I could see the slight tremor in his hands as soon as he walked up to the podium.  From that moment on, I held my breath.  I said the words in my head as he spoke them out loud – even though it was his speech, we’d spent countless nights going over it that I had it ingrained in my memory as well. 

                “Congratulations, class of 2014.”

                Only when those last syllables left his lips that I allowed myself to exhale.  I rose along with the rest of the auditorium and applauded.  On stage, he too let out a deep sigh.  His eyes found mine and I gave him a thumbs up before cupping my hands around my mouth.

                “Yoon Junghan, you’re the best!” I shouted.  It was nearly impossible for him to have heard me over all the noise, but he grinned anyway. 

                The auditorium was buzzing with activity after diplomas were handed out – students hugging and taking pictures, huge bouquets of flowers in their arms while their parents look on with proud smiles.  I’d lost my own parents somewhere in the crowd some time ago, and I texted my mother to let her know that they could starting heading back home to avoid the traffic. 

                Someone gripped my shoulder from behind and called my name.  I turned and smiled.  Just the person I was looking for.

                “Good job, Junghan.  You were nervous, weren’t you?”

                He laughed, embarrassed.  “You noticed?”

                “I always notice.” 

                “Miss Vice President, always on top of things.”

                I swatted him on the arm.  “It’s supposed to be your job.  You almost gave me a heart attack from worry.” 

                To my surprise, he hugged me.  “Thanks,” he said into my ear.

                He pulled away and I tried to swallow past the sudden lump in my throat.  I opened my mouth to speak when I was interrupted by a group of girls calling Junghan’s name.  One of them took his wrist and started pulling him back into the crowd.

                “Junghan, meet me in the student council room!” I yelled after him.  He managed to nod before getting lost in the throngs of people, but I didn’t know if he really got the message.  I could only hope now.

                Walking back through the building was strangely nostalgic.  I had only just graduated, but all the memories started floating to the surface and made it seem like a long time had passed already.  I remembered the day that Junghan arrived at our school, and I was in charge of showing him around.  He was instantly popular and quickly rose up the social hierarchy.  By some fate, we ended up in the same literature class every year, and stayed friends.  It was in our final year of high school that he was voted as Student Council President.

                “I want you to be my vice president.”

                “Me? Why?”

                “You’re good at writing.  You can help me come up with speeches and everything.”

                “It’s just student council.  How many speeches do you possibly think you’ll be making?”

                “Either way.  I trust you.  For me, there’s no one else that can do it.”

                I reached the club room and sat on one of the desks, my legs dangling above the ground.  I pulled out the piece of paper I had prepared.  I unfolded it.  Just reading the first line made me blush.  I’d helped Junghan with his public speaking so many times, but now I felt like I wouldn’t be able to make it through. 

                “You should write something for me sometime,” he’d said one day when we were hanging out together. 

                “I help you edit your presentations all the time.”

                “That’s not what I meant.  I want to hear something that you write yourself.  Just for me.”

                “What would I have to say to you?”

                “Anything.  Say anything.”

                I went through the words in my head as I watched the clock tick by.  What was taking him so long?

                A few moments later, the door behind me opened.  I turned.

                “Oh, sorry,” said the girl.  She was the treasurer.  “I didn’t think anyone was still here.  You haven’t gone home?”

                “I’m waiting for Junghan.”

                She wrinkled her nose.  “You are?  I’m pretty sure he left.”

                “He did?”

                “Yeah.  Why, did you need to tell him something important?”

                I folded my paper.  “Not really.”

                She nodded slowly, collecting what she must have come for.  “Did you see those underclassmen that were talking to him?  So obnoxious.  I think one of them confessed.”

                “Confessed?”

                “You know how the last day of school is.  She probably wanted to get her feelings out there because there’s not a big chance she’ll see him later on.  Now or never, right?  I don’t know what good that does, though.”

                I took those words in and slid off the desk I had been perched on for almost half an hour.  The girl said her goodbyes and exited the room. 

                He probably didn’t hear.  Or maybe he’d forgotten.  Maybe he’d gotten swept up by a concourse of congratulatory teachers and parents wanting to pat him on the back.  Maybe he just didn’t care.

                The girl was right.  It wouldn’t do any good to be just one more person to confess to him if my feelings would never be reciprocated.  In a few short movements, I ripped my love letter to the boy I had a crush for the longest time and deposited the torn pieces into the trash. 

-x-

                The next day, I was at school again.  The sponsor of Student Council had asked me to clean up the room and sort out any last details.

                When I walked in, I saw Junghan, his back to me.  I in a breath and held back the emotions that were already trying to spill forward. 

                “Junghan!  What are you doing here?” I asked, making my voice sound chipper as I stored some old binders in a bookshelf. 

                “A puzzle.”

                I walked over to him.  “What kind of…”  My voice trailed off as I caught sight of what was in front of him.

                He’d taped my letter back together, every last scrap.

                “Why was this in the trash?” he asked quietly. 

                “Because…”  Do I tell him?  “Because I wanted to read it to you yesterday.  But you never came.”

                He looked surprised and slightly confused.  “What are you talking about?”

                “Yesterday.  I told you to meet me in here?”

                His eyes widened.  “I thought you said ‘Make me some food’!”  He produced a Ziploc container of spicy rice cakes and gave them to me. 

                I started laughing and crying at the same time, feeling stupid. 

                “But, you know,” he said, getting up from his seat.  “I don’t think you really fulfilled my request for you to write me something.”

                “Why do you say that?”

                He gently wiped my tears away.  “Because you stole the words right from my mouth.”

                He held up the final piece to his little puzzle.

                I love you.