Dongwoo wakes to loud beeps in his ears. He yanks his earbuds out and fumbles for the remote on his bedside table. Finding it, he turns on the small TV set across from his bed. It’s already on the right channel, having been carefully set a couple hours earlier when he had gone to sleep.

            The MCs greet the audience, smiling, waving, and almost luring Dongwoo back to sleep. The blue light from the TV illuminates the hospital room where Dongwoo had been dropped off earlier that day. 

The other members had texted him that they’d be one of the last performances, but Dongwoo watches the whole show with hooded eyes to make sure he doesn’t miss it. First the debuts, the rookies, the solo acts, then the first place nominees. That rookie group is back, of course, their performance solid. After them is Infinite. He sits up.

            They’ve been practicing without him for a week now, and the performance is smooth, as expected. Dongwoo leans forward as his rap starts, and Hoya steps in.

            To most, Hoya’s narrowed eyes and firmly set mouth look like smoldering ambition, but Dongwoo knows that Hoya hardens, almost freezes, his face to shut out the immense pressure and fear that comes with standing on a stage. Dongwoo has gone over the rap with Hoya many times in his hospital room, and, as expected Hoya doesn’t miss a syllable. Actually, he hits each syllable so precisely that his flow becomes fully different from Dongwoo’s. His phrases stand strong and alone.

            As Hoya finishes the rap and steps back into the body of Infinite, his face doesn’t change at all, but internally, he breathes the same sigh of relief that Dongwoo does in his own room.

The song finishes and the camera lingers on their faces for a second before panning away and Dongwoo can easily imagine Infinite hurrying from their performance stage to the ending stage, where the MCs are already waiting in the split second before the camera refocuses again. The program’s nondescript techno theme starts playing as the MCs announce the nominees for first place.

It’s Infinite versus the young singer again. Dongwoo leans forward, watching the numbers add up and, a split second before the announcement, he knows and he yells, his fist punching the air. Infinite wins.

            Dongwoo yells again and smiles broadly at the member’s astonished faces. Hoya’s whole body seems to loosen, as if some tension in his spine was released, and his face breaks out into a smile. The camera quickly focuses on Sunggyu, who is, of course, busy making the thank you speech, his face perfectly composed. As Dongwoo lowers his arm, tears begin to course down his face as the camera quickly cuts to the other members, who are struggling to keep their composure.

            Sunggyu’s finishing his speech. He’s about to lower the mic when he suddenly seems to remember something and yells, “Dongwoo! We love you!” and the other members gather around the microphone, calling to him as well. Dongwoo drops his face into his hands, giggling around his messy tears, a feeling of nervous relief cutting through his joy.

Dongwoo’s room is filled flowers and get well cards, illuminated by the glow of the TV set. Faced with explaining Dongwoo’s absence, Woollim had admitted that he was ambiguously ill. There had been an outpouring of support from other bands and Inspirits. There had been a push for Infinite to get first place this week, as a sort of “Get Well Soon” gift To Dongwoo.

Looking at Infinite through the small television screen, Dongwoo begins to wipe the tears from his face, still letting out short bursts of laughter. Maybe, even in this state, he can still be a part of Infinite.

The broadcast ends and Dongwoo clicks of the TV. The room is suddenly very dark, and Dongwoo quickly pulls the covers over his head, willing himself to sleep.