Chapter 4

~ Author’s POV ~

                “She’s in her room. Your sister rarely comes out anymore,” Haeri’s mother told Woohyun over the phone. “Did you call her? She might push you away, but please don’t give up on our Haeri.”

                “Of course not, eomma,” Woohyun answered, biting his lip as he tried to keep the tears away. “I sent her voice messages this morning before practice.”

                “She listens to you, Woohyun. I know she’s still in there. She’s just forgetting too much already,” their mother said, wiping her tears with the end of her apron. “Can’t you stay home or a while? Is it not possible with your schedule?”

                Woohyun sighed and sat up on his bed. “I’ll try, eomma.” He paused and looked at the picture on his bedside table, the one beside Haeri’s picture at their concert. It was a picture of Haeri and him on her birthday, just a month before she was diagnosed with the disease.

                “Eomma,” he started, “how bad is her state right now?”

                “Woohyun-ah, I don’t think you need to know,” she said.

                He squeezed his eyes shut, tightly, as the tears threatened to fall. “I need to know. I wish I didn’t but I do. I want to know how she is, how badly she’s suffering, how scared she is, how long she cries at night, and how useless I am being so far away from her.” His breath hitched as he finally let the tears fall. He cried, clutching a small Rilakkuma stuffed toy in his hand. “Eomma,” he cried, “jebal.”

                Naekkeo haja. Naega neol saranghae, oh? Naega neol geokjeonghae, oh?

                The song was blasting through Haeri’s speakers as she sat on the foot of her bed, hugging her knees to her chest. “Naega neol kkeut kkaji, chaekim jil ge,” she softly muttered. She stared at the mess at her feet. She couldn’t remember how everything got scattered on the floor, but there it was, her collection of Infinite albums and merchandise, all on the floor. The box was somehow thrown away to the corner of the room.

                “I must have thrown a fit again,” she whispered to herself, “I really am sick. I’ve gone mad.” She smirked at herself as she slid down to the floor and reached out to a specific album.

                “Nal sallege haettgo neol chatge haesseo choeumeui keu time,” she sang softly. [Trans: You made my heart flutter and you made me find you – that first time.]

                She flipped through the pages filled with pictures of him, with his small eyes and red hair and his hands that the fans swooned over all the time.  Haeri could barely remember events with her idols, but occasionally, there are flashes of what seem to be real life experiences to her, although she couldn’t dig deep enough to find it in her memories.

                And at that moment, she could see him bowing slightly at her.

                “Our first meeting?” she wondered.

                Then she was in front of him as he sat at the end of a long table, signing her copy of their debut album.

                “Fansigning,” she muttered.

                He looked up at her and gave her the smile that she loved, the smile that loses his eyes even more. “Thank you for coming, Haeri-shii. Hwaiting!”

                “Haeri-shii?” she whispered. “You were always so formal with me.” She smiled sadly as the scene in her eyes changed again.

                “Oh, Woohyun’s sister is here?” He exclaimed as he saw you on their couch, and without a second glance, went into his room.

                “They say I’m a step closer to Infinite because I’m Woohyun’s sister, but I guess I’m just as far away from you as everybody else.” She sniffed, wiped the few tears that she didn’t notice were there, and dropped the album.

                Her phone rang. Having difficulty standing up, she reached for her phone while on the floor even if it was on a farther part of her bed. The caller almost hung up, but she answered on time.

                “Nuguseyo?” she asked. It had become her habit to not look at who’s calling, because she always ended up not answering.

                “Riri-ah,” the voice said.

                She held in her breath, not knowing whether to hang up or to answer or to just listen to what he had to say.

                “Riri-ah, I know you’re there. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. Just,” he paused and Haeri heard him speak to someone else before going back to her, “dress up, ok? Oppa’s on the way home. And I’m not alone. We’ll be there in half an hour. See you, my Riri!”

                “But-“ she tried to say some sort of an excuse, but he had ended the call already. She sighed deeply and stared at her phone. She didn’t know what she was trying to escape from- Woohyun, him, or just people in general. It had been months since she interacted with anyone other than her family, and it was only making her anxious that six additional people would be seeing her in her state.

                Biting her nails, walking back and forth, Haeri was starting to shake in nervousness again. Her head was aching, and visions, too many visions are popping up in her mind, and she’s mixing up the memories from the hallucinations.

                She crouched down, arms around her head as she tried to hide herself from everything. It was only a matter of minutes before she passed out.

                But not without muttering another word, a name.

                “Sunggyu oppa.”

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