and the way that she felt so helpless in the moment were just so pressuring. She would like to share this to her most trusted friends, Suji if ever, since she supposed that Suji could accept her. She would like to tell this to her parents; she knew they would be really disappointed. Still, she also knew that after some time and space, they would come to her with open arms.

“I would be lying if I said that I never considered escaping this problem. However, I knew myself, I knew I wasn’t the type to act all rash. And this is definitely the time when I should be composed and wise to set things out.”

“So yes…I do admit. I was engaged into a premarital ual .” She bravely confessed.

If somebody could only look through her scared eyes and nervous voice…

“I am a three-month pregnant lady and I have no worries about that. If there’s one thing I regret, that’s the fact that right now, I still don’t know who’s the father of this child in my womb.” Seohyun firmly stated, preventing herself from a major breakdown.

“Other than that, I don’t care with what people might think of me.”

The woman stifled the obvious shock that was about to escape . Seohyun even reflected the worries that woman had in her pair of intense eyes. She wasn’t really sure if it was out of concern or disgust but she then realized she shouldn’t mind about it anymore.

She was about to excuse herself, since apparently the woman was at loss for words to say when the dean of her college department whispered.

“Mr. and Mrs. Seo…”

Seohyun wondered firstly since the respected woman suddenly blurted out her parents. And it was then actualization came to hit her, hard and a bit late, when she noticed that the dean’s eyes weren’t really directed at her. She immediately turned herself to the direction, behind her, and felt like wishing the earth’s core to swallow her alive right at the moment.

A pair of solemn eyes belonged to an old man and a pair of shocked eyes owned by another old woman started to drill a hole in her. And on that spot, she couldn’t help her tears but to slowly fall from her eyes.

“Dad, mom…”

A/N: Everyone, I present this sehun-seohyun-kyuhyun threeshot for one of the winners in the contest "The Beauty and The Wolves || Writing Contest", MasterTrollSama! If you guys want to check her entry, Answers, just click it. /throws confetti/ Once again, congrats for placing the second! Thanks for participating and I hope you're also going to enjoy this threeshot, hahah! Anyway, the author-nim has requested for this and I must say that there's no other more fitting prompt than the one she has given to me. I personally don't know that song but has grown likings to it just because...And most probably, I am going to depend this fic on the lyrics and the MV of the song. The whole video and the meaning of the song is just, JJANG!