Guilty Pleasure

Queer & Proud

Sehun cleared his throat and eyed the closed door in front of him. The wooden plate reading D56 hung on the door, with small initials DK and KJ inscribed beneath it. He lifted his fist and held it in front of the door, wondering why exactly he was standing there right now.

 

Sehun hated to meddle in other people’s businesses. This was so out of character for him that it even scared him a bit. However, his feet carried him here before his mind could register what was going on, and here he was now, about to do something he never imagined doing ever before.

 

Sighing heavily, he finally knocked. There was almost a deafening silence for what seemed like forever. He was about to knock once more when a small voice rang out.

 

“Chanyeol, I’m not in the mood. Just leave me alone. Please.”

 

Sehun slowly retreated his hand and grimaced, wondering how Kyungsoo would react if he found out it wasn’t Chanyeol. Strictly speaking, Sehun and Kyungsoo weren’t friends - they only spoke a few times before, and they barely knew anything about each other other than that they shared an uncommon appreciation for education and annoyance with Jongin. Sehun wondered if maybe he was going a little overboard.

 

“Kyungsoo. It’s me. Sehun.”

 

More silence.

 

“Sehun? What are you doing here?”

 

Sehun sighed and stepped forward, pressing himself against the closed door as to be more audible.

 

“I heard that you had a fight with Jongin. I-I know this is a bit weird, especially because we’re not exactly friends, but can I come in and speak with you?”

 

Sehun was getting sick of the lack of response from the other side of the door.

 

Slowly, the door opened and Kyungsoo blinked up at Sehun with wide, confused eyes. His pupils were dilated and red - proof that he had been crying. He sniffed and allowed Sehun to come in.

 

“Thank you,” Sehun muttered as he stepped in and closed the door behind him. Kyungsoo stared at him, and the silence that filled the room made Sehun realize that he actually didn’t know what to say and that this was an extremely stupid decision. With a deep sigh, he made his way to an empty chair and pointed to it.

 

“Can I sit?”

 

Kyungsoo nodded and Sehun slumped down onto the chair. Kyungsoo followed his every move before slowly taking a seat on his bed across from Sehun.

 

“So...what’s up?” Kyungsoo finally croaked out. His voice was raspy and hoarse. Sehun looked at him for a while before opening his mouth.

 

“Okay, I know this is going to sound so stupid,” Sehun groaned. “But to be honest, I’m not really sure why I’m here either. I’m guessing I just wanted to make sure you were alright. From what I gathered, you and Jongin had a pretty serious fight.”

 

Kyungsoo let out an airy laugh and looked like he was going to burst into tears any second.

 

“I wouldn’t call it a fight,” Kyungsoo murmured, his voice shaking, “just me getting mad at him and him apologizing for whatever stupid thing he did. Nothing out of the usual.”

 

“Nothing out of the usual, but resulted in you crying your eyes out and Jongin beating himself over and looking like he just found out that Christmas got canceled?” Sehun asked, his eyebrows furrowing. “Come on Kyungsoo. I may not know you like Chanyeol does, but I can tell when someone is lying. I’m pretty good at reading people from all the different schools I’ve been to.”

 

Kyungsoo remained still, his eyes fixed on the floor. Finally, after a long pause, he opened his mouth.

 

 


“I hate him,” Kyungsoo muttered, “I hate Jongin so much it kills me.”

 

Sehun blinked in surprise. He knew there was something serious between the two that nobody else knew about, but he didn’t expect Kyungsoo to feel so much hatred towards Jongin. Sure, the latter could be obnoxious and annoying. He gathered this from knowing the boy for less than a week. But he knew Jongin’s heart was in the right place - he was just a caring boy who’s feelings for Kyungsoo was obviously genuine.

 

But for Kyungsoo to feel so strongly about Jongin was such a tragedy to hear, and Sehun couldn’t help but feel his own stomach drop at hearing his words. His heart reached out for Jongin.

 

“What’s going on Kyungsoo?” Sehun whispered. “Why do you hate him so much?”

 

Kyungsoo held in a sob as he curled into a ball.

 

“I-I just....I can’t stand being near him. I want to hurt him so badly. Before I realize what I’m doing I’m spewing insults in his direction and I mean every single word. And you know what’s worse? I don’t even feel guilty. Seeing hurt flash across his eyes gives me ing pleasure, Sehun.”

 

Sehun leaned forward and placed his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Kyungsoo was shaking, his hands trying to keep his body still but failing miserably.

 

“Did you hurt Jongin today too?” Sehun asked. Kyungsoo bit down on his lips, and Sehun could see droplets of blood seeping out.

 

“Yeah,” his voice could be barely heard, and Sehun had to lean it to make out what Kyungsoo was saying. “Jongin was doing his usual routine - asking me to dinner, wondering if I could help him with his homework. What he always does. But I finally lost it. I was screaming at him about how I wished he would just die and leave me the alone.” Kyungsoo took in a shaky breath. “Who even says that?”

 

“Kyungs-”

 

“But that’s not even it,” Kyungsoo snorted, tears running down his cheeks, “I wasn’t satisfied. No, my ing mouth just couldn’t shut up. I was telling him that he was the bane of my existence and that I would be so much happier without him. Jongin was crying, Sehun. Jongin never cries. Not once in the nine years I knew him. And when I saw those tears....it hit me. The guilt. I couldn’t look him in the eyes for a moment longer and I kicked him out of the room, telling him to never come back.”

 

Kyungsoo buried his head in his arms, breathing heavily.

 

“How am I any better than Kim Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispered, “I was supposed to be different. Now I’m just exactly like him - toying with other people’s feelings and not giving a crap about the damage caused by my actions. Cruel and evil. I’m just like him.”

 

“Kyungsoo. Calm down,” Sehun said and peered down at Kyungsoo. He didn’t know what to do; he never had to comfort someone before and he was definitely not going to hug another male. All Sehun could do was crouch down besides Kyungsoo and place his hands firmly on the boy’s arms to keep him from shaking so badly.

 

Finally, after a few excruciating painful minutes for Sehun, Kyungsoo began to settle down. His breathing became more steady and his tears stopped flowing. Kyungsoo simply sat still, staring blankly at Sehun’s shirt. Sehun slowly pulled away when he realized Kyungsoo wasn’t going to start panicking again.

 

“You okay?” Sehun asked. Kyungsoo nodded slowly before giving Sehun a small, bitter smile.

 

“I’m fine Sehun. I’m sorry; I kinda freaked out on you, didn’t I. I feel bad. We’re not even...uh...that close.”

 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Sehun quickly said, “I didn’t mind. I came here to hear your side of the story anyways. I was expecting it. Don’t feel bad.”

 

Kyungsoo sniffed and gave Sehun a grateful smile.

 

“Thanks,” he whispered. A look of alarm crossed his eyes and Kyungsoo’s hand suddenly shot out, grabbing Sehun’s uniform.

 

“Sehun, could you not tell anyone about what I said today? Please.”

 

Sehun nodded in understanding.

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

Kyungsoo slowly let go, his hands limping besides his slumped over body.

 

“I...I’d like to be alone for now,” Kyungsoo said, “sorry.”

 

Sehun shook his head furiously before scrambling to his feet. “I understand. Chanyeol was pretty worried about you. He seems like a nice friend.”

 

With a brief, shaky laugh, Kyungsoo slowly stood up and walked Sehun to the door.

 

“He’s sweet,” Kyungsoo croaked, “tell him I’m alright, will you?”

 

Sehun smiled softly. “Sure,” he said, before patting Kyungsoo’s shoulders and closing the door behind him.


 

 

 

 

“I’m back,” Sehun said quietly as he walked into his room. Luhan jumped to his feet and dragged Sehun to his bed, eyes wide and alert.

 

“What did Kyungsoo say?” Luhan asked, “was he okay? Why was he crying? Did Jongin do something wrong? Did he tell you anything? Oh, for gods sake, sit down.

 

Luhan pushed Sehun down and the latter grimaced as his hit the edge of his bed.

 

“Ow, what the !” Sehun cried, “that hurt!”

 

Grinning apologetically, Luhan plopped down besides Sehun with an eager look.

 

“So?” he inquired, his hands gripping Sehun’s arm tightly, “so?”

 

Sehun cocked an eyebrow. “Wow, aren’t you a noisy one.”

 

“Shut up Sehun!” Luhan laughed and slapped Sehun’s arm, earning yet another cry of pain.

 

“Luhan! Seriously!” Sehun yelled, “it hurts!”

 

“Then just tell me,” Luhan retorted. Sehun sighed and leaned back, his back hitting the wall.

 

“I can’t tell you the whole story,” Sehun replied, “but there’s definitely something wrong. Apparently Jongin was pestering Kyungsoo again and he kind of lost it.”

 

“Is Kyungsoo alright?”

 

Sehun nodded with a grim look. “Yeah, he’ll be fine. Oh right! Do you know what room Chanyeol’s in?”

 

Luhan’s eyes widened. “Why are you looking for Chanyeol?’

 

“Kyungsoo wanted me to tell him to stop worrying,” Sehun stood up quickly. Luhan scurried to his feet and couldn’t hide the look of worry on his face.

 

“Room D63,” Luhan said, “it’s right down this corridor.”

 

“Thanks,” Sehun said quickly before closing the door behind him. He hurried down to the room he was looking for and when he saw Chanyeol’s initials inscribed on the plate, he knocked without hesitation.

 

Only a few seconds passed before the door flew open and Chanyeol stepped out, peering down at Sehun. It looked like he had just finished taking a shower, as a wet towel was wrapped around his neck.

 

“New kid!” Chanyeol exclaimed, his eyes widening in recognition, “what are you doing here?”

 

“Name’s Oh Sehun,” Sehun said, eyes narrowing. Chanyeol smiled sheepishly.

 

“Sorry,” Chanyeol shrugged. “Anyways, what’s up?”

 

“I just talked to Kyungsoo,” Sehun replied. Chanyeol froze and his smile disappeared in a instant.

 

“How is he? Why the heck is he talking to you and not me? Does he realize how worried sick I’ve been the whole day?”

 

Sehun sighed at how talkative Chanyeol was, realizing exactly why he had decided to avoid the other the first day he arrived.

 

“He’s fine,” Sehun said, “just a bit upset, but he said he didn’t want you to worry. I’m sure he’ll talk to you by tonight.”

 

“Thank god,” Chanyeol breathed out in relief as he leaned against the doorway. “That bastard. Do you know how surprised I was when I heard him sobbing through the closed door? I was about to go hunt down Jongin that instant.”

 

“Do you know what happened between the two?” Sehun inquired. Chanyeol sighed and shook his head.

 

“No, I don’t know either. All I know is that something happened when they both first met. Kyungsoo won’t tell me anything about it. He kind of freaks out whenever Jongin comes up in our conversation, so I never had the chance to ask him.”

 

“Guess we’ll never find out,” Sehun muttered under his breath before frowning, “why the am I even interested.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Ah, nevermind,” Sehun waved dismissively. “I guess I’ll go now. See you Chanyeol,”

 

“Bye New Kid!” Chanyeol laughed at Sehun’s disapproving glare before closing the door. Sehun turned around and made his way to his own room.

 


So this is the last update until the end of this week:) I'm sorry guys ㅠ.ㅠ

I know Kaisoo is probably killing a lot of you guys right now with its angst, but the truth won't be revealed until later. So for now you guys are stuck with Kyungsoo's immense hatred towards Jongin and Jongin being depressed as .

Mwahahaha I'm evil.

Anyways, I've just finished like two chapters filled with Baekyeol fluff and I'm feeling so much overwhelming love towards the world right now. That's the kind of effect Baekyeol has on people, right? :D

HUNHAN. BAEKYEOL. KAISOO. FTW

Just in case you guys were wondering, xiuchen is not a major couple in this story LOLOL i probably will have moments of them here and there, but they will not have their own storyline like the other three couples. Sorry :(

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Comments

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XiaoShixun #1
Chapter 1: Luhanieeeee
Rainflowerstorm #2
I remember reading this WAYYYY back in 2013 for the first time. Seriously so well-written and beautiful!! I know it's been almost a decade since I first started this, and I know that the last update was in 2015, but know that I am still holding out for the Act 3 update even after all this time. If you decide to update it, that's awesome and I'll be here for it! But even if you don't decide to update, please know that IT IS OKAY AND I STILL SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR ENDEAVORS!! Do what makes you happy!! We love you author-nim!! <3
TheMaidCafe
#3
Chapter 42: Act 3! Please, I read this way too fast and I need more!
EerinKaialovers #4
Chapter 42: Excited for the Act 3
Anushka_88
#5
Chapter 42: Please update 🥺
Rainflowerstorm #6
Chapter 42: I first read this story 5 years ago. I read it about a week after the Act 2 Finale chapter had been posted, and I completed it within a few days. And ever since then, I have been checking over and over and over again for the past 5 years to see if it has updated. Normally, if a fic hasn't updated in a year, I give up on it, but not this one. This fic is SO GOOD, that I have continuously checked for an update on it for the past 5 years. Sadly, the day has not come, but I will continue to check, because it is just THAT GOOD.
thewomancladinblack
#7
Chapter 42: Ugh. I miss this. Its been bloody years since the update. I hope you'll give us the update still.
Asdfghqazwsx
#8
Chapter 42: Still waiting for an update!
Palak27 #9
Chapter 42: I really really loved this story. I onow it’s been a long while since it’s been updated but It was still a very good read. I enjoyed the plot, the characters and the emotions I felt while reading Queer and Proud.
I’ll keep an eye incase you return back. And. I hope you’re doing great author.
Take care!♥️