Review for ‘The thing about Constellations’ by chenzi

Review by ScreamingMidget

Title (8/10) :

For your title, it would be best if you capitalized the ‘t’ in ‘thing’ and the ‘a’ in ‘about’. You will understand the reasoning if you look through this article:

http://grammar.about.com/od/grammarfaq/f/capitalstitle.htm

Did you read it? Well, to be honest, I’ve only seen title case styles in fictional books (and it’s not like we can tell if the title is just a word or two) so I would recommend going with the second option. The title could be modified to read ‘The Thing About Constellations’.

It’s a really unique title! I have seen titles talking about stars or starry skies but this is definitely new and all yours! Great job!

It’s also relevant! When they talk about Orion’s belt near the end, it all comes together. I also like how you started off one of those sentences with the title.

Description & Foreword (7/10) :

Usually, I’m pretty set against character charts/ descriptions. But, since this is a oneshot, I think it was necessary. The way you laid the characters out on your description was neat and tidy. You did not overdo it, which I think is great!

Even though this is a oneshot, I don’t think you should have used your foreword just for a oneshot. My suggestion would be to take your character chart and put it in the foreword. Write a hook for your description! When people see your story like on your ‘authored stories’ list, they’ll see some of your description. If you write an engaging sentence or two, it will draw more readers in.

Content & Plot (18/20) :

It was really unique! I think that’s a major plus! I liked how you explained the diseases. When I read it, I got a tad confused with all the line breaks but it’s still understandable if you read carefully (I guess I wasn’t xD).

Single quotation marks are not usually used for actual spoken dialogue. Use “ and “ to indicate that someone is talking! These: ‘ and ‘ can be used with italicized words to show inner thoughts of characters!

Characters (10/10) :

I think you did a good job, really. You showed characters’ personalities through narrative and actions like the fight. Still, I think you could have positioned your descriptions in the story (like when you’re talking about Baekhyun) to be more intertwined with the character at that present moment. No major points off for that, just remember not to list too much information all in one go if there’s no humor/shocking information in that clump.

Grammar & Spelling (10/10) :

“...throw a punch on me...” You might want to recheck this line. It’s near the end with Daniel and Daehyun. I don’t think it is worded right; usually people are not described as throwing punches on someone. You might want to change ‘on’ to ‘at’. Your call!

There are some instances where I think you just were not totally aware of how to deal with quotation marks and narrative. Here’s an explanation:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Grammar_Mishaps__Quotation_Marks

This is the single most useful site, like ever. There’s a part in your story where you Yixing is talking (I’m in love with that guy, by the way) and you introduce the fact that he’s talking and then you use a period but he’s still talking. Okay I didn’t explain it well so I’m just going to rewrite it.

‘But Baehyun, you’re sick,” Yixing points out. ‘At least...’

I just saw a few of those on your story. Fix it so that the period is a comma! That’s all! I’m not taking any points off because I think out of most stories I review, yours is one of the cleanest. These errors are relatively obscure and not that big of a deal. There might be some other subtle errors but it’s definitely not noticeable...your grammar skills are great! Good job!

Organization/Flow (7/10) :

I already talked about the single/double quotation marks, right? Well, I think that kind of disrupted the flow a little bit since I wasn’t all that sure if you were trying to express thoughts at first. But I also think you might want to play around with the line breaks a little bit. Is it possible for you to combine some things? You started using line breaks more at the end so I assume it was to show the different scenes all in one go...I think maybe if you just transitioned with words like “On the other side of town, blah blah blah...’ instead of using another break!

It was a little difficult to read and understand that way! Work on this and your story would be perfect!

Appearance (8/10) :

Your font size (and style) is good and readable. There was no background but that’s understandable for  the story’s style. The poster was good, too. Did you do it yourself? That’s impressive! I don’t know if you were going for this but you can tell the guys are in different places. You were, right? I don’t know lmfao xD Anyway, the appearance in general was a little plain.

Maybe you can think of a title for the chapter? Three stars are appropriate but you could have gotten a little more creative with it, I think.

Also, I’m not confident in saying this - my computer has been going whack lately - but you might want to check Taehyung’s picture in the description. Did the source get deleted? It’s not showing up for me. Omg sorry if it’s just my computer; I’m just watching out for you xD

Enjoyment (20/20) :

I enjoyed it! I thought it was fresh and interesting. It’s a great story and you’re a wonderful writer!

Total: 88! WOW! I think that’s the highest score I’ve ever given (I don’t know if that means you’re a great writer or I’m an evil reviewer; open to interpretation) Great job! I hope you keep up the good work!