My tired eyes stared at the computer screen as tears streamed down my face. The mouse pad was wet with all my tears making it almost impossible to click anything.

I needed to fix this. Sunggyu was the leader and he did a great job leading but fixing emotional problems within the group was my job. I just needed to find a way to fix the problem.

“Dongwoo you’re not looking up the accident again,” a voice came from the doorway.

“Umma I-I’m not doing anything,” I sputtered out wiping away my tears in the process.

My mother set down a tray of food on the nightstand next to my bed. There was a rather large plate of jjukkumi and next to that was a small bowl of rice and slices of lettuce.

A couple of weeks ago I would have ran through a mob of angry fan girls to have my mother’s cooking but I wasn't the same person now.

“If you don’t stop reading those news reports I’ll take away your computer,” my mother threaten me crossing her arms.

 “Mom I’ll be fine,” I told her as I closed my laptop and carefully placed it into my bag that was lying next to my bed.

“Howon and the other members have been calling.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Yeah? What did they want?”

“To see that you're okay. They’re worried about you. Your Appa and I are also worried about you,” she told me as she grab my hand to comfort me.

I pulled it away before she could get a firm grip on it. “I’m fine.”

“Fine? You haven’t been out of your room besides to go to the bathroom for days. Maybe you’ll feel better if you went for a walk?” my mother suggested.

“Tomorrow.” I lied to her. I've been telling her for the past couple days that I would go out or call the members the next day but things seemed to always get in the way.

“Jang Dongwoo. I love you but if you keep saying tomorrow I’ll throw you into the octopus case,” my mother threatens me.

“Mom you’re not strong enough to do that,” I responded dryly.

“Don’t tempt me Dongwoo,” she said in a warning voice as she looked down at her watch. “I have to get back to the restaurant before the employees run it into the ground. Kkotip is going to be here till tomorrow morning so if you need anything ask her.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“For god sake at least take a shower today. You smell like kimchi and soybean paste, “My mother nagged as she open the bedroom door.

“I will.”

“Oh and Dongwoo,” she turned her head stopping in the doorway.

“Yes,” I answered looking at my mother. Her short hair was thrown back into a small bun. She had scars from cuts and burns on her arms and hands from all the years of working in a restaurant.  Her eyes had bags underneath them sending a pang of guilt through my body. I knew she was losing sleep because she was worried about me. Within that second I felt as if I should run to her and comfort her. Tell her that her son will be okay and for her to stop worrying.

But I didn’t.

All I could do is sit on the edge of my bed waiting for her to speak.

“I love you,” she told me with a gummy smile.

“I love you too Umma,” I replied with the same gummy smile.

“Shower,” she told me as she left the room.

I waited until I heard the front door shut before I laid back down throwing the covers over my face. I could smell the jjukkumi even with the pillow over my face. My stomach growled as if to yell at me to eat something.

I laid there holding my stomach as a wave of nausea hit my body.

I couldn’t.

No I shouldn’t.

I closed my eyes tightly as my stomach growled loudly again and I was hit with another wave of nausea.  I rolled on to my side and curled my legs to my stomach.

Slowly I felt myself relax as the pain became bearable.

All the thoughts of disappointing my family and my band members seemed fade away as I fell into a deep slumber.

His whole body ached but it was the good type of ache. The type of ache you get after a long rewarding workout. Except this wasn’t a workout it was his life.

“Again,” Sunggyu ordered from across the room as he pressed a button sending Mitotic blaring throughout the room.

All of us were almost to the point of death but all that matter was perfection.

With each movement a shock of pain ran throughout my body only making me push harder. I could see from the corner of my eye that Myungsoo was slowing down once again.

I felt bad for the maknae. He was handsome maybe even the most handsome guy in Korea.  With looks like that came another load of work. Along with vocal, dance, Japanese lessons there was also acting lessons for Myungsoo. He was getting less sleep than the rest of us but yet Sunggyu expected him to keep up with his hyungs.

“Yah Myungsoo you’re too slow",” Sunggyu yelled.

Myungsoo jumped with a start stopping his movements all together.

“Can’t you get anything right,” Sunggyu scolded as Myungsoo looked at the wooden dance floor.

“Hyung I'll teach him the part over again,” I interjected.

“It’s not like he’s going to get it,” Woohyun said from the edge of the studio.

“Woohyun stop,” Sunggyu said in a warning voice.

“I’m only speaking the truth. Let's just face it this flower boy can’t dance. Why would Jung Yeop choose us to debut when one of our members have two left feet,” Woohyun snapped looking over to the quiet Myungsoo and the angry leader.

“Woohyun I told you to stop,” Sunggyu ordered clenching his fist.

“Just because Jung Yeop made you the leader for the time being doesn’t mean it will stay like that,” he snapped.

We all knew Woohyun had hit a nerve.

“Woohyun stop,” Hoya stepped in-between them as if they were going to start fighting.

“Whatever I’m going to take a walk,” Woohyun said as he walked to the door.

“YAH! We're not done practicing,” Sunggyu pointed out.

“He needs a lot more then practice,” he said as he walked out the door.

“Nam Woohyun I’m going to kill you,” Sunggyu grunted as he walked over to the small couch and threw himself down on it.

It wasn’t unusual that Woohyun and Sunggyu fought. They never could get on the right page and it also didn’t help that none of them have had a proper night of sleep. Sunggyu was struggling keeping the whole group together as Woohyun was trying to gain power or at least that’s what it looked like.

“Myungsoo,” Hoya called the young boy over to us.

Hoya gave him a reassuring smile but Myungsoo looked as depressed as ever.

Hoya was my friend although he was younger than me but that was okay. I never liked that age restricted me from becoming friends with anyone.  Hoya and I had first met in the company office at JYP. We both failed the audittion.  The second time I saw Hoya was when he was visiting a friend who happen to be Hoya’s cousin. When I saw him the third time was when new trainees were moving into housing which ended up being Jung Yeop's old house. I knew after that we were meant to become friends.

“You’re doing this part,” Hoya told Myungsoo as he went over the choreography as if it was nothing.” Wrong.”

Myungsoo did the same movements as Hoya but it came off awkwardly, “Like this?”

“Almost,” Hoya gave an encouraging smile.

Hoya was an amazing dancer and that was one of the reasons why Hoya and I clicked. I should’ve been worried that Hoya was one of the best dancers out of all the trainees but it didn’t bother me. I was happy when Jung Yeop had placed all five of us in a group up for discussion for debuting. There were two other groups of trainees that were fighting for the same thing that we were. He had changed his mind twice switching members in and out but for the past month this group had stayed the same. The thoughts of the five of them dancing on stage together almost made me giggle like a school girl.

The practice room door open revealing Woohyun. Something was odd about Woohyun it was almost as if he was scared of something.

“You’re back,” Sunggyu said standing up from the couch.

“I found him wondering the hallways,” Jung Yeop came to Woohyun side followed by two boys.

“I was g-getting a drink of water,” Woohyun lied looking at each one of us to help him out.

“He was,” I answered trying to not look Jung Yeop in the eyes. Jung Yeop had always made me feel nervous and on edge.

“Well okay. Sunggyu, Hoya, Dongwoo, Woohyun, and Myungsoo meet Sungyeol,” he pointed to the taller boy. He was even taller than Myungsoo who was the tallest member in the group right now. He was pale and way too skinny for a guy. “This is Sungjong.” He pointed to the other boy. 

My breath was taken away and for a minute I thought I was staring at a girl. His skin was paler and his wide eyes were staring at each one of the members.  He was thin maybe even thinner than the other boy. Then I remembered I had seen this boy around Woollim offices.  Then it hit me they were trainees.

No.

Someone was going to leave.

He looked around at the room his eyes first landing on Woohyun. Woohyun although hot headed was still a great singer. Hoya? Hoya was one of the top dancers there is no way they would kick him out. Sunggyu? Once again Sunggyu was an amazing singer totally different from Woohyun. He also had a strong grip on the group that if he was gone everything would fall into chaos. Myungsoo. He couldn’t dance but he had gotten a lot better since he first became a trainee. Plus he was handsome and the rest of the group had already labeled him as the visual.

So was it him?

Was he getting kicked out of the group or even out of Woollim?

“Please welcome your new members,” Jung Yeop said.

“Hello,” we all bowed to the two boys still taking in the words Jung Yeop had just said.

 No one was leaving but we had gained two new members.

“The seven of you better learn to work together because you’re going to be debuting together as a group. So no more fighting,” he looked at Woohyun and Sunggyu as if he had known what was happening between them. “This is when you guys should push yourself the hardest. Make sure that each hour counts while working together.”

Everything Jung Yeop said was a blur because I was only stuck on one word. Debut.

We were going to debut together as a group.

“Do you really mean it Sir?” Sunggyu choked out almost crying.

“About fighting? Yes you should all be working together not against each other,” Jung Yeop scolded us.

“No sir about us having our debut?” he asked again.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as the thoughts of debuting were finally coming true.

“Ah yes. I've decided that the seven of you will be debuting together as a group," he informed us.

“Thank you sir,” Woohyun said wiping away his tears as he bow. We all followed him in suit trying our best to not lose it too much in front of the boss.

“Don't thank me too much. You boys have a lot further to go before you actually touch any stage. Sungyeol and Sungjong will be moving into the dorm and training with you guys. So make sure that they settle in okay? Sunggyu you’re the oldest so make sure that everyone gets along,” Jung Yeop said in almost a warning voice.

“Yes sir,” Sunggyu answered confidently.

“Now get to work Infinite,” Jung Yeop said at the door way.

“Infinite?” Hoya asked with his eyebrows raised.

“Didn’t Jungryu tell you? A poll was released last week and the public picked Infinite as your name. I still like Blackberry but Infinite it is. So congrats Infinite! Now I have to go check on Nell’s recording so everyone behave. I’ll be checking back in on you two later,” Jung Yeop looked at the two scared teenage boys.

We all bowed goodbye as Jung Yeop walked out the door.

Infinite.

That was them.

I’m Dongwoo the rapper of Infinite.

 “We did it,” Myungsoo shouted smiling as he pulled Hoya who was the closets into a hug.

Hoya was standing there shock with his mouth slightly open.

“We did it hyung,” I smiled as I hugged Sunggyu tightly. He smelt horrible but it didn’t matter. I hugged him even tighter and didn’t release my grip till I heard Sunggyu gasp out for breath.

“We did it,” I smiled widely looking back at the leader who was smiling so largely that his eyes were barely open.

After what seems like minutes of celebration we turned to look at the two boys who were standing there awkwardly.

“Your Sungjong and Sungyeol right?” Woohyun asked staring at the two boys.

“Yes I’m Sungjong,” Sungjong bowed quickly.

“I’m Sungyeol,” Sungyeol bowed slightly.

“What’s your position?” Hoya asked eyeing the two boys.

Each one of us was thinking the same thing. Two more members meant two more people fighting for screen time. Seven people meant less money.  Although seven people in my eyes seemed perfect. The perfect number.

“Sing,” they both answered at the same time.

“Great,” Woohyun crossed his arms.

“What about dancing? Are you guys any good?” I asked because I knew it took Hoya a while to open up to someone new.

“I can dance okay,” Sungyeol answered in a quiet voice.

“I like dancing,” Sungjong answered.

“What’s your birth year?” Sunggyu questioned looking at the two boys.

“I’m 91 and Sungjong is 93,” Sungyeol answered for both of them.

“91? You’re their friends,” Sunggyu pointed to Hoya and Woohyun. “Sungjong I guess you’re the youngest now.”

“I’m not the youngest anymore,” Myungsoo said to himself. I wasn’t sure if he was relieved or upset.

“I haven't seen both of you around,” Hoya suddenly pointed out sending all eyes on him.

“I have only been a trainee for five months,” Sungjong informed us.

“f-five months,” Sunggyu replied shocked.

Most of them had been training for a year or more.

“What about you?” Woohyun asked looking at Sungyeol.

“I was a trainee at SM but I decided to switch label. I have only been here for about a month,” Sungyeol said.

“SM…” Sunggyu replied wide eyed as if Sungyeol just told him that he poops gold.

Oh no.

“You left SM?” Sunggyu pointed out still in shock.

“They wouldn’t let me sing so…”

“You left SM? You LEFT SM!” Sunggyu screamed making Sungyeol and Sungjong jump backwards.

“Hyung,” Woohyun grabbed ahold of his shoulder firmly.

“You left SM? Nobody leaves SM?!” Sunggyu pointed out almost crazily.

“Sorry he’s just a little sensitive when it comes to SM,” Woohyun apologized.

“He was rejected from there twice,” Myungsoo explained.

“YAH! Don’t tell him that,” Sunggyu yelled making Myungsoo take a step back.

“They only accepted me because of my aunt. If I had stayed there I wouldn’t have debut for another six years and by then it would have been too late. I would have lost all my good looks,” Sungyeol explain quickly in a slightly high pitch voice.

Sunggyu stopped struggling against Woohyun's grip and just stared at Sungyeol.

“Where are you from?” Sunggyu asked.

“Gyeonggi-do,” Sungyeol answered simply.

We all stared at him wide eyed. He wasn’t from the country side but yet he had a strange way of talking.

My head was still trying to piece together the pieces when Hoya started to talk again.

“Who’s your aunt?”

“She’s not that famous,” he told us.

“Who is she?” Sunggyu asked.

“Yoon Yoo Sun,” he answered.

“Oh my god! I loved Goong!” Woohyun said with wide eyes.

“Was she the queen?” I asked Sungyeol trying to remember the drama.

Sungyeol nodded.

“Wow she was really good,” I told him.

“We’re going to be famous with Yoon Yoo Sun nephew,” Woohyun said smiling widely.

Sungyeol nodded as if he had heard this millions of times.

“I’m sure he is good at other things too rather than just being related to a famous actress,” I pointed out trying to make the kid feel better.

Sometimes the other members get carried away...well okay mostly Sunggyu Hyung.

“We’re going to be famous!” Sunggyu and Woohyun jumped around in a circle holding each other’s arms.

It was funny one minute they were fighting and now they were smiling widely while they jumped up and down.

“What about you kid? Do you have any famous singers or actors as parents or cousins or anything?” Sunggyu asked.

“My parents are professors at a university and I don’t know anyone famous,” Sungjong answered.

“Oh,” Sunggyu looked disappointed but then his face lit up again. "Well at least you’re pretty."

"Sunbae you’re lucky. It's really hard to find a person like me," Sungjong pointed out putting a hand on his hip.

Sunggyu stood there mouth wide open once again today while the rest of the members laughed heavily.

In the moment everything seemed possible because the seven of them were going to be Infinite.

Where was I?

My head hurt. I looked down at my arms and saw blood slowly streaming down to my hand.

My stomach immediately knotted up making my body up heave whatever was in my stomach.

Which was nothing since my stomach was empty in the first place.

Instead I sat there my stomach tensing as I upheaved dry air making my whole body shake.

Blood.

Oh god why did it have to be blood.

I looked around and suddenly realized that the van had flipped over.

Oh god.

No.

Screams interrupted my thoughts and I turn my head to see Sunggyu trying to move something off of his lap. It was bigger than anything we had in the car then I slowly realized that it was the car itself.

Oh God.

Sungyeol looked like he was sleeping next to Sunggyu but I knew he wasn’t. Sungyeol was a sensitive sleeper and I knew he wouldn't sleep with cars whipping around them. Manager hyung was mumbling curse words as he held on to his bleeding nose.

Sungjong...

Where was Sungjong?

I turned my head looking around the smashed van for any sign of the young boy but he wasn’t there.

That’s when I saw him out of the smashed windshield.

A body was laying on the dark pavement covered in blood and scratches. He was wearing the same clothes as Sungjong but it wasn’t him.

It couldn’t be him.

Everything seemed to be falling apart because nothing made sense now.

Tears streamed down my face as I sobbed loudly. My whole body is shaking making it almost impossible to move.

I couldn’t do anything but sit there and cry loudly as I watch the youngest member die on the pavement in front of my eyes.

No.

NO!

“NOOOO!!!” I screamed as I shot up from my bed.

The door to my room slammed open as my older sister ran in.

“Dongwoo,” She called my name but I wasn’t even paying attention.

My throat grew horse from the screams but I couldn’t stop. My eyes throbbed in pain as I started to cry once again.

Kkotip rushed through the room hitting the tray of food in the process sending it toppling to the ground. She grab my arms pulling me into a deep hug.

“Shh!” She hugged my shaking body as my voice started to crack.

“Calm down,” she told me as she rubbed my back.

After seconds or minutes I really don’t know but my screaming seems to stop.

“M-y a-a,” I sputtered out in-between sobs.

“What?” My sister asked scanning my face with concern.

I took a deep breath and told my sister the truth,” It’s my f-fault. I wanted to eat and it’s m-my fault!

Kkotip eyes flashed with concern as she hugged me tighter. “It’s not.”

“My fault. MY FAULT!” I screamed loudly kicking my feet as if I was having a temper tantrum.

All Kkotip could do was hug me as I sobbed loudly for the maknae.