Chapter 5

~ Haeri’s POV ~

                Somehow, I found myself sitting on the couch in the living room, a few minutes after passing out in my room, waiting for my brother and his co-members to arrive. Most of my time waiting for them was spent thinking of him.

                How does he look like now? Has he changed his hairstyle again? What color is it now? Is it shorter or longer than before?

                With those questions in mind, I felt a bit of regret for not keeping myself updated.

                Is he tired with promotions? Has he been taking care of his health? Is he still being bullied on their shows? Did he have many solo projects? Isn’t he too tired right now?

                But there was one question that bothered me the most.

                Does he have someone he likes already?

                Just then, there was a honk in front of our house, followed by car doors slamming shut and numerous male voices, voices that pulled at strings in my mind, and in my heart. The strings were pulling hard at me, and I couldn’t bring myself to stand up, or even look up. I didn’t know what to do with all the feelings their voices brought.

                I clutched at my chest as the nonexistent strings began to bring me physical pain.

                Not now. I told myself. Don’t breakdown now.

                I took deep breaths, forcing my own heartbeat to slow down.  Both of my hands were clutching at my chest, my body leaning forward, my legs slightly shaking, when the door burst open, revealing my Hyunie oppa in front of the others.

                “Riri-ah!” he exclaimed, running immediately towards me. He held me in his arms and made me look at him. “What’s wrong? Does it hurt here?” he asked as he rubbed my chest.

                I leaned my head against his shoulder and clutched his shirt. A few days ago, I was so cold towards him. And all the days before, as my mom said. But this morning, after my fit and throwing my collection around my room, I suddenly missed him so much. Even if I barely remembered how we were before, or how I really treated him the past days, I just knew that we were close, and I wanted to be with him always.

                I wanted to express that. But the doctor said my disease causes random personality changes, and before I know it, my mother is already telling me how mad I get when he’s around, or how I ignore all of them.

                There seemed to be no day that I was myself. And that was what kept me awake the past few nights, and not the usual hallucinations I get.

                “What’s wrong, Woohyun hyung?” I heard Myungsoo oppa ask. “What’s happening?”

                “I don’t know,” Hyunie oppa answered. “This didn’t happen before, not when I was here at least.”

                I squeezed his shirt tighter in my fist, and buried my face in his chest. “I’m okay,” I gasped out. “Just a- just a few minutes.”

                “Eomma!” Hyunie oppa shouted, calling for mom.

                “She left,” I muttered through heavy breaths. “Went… grocery… shopping.”

                “Aish,” he sighed. “Hyung, can you hold her for a while? I need to get her medicine.” I didn’t know whom he was talking to. I just felt another pair of arms wrapping around me, the owner’s hand supporting my head as he let me lean on him.

                He was careful, as if he was afraid he might do something wrong, as if he didn’t exactly know how to assist a sick person, or just how he should handle me. And I knew who that would be since there was only one person in the group who was awkward around me.

                “You’ll be okay,” he whispered against my hair.

~ Sunggyu’s POV ~

                “Hyung, can you hold her for a while?” Woohyun asked me. I don’t know if he intentionally asked me to do so, because he knew Haeri and I were not comfortable with each other even before she had the disease.

                But how could I say no, when I see her in front of me, struggling as if it was difficult even to just breathe. So I sat down beside her, and, awkwardly, wrapped my arms around her.

                She was shaking in my arms, her eyes tightly shut as I laid her head on my shoulder.

                “You’ll be okay,” I whispered, not because I knew she would be, but I wanted her to be.

                She mumbled something under her breath, too soft and fast for me to understand.

                “Hmm?” I asked.

                “S-s-sung-“ she paused and took a deep breath as her fist caught the end of my shirt. “Sunggyu oppa,” she whispered with obvious difficulty.

                “Ne, it’s me,” I said, unconsciously starting to rock my body back and forth to help calm her down. “Oppa’s here.”

                Deep inside my mind, I wished that I could have treated her like that, treated her better. I wished she didn’t have to be sick for me to have the courage to care about her.

                Am I too late?

                I wanted to tighten my arms around her, to make her feel safer, and to make me feel that I could be there for her somehow, but before I could convince myself, Woohyun came running down the stairs.

“Riri-ah, come on, let’s take your medicine, we need to slow your heart rate down.” Woohyun, to my dismay, took Haeri from my arms and supported her himself. A few minutes after drinking her medicine, her breathing significantly improved, and her shaking stopped.

“Kwaenchana?” Hoya asked.

“She’s better,” Woohyun answered, and heaved another deep sigh. “Lucky we came.”

And just like that, he was back to the Woohyun that we knew, the Woohyun who only had his eyes on his sister when she’s around.

“Riri-ah, Hyunie oppa is here,” he said with a hopeful expression on his face as he held hers in his hands. “Riri-ah, do you recognize oppa? Are you mad that I’m here again? Should oppa leave?”

It was weird to hear him ask such questions because Haeri was the happiest when Woohyun was around, but I guessed what he said was true, Haeri was forgetting too much already, and her personality changes occurs more and more frequently.

But that day, Woohyun’s Haeri, Infinite’s Haeri was there.

Haeri’s hand reached for Woohyun’s wrist. “Nal tteonajima,” she said. “Jebal.” [Trans: Don’t leave me. Please.]

And at that moment, I desired to be the one whom she asks to stay with her, to be with her.  

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