Dark Ties by Nictaeny9

Review by Classsic

Description

Two very different girls yet both are similar in more ways than one. Most people think that monsters aren't human, they don't have a heart, they're grotesque. They couldn't be more wrong. Monsters are human, evil and vile. Both girls lived with monsters for more than half their lives. Both suffering, both lamenting, both oblivious to the other's pain. Most would choose to give up, run away but these two fought. What happens when fate decides to step in? Pushing them into each other's lives... Will they end up in each other's arms?

How will it all end.....

Title → (15/15)

The title plays an important role when you want to grab a reader’s attention. As a reader, I do judge a book by its cover, but also its title as well. I think Dark Ties is the most suitable title for your story. It is attention grabbing and I don’t think I would even think twice to click on your story and read it. It is dark, it is mysterious, and there is something in it that draws the readers to read it. I love it.

When I think about Dark Ties, I think about two desperate people depending upon each other that despite how dark the world is, there is a tie connecting between them, reminding them they are not alone in this dark world.

 The title speaks for itself; there is already a story in it.

First Impressions → (17/20)

I believe that first impressions truly last, and I say you did a good job in it. The description does not give away too much about the story but it perks up the interest of the readers. The idea about the monsters was good, but if the words were constructed carefully, it would have been better. Like instead of “Monsters are human, evil and vile.” You could simply put, “Monsters are evil and vile, taking form and living as a human being.” Something like that, but it doesn’t have to be. Keep up the good job! 

Language → (6/10)

Language is most important in a story if you want to communicate effectively to your readers, not only through grammar but you also have to communicate through emotions you try to depict. You have to let the readers feel what the characters are feeling. You have to let your readers enter the character’s world as if they are actually witnessing what is happening. And I think what is lacking to your story is that connection.  Your title had emotions but the story didn’t quite grasp it. I think you really have to work in this area.

You have good choice of words, though you might need some little bit of work with it also, like the use of punctuation marks, tenses, and order of words.  There are also some spelling errors and wrong choice of words but it is quite okay.  Your grammar isn’t bad either, but just be careful with your sentence structure.  Be descriptive.

Flow and Consistency → (14/20)

I think you did a great job here but I deducted two points because Taeyeon and Tiffany’s relationship were progressing too fast.  Never be in a hurry when writing a bond between two people, whether it is a relationship, a friendship or even a love-hate relationship. When walls are built up, it takes time for it to break. Healing take times time, so don’t be in a hurry. I feel like there was no time for other things to consider, make the readers aware or think about their relationship progress. One time they were just gazing at each other trying to figure each other out and then BAM they are opening up to each other. It doesn’t take one moment to take the walls down even though how much you think or sense that you can trust the person. And also how did Taeyeon ended up being Tiffany’s tutor? She was portrayed as rebellious and doesn’t care about studies. 

 The flow between the scenes is quite good but you are progressing too fast. Your story has a goal and you are aiming for it. Just don’t get lost and slow down a bit.

Storyline → (16/20)

The storyline isn’t the most original; it is actually a cliché story but the way you presented it makes it original. Pulling off a story with multiple personalities is quite hard but you’re managing. Keep up the good work.

Characters → (7/10)

Tiffany and Taeyeon may have different personalities but they both share the same pain. There is balance in your characters, one is without emotion and is showing that she really doesn’t care while the other one is building a façade to hide what really is beneath it.

I’ve observed that you repeatedly mentioned how Tiffany doesn’t care and it is okay, it is what she is. But just mention it once, twice or thrice in a chapter to remind us that she has barriers around her and it would take a while to let those walls down. Make the readers understand/feel that she doesn’t care, not by repeating it all the time.

Do not forget that they also have their pasts. From time to time, give the readers an insight about what they were before, just like how you are writing some flashbacks.

Entertainment → (7/10)

I enjoyed your story and looking forward for the updates. I would like to see much more of it. Keep up the good job author-nim! 

Total → (82/105)

Reviewed by Classsic

PM Classsic or ScreamingMidget for any additional questions/add-ons to the review/etc. Additional material may be managed by ScreamingMidget instead of original reviewer (to avoid overworking underaged children) unless otherwise requested. 

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