Review Assignment for 'Deep Blue Love' by SHINEECookie

Title: [9.5/10]

The title is unique in comparison to the majority of fanfics I’ve seen. Most importantly, it is relevant. It irks me when titles are well-constructed but do not have any actual relation to the concept of the story. Because your main character, Minho, is a merman and this is a romance fanfic, “Deep Blue Love” get’s an A-plus! I deducted half a point because although it is logical, it feels like a 95% - a 100% would demand an abstract level of creativity - but definitely still a great title, of course.

Description and Foreword: [10/10]

I would advise that, under ‘Characters’, you include side characters such as Jonghyun and Key who are assigned to help Minho. Also, characters such as Yuri should be included as well. This is because, although Minho and Taemin are the main characters, there might be Yuri/Key/Jonghyun fans out there that see their names and decide to read your story because of that! It should help the story’s popularity!

As for the description....just...oh my gosh. Wow. I was literally blown away. Literally. Like I don’t know where I am right now.

You even have a wiki for the story! It’s fabulous! I’m so in love with the way you structured everything. It fits the sea theme perfectly and bolsters the story’s foundation well. Perfect!

It’s good that you kept the foreword short and started working on the story. Forewords are meant to give insight into the characters’ lives beforehand and you applied this to yours perfectly. I like how you were able to draw a parallel between Taemin’s world and Minho’s by using the concept of hoards of people. In Taemin’s world, he is seeing others being admired and in Minho’s it is himself who is the object of adoration and envy. This clearly distinguishes the two people and their way of life. Awesome! I wish I could give it more than just 10 points! I’d give it infinity!

Plot: [19/20]

Your plot is great for several reasons! Firstly, it’s obviously unique and FAR from being a predictable 2Min story! I like the whole backstory of the discord between Taejoon and Hei-Ryung. However, although the concept is good, I wish that you could make it a little easier to read. Reading that piece was a little like reading a history book - which might have been the intent...to make it sound legitimate, I mean. However, if you could add in some dialogue like:

Hei-Ryung thundered, crying with fury, “How dare thee! How dare thee touch my creations!”

But, with guilt weighing Taejoon down, he resisted. It was with a bloody sigh that he compromised.

“There is but one solution to this. Every seventh generational royal crown must betroth a human and ensure a Bond.”

Sorry if it didn’t make sense with your story - I mean it as an example, of course.

Despite all that, the actual plot itself is great!

Wasn’t Taejoon the one that offered the compromise aka the Bond? So I don’t know if it makes sense that Taejoon would beg Hei-Ryung especially when Taejoon seemed too formidable to yield to Hei-Ryung in the first place, right?

The Bond seems like a big deal, so wouldn’t it have been known to Minho for years now what his fate would be? Perhaps, during the first few passages, you can show Minho having trouble owning up to his predetermined destiny or maybe even planning to escape or actually escaping, etc. Maybe the plans are discovered by Jonghyun or Key and that way you’ll be able to concrete their roles in this story as being on Minho’s side when they don’t reveal the plans to Minho’s parents!

Also, I’m just wondering, can mermaids/mermen live for thousands of years? Otherwise, how is Jonghyun capable of recollecting how humans have changed and how life has changed since he was human? Or is he like freakishly old? Haha x]

Anyway, I like the plot for how Taemin and Minho are portrayed as through the story. Especially how Taemin is a “mommy” - that’s so cute!

Flow: [14/15]

The flow was okay. I feel like you were able to get out a block for each world but remember to use a divider like you did for your foreword so that the readers will be able to distinguish the pieces easily. I understand that you used space in between to separate them but I think a divider like is perfect !

Chapter 3 is PERFECT. The flow was impeccable - thumbs up! Your original score was 13/15 but I just went back to this chapter and had to give you an extra point. I think you just had some trouble with flow in ‘Starting the Search’ because it was your first real chapter and you wanted to introduce everyone, right? You’re forgiven.

Characterization: [14/15]

This was well done. Jonghyun and Key are forever the trouble makers. I like how you make it so they do actually act/think like guys. When they talk about needing to see Taemin (which I would like to see too, thank you very much), I was like AMEN! They’re talking like normal, erted boys. Hallelujah.

I deducted a point because, well, we haven’t really been able to see key characteristics like Minho’s capability to play sports. But there’s only two chapters - I wouldn’t Maybe if we got to see Minho participating in some merpeople games, that’d be swell. Or Taemin and his precious banana milk. I’m giving you points despite not having been far enough into the story to really judge because I liked the part about Taemin’s...Taemin’s adam’s apple lol x]

I love Taemin too much x]

Mechanics: [18/20]

You didn’t have many grammar mistakes. I think that you could add some more descriptive passages to better structure the setting. Like, when Key is going through the racks of beautiful clothes, describe the clothing so the readers can infer that it is beautiful.

“...Key was busily running his fingers through the racks of golden laces and silver streams of the designer dresses...”

Also fix:

Jonghyun watched, with an increasing sense of boredom, as Key incessantly picked a new article of clothing off its rack and showed it to Jonghyun, asking for a second opinion.

I didn’t notice that many grammar mistakes. For the most part, I’d say it looks good!

Appearance: [10/10]

GOSH. I LOVE the way this fanfiction is designed! Its appearance is GORGEOUS, okay? Like the title for each chapter is awesome. As is the poster! I really liked it because it seems somber and deep, it shows the many layers of this story. The colors on the poster did seem a little too dark but I don’t know how this story is going to end! So it could be well-suited! Overall, it’s absolutely beautiful. I’m being sincere when I say this: I’ve never seen another fanfic so prettily designed. Made me want to read it. Fantastic job!

Bonus: [4/5]

~ Amazing, amazing, amazing design. The pretty blue title and wiki are amazing elements to this fanfic.

~ Unique plot, not predictable at all. Complex backstory.