A Man who Knows what He Wants by missaminff 

Reviewby ScreamingMidget

♦Title → (9/10 pts)

Trust me, I totally get what feel you’re going for with this title. However, I really do think that you can create that same desired effect with fewer and stronger words. Other than that, the title needs a little help with the capitalization.

Here’s a really great post that will help you:  http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/539511/1/how-to-write-the-best-story-aff-has-ever-seen-and-get-it-featured-on-the-same-day-and-everything-in-ten-days-or-less-or-maybe-eleven-because-it-really-depends-or-wait-no-on-the-same-day-cus-that-s-what-i-said-earlier-also-some-other-stuff-tutorial

Anyway, you didn’t capitalize ‘who’ or ‘what’. I thought this was interesting because both of those words are seen as words that you have to capitalize. It’s mostly words like ‘an’, ‘the’, ‘it’, etc. (prepositions) that you usually don’t capitalize. In any case, I know it can be confusing to see what really needs to be capitalized because there really aren’t a clear set of rules. I can’t say that what you did was wrong because, like I said, there really aren’t a clear set of rules that disallows it. With that said, it just looks a little odd. So, I recommend you go with the most common capitalizing method:

“Capitalize the first word of the title, the last word of the title, and all “principal” words (that’s essentially the same parts of speech I just listed—nouns, verbs and so on), and all words longer than three letters. That is the style currently recommended by the Associated Press (2). (You can see one of the major differences between Chicago and AP style is that in Chicago style, a long preposition such as “between” would not usually be capitalized, whereas in AP style, it would.) -Obtained from: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/capitalizing-titles#sthash.QH8un19g.dpuf”

Dude, like anything “recommended by the AP” is probably valid for a reason. It’s a common style. Anyway, if I were you, I’d make a quick adjustment and change the title to “A Man Who Knows What He Wants” . I really wanted to help you with this. I saw on your profile that you linked your story with “A Man Who Knows What He Wants” so I figure you had an idea about the capitalization rules but someone corrupted you or something and you got confused 3 There’s a capitalization method like: capitalize every freaking word because that looks good.

The second issue with the title, like I mentioned first, was that it’s way too wordy. Never use more than two words when one solid word will do. Is there any better way to phrase ‘ a man who knows what he wants’? Like maybe... ‘A Man With A Purpose’ or something like that? The title is just a tad wordy, that’s all.

...

OK that’s what I wrote before reading it. Usually, I do the title/first impressions first and then the rest after reading it. But I’ve never changed my mind about the title up until now. I would capitalize 'what' just to go by the rules, since it wouldn't stand out enough to like...make you look like a rebel or something. I don't know if you're still following me so I'll hurry this up xD. I also still stand by that it’s a tad too long...for an average story. Your fic is amazing and I don’t even care about the title anymore, sorry xD 9/10

♦ First Impressions → (10/15 pts)

For my first story, I wrote so much for my description and foreword. I got a lot of reviews and changed the first page according to what each said and now it’s totally different. So, to pass down what a lot of my own reviewers said, give only a smidge in the description. You probably want to show that there will be twists and it’s that it’s not predictable (arguably, that’s the #1 fear of so many writers, especially since we condemn cliches so openly and so on) but it’s best to leave it on a hook!

♦ Language → (15/15 pts)

Looks awesome! Maybe it’s because I’m not used to writing any racy things and I haven’t thought about those techniques... but from what I read, I was really blown away. I think you did an awesome job describing things in a way that kept things on the ‘y’ side, instead of overdoing it and crossing over to the ‘’ territory.

♦ Flow and Consistency→ (15/15 pts)

Oh my gosh. Amazing. Your chapters are so incredibly long and powerful. Usually, people struggle with pulling all the sections of the chapter/story together. But you were amazing. I just...I can’t even... • Dramatic structure, use of perspectives, efficacy of transitions, etc.

♦ Storyline → (15/15 pts)

OH amazing. I know I’m using that word too much!!!! But gawsh, I try not to base this section on originality but girl, you were all up in durr with a totally unique plot and twists. Every chapter touched up on the plot. • Not based on originality. How well is the plot/theme executed throughout the ff?

♦ Characters → (20/15 pts)

I don’t know if that score is possible but omg your characters were like real people. They way they talked and behaved...it was like I was watching a drama. I can’t even...

♦ Entertainment → (10/10 pts)

AH IT WAS SO CRAY. I loved every minute of it.

99% ; recommended list. Without a doubt, I'm your new biggest fan <3

Reviewed by ScreamingMidget

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