A faint voice ripped Youngjae out of his dreamless slumber. He couldn't recognize the owner of the voice yet, he was still too deep in his unconsciousness.

“Youngjae,” the voice called out for him again, this time a little bit louder.

Even before he opened his eyes to check his surroundings, a throbbing pain in his skull made him scrunch up his face. The daylight burned painfully in his eyes even though his lids were still closed. A gentle hand brushed his bangs out of his face, but even the soft touch felt uncomfortable on his skin.

“

This time, the functional capability of his brain was good enough to add a name to the voice: Yukwon. Youngjae groaned, covering his burning eyes with his forearm. It took him two more minutes to regain his senses completely. He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly.

“Good morning,” Yukwon chirped with a gentle smile.

“Doesn’t feel like a good one,” Youngjae grumbled, his voice raspy from sleeping. He looked around, the light that came in from the window confirmed that it was in fact at least noon. The clock on the bedside table flashed numbers in a bright red colour that hurt his eyes; the numbers said 13:18. Next to the clock was a large glass, filled with a clear bubbly liquid. Yukwon followed his gaze, reaching for the glass to hand it to his friend.

“Your mum let me in,” Yukwon explained before Youngjae could ask. Youngjae thanked his friend, taking a small sip of the liquid that was without a doubt medicine for his hangover. He grimaced when the bitter taste danced on his taste buds.

Why did he drink so much again? He evoked the faint memory of Junhong refilling his glass several times. Slowly all the other memories came back rushing into his mind: the cuddling on the sofa, the kiss.

Youngjae hid his face in his palm. So he did remember, his wish didn’t come true. His heart suddenly felt heavy, he had allowed Daehyun to toy with him again and even though he was hurt, a part of him had enjoyed it. A part of him thought that the little moment of warmth was worth the pain he was feeling now. He was going insane.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yukwon asked carefully.

“About what?”

“About what has happened yesterday.”

The tone of Yukwon’s voice made it clear that he knew something, but how much did he know? Had he heard him shouting or had he witnessed the kiss? Youngjae didn’t remember seeing him there, though.

“I kind of overheard Himchan and Daehyun arguing about you after you left,” Yukwon said, his eyes not meeting Youngjae’s.

“It’s a long story,” Youngjae mumbled.

“I’ve got time.”

Youngjae sighed and finished the rest of his medicine in one go. There was no way getting out of that without an explanation, he knew it. He leaned back into his pillow, getting comfortable before he started speaking.

“We’ve met the first time last April. My class went to Busan for a week. Himchan and Junhong have been there as well, that’s how we got to know Jaehyo, Yongguk, Jongup and Daehyun.

We played football on the beach and they challenged us for a match. Daehyun had caught my attention straight away, there was just something special about him. Himchan said that we had sparks.” Youngjae laughed drily at the bitter memory.

“It seemed like he liked me too, I could feel his eyes on me all the time. On the third day, we kissed for the first time, it was my first kiss and it actually was the first time I had been interested in someone in general.

The days after that were amazing. We spent every possible minute with each other and every moment was heavenly.

The day before we left to go back to Seoul, we had a barbecue at Daehyun’s house. In the evening, Himchan, Junhong and the others left and I spent the rest of the evening at Daehyun’s house. I didn’t realize how much I grew attached to him until then. Nothing really happened, we were just holding each other. I have never felt as safe as I did in his arms.”

Youngjae swallowed thickly, fighting with his tears. A warm hand wrapped around his own, squeezing his fingers. He looked up, straight into Yukwon’s eyes. Yukwon still sat on the chair and looked down at him with a smile. Youngjae managed to smile back weakly before he continued.

“He promised to send me off at the train station the next morning, but he never came. I was sitting there like a fool for an hour, he didn’t come. I tried to contact him through Himchan and Yongguk, but apparently Yongguk said that it wasn’t the right time to talk to him.

After that, I gave up and tried to forget. It worked well until he suddenly stood in front of me again. And as if this wasn’t enough already, I came to know that he has a girlfriend now.”

When Youngjae finished the last sentences, his voice became even hoarser than it had been when he had woken up. His throat felt dry, making it difficult to swallow the lump of sadness that had built up the past few minutes.

Yukwon was still holding his hand in a secure grip that told Youngjae that he didn’t need to worry about rejection from his friend. Youngjae was thankful but he also felt insecure. He didn’t want things to change between them, which is why he hadn’t told anyone in the first place.

That they wouldn’t judge him was clear in the moment they had accepted Himchan and Yongguk. Yukwon noticed the lost look in his friend’s eyes and shifted to sit on the edge of Youngjae’s bed, placing his arms on the broken boy’s shoulders to pull him closer. The gesture was accepted thankfully as Youngjae leaned his head on Yukwon’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him.

“The first crush always takes a while to get over, that’s normal,” Yukwon mumbled after a while.

“You sound like you’re talking from experience.”

“I guess so.”

“Tell me about your first crush,” Youngjae demanded.

“It’s not very exciting to be honest. That person was already taken and I never confessed.”

“That’s really not interesting,” Youngjae chuckled.

They stayed like that for a while until the position became uncomfortable for Youngjae as his back started to get sore. He leaned back into his pillow. There was still something else on his mind that he wanted to get out, he just didn’t know how to start. His fingers fumbled with the hem of his shirt nervously.

“What’s wrong?” Yukwon asked.

“Do you not mind?” Youngjae asked carefully.

“Mind what?”

“That II liked another man,” Youngjae mumbled with a quiet voice. Yukwon chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I wouldn’t date to judge a person who is as amazing as you just because of such a thing. And apart from that, my first crush was also another guy. But obviously that didn’t work so well for me so I got myself a girlfriend after that,” Yukwon explained, laughing at his last remark, making Youngjae laugh along with him.

“Thanks, I feel much better now,” Youngjae said when he had calmed down again.

“We’re friends, aren’t we? After I heard Himchan shouting at Daehyun I was worried about you,” Yukwon admitted.

“What did Himchan say?” Youngjae wanted to know.

“He was very angry. What he said didn’t make much sense but it was more or less a long list of insults I have never heard before,” Yukwon laughed.

“What about the others?” Youngjae asked.

“I don’t think they know. I just heard them because I needed the bathroom. Himchan said that you felt sick from the alcohol and left.”

“I guess I need to say thank you to him,” Youngjae said. “But first I need to apologize.”

“First you need a shower and something to eat. Your mum was cooking when I arrived and invited me for lunch,” Yukwon winked.

“Alright,” Youngjae cheered. He threw the blanked off his body and climbed out of his bed to gather a clean set of clothes before he headed to the bathroom. His spirits were high and he was thankful for having a friend like Himchan.

***

Himchan had both of his hands wrapped around his cup of coffee, letting the warmth of the hot beverage spread through his fingers. He didn’t have a hangover but this didn’t make his mood any better.

While the first part of Junhong’s plan had worked out perfectly, none of them had expected that kind of reaction from Youngjae. How stupid Himchan had been to expect it to work. Now his friend was upset and it was partially his fault.

He couldn’t even blame Daehyun for it as he had just been doing what they wanted him to do. The only thing that kept Himchan calm was his boyfriend.

Yongguk had calmed him down, rocking him in his strong hold and he had even apologized multiple times for not being able to predict the outcome, even if it wasn’t his fault.

Youngjae’s words had stabbed right into his heart, making him feel horrible. Yongguk had spent at least an hour to repeat again and again that Youngjae hadn’t meant what he had said, that he just said it in the heat of the moment and that Himchan wasn’t a bad friend at all before Himchan finally fell asleep the previous night.

And Himchan had needed these words a lot. Yongguk was, without doubt, the best thing that had happened in his life. Yongguk bore his mood swings without a single complain, he didn’t have a problem with Himchan’s occasional attacks of jealousy and he could always find a way to put Himchan’s heart at ease.

Himchan thanked the heavens for letting them cross their paths every day. He knew that he was lacking in many things and so did Yongguk, but he couldn’t help but think that they completed each other perfectly and he would never let him go.

It had been only half a year since they met for the first time but it felt as if they knew one another for half their lives already.

The smell of something sweet brought Himchan back to reality.

“Are you daydreaming again?” Yongguk asked as he put a plate with a large pancake on the table in front of Himchan. The pancake was decorated and baked with sliced apples, just the way Himchan loved it the most.

Himchan looked up at his boyfriend, sending him a smile full of admiration.

“Thank you,” Himchan said before he tried the first bite of his food. It tasted as good as always, another thing that he could add to the list of reasons why Yongguk was the most perfect human being: He couldn’t cook at all when he left his home but he learned or at least tried to learn how to make Himchan’s favourite dishes. Pancakes were one of them, he only ate them when his mother wasn’t at home.

The first attempts were not good or much rather not edible. Once Yongguk had served him an apple omelet and another time the pancake was not golden brown as it was supposed to be but black.

Yongguk was also having a pancake that looked as perfect as Himchan’s, the only difference was that Yongguk’s topping was a sliced banana instead of an apple.

“Are you feeling better?” Yongguk asked when both of them were done eating.

“A little bit,” Himchan muttered although his voice didn’t sound like it at all.

“He didn’t mean it and you know it. I bet as soon as he is sober he will call you and apologize.”

“But he was right. Instead of being with him I was hanging out with Daehyun all the time while he was being heartbroken. I’m a horrible friend,” Himchan sobbed.

Yongguk immediately shot up and came almost flying towards his boyfriend, embracing him in a tight hug.

“Don’t say things like that Himchannie,” he cooed. “You are great friend and it’s not your fault that he is so stubborn.”

Himchan buried his head into his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“It’s Daehyun’s fault for being a coward and Youngjae’s fault that he wants to deal with everything by himself. F both of then weren’t such idiots, they would be happy by now.”

Himchan sighed, he knew that Yongguk was right.

“If Daehyun doesn’t open his mouth soon, I will tell Youngjae everything myself,” Himchan said grumpily, causing Yongguk to laugh.

“Maybe we should have done that right from the start, but they’re old enough to handle their own problems,” Yongguk said.

“You sound like a father,” Himchan chuckled.

“I kind of feel like Daehyun’s dad sometimes,” Yongguk grinned. “I feel responsible for him since he fell out with his father. I want him to feel that he can always count on me if he needs someone.”

“Talking about Daehyun, shouldn’t we wake him? It’s almost two,” Himchan suggested.

“No, he will wake up soon enough. He isn’t one to sleep too long after partying,” Yongguk stated.

The two young men washed the dishes with Yongguk whistling to the beat of the music that played in the radio. Himchan carefully handed the next plate to Yongguk for him to dry it. His head shot up when he heard someone entering the kitchen.

“Good morning, Daehyun,” Himchan chirped, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Yongguk nudged him, shaking his head subtly when he noticed the state of his friend.

Daehyun’s eyes were puffy, his hair messy and his skin unnaturally pale. He didn’t give Himchan an answer. Instead, he plumped down on the chair that Yongguk had been sitting on before and rubbed his face.

Yongguk approached him, sitting down on the opposite side of the kitchen table. Daehyun lifted his head and Yongguk noticed that he looked even worse from a short distance.

“How did you sleep?” Yongguk asked the unnecessary question, not knowing how else to start a conversation. Daehyun groaned and shook his head. He placed his cheek on the table, hoping that the cool surface will soothe his headache.

“I’m such an idiot,” he grumbled.

“Indeed you are,” Himchan said as he placed a cup of hot coffee in front of Daehyun before he rounded the table to sit down on his boyfriend’s lap.

“What exactly made you think it would be a good idea to molest him?” Himchan asked angrily.

“I didn’t molest him. I-I just..”

“You just what?”

“I was jealous,” Daehyun mumbled almost inaudible. “I didn’t want him to steal Youngjae and I just panicked.

“Who wants to steal him?” Yongguk asked.

“Yukwon. Did you never notice how he always looks at Youngjae? It’s obvious.” Daehyun’s eyes were filled with tears. “I just wanted to do something before Youngjae falls for him, they’re pretty close.”

When Himchan heard the dejected voice of Daehyun, all of his anger flew away. He rounded the table again to give Daehyun a hug just like Yongguk had done it for him not too long ago. Daehyun turned around, gripping Himchan’s shirt tightly and let go.

Himchan’s heart was breaking at the sight of the sobbing boy in front of him. He gently patted Daehyun’s head, trying to calm him down.

Daehyun stayed n Himchan’s embrace until he couldn’t cry anymore. His sobs subsided slowly and his breathing calmed down. He had already been crying before he fell asleep from exhaustion and he felt like he hadn’t slept at all.

When he pulled away from Himchan, he rubbed his eyes, mumbling a soft apology for ruining Himchan’s shirt. Himchan sent him a warm smile that told him that it was okay.

They were interrupted by the ringtone of Himchan’s mobile phone.

“It’s Youngjae,” Himchan stated when he looked at the screen.

“Hey,” Himchan said as he answered the call. Daehyun almost started crying again, he felt the urge to steal the phone from Himchan and ask for forgiveness. But he knew that it would only chase Youngjae away even further. Instead he listened to Himchan, trying to figure what Youngjae said on the other end.

“How are you?” – “I just had breakfast.” – “Yukwon is with you?”

Daehyun’s chest tightened when he heard the last words and he decided to leave the room before he would cause trouble again. A hot shower would help him to calm down.

He strolled through the house, back to the guest room he had been sleeping in. On his way up the stairs, he noticed framed pictures on the wall, photos to be exact.

They showed a younger version of Himchan and his mother and a man that Daehyun guessed to be Himchan’s father. They also showed a girl, slightly older than Himchan.

Daehyun’s eyes captured a picture that looked like a yearbook photo. It was obvious that it was Himchan, even though the boy on the picture was quite chubby. Daehyun smiled and made his way to the bathroom. He couldn’t wait to wash up, he felt disgusting.

When Daehyun came back, Himchan and Yongguk were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. His own cup was still untouched.

“You have to talk to him,” Himchan said. He looked exhausted.

“I will,” Daehyun promised.

“You will talk to him next week and he will listen to you, even if I have to tie him on a chair.”

Daehyun and Yongguk chuckled, Himchan couldn’t resist and laughed too.

“Thank you,” Daehyun mumbled. “For everything.”

“What would you do without us?” Himchan asked cheekily.

“I would probably be in Busan by myself, being sad and lonely.” Daehyun answered truthfully.

“I owe you guys so much, I don’t even know how to make up for it.”

“Talk to him and be happy, so that we can finally concentrate on our own relationship,” Yongguk said with a gummy smile.

He was right. Everything would be better once Daehyun had made up with Youngjae. It had been way too long already.

Daehyun would also have to find something for his friends, the ones who kept him sane, who were his remedy.