32

"Kamsahamnida Sunbae! " You bowed again, saying thank you to both idols. For a short while you fangirled with the pictures you had with them. You made your way back to Sehun who was smiling like an idiot.

"Yah! You idiot! Why'd you do that!" You hit Sehun's arm hard, hating him for cutting you off earlier.

"Do what?!" Sehun asked back, facing a different direction and pulling on your hand once again.

His motion silenced you, * Why Oh Sehun, Why? You're making me feel like this again.* . You liked the afternoon, though it was getting colder the moment was right. Sehun beside you was something you could get used to. Sehun was someone you could be with comfortably, someone you could love.

*If Su Yeon wasn't his girlfriend.* You remembered how they were in each other's arms while the instructor was out of the studio. The sudden wave of disappointment reached you, letting out a deep sigh and looked down. You had your hands with Sehun, it was the sweetest thing that you've experienced with him and you didn't want to let go.

You understood how you felt. For once, you were clear about how you felt. Now you didn't even know how to show it. *Should I even? Even if he's already happy with Su Yeon? * Frustration again taking over, you breathed heavily and stopped where you stood.

Sehun must've seen what you were feeling and heard the deep sighs you gave out for a long time. Sehun didn't let you stand there, in the middle of the pedestrian and pulled you to the bench of the nearby park. Letting you sit as he stood, watching you.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why do you look frustrated?" Sehun started.

"I just feel...I just feel something. That's not even supposed to be there." You tried to say but you voice broke anyway.

"Come on. I'm here. It's okay, whatever happens right now, I'm here for you." Sehun raise his hand that held yours and pushed your hair way from your face.

"No. No. I'm not letting this get to me. Besides I'm the one who's supposed to be helping you. Oh Sehun. Having girl problems?"You swallowed the pain you just had. * That's right. I just have to swallow these useless feelings. He doesn't need it. I'm here to help him, not be a burden.*

"Hell yeah I do. I don't want to  talk about Luhan and Su Yeon, remember?" Sehun pushed the thought away. He just wanted today to be you and him.

"Hiding it and ignoring won't fix anything. You won't get anywhere, Sehun~ah." You said . Sehun stared at you for a long time, contemplating on what can and may happen.

"You said that okay? I'm just following that, but I'll just give information slowly... and in small amounts." Sehun tried to explain without getting confused and failed. From the look on your face, you didn't understand everything. You were about to laugh but was stopped with Sehun's words.

"Don't laugh! It's not funny." Sehun interjected

*You being taken away from me isn't funny*

" Luhan. I told him about something a few months ago, and he knew how I felt. In the end, he ignored that fact and ... " Sehun didn't bother finishing his sentence, ending up with a deep sigh like yours earlier.

"Of all the people, it had to be  one of the hyungs I trust the most. Then there's Su Yeon. I didn't even know she was capable of hurting people. I thought she a decent person you could talk to, but she's really really annoying. You know , I can't really forgive her after what she did to yo- . I mean what she did." Sehun sounded really disappointed and looked away.

You gave him a pat on his back, only then did you realize he was staring at you again. His eyes were dark brown, glowing as the sun gave its bright  orange glow for the last time today.

"Ehm. I, I think he'll give it back. Whatever Luhan took from you. And probably Su Yeon had her reasons, trust me, Su Yeon can hit. " You smiled as you gave Sehun some 'advice'.

Sehun looked at you only this time you didn't know how to explain it. It's like he was still disappointed, until his laughter was heard.

"You know. I don't know  if you're joking or you're not feeling well. I mean you're smart. You really don't?" Sehun stood watching you stare back at him with not understanding what he was trying to say.

"I really don't...?" You're voice perked up laughing at how dumb you must look.

"Oh, Jae Rin~ah. You really are clueless huh?" Sehun bent forward, reaching again for your hand pulling you up from the bench.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't understand it exactly... but at least I tried." You watched Sehun fiddle with your hand then saw Sehun's sad face once again. His long hair was practically blocking his eyes. You had that same urge again, and this time you didn't stop yourself from the skin ship. You let your free hand raise his chin, looking at him then his bangs and pushing it sideward, away from his eyes.

"Jae Rin? Please don't be scared okay? Don't run away, just stay still." Sehun said as he let  both hands down, without letting go.

Sehun looked down, fiddling with your fingers and pulling you close. Sehun let your hands down as he came closer, no space between you and him. He pulled you close letting his arms wrap around you into a hug.

You're heart was pumping a lot of blood, but what was more surprising when he started whispering in your ear , "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you got hurt, I'm sorry I was late. I'm sorry I wasn't by your side when you were down.  " Sehun whispered as he held you in his arms.

 " I just really missed you. I've been missing you a lot. " He said louder, pulling you into a tighter hug.

You didn't even hesitate to let your arms wrap around him, hugging him as well. The scent of fresh mint took over as you let your head rest on him. Minutes were about to pass away but at the same time, you let go of each other and let your hands connect once again.

*****

The bus ride back wasn't as awkward as you expected. Sehun fell asleep but had no intentions of letting go of your hand. As for you, you were wide awake. His words shook you up, conscious of the past you've experienced.

"Jae Rin. This is me trying to be nice already, so please. off, he doesn't like you. Nobody does. "

" She said the flowers were beautiful. When she saw you holding her flowers, she didn't get mad. Then unexpectedly, I really made her smile and laugh. We ate together and I took her home."

"I'm just scared for one thing, though. I'm not sure if she's going to say yes."

" I just really missed you. I've been missing you a lot. "

Even if you were happy about how certain you felt, nobody else was making it more difficult. Everything all together made it a blur. It was right yet everything was all wrong. Su Yeon hated you no matter what happens. Luhan made you capable of caring for a boy like him. He made everything be okay again, supported you when everybody else was busy with themselves.

Yet this boy, who had his head resting on the bus' window sleeping, makes it good and bad. He made you feel different things. Sehun making you regret looking like an idiot even if that was the regular you. Sehun making your heart flutter unintentionally. Sehun annoying you, because you knew he was right during an argument. Sehun, with just his regular attitude, making you like him more than you actually should.

You were still lost in thought when he woke up and dragged yourselves towards the dorms. Knowing the lady would give  the two of you a questioning look, Sehun pulled you closer and placed his arm around you, after passing the front desk.

As you two neared the rooms, Sehun sighed lightly and smiled at you

"Thank you for today, Jae Rin. I'm sorry for walking you up like that though." He said

"It's alright, I had a good time. Thank you too, Sehun." You smiled back and took your keys by the hand, unlocking the door.

"I guess, I'll see you again tomorrow since we'll have classes again" Sehun started his good bye, till you pulled him to a stop.

You hesitated once he looked at you oddly, you were worried about what can happen if anyone was there to see you make it happen. But you couldn't lose the chance and pulled Sehun into a hug.

"I--I  miss you too Sehun. I guess I never told you that, but I always miss you." You let it out. It was like jumping off a cliff, scary to do it but once you did, you were able to breathe again.

You made it easy for him and pulled away right away.

The only thing Sehun did was stare at you, he was about to jump out of happiness until you spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I - I didn't mean to... I don't mean to hurt your girlfriends feelings though. I hope you guys get over your fight." Your voice broke, even if you prayed hard that you wouldn't feel anything when you said it.

You mustered the courage to look at him one last time for the night  and Sehun look hurt. You didn't want to prolong the sight of him like that, " Night Sehun. " You whispered and closed the door on him.

*****

It felt like you were ripping apart.

You leaned on the door and felt pain everywhere. All you did was breathe, *breathe, Jae Rin. Breathe.*  then felt something warm roll down from your eyes. Slowly the tears came one after the other. You let yourself cry as you felt how terrible it was to have those feelings for a person who already has somebody love. For the first time, you felt the pain of loving.

Author's Note: I really had to think if I should post this or not. Like for 10 minutes, I argued with myself thinking about you, the readers. It feels as if this section of the update was going to ruin the moment but I just had to. Then I realized this update is going to be a gift for all of you, as it is a gift for Luhan (disregarding the meaning of the content.) So here it is ^_^

Happy Birthday Luhan!

Happy Easter also to everyone!

Once again, thank you for all your support! 

Much love,

~Na`V^_^