Another hour to wait, which is feels like hell. Joon even can’t quite pin point how he feels right now. It’s all numb, from the moment he saw the fear lurking in his lover’s eyes when he saw him. Joon placed his elbows on his knees and held his head. His head’s dizzy and he feels nausea.

He tried to recognize what happened just mere minutes ago, since it all happened to fast and become a blur in his mind. He remembered how happy he is, when finally Mir opened his big round eyes. He wants to be the first one that the younger see after he wakes. He wants to be able to greet the younger with smile, to tell him that it’s over, now he’s here, safe and sound.

It turned out to be nightmare when Mir started to scream. His body’s trembles with fears and it shakes violently. Even Eunah can’t approach him. Joon didn’t try to hold him, he didn’t dare to move either. Those eyes, filled with cloud, pierced him with accused look, and with no recognition. Mir doesn’t recognize him.

Like it’s not bad enough, Mir started to scream. He screamed from the top of his lungs, loudly, and sadly. It’s a static sound that makes you frightened when you hear it, the sound that makes your heart uneasy.

Not long enough, nurses and doctor break in the room. It just makes Mir more frantic, if possible, he hugs his self tighter. The nurse injects him another sedative. Still, he attempted to break free and almost ripped his skin with all the IV, monitor and other machines that connected to him.

Joon wiped his face with his hand. Thinking about how he finally out of the room and listened Mir's voice became faint and finally disappear. No one prepared him to face this situation. Sure, the doctor already talked about the probability of having trauma, but it happened far beyond Joon could imagine. He never thought that Mir will be scared to see him.

He stood just when Eunah and the doctor came out from the room. Eunah looked pale, but she managed to smile reassuringly to Joon. "It's not too good," the doctor said directly to Joon, knowing the younger must be really worried. "I'm afraid that the incident affected him so much that he's having trauma syndrome. I suggest Bang Mir to visit psychologist, as soon as he is ready."

"He afraid of me," Joon said in low, empty voice.

The doctor patted Joon's shoulder to give some support. "He was going under stressful situation, give him some time to adjust and be himself again. It's important to keep him comfortable and safe. I will write a letter so you two could bring him home, hopefully his own house didn't feel too offense for his mental state now."

"He lives with me," Joon told the doctor. "It can't be, right?"

Once again the doctor showed his fatherly side to Joon, and tried to calm him. "It's normal for him to be afraid by men. We can help him, Joon. You can help him. Give him some time he needs. For now it's better for him to move out, maybe with his sister, to have a new environment that doesn't make him remember about the incident. Slowly, he'll get used to you again. Visit him frequently, take a baby step, don't rush thing. Everything will be back to the way it is."

Joon nodded, didn't really hear the doctor's support. His mind is all about Mir, and the way Mir screamed, the static voice that filled with fear really made his heart crumpled. It's going on repeat in his mind, over again.

In the next hour, the administration and other medical stuff are set and Mir allowed going home. The problem lays in him. Both Joon and Eunah feel like lost, didn't really sure what to do and how to deal with Mir. The nurse informed that Mir is awake now, and he's already run some check up to make sure he could go home. However Joon didn't know whether Mir agrees to go home or not. Mir doesn't say a word since the last time he opened his eyes.

"Let's go to Mireu," Eunah said, touching Joon's hand lightly to grab his attention.

Joon shook his head. "Its better you go to fetch him alone. He might be panic if he sees me. I'll take the car and waiting for you two at the front gate."

Eunah opened but closed it again. In the end she just nodded and entered Mir's room. When she opened the door, Joon caught a glimpse on Mir. He's sitting on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and buried his face there. The view ached Joon's heart, twisted it into agony. God knows how strong his need to come and pull the younger into his arms, hold him tightly and caress his back, soothing him.

The worst part isn't when Mir's crying, the worst part is he can't be there to stop Mir from crying. He looked until the door closed and wait for awhile. Joon himself doesn't know what to wait. Is he waiting for Mir to shout? To call his name? He doesn't sure how he proceed the doctor's words. Even if he understands, there's still some part in his heart that hoping Mir will come to him.

Joon forced his feet to step and get into car and drives the car to the front gate, waiting for both Eunah and Mir to come. A while later, both Eunah and Mir comes out. They walked with some distance between them. Mir hesitantly come in the car, when he saw Joon on the driver seat, he even take few steps back. Eunah seems calm him and persuade him to get into the car.

Mir finally decided to take the back’s seat, as far as the car’s allowed from Joon. Eunah took the passenger’s seat next to Joon and they went home. Joon drove to Eunah’s apartment immediately.

***

Mir closed his eyes and controlled his breath. He started to feel dizzy and having the urge to puke. Fear keeps haunted him and it feels like being strangled. He also knows that Joon keep steals glance over the rearview mirror. He doesn’t know how to act.

Since the first time he opens his eyes, he can’t stand seeing Joon. There’s dissonance between his mind and his heart. He didn’t forget about Joon. He knows who he is, but the word can’t pass his lips.

Because every memory he had with Joon vanished, changed with the tragedy on that night. Get near men, especially Joon, makes him very afraid that he will trembles and panic. He can’t insert some oxygen into his lung, and his vision gets blur.

“We’re here, Mir.”

Mir opened his eyes when he heard his sister’s voice. He looked outside and saw a familiar building. It takes some time for Mir to recognize it was Eunah’s apartment. Mir opened the car’s door and get outside as fast as he can to calm himself.

“Joon, come on,” Eunah turned and called for Joon.

Mir tensed when he heard the sound of the car’s door being shut and Joon is right behind him. However he doesn’t hear any sound after.

“I’ll be come up later,” Mir heard Joon said.

Eunah seemed doubted it but she nodded and keep walking. They got to the elevator and come up. Mir looked at elsewhere except his sister’s direction. It’s not really scary when he is with woman, but it still gives Mir some anxiety, even though the woman is his sister.

“Is it okay to stay with me for awhile?” Eunah asked softly when the elevator’s open. Mir really thought about it. There’s no other place he could stay. He definitely can’t go to his parent, can’t go to his previous home, his home with Joon.

Mir nodded. Eunah smiled and entered the security code. “Make yourself at home,” he said.

Mir often visited her, but still he took around the apartment. He saw every color, every pattern in the house. He tried to make himself at home, to call this place his home. Eunah prepared him one single room and he stayed there since. He feels comfort when he’s alone.

“Mireu,” his sister’s voice rang before she opened the door. “Already get used?” she asked and sat on the bed, next to Mir.

Mir slowly gave an inch between them. Eunah still smiling brightly, like nothing happened. Mir nodded his head. “Yeah,” he said in tiny voice.

“It’s good,” Eunah said cheerfully. “Just take a rest.”

“Nunna,” Mir hesitantly called when Eunah almost open the door’s knob.

“Hmm?”

“I don’t have any clothes.”

“Ah, right, I almost forget to tell you,” she said. “Joon already bring you that. Also other stuff you need. If you okay with that, Joon could bring it here.”

Just hearing his name makes Mir’s heart cringe uncomfortably, but too much for his surprised, he nodded.

Eunah get out and calling Joon right away. “Oppa, can you bring it inside?”

Joon slowly walked inside the room, bring a big and heavy bag. He put the bag in the corner. He took a minute to look up on Mir who avoids his eyes.

“Everything you might be need is here,” Joon whispered softly. He didn’t even move, afraid that will scare Mir more. “If you need the other thing…” he trailed off, didn’t sure how to say. “You can tell me.”

The room went silent for awhile that feels like forever. Joon took a deep breath and finally voice what is in his mind. “I will come back later to see you. That time, I hope we could talk. I’m going.”

Lee Joon gets out of the room, out of Eunah’s apartment, and drive home. He entered the now empty home, closing the door and let himself fell down, finally break down and cry.

Written by; Honey June

Annyeong~

it's been awhile, isn't it? I've been very busy and ill lately. But now I'm okay and miss you guys sooooo much. You still here with me, don't you?

anyway, enjoy reading,

MeroMarocco Some of Mir's memory got replaced. I thought it will be interesting that way. Mir will suffer a little bit more, but don't worry, we still have Joonie. I keep reading your story and it get better on each part. Ever think of 'solo debut'? kekeke

KeyOppaSaranghae Then I need to get better to keep you always want to know more. ^^

Karenkitty1092 Those guys will pay, but let's give them under the authority of someone who have the authority. I should be the one who thanked you for reading and keep waiting.

GenerationX Let me express how I love your caring first. I'm feel in the high spirit now, and very excited too.

Poor Joonie, someone need to stay strong and it must be him than any other person. He can't said what exactly is in his mind from now, but I promise there will be a time when he can. For Mireu, he himself doesn't understand yet what the connection between the tragedy with Joon, he needs help, and he will only get the help if he is ready.

see you guys on next chappies.