Baekhyun feels something soft on his left cheek. He cracks his sleepy eyes open, slowly adjusting it to the light from the bedside lamp, only to see Chanyeol carressing his face and staring at him with that big eyes of his. His beautiful eyes are only be more beautiful when it’s reflecting the dim light in Sehun and Luhan’s guest room. The usual wide grin is replaced with a soft smile which makes Baekhyun want to carress his lips. Baekhyun’s too dizzy after more than an hour crying and woken up by Chanyeol in the midnight. He doesn’t feel like to get up, so he just continues lying on the bed, admiring his bestfriend’s beauty before it officially owned by Kris.

                “Chanyeol..” His voice is hoarse and a little bit strange in his own ears.

                “Baek.” The giant sits on the bedside beside Baekhyun’s left arm. “You’re back.” His soft smile and gaze don’t falter. Baekhyun feels that Chanyeol’s gaze is different. It’s like there’s yearning mixed with happiness swarm inside it, only makes Baekhyun feel his stomach’s churned.

                “Of course.” Baekhyun helds out his hand wanting to feel Chanyeol, wanting to hold his soon-to-be-married bestfriend. He Chanyeol’s built arm and forces a smile, hoping it would look real in Chanyeol’s eyes. “Tomorrow’s your big day.”

                “Yeah.” Chanyeol leans down and wraps the tiny man to his hug. “You didn’t tell me you’re here.” There’s an obvious bitterness in Chanyeol’s voice. “I missed you, Baek.”

                Baekhyun is too tired of everything. He wants to hug Chanyeol back, but he felt his body numb and weak. The words ‘I missed you too’ is hanging on the tip of his tongue, but there’s a big lump in his throat. Baekhyun’s eyes is hot and stinging, but he can tell that he can never cry again. He’s exhausted and the tears just wouldn’t fall, not that Baekhyun would let it fall in front of Chanyeol though. Chanyeol wants Baekhyun to hug him back, or at least say he missed him too, so he prolongs his hug in hope Baekhyun will hug him back. But Baekhyun just sighs deeply and shuts his mouth, so he pulls back and he feels his heart’s hurt.

                “Your eyes.. It’s puffy.” Chanyeol continues carressing Baekhyun’s cheek. “Have you been crying, Baek? Is your problem that big?” He unconsciously frowns.

                Baekhyun looks away for a while before pulls his gaze back to Chanyeol. “No, I’m okay. I’m just having sleep deprive, works’ve been hard.”

                Chanyeol sighs. “How many hours you sleep these days?” He pulls his hand back and runs it through his hair, as if frustratred of his bestfriend. Baekhyun has to resist the urge to reach for Chanyeol’s hand and put it back on his cheek. “Seriously Baek, you have to stay healthy. I’m leaving for Canada next week, and you’ll be alone. I can’t leave you if you’re still like this.”

                Baekhyun feels guilt creeps up in his chest, but he wants to stay like this if that can make Chanyeol stay. He knows it’s stupid so he forces a smile again. “There’s Luhan hyung and Sehun. And Kyungsoo and Jongin. Oh, and Junmyeon hyung too. I won’t be alone, Yeol.” The happy tone in his voice’s so fake, but he just hopes Chanyeol would buy it.

                “Still—“

                “I’m okay, Yeol.” Baekhyun cuts in. Smiling more happily to convince Chanyeol. “How’s your wedding preparation? I’m really sorry I can’t help you much.” He quickly changes the topic.

                “It’s okay.” Chanyeol’s obviously happier now speaking of his wedding. “Ah, and are you not confused why my handsome face is appearing in front of you in the midnight before my wedding?”

                Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Yeol, it’s not like you never crawled to my bed in the middle of a night. Just.. How could you find me here?”

                “I actually came here expecting to see Sehun and Luhan hyung, but I saw your shoes in the front. Since I missed you so much and I’m your bestfriend and I want to see my bestfriend  who was missing for a month and never paying me a visit, so yeah I decided to ditch Sehun and Luhan hyung to see you.” Chanyeol flashes his signature smile. “It’s not that I can completely ditch Sehun and Luhan hyung since it’s their apartment and they’re still in their bedroom doing God knows what, and—“

                “Yeol..”

                “Oh am I rambling again? Sorry.” He flashes a sheepish smile. “I wanted to have an impromptu bachelor party with Sehun and Luhan hyung, but you’re here and as I said before, you’re here so—“

                “Yeah okay Chanyeol. I get it.” Baekhyun pipes in before the giant can ramble again. “So you wanna have a bachelor party, alright. But it’s already midnight, Yeol. You should’ve slept if you wanna look handsome tomorrow. Believe me Yeol, you don’t want to have dark circles under your eyes tomorrow.”

“But Baeeeek~” Chanyeol whines and reaches Baekhyun’s hand. “I missed you. And I’ll be leaving in a week, you know I’ll be busy after the wedding. I wanna spend time with you before I move to Canada.” He pouts.

Baekhyun feels his heart tugging and his shoulder’s heavy like he’s carrying all the problems in the world. “I know.” He mumbles weakly. “But still, you have to sleep, Yeollie.”

Chanyeol tsk-ed. “You’re no fun, Baek.”

“Seriously, Yeol—“

“Okay, okay. We won’t have a midnight party. Fine.” Chanyeol’s now the one cutting Baekhyun’s words. The petite man just smirks contently seeing Chanyeol pouts. “But I’ll sleep here.” His pout’s replaced with a wide grin quickly.

Baekhyun has no other choice. He won’t let Chanyeol drive back to their apartment because it’s midnight and tomorrow’s his wedding day, so he just sighs and scoots over to give the giant space to lie down, earning a victory laugh from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol quickly slides in beside Baekhyun and pulls the blanket up to his chin. “SLEEPING WITH BAEK!!” He chants and wiggles his body happily, scooting over to Baekhyun so they’re now shoulder to shoulder.

“Sssh Yeol! You’ll wake Luhan hyung and Sehun.” Baekhyun says. Annoyed.

“I’ve woken them up around twenty minutes ago when I arrived in here, so I think they won’t mind if I woke them up again.” He grins. Baekhyun sighs and shakes his head.

“Now sleep, Yeol.”

Chanyeol indeed keeps his mouth shut. But ten minutes later when Baekhyun’s almost drifted off to sleep, Chanyeol nudges his shoulder lightly, making Baekhyun’s consciousness come back.

“Baek, I’m nervous.” He whispers. “I’m afraid of the wedding.”

Baekhyun almost chokes on Chanyeol’s words. “I thought you were happy?” He replies with another whisper.

“I’m happy. Kris is great and I surely love him.” Baekhyun unconsciously shudders hearing it. Chanyeol runs his hand through his hair. “I’m afraid I’ll ruin everything tomorrow. I’m afraid I will be too nervous to say the vow. I’m just..” Chanyeol trails off before sighing deeply and whispers, “Afraid.”

“Ssshh.. You’ll be okay Yeol.” Baekhyun tilts his head to face Chanyeol. “You’ll be okay. Your wedding will be great. And you’ll be so handsome and adorable. I bet Kris will be the one who is nervous when you walk down the hall to him tomorrow. He will shudder seeing you, and he will be forever grateful to have a person as precious as you as his husband.” He whispers back. “And your marriage will be great too. You two will be the happiest couple on earth.”

Chanyeol turns his head to face Baekhyun before flashing a smile, and whispers a relieve “Thanks, Baek. You’re the best.” And interlaces their fingers under the blanket.

Baekhyun just hopes his words will come true, even though he knows it will hurt him. Chanyeol closes his eyes and soon drifts off to sleep. Baekhyun turns his body to Chanyeol and buries his face to Chanyeol’s shoulder and whispers,

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy too Yeol. Congratulations.”

And he feels his cheeks wet with tears.

--

The next morning, Baekhyun wakes up with empty space beside him. He looks at the clock and it’s only seven. He rubs the bed and feels it cold, means that Chanyeol has left him maybe since the dawn. A part of his heart feels empty but he already knew it will happen anyways. Chanyeol needs to prepare since early in the morning for his wedding, and Baekhyun knows Chanyeol won’t wake him up since he told the giant that he’s having sleep deprivation. He gets up slowly from the bed, feeling his dizziness still lingers on his head. The floor’s too cold and he’s shuddering a little bit before stumbling to the door, trying not to fall down. His face and breath’re hot but he feels so cold that he wants to curl up on the bed, but he gets up because he already hears Sehun and Luhan sweet talking outside the room. He holds the door knob and it’s too cold in his palm. Cursing a little bit because he knows he’s sick at an ungodly time. The couple greets him from the kitchen soon after they hear the door opens and he just can walk slowly to them.

“Hyung are you okay? Your face’s red. Are you sick?” Sehun asks him warily, walking past the dining room to help him walk. He touches Baekhyun’s arm and feels the hot skin under his fingers. “Hyung you’re boiling!! Lu hyung help!”

Sehun helps the sick Baekhyun laying down on the comfortable couch in the living room, and going to his room to get a blanket because Baekhyun’s trembling. Not too long after that, Luhan comes with a wet towel and put it on Baekhyun’s forehead.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks weakly, pulling the blanket Sehun gave him up to his chin. He knows Chanyeol’s left but he couldn’t help not to ask his friends.

“He’s left really early in the morning Baek.” Luhan answers softly while wetting the towel again before putting it on Baekhyun’s forehead. Baekhyun just hums and closes his eyes even though it’s uncomfortably hot.

“Will you still attend Chanyeol hyung’s wedding, hyung?” Sehun says softly, a little bit worried his question will hurt his hyung even more.

“Of course, Sehun. It’s Chanyeol’s wedding. I can’t be absent.” He can feel a tear pricking his eyes but he holds it back.

Sehun just nods to give him acknowledgement, totally understands what Baekhyun feels about Chanyeol’s wedding, even though he wants to tell him not to go to the wedding because of his condition.

“You’ll go with us, right Baekhyun? I’ll drive.” Luhan massages the sick Baekhyun’s legs. “And I don’t accept no as an answer.”

Baekhyun feels nothing but thankful to the couple and smiles genuinely at them. “Only if I’m not bothering you two. I just feel like a burden for you since yesterday cause I was bursting to your apartment crying like a madman, being sick and has to hitch a ride to Chanyeol’s wedding.”

“It’s totally okay hyung. And you weren’t bursting into here. We asked you to stay here, and you really didn’t want to be sick, are you? So it’s okay hyung.” Sehun smiles and pats Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I’ll take your suit from your apartment later.”

--

Being sick on Chanyeol’s wedding’s totally not a good thing. The fact that he already didn’t want to see the sickening sweet scene right before his eyes only becomes worse when his head is pounding and his body’s trembling and all the ugly snot comes out from his nose. Baekhyun feels really miserable and he’s busy self-pitying when the church door opened and all the eyes of the guests moves from Kris being extremely handsome in the altar, to someone walking in to the door.

Chanyeol walks gracefully to Kris waiting for him in the altar. He looks so handsome and cute and happy and shy and everything that makes Baekhyun wants to run to the altar and push Kris out of it. Baekhyun can feel his knees weak like jelly and he almost hugs Luhan for holding his elbow as if knowing Baekhyun’s almost pass out. He can feel his heart’s dying inside and his eyes sting, only worsen his sick and frail body. Chanyeol’s already beautiful and attractive since God knows when, but today he looks handsome from the inside, handsome because he’s so happy that he’s eyes are glittering and Baekhyun can’t take it anymore, because the happiness Chanyeol feels is not because of him, because the source of those rosy cheeks and shy smiles and glittering eyes is not him.

Chanyeol is in the altar and all the procession is on going. All the eyes of the guests are on them except for Baekhyun who ducks his head as low as possible and busy holding back his tears. All he can hear is his own heart beat and pounding ears and Luhan’s firm grasping on his elbow. It’s Chanyeol’s wedding and Baekhyun can’t miss everything. He has to look to the altar and witness his bestfriend’s happiest moment once in a lifetime because it’s CHANYEOL’s wedding, even though his dying heart’s not helping at all. It takes all of Baekhyun’s willpower to gaze upward to the altar, but he apparently chooses the wrongest time to do it. It’s when Chanyeol and Kris’s kissing and Baekhyun can no longer hold back his tears. His all body is trembling greatly. His knees can no longer support his body and he falls down to the bench, followed by panic gaze from Luhan and Sehun that abruptly turn their attention to the sick Baekhyun.

His dying heart’s now died.

--

All of the processions’re done. The newly-wed couple and most of the guests are in front of the church having a photo session. Baekhyun can’t take it anymore and he slips away from the crowd. Tears flowing down his cheeks like a stream. His body’s hot and cold. His gaze’s blur as the sky darkens.

He wonders what’s Chanyeol doing now, is he even remembers him when he’s surrounded by Kris and his other friends pouring him happiness? He feels like a worst person walking on earth by escaping from his bestfriend’s wedding and can’t even feel happy with it. His feet take him to wherever it wants until a droplet of water falls down on his nose. Baekhyun, as if waking up from his dream, looks at the sky seeing millions other big droplets dropping down to earth. It’s cold. He can’t tell anymore which are his tears and which are the rain on his cheeks. All Baekhyun can do is walk under the rain untill his whole body is damped. He slightly hopes the rain will wash up his feeling towards th giant even though he knows it’s impossible.

He walks and walks until he feels his feet can no longer support his body. His phone’s ringing loudly in his pocket before it becomes silent he himself doesn’t know if it because of the rain or someone’s calling him is tired enough to call again.

Baekhyun sits in front of an old building. He doesn’t know where he was and he’s terribly cold. His body’s shivering. His eyes stung and his head pounding relentlessly. The petite man lies down on the dirty floor, doesn’t care if he’d stain it with mud. He suddenly feels so tired and he unconsciously closes his eyes. All Baekhyun knows is when he wakes up, he sees Luhan’s and Sehun’s concern face.

--

Today is the last day of his exhibition, means that he’s already hid himself from Chanyeol for three weeks. He never met Chanyeol again since the giant’s wedding and that little incident of his escapade that made Luhan and Sehun worried sick. From what he heard from Luhan and Sehun, they looked for Baekhyun for almost five hours. Chanyeol only knew that Baekhyun didn’t feeling too well. Sehun said that to him just so Baekhyun’s disappearence didn’t ruin his perfect day.

He had to had a bed rest for three days because of his reckless action; walking under the rain when he was having a fever. Chanyeol didn’t know it all. His friends didn’t know it except the HunHan couple, and it made Baekhyun wonder how could Luhan shut his mouth and became such an angel helping him with all he needed when he couldn’t even get up from his bed. Chanyeol’s already left for Canada with Kris two weeks ago and Baekhyun couldn’t -- didn’t – even go to the airport for saying goodbyes and sharing one last hug. Chanyeol’s still oblivious of Baekhyun’s feeling toward him, and Baekhyun thinks it doesn’t necessary for him to know, because he’s married and have a happy life with Kris.

Baekhyun fixes his ties and smiles to the people attending his exhibition. People’s appreciation to his paintings is higher than he expected it to be. Some art collectors even want to buy his masterpiece and of course it makes him happy despite the feeling in his heart, yearning for his bestfriend’s touch and voice and hug that makes Baekhyun want to curl up in his bed for the rest of his life. Medias come and go to his exhibition everyday to cover the event and interview him. He’s tired, physically and mentally. Everytime he feels like he can’t stand it anymore, he would excuse himself to the very last room in the exhibition hall to take a look for his favorite paintings, which nobody can buy. The room’s dedicated to Chanyeol. Most of the paintings are Chanyeol’s face with different expressions, sometimes with Baekhyun in it, from time to time when they’re first met, to their times in middle school, high school and university. The interior of the room’s special. Its theme is beach, with its artificial white sands, artificial trees and even a “BaekYeol” monument just like in Baekyeol-beach in Jeju. The biggest painting in the room is Chanyeol and Kris in their wedding. Chanyeol smiling happily with Kris’ arm around his waist, also smiling. Under the painting, there’s Baekhyun’s handwriting:

“Even though I can never tell you what I feel, and I can never have you like the way I want, I love you Park Chanyeol, my bestfriend, my love, my everything. I hope you’re happy with everything you have in life now. Because I’m happy when you’re happy, and you’re the most precious person in the world. You deserve all of the happiness in the world. Once again, I love you, Park Chanyeol. I love you from the start and I can never and will never erase this feeling.”

--

The worst thing of this heart break is Baekhyun can’t even tell Chanyeol about what he feels. His life without Chanyeol is empty and his heart’s hurt everytime he opens his eyes in the mornings and closes his eyes in the midnights. But life must go on. Baekhyun keeps living his life even though he’s more like a walking dead human.

For Baekhyun, it’s okay that he can never fall in love again with another person because his heart’s shattered into million tiny pieces and it’s impossible to mend it. Chanyeol is Baekhyun’s everything, even though Chanyeol doesnt know it until know. It’s okay for Baekhyun.

“As long as you’re happy, Yeol. Even though your source of happiness is not me. I’m okay. I love you. Forever.”

This whole story's unbetaed, pls ignore the wrong spelling and grammar ;')

I love Baekyeol seriously, but it's just doesn't make sense if Chanyeol suddenly leaves Kris for Baekhyun right?

I'm so sorry... I don't know. I don't like this. I'm sorry. Will you give comment? Will You? Yes? Maybe? No. Okay (?)

I know it's bad because when I read it I felt like "ewww~ what kind of story is this gahhh"

Once again, sorry ;AAA;