What is happening? Is this real? I can’t believe it how my life is actually like reality tv. 

Despair. Misery. Melancholy.

I don’t get it. I can never understand it. It wasn’t real. It never was real. But my life is a stage. And like watching a heartbreaking movie, I was sad, I was in pain. It is weird and unbelievable. How could I feel this way? How did I get carried away with the sad scene of this movie? When in front of me, I can see how the main characters are all laughing and smiling.

Maybe because I’m a musician so my heart is made to be in anguish? Even when it is obvious that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Waiting for me to look up and soak in the sunshine.

Maybe I am actually afraid. Maybe I am actually scared. Maybe finally I have no more excuses. Maybe it is time for me to take off the mask. 

The love that only exists in the media is finally over. Will the love that is haunting me finally find its way to the surface? 

I don’t know and I am devastated.

The love story that finally ended, why did I feel sad about it? Could it be because she finally said it to my face that this game was exhausting her? Exhausting her, exhausting me and exhausting my beloved maknae. So, now the movie is ending, shouldn’t we all be relieved?

I love my maknae. I love my Seungri. I love him so much that everything hurts. It hurts so much that I wish we could run and fly. Away from boundaries. Away from this world. 

I want to shout to the world! Do you know who is the king of my heart? Yes, there is no place for a queen. For me, he is my king and only he exists.

“I don’t give a damn ‘bout my