Suho watched the clouds turned slighly orange due to the evening sun through the small pane from his seat. He had been thinking over and over before he left Vancouver for good. Leaving Vancouver means leaving Kris and he wondered how he managed to bring himself to buy the ticket back to his hometown. He never imagined how his life would turn out into without Kris in it. He used to wake up with Kris's face being too close to his that their noses almost touched. He used to wake up being smothered with sweet kisses all over his face, to be called as Chanyeol for the rest of his day and to be treated like a lover Kris always wanted. He spent most of his time with Kris, he even stopped socializing because he doesn't want to leave Kris alone. He would stay at home forever if that could make Kris happy and contained. He did everything for him but he never thought by doing that, he was hurting himself.

            He remembered how hard it was to leave his home after living there for years with Kris. It was Kris's but since they lived together, it became his too. But he left only with a few important things. He remembered how hard it was to pack his things - his toothbrush, his pills, the ratty old hoodie which previously owned by Chanyeol, his few clothes (all black and white due to his minimalist lifestyle), a pair of jeans and the one and only, Chanyeol's photo with Kris. Even after years, the guilt inside him still there and the scar of his unrequited love keep growing each time Kris touched like how he touched Chanyeol. He thought he can keep living with that but his heart was not strong enough when Kris only sees Chanyeol in his eyes, not Suho.

            He thought he could cure Kris from his delusion but he just added more to Kris's pain by acting like Chanyeol and yet it'd only caused his heart to bleed more than he could stop. He tried to be Chanyeol, he wore Chanyeol's oversized tees, his cologne, he ate Chanyeol's favourite food, he watched what Chanyeol loved to watch and he even kept Chanyeol's phone in his luggage - checking it almost everyday just in case he misses something important in their broken relationship.

            But deep in his heart, he knows he cannot be the one Kris wanted.

            He cannot be Chanyeol, let alone be like him. 

            "Hyung?" Next to him, Jongin was holding his cold and shaky hand.

            "I can't...be strong for myself..." Suho held back his sob and rubbed Jongin's hand with his uncertain touch. Jongin bit his lip as he could not keep watching Suho being smothered in his self-pity and let it control his life especially his happiness.

            "Hyung, please be strong for me, for us. I know you're stronger than this. If not, you wouldn't stay with him for the past three years. We'll help you get through this together. We're stronger together, remember?" Jongin whispered with Suho at the crook of his neck, sobbing silently as he ashamed of himself that Jongin had to comfort him through his breakdown.

            Three years ago...

            "The snow only gets worse...Can't we just stay until it stops?" Minseok asked in between his sniffle. That night was so cold due to the storm happened on previous night. The temperature had reached -21°C when they left KBS building. Their manager shook his head weakly to Minseok's suggestion and began to warm the engine. They had to stop filming outdoor for Two Days and One Night's Winter Special after the weather turned bad. It's almost 2 a.m. when they wrapped up everything. Luhan was the last to enter the vehicle with a big white box and sky blue ribbon around it in his arms.

            Everyone peeked into the white box Chanyeol's sister, Yura gave them as an early Christmas gift when they bumped into each other after the filming. It was also to celebrate Chanyeol's birthday as Chanyeol always loves to give his friends some winter wear but never had a chance to do that. Luhan took a bundle of matching dark blue knitted mufflers and beanies that Yura specially bought from Paris to be passed to everyone.

            Suho deeply stared at the muffler in his palm. Chanyeol was the first person that appeared on his mind when he looked at the gift. He wished Chanyeol was there to see how happy they were with the gift. He smiled before he put the muffler around his neck. He saw Kyungsoo helped the others with the beanies and mufflers before letting Jongin putting one on him.

            "Guys, it's so warm! Just like Chanyeol-hyung..." Jongin broke the silence, focusing on the deep blue muffler around his neck. He pulled it up to his nose and nuzzled into it. The other members does the same and giggled at the warmth that slowly crept under their skin. Suho sighed at the view of the giggling youngsters. He watched the snowfall and decided to open the window to play with it but he was stopped by Yixing.

            "You will get cold if you do that. Besides, it gets colder when you open that damn window..." Yixing covered the window with his forearm for a while until Suho surrendered with both hands on Yixing's chest.

            "Okay, guys. You win..." Suho chuckled and sit back in his chilly seat.

            "I don't want my fingers to fall off because of you, hyung..." Sehun and Tao nodded their heads in quick motion at Jongin's words and suddenly changed the topic of conversation to the consequences of frostbite. Kyungsoo just shook his head and took a peek at the dark night.

            "It's the coldest night of the season, Junmy