Yixing felt a bit ridiculous for holing himself up inside of his apartment but the sheepishness wasn't enough to overcome the dread of seeing the outside world.

 

He satisfied himself with gazing outside his bedroom window, only leaving the mediocre view to visit the convenience store for food. 

 

His skin grew pale with the lack of sunlight and dark circles became prominent underneath his eyes.

 

Why?

 

Why was he running away?

 

Because he was scared.

 

The little voices mocked him. The voices he'd cursed day and night so many years ago. The voices that whispered his faults and insecurities in teasing little songs. Those voices he thought had been silenced the day he stopped trying.

 

Why are you scared, Yixing?

 

"Shut up." He said aloud. 

 

You're afraid you can't handle it. You can't take the pressure of people seeing something in you. You can never meet an expectation with no limit. You're not good enough.

 

"Shut up." Yixing grabbed the sides of his head, willing the voices to leave him alone. 

 

You'll never be good enough. Even Scarlett will give up on you eventually. Once she realizes how useless you are.

 

"Shut up!" Yixing screamed and ran into his bedroom, burying himself under the scratchy blanket.

 

Insecurities and a lumpy mattress kept him awake the entire night, his mind racing to keep the mental voice at bay. 

 

He hadn't realized he'd been crying until he rose from his bed and a damp pillow stuck to his cheek. 

 

There was no one in his apartment when he walked into the kitchen. There were no missed calls, and no new emails when he checked the landline and his laptop. He'd never felt more lonely.

 

。。。

 

Yixing spun the abnormally thick straw around in the vanilla bubble tea, glancing at the door every once in a while.

 

"Oh!" A familiar voice exclaimed.

 

Yixing looked up and was weirded out by the foreign emotion that attacked his insides when he glimpsed Scarlett's face peering at him.

 

"You actually ordered something!" She beamed. Her hair looked thicker since the last time he'd seen her, and the color was a more artificial looking crimson. She must have redyed it. Strands of bright red hair hung around her face in light tangles.

 

"It's really gross." Yixing grimaced, disguising the small smile he almost let slip through behind a superficial frown.

 

"What? That's one of my favorite flavors! What do you mean gross?" Scarlett plopped herself down in the seat next to Yixing.

 

"It's too sweet for me." Yixing shoved the barely tasted drink towards the girl and crossed his arms over the table.

 

Scarlett took it happily and didn't even bother to wipe Yixing's germs off of the straw before the tea down quickly.

 

He rolled his eyes before turning his sights to the street.

 

"You look different." Scarlett remarked in between sips.

 

"How so?" He didn't glance at her.

 

"You look more lively. Did something happen?" 

 

Yixing wanted to reply with a 'You happened,' but he figured that would sound corny and that she might take it in a different context than that for which it was intended for. 

 

"Nothing happened." He lied eventually.

 

"Yixing," Her tone turned serious and it made him look at the girl.

 

He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

 

"Kyung," Scarlett began, her voice cracking.

 

"I know." He said quickly, not wanting her to break down crying in front of him. He had never been good with crying girls. He'd never been good with crying people in general, actually.

 

Scarlett sighed and sniffed loudly.

 

"I'm sorry." Yixing said awkwardly, unsure of how he was supposed to comfort her.

 

"I mean, I knew she'd been sick, but I really didn't expect her to go so quickly." Scarlett's lips quivered and Yixing patted her shoulder quickly.

 

"It's... It's ok. You can get a new dog." 

 

"I don't have enough time to get a new dog." Scarlett sighed. 

 

"Well... It's ok." 

 

"You're really bad at this." Scarlett laughed quietly. 

 

Yixing shrugged.

 

"The year is almost over." She said suddenly. 

 

Yixing looked at her sharply. "Yeah..."

 

"I'll be out of your hair soon." She smiled faintly and Yixing felt yet another strange emotion tugging at his heart strings.

 

"Well... I mean... maybe we could, you know, hang out a little more even after the year is done." Yixing stuttered out, fiddling with his fingers.

 

"I really hope we can." Scarlett looked sad.

 

"Where should we go today?" He began to rip the white napkins into shreds, eager to keep his hands occupied. He twitched with longing for his guitar. 

 

"I don't know." Scarlett grinned. "But I have to go at two."

 

"What for?"

 

"A doctor's appointment."

 

"Why do you need to go to the doctor?"

 

"Everyone goes to the doctor." Scarlett's lips cracked open into a smile.

 

Yixing briefly tried to remember the last time he'd gone in for a check up but gave up once he realized he would be sitting there for a while.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a familiar looking woman walk past, arm in arm with a tallish man with graying hair. After a few moments' scrutiny, he recognized them to be Jill and the magazine man. 

 

Yixing could hardly tell it was them, they were so out of context. 

 

Instead of the hideous pink jogging suit, she wore a flattering pencil skirt with a white blouse, and a pair of gladiator sandals.

 

The magazine man stared down at her fondly and her eyes crinkled with laughing lines at the corner. 

 

Yixing realized that Jill had a beautiful smile. 

 

Scarlett watched him curiously but didn't question him, and he was grateful.

 

Yixing was sure he could learn something from that moment, but the wispy idea slipped through his consciousness.

 

Scarlett glanced at the clock, seeming older for a moment.

 

The plastic circle's arms rotated slowly. 

 

 

---

 

I have like 2-3 more chapters left in this fic and I'm sad. This is my bby <3 

But I will be starting some new fics soon too. I won't post them until I finish this one but I'm planning a SuHo fic, a Kris fic, and a LuHan fic so keep an eye out for them yo~

I'll leave you with precious Lay being precious