"Can't believe what's goin' on
Gotta keep my cool, be calm"

(A/N: Small note just to make it clear, Jiyong and Youngbae are roomates in an apartment, also best friends.)

Youngbae's POV:

I was in my room reading a book on my bed when I heard the front door slam. I assumed that meant Jiyong was home, but why did he slam the door? I stayed there for a moment, not sure of what I should do, until I heard glass shatter. Something was wrong. I faintly remembered Jiyong mentioning something about today being his one and a half year anniversary with Park Ji-eun, but he was happy about it. Did something happen? I decided I should go check and make sure he was okay, but I wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted me when I came out of my room. A plate was shattered on the floor, but that wasn't what I was worried about. Jiyong was leaning against the counter, both hands covering his face. I could see the sobs racking through his body. I kept my voice quiet as I walked up to him and leaned on the counter across from him. "Are you okay?" Jiyong shook his head, not saying anything. "What's wrong?" I asked, the concern audible in my soft voice. He moved his hands from his face, revealing red puffy eyes and tears that were still escaping his eyes. He put his hands over his heart before hoarsely saying "...a-apayo." (it hurts). I looked at the floor, my eyes wandering to the plate. I knew what he meant by 'it hurts' and gave him a minute to figure out his words. It wasn't the first time something like this happened, so I knew to give him time to say it. Asking what happened had no effect whatsoever. My eyes wandered back up to Jiyong's face and we made eye contact. "She cheated." He said plainly and clearer than I'd expected, considering the condition he was in. I moved closer to him and we both went in for a hug. He needed it and he knew it as he wrapped his arms around me. As his best friend, being here and being calm was all I could do.

"You claimed everything was okay. That's impossible
Just know I'm here for you"

As calm as I forced myself to be, I couldn't help the rage that was building in my stomach at Ji-eun for hurting him like this. My heart ached at seeing him like this, but I had to keep calm for his sake. Now would arguably be the worst time to show my feelings for him were more intense than simply best friends. All I could do was hope the damage wasn't irreparable, and that their relationship was at least over, so this didn't repeat itself. Little did I know.

I loosened my arms around Jiyong, making sure I didn't make the hug go on too long, but he kept his arms around me, crying into my shoulder. Seeing him like this was a rare thing, usually it wasn't this bad, but it seemed like he loved her the most out of anyone he'd dated to this point in time. I really did feel bad for him, he semed so broken. It was painful to see. "Ji..." I managed to get out. His hugging was getting tighter and I could barely breathe, he was squeezing me so tight. He was in a trance or something so I tried to get his attention once more. "Ji...I can't breathe." I choked out and he immediately let go of me. "Sorry, I was thinking. I'm gonna head to my room and try to sleep, okay?" He said, his voice breaking towards the end of the sentence. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, a bit worried for his feelings. "I'll be fine, Youngie. I just need to sleep this off." He replied, his voice void of any emotion. I nodded and watched him as he walked off to his room, closing the door behind him. He walked like it was the hardest task on Earth, he must be hurting badly...

I knelt down and picked up the broken pieces of plate from the floor, placing them gently in the trash. Luckily they were all large pieces and relatively harmless, or so I thought. As I went to throw away the last piece, it shifted in my hand quickly, the jagged edge cutting my palm open. I didn't think it was that bad, until I went to finish throwing away that piece and noticed the blood dripping off my middle and ring fingertips. "." I muttered under my breath as I remembered we didn't have anything left in the first aid kit. I tried running my hand under the water and blotting it with paper towels but it wouldn't quit bleeding. After about 5 minutes, I gave up and headed towards Jiyong's room and knocking lightly on the door. If he was asleep, I didn't want to wake him, but if he was awake, I needed his help to get my hand to stop painting the floor red. "Come in." He said just barely loud enough for me to hear through the door. "I hate to barge in when you're resting, but can you help me with something?" I looked over at Jiyong, who was laying awake on his bed. He sat up and looked over at me, so as to ask 'what with?' before his eyes moved down to my hands, one holding a ball of paper towels over the other, and the paper towels were getting redder by the second. "How did you even...? Was it the plate? God damn it, Youngie. I'm sorry. I should have cleaned it up, it's my fault." He got up and searched around his room for something, eventually finding the object lying around on his desk: a spare first aid kit. He grabbed out what he needed and gestured for me to sit on his bed. I did as he said and he threw away the paper towels, wiping my hand down with an alcohol wipe, which stung horribly. He kept muttering apologies under his breath, as he could see my wincing every time the alcohol hit my wound. After a moment, he laid gauze over the cut and wrapped my hand in a bandage. "It really wasn't your fault, I should have been more careful when cleaning it up. Thanks Ji." I said quietly, running my finger over the bandage. It was good we had a spare kit around the house, especially when accidents seemed way too common. I headed out and closed the door behind me, leaving Jiyong to get back to his rest, but was surprised when I heard him come out after me. I went to the kitchen, and so did he. As I was washing the blood off my non-injured hand, Jiyong grabbed himself a large bottle of soju and popped it open, taking a long swig from it before taking a few chugs and setting it back in the fridge and heading back to his room. My jaw almost dropped. He just drank half a bottle of that stuff; usually a third of it was enough to have you like fall-over drunk.

I forced myself to shrug it off on his bad mood. Otherwise I probably would have asked him what the hell he was thinking. Thinking back on it, I had to force myself to stay calm. Between her constant fighting, and now cheating, what she did to his emotions was practically unforgivable in my book. I walked off to my room once more, the anger beginning to well in me. I punched the wall lightly, not wanting to make noise and upset Jiyong.

"I was never perfect no
But I'd never let it go to a point I'm ragin', throwin' making you uncomfortable"

Time passed and I decided it'd be a good idea to get out for a few. I got halfway out the front door before I realised it might be better if Jiyong came with. He needed a distraction, and coffee could be a good enough one for now. I my heels and walked quietly to Jiyong's door, which was open. I looked in quickly to make sure he was awake; he was sitting at his computer. Hesitantly, I knocked lightly on his door frame before coming in. He looked over at me, expecting me to say something first. "I was gonna head out to the coffee shop, I was wondering if you wanted to come with. Do you want to?" My question sounded a bit more concerned than I was intending, but I ignored it. Jiyong hesitated for a moment, and I was expecting him to say no, but contrary to that, he nodded and quietly said, "Yeah, that'd be nice. I could use some coffee right about now." The right corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile, but he remained emotionless. Jiyong stood up and put on a t-shirt before slipping on a pair of socks and walking towards me. I headed out of the doorway and waited for him to put on his shoes before leaving the apartment. We walked for about 5 minutes, staying relatively silent before walking into the coffee shop. We stood in line and while we waited for coffees, Jiyong's eyes wandered throughout the small building looking for a seat. It caught me completely off guard when he stared at one particular table for a moment before darting out of the place. The barista handed us our iced coffees and I ran, trying to see where he went. I ran down the way that led further from our apartment, when I heard panting. Following the noise, I quickly found Jiyong leaning on a wall, trying to catch his breath. I handed him his iced coffee and he bowed slightly. He didn't have to say why he ran, I already knew. "Miahne..." I muttered. Jiyong shook his head. "No. Don't be. It's not your fault, you didn't know. Besides, I should be apologising to you for taking off like that. It wasn't right of me." "You don't need to blame this on yourself, Ji. Don't worry about it, at least you didn't go far." Jiyong nodded before slurping some of the coffee through his straw. "The fresh air feels good. It almost feels refreshing." Jiyong said, a small smile appearing on his face, staying there a moment, then disappearing. "We can stay out here if you want, you seem to be in a little better of a mood." I suggested and he nodded.

Jiyong's POV:

Youngbae looked surprised at my wanting to stay out, especially after running into Ji-eun and her other boyfriend. My other smiles may have been real, but the one I had on now was fake, completely fake. True, the fresh air and spending time with my best friend was getting my mind off things, but some of the thoughts lingered. I was feeling better though, I couldn't deny that. I was waiting for Youngbae to lead the way, but it was obvious he was waiting for the same of me. After a second of awkward silence, I started walking down the sidewalk to where I knew a park was. It was getting dark outside, but I didn't care. By the time we'd gotten to the park, it was a bit past 8 and completely dark now. There were white Christmas lighte strung around the whole park, making the place light up. It may have been the middle of summer, but whoever decorated the park made my day. It was beautiful. I made my way over to the swings, Youngbae following and sitting in the one next to me. I swung gently, not going too high, and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. "Thanks for being my friend. I think knowing you're here helps a lot." I breathed out, my eyes still closed. Youngbae chuckled for a moment before stating, "What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't here?" "Yaaahh..." I punched him lightly in the arm."I was trying to be all deep and sentimental, way to ruin it." I said sarcastically. We were both silent for a moment before busting out into laughter. "So are you feeling better now?" Youngbae asked after our laughter died down. I nodded. "Yeah, a lot better." "That's good, I don't like seeing you sad. We should have a party since you're free of her now." Youngbae said. I glanced his way, my smile disappearing. "What's that supposed to mean?" I sounded insulted, but hell, I was. He just insulted my girlfriend. "She cheated on you...didn't you guys break up?" Regret was in Youngbae's tone, but also concern. "We're still very much together, thank you." My tone was getting sarcastic. I didn't want to be this way, but it's like I wasn't controlling myself. "Ji...are you sure you want to be number 2 in someone's eyes...?" For some reason, it's almost as if he sounded hurt. "I love her. And I believe she loves me. That's enough in my eyes." My anger was showing, and my words were coming out choppy. "I really don't think that's the best way to g-" I cut him off. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was my life. And I thought that you would accept my decisions, being my best friend and all." I stood up. "Ji, you know that's not what I-" "I don't care anymore." I walked off coldly, leaving Youngbae on the swingset by himself. I didn't even know where I was walking to, I was just going forward. I wasn't really angry at him, it just came off as so. Wow, I'm an . I couldn't believe I acted that way towards him when I wasn't sure of my own feelings, and he had a good point. There was no way to prove if she actually loved me. I thought she did, and I love her, so how could I break it off...? I got to an alley and walked in just far enough so the darkness of night and the shadows of the buildings hid me. Losing control, I slid down the wall and hugged my knees, burying my face in the space between my arms and kneecaps, letting out a few silent tears. I'm sorry Taeyang. I hope you aren't mad at me. I'm not mad at you.

Youngbae's POV:

In shock, I watched Jiyong walk away. What happened to the light air around us? It feels so heavy now. I seriously hoped he didn't hate me. All I did was voice a little concern; I don't like watching him be tortured day in and day out between her drama and everything else. I knew the situation a bit too well though, he loves her, and he thinks she loves him back. So therefore, he can't break up with her. I hate that that's how it is. It makes my heart ache, watching the one I've fallen for be hurt like this. But I had to stay strong, I had no right to be weak, as none of this is happening to me. Jiyong walked out of sight, and in any other case, I would have followed him, as he was obviously angry and needed some outlet. But I couldn't. The fact that the one he's angry at is me, caused me more pain than I can describe in words. It's crippling; paralysing. I couldn't will a bone in my body to move. My expression that was happy just a few minutes ago, was gone and replaced with one of empty despair. We'd been at the park for more than an hour, it was almost 10 now. I decided I should just head home and hide in my room until the "storm" passed. Forcing myself to move, I stood up from my swing and walked in the direction of home, which was the opposite direction that Jiyong headed in.

My steps were beyond slow. I dragged my feet so much to the point that the walk to the apartment was a 2 hour thing. Hesitantly, I got in the elevator and punched in the number for our floor. The elevator ride seemed shorter than usual, but I didn't think too much of it. I opened the door of our apartment to see all the lights still off. Did he not come home? I flipped the switches on and looked around the house, seeing no one. Jiyong's door was still open, and I reluctantly peeked in to see if he was home, only to be greeted by a dark room void of anyone. He's not here. I looked at the clock, and it was well past midnight. I couldn't help but worry; he was emotionally unstable, and missing. Those two things are a combination that never makes for good news. I laid down in my bed and tried to sleep, but it was impossible; I kept listening for the door to open.  Hours passed, nothing. The sun shone through the curtains eventually, and Jiyong still wasn't back home. I didn't get a single wink of sleep, and I was exhausted. It wasn't until I was fixing myself a glass of coffee that the door opened, to reveal a tired looking Jiyong. Unintentionally, I ignored him. With what he did, I really had no clue how to act, so I just gave him space... by not acknowledging his presence.

Jiyong's POV:

I woke up when I saw sunlight. But the thing is, I wasn't in my bed. I must have fallen asleep when I was sitting in the alley last night. Luckily, nothing happened. I decided it'd be best if I walked back to the apartment and at least apologised to Youngie. On the way back, I passed the park again, daylight making the dew on the grass shine and sparkle. My eyes wandered to the swings, halfway expecting Youngbae to be on them, but he wasn't. I didn't realise how quickly I was walking, until I got to the apartment building and it'd only been 15 minutes. I took the stairs to my floor and walked down the hallway, letting myself into the door of my apartment. I froze in the doorway when I saw Youngbae drinking a mug of coffee, staring at the floor, probably thinking about something. He looked like he hadn't slept at all...he has to have slept, right? I looked at the clock...6:30...there's no way he'd be awake right now if he actually did sleep. I decided I'd quit the guessing and try to fix things. I looked down at the floor for a moment before putting my head down and looking in Youngbae's direction and clearing my throat quietly. The air was so tense... "Ah, annyeong. Did you sleep well, Youngie" I watched him for a reaction or a response...anything. But he did nothing. His eyes flickered to me for a split second before he went back to absentmindedly sipping his coffee. He didn't say a word. "Youngie...?" I asked, a little bit of concern in my voice. He put down his coffee and walked into his room, closing the door behind him. I cringed at the sound of his door closing before walking to it and holding my fist up to the door, not knowing if I should knock. Deciding an apology now would be better than later, I knocked softly. Getting no response, I wrapped my hand around the doorknob and tried to turn it, but it refused to move. It was locked. One thread away from giving up, I decided I'd just do it through the door. "Look, Youngbae, Youngie, Taeyang. I don't know which to address you as at the moment, but I feel really bad for last night. I was a complete , and I'm sorry.  You were right, and I guess I got upset that you seem to know me better than I do. Thanks for trying to help. I'm really sorry for blowing up at you. And disappearing too, I ended up falling asleep in that alley..." The door opened. "You what?" "I fell asleep in an alley last night?" "Are you an idiot?! That's how people get murdered!" "I didn't mean to, I was intending on coming back here." "You could have called." "Excuse me? I didn't have my phone on me. And judging by how you're acting now, I really don't think you would have picked up anyways." He went quiet for a minute, not even trying to create an argument. "Ji, I was worried." He said, softening up a little. "Sorry I worried you. Like I said, I really didn't mean to fall asleep there. Speaking of sleep, did you sleep well? No offense but you kinda look...dead." He laughed a little at how I worded it. "Yeah, I slept like a log." I noticed the look on his face, he was lying. I knew him too well for things to slip by me. "Something tells me that's not true. You forget I can read you like a book." I raised an eyebrow and he looked down. "If I tell the truth, you'll feel even more guilty. You've already said sorry enough today, I don't need to give you another reason to be sorry." "Youngie, please. I care about you, you look exhausted. Did you sleep at all last night?" Youngbae shook his head. My heart dropped.  Wait, did I really just...my heart dropped... any other time when he never slept, I was pretty much indifferent. why is it effecting me now...? I panicked and ad-libbed, losing my cool. "Okay well you can sleep now. Please do sleep, I'm gonna go take a shower, I smell like city." And I pretty much ran off.

Youngbae's POV:

I froze at the concerned look on Jiyong's face and the tone in his voice when he asked me if I slept or not. Usually my response of no would have resulted in him sarcastically scolding me. Also, he usually wouldn't care too much. He probably just feels bad about blowing up at me last night. But there's always that lingering thought of, what if it was more than that? I had to ignore it, ignore it and convince myself it was just my feelings messing with logic. I ran my hands through my hair and grabbed a glass of water, sipping it down slowly so I could solve the problem of my dry throat before bed. About halfway through drinking it, Jiyong wandered out here to the main room, still soaked from the shower, in just the towel that was wrapped around his hips. He went over to sit on the couch, and when I saw him nonchalantly walk by practically , I almost dropped my glass.

It wasn't until he tripped and dropped the towel that my glass fell, and shattered. "Wow this week is just great for the glassware." I muttered under my breath. I quickly ducked down to pick up the pieces. I was alone for a minute, but not long after, Jiyong joined me, with sweatpants on now. "You shouldn't do that." I stopped and looked up at him. "Do what?" He just shook his head and responded, "Let me clean it up, you already hurt yourself. Go sleep, please." Grudgingly, I listened. I knew it wasn't a negotiable thing, and frankly, I didn't want to start a fight. My eyes flickered over to the clock on the wall, the hands of it pointing to 7:30. Jiyong stood there for a moment, watching me, before I yawned and muttered a goodnight. I headed off to my bedroom, seeing Jiyong picking up the shards from the floor out of the corner of my eye before I walked in, closing the door behind me and collapsing on my bed. It didn't even process in my mind that my blankets were in the laundry. I fell asleep almost instantly and drifted off into dreamland.

Jiyong's POV:

As Youngbae walked away, I sighed softly. I knew the reason he hadn't slept, and it made me feel like . Grabbing the dustpan, I used the mini broom to sweep up the shattered shards of glass from the floor and dumped the full dustpan into the trash. I walked by Youngbae's room to see through his cracked door if he ever fell asleep. To my satisfaction, he was fast asleep, but with no covers and the house was practically freezing. Smiling softly at the fact that he was resting, I headed over to my room and grabbed the comforter off my bed. I trailed back to his room and stood over him for a second before laying the blanket over him and gently tucking him in. Once more, I caught myself fascinated by his peacefully sleeping figure for reasons I didn't understand. I forced myself to quit watching him sleep and to go wash up.

Youngbae's POV:

My dreams were always something that confused me, but it didn't matter. I was asleep. At this particular moment, I was sitting outside Namsan Tower, seeming to be waiting for something. In the thin long-sleeved tshirt and jeans I was in, I was extremely underdressed for the weather. It was well below freezing...I felt a cold wet drop hit my nose and I looked up. It was snowing. My freezingness in my dream caused me to fumble with my blanket. That immediately woke me up; I may have been exhausted beyond belief when I went to bed, but I remember clearly that I had no blanket on. I opened my eyes quickly and blinked a couple of times, wondering where it came from or if I'd magically spawned it in my sleep. Somewhere in my half-sleepiness, sense hit me. This is Jiyong's blanket. The fact that it radiated his scent and the small white swirls sewn into the black material confirmed it was his.

My eyes wandered to the clock...2:30 PM... I was asleep for almost 8 hours, way longer than I thought I would be. The silence rang in my ears and my eyes wandered down to the blanket once more, one question coming to mind. Where is Jiyong?

Jiyong's POV:

I sat staring at the empty seat across the table from me as I sipped my coffee. She's late again. As if on cue, I felt a vibration in my pocket and I pulled out my phone.

Incoming call from: Ji-eun 

I picked up quickly, and before I could say anything, she cut me off.

"Let's stop. I found someone better. Drink an extra coffee for me, I'm not coming."

The cold tone behind her words struck me like a car does an animal in the road at night. "You can't be serious...please tell me this is some sick joke...?"

"I'm serious, Jiyong. We're through. Delete my number and don't act like you know me."

"What about the 2 years we spent together?" My voice broke, but I tried to keep my composure.

"I felt nothing. I just enjoyed your company. Goodbye, Jiyong."

She hung up. Her indifferent tone killed me. I lifelessly walked back to the apartment, and let myself in, leaning against the door before sliding down and sitting on the floor. I threw my phone against a wall as hard as I could; the battery cover came off and went flying across the room along with the battery. I stared at the wall blankly. It was too much. My head was throbbing. I grabbed a bottle of soju and slumped over the counter as I drank it. Youngbae came out of his room and yawned. "Did you go somewhere?" I wasn't facing him, but I nodded. I didn't want him to hear the brokenness in my voice if I could even get my voice to come out.

"Some say it ain't over till it's over
But I guess it's really over now"

It was silent for a while, but I knew Youngbae hadn't moved. He was watching me, and even though I wasn't looking, I could feel his concerned gaze. "You're drinking again..." He said softly, and I slowly nodded again. "Did something happen...?you're never this quiet." I swallowed and closed my eyes; my voice came out hoarsely and hardly louder than a whisper. "It's nothi-" I squeezed my eyes shut. "I don't want to talk about it right now." I took a long gulp from the bottle of soju and felt my legs wobble under me. The world became a bit blurry. It was when Taeyang saw this that his worriedness multiplied. I'd never been drunk before. I never considered it something I would do, but here I am now, world starting to spin and the ache in my heart going away slightly. "J-Ji. I don't think you should drink anymore of that." I took a few more gulps of the drink, emptying the bottle. My words were louder than I usually talked, and even in my drunken state, their volume shocked me, even though they came out slurred beyond belief. "Why not I feel fine?" I turned around to face him and he looked shocked as well, but there was some other emotion on his face I couldn't read. "Ji, you're drunk. I think you should sit down before you fa-" As he spoke, I stumbled my way over to the direction he was in. It wasn't till I got close that I lost my balance and started falling. Youngbae caught me before I hit the floor. A tinge of annoyance was in his voice, "Come on. I'll help you to the couch."

A/N: I decided to make this a multi-chapter for the sake of splitting better. That and you guys have been waiting extremely long for this, so while I continue the story, I hope you all enjoy this much. This story is my priority right now and I will make sure to get it complete before I let myself get too distracted. Thank you all for subscribing and upvoting. I really do hope you enjoy this and aren't too mad at me for the wait. Saranghaeyo~ -Baozi