How long has it been since I took that pill? Other than the persistent admirer that surrounds me, everything is the same. I really don’t understand how those people can take it like candy and feel like they had just won the lottery. Am I the only one that is weird? Am I the only one that cannot get happiness? What is wrong with me? All I wanted was just happiness. Is that too much to ask?

“Miss, are you planning to stay here till the sun comes?” asked a slightly over-weight waiter serving at the dinner I’m currently in. “Yeah, I think I’m staying here for a while. Is that ok?”. “Yeah, no problem! Make yourself at home.”

Just like that he leave me to my own wandering thoughts again. Looking at the night sky, how beautiful it is to see star sparkles like diamond in that plain dark canvas that is the sky. It’s probably midnight now. If I was back at ‘home’, I would be sneaking out to meet him. I should have known better than to believes his words. It was so obvious and yet …. I still fall for it. Dear Lord, why do I have to fall for him? Why do I suffer so much? Why is everything taking advantage of me? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I know I’m not a saint, but why do I live a life of a sinner?

I have asked so many question since the day I wish to find true happiness, but you never once answer me. I’m all alone walking this unpredictable path. Any girl would have been terrified, but I don’t feel a thing. No fear, no bravery. I’m as lost as blind mice that have lost all its senses. Dear Lord, if you actually care about me, please sends me someone or something to guide me. Give me a sign and I swear I will decode it even if it kills me. I’m tired of letting my legs leads me to my next destination. Please guide me. I’m lost and I really don’t want to go back from where I came from. I don’t have the heart to see him in the arms of another girl. The worst is to see his expression he’s with her. I don’t want to go back to that crazy hell that I once consider my safe heaven. That was not my home. It was house created by the devil himself to make my life miserable. Stop…….. I should stop it. He’s no here anymore. I should be resting now. I’m too tired…….

*RING RING RING