Kris

The night after I kissed him, I couldn’t keep his goofy smile, the way he laughed, and the way his lips felt against mine off of my mind. His lips were soft and I found myself sitting in my office, my fingers pressing against my lips, trying to imagine how they would feel along his neck. Quickly, I shook my head and told myself that I shouldn’t be thinking that way.

My mind was all over the place, but at the same time, I only had one thing on my mind. Chanyeol. The boy had me going crazy and I was flaunting over him like a little school girl crush. It was ridiculous, but at the same time, I didn’t care. He was precious and I wanted him all to myself. I wanted him because I had never had anything to say that was mine. I wanted Chanyeol to be mine.

After work, I would always call him, tell him about my day. Small talk. It was always small talk, but it never bothered me. I would call him to listen to his loud, sometimes quiet, voice. As we would talk, I would sit on the big couch in my studio home, thinking how it would be to share it with him. Not just the big couch to fill the void. Everything. My bed, the kitchen, my movie collection, the rows of books on the wall in my living room, the late night kisses, waking up in the morning to messy bed head. Whatever. I wanted everything, with him.

At the time, I didn’t know if we were actually dating or not so I called Chanyeol after I was done work, telling him that I was coming over. He said, “Okay,” and not long after, I was knocking on the door. The door opened and he smiled once he seen me, like I didn’t tell him I was coming and he was surprised by my showing. It was very cute. “Come in,” he said, opening the door all the way as he walked in and I followed after him. He walked into the kitchen, asking me if I wanted tea and I nodded. He walked over to the sink and without any thought to it, I walked and stood behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” he asked me. I didn’t say anything, but gently, I placed a kiss on his shoulder. He was wearing a loose shirt, making his collarbones show and fitted jeans, making me almost lose control when I seen him open the door, but I kept myself in check, waiting till we were inside to do anything. I placed another small kiss and he whimpered under the touch. “Please stop,” he said, letting out a stifled laugh. He tried prying away, but I held him tighter, his small laughs getting longer and louder each time I kissed his shoulder and collarbone. “It tickles,” he exclaimed, making me laugh.

I stopped and he turned around, smiling. “You’re so handsome,” I whispered, giving him a small smile, looking down, trying to hide the embarrassment in my face.

“I hate it when you say that,” he replied, biting his lip. I cupped the side of his face, looking him in the eyes. I don’t know why he would deny it. He was, in all ways, handsome. The ways his eye would crinkle when he smiled, when he talked about music, or talked about the little things about himself. There were a lot of things I admired about him.

“Hey, you are handsome.,” I assured him. “And you were making us tea?” I said, hoping that I didn’t sound too awkward. I realized how close we were and it made me uncomfortable, knowing he wasn’t mine yet. If he was mine, it wouldn’t have mattered to me how close we were at any given moment. Nothing would bother me because there would be no barriers. He nodded and  back away, giving him more space as I went to sit down at the table.

Sitting there, I watched as he carefully handled the kettle of water, walking it over to the stovetop. Slowly, my eyes lingered to the rest of the his home. It wasn’t big, nor was it small. It was content and it overall, it had a cozy feel to it. His apartment wasn’t his own though. He had a roommate, Baekhyun. He seemed like a sweet guy, but I didn’t really care all too much about him. With nothing to talk about though, I asked, “Where’s your roommate?”

“Huh?” Chanyeol said, taken back.

“Where’s your roommate?” I repeated myself, looking at him.

“Oh.” He grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “He went out. Said he needed to get some errands done. I don’t know really. He kind of does his own thing and I do my thing, I guess.” He shrugged, pouring the hot water into the mugs. “Sorry, I didn’t ask you what kind of tea you wanted,” he said, flustered and quickly, he covered his mouth like he had made a big mistake.

“It’s okay, I’ll drink whatever. I’m not very picky.” I smiled at him and he nodded, grabbing the mugs, bringing them to the table. He sat down beside me, crossing his legs as he blew into his cup, in attempt to cool the hot liquid. I thought he looked beautiful and content. It was evident to me that he was in deep thought and that was another thing I had admired about him. Maybe that was why I thought we would be able to work.

“Hey,” I started. He looked up at me, eyes wide. “I’ve been thinking about us for a while now,” I continued. Feeling my words begin to croak. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I told myself. No croaking. I yelled in thought. “Well we don’t need to put a label on it or anything, but I don’t know.” I was sweating by then. “Can we actually be together? You know, spending the nights together and uh...” I stopped myself before I could embarrass myself any further. I wiped my face and I had realized I had never faced this kind of embarrassment before and to make sure I wouldn’t suffer anymore, I quickly got up, walking towards the door

I was stopped in my tracks, feeling his hand on my arm. I didn’t bother looking at him. My cheeks heating up as my embarrassment built.

“You know, it’s okay to want someone,” he said and I listened to closely. He slid his hand down my arm, grabbing my hand and he stepped closer to me. My gaze never met his eyes, but I tightened my grasp on his hand, not wanting to let go. He lifted my hand, kissing my knuckles and I watched his every move. Softly, he spoke, “I want you too. You’re a great guy. Sweet, quiet, and in truth, you’re all around handsome. If you want, we can be together. Like actually together.” I wanted to slap myself. He said the words so easily and I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

Not missing a beat, I pressed my lips to his. Softly giving him light kisses. I told him that we would be together, but on one condition, we weren’t supposed to go public with our relationship. he didn’t ask why, said he understood, but he also said he as happy. He liked the fact that I was his and he was mine. Chanyeol said it sounded nice to him, like it was meant to be.

We laughed afterwards and I confessed to him that I was really nervous. He called me silly and asked if I wanted to lay in bed with him. I told him yes and we didn’t bother to finish our tea. I didn’t mind. Laying in bed with him sounded better than any cup of tea. As we laid in his bed, we had the blankets wrapped around us funny and our legs wrapped each others. It was comfortable laying there with him.

As we laid there, Chanyeol started tracing his finger along my face, making me chuckle. It felt weird. Never before, was I treated like this by someone else. It actually made me feel wanted and I never wanted this to end. He made my heart flutter in ways no one had made me feel before. Honestly, there were no ways to describe how he made me feel.

I kissed him. He kissed me. It was all simple. Something my life needed. No rush. Everything moved slow between us. Slowly, we started opening up to each other. I told him things about my childhood. That my life was always go go go and that I was glad that we met each other. That I needed something slow in my life. It made him laugh and he kissed me.