~ Kim HyunA ~

The atmosphere between JunHyung and Hyuna had become a little more awkward after the run-in with Hara. They walked side by side out of the mall and toward the forest for BoHoJa’s daily hello. The rain had come in, pouring in sheets, forcing Hyuna and JunHyung to share the umbrella together. 

“Don’t listen to anything that girl says,” JunHyung had told her as they went, “She exaggerates and assumes a lot. She doesn’t think much besides that people think she’s sweet and cute.”

Hyuna remained quiet for a moment and then asked softly, “But…what if what she had said sounded similar to what Chaelin mentioned?”

JunHyung pursed his lips and nodded, “Still, Hara’s probably exaggerating, or using real information to support her made-up claims. The point is, just don't bother with her.”

Hyuna had nodded but looked away from him, still doubting everything that she thought she knew about him…which wasn’t much to start with.

BoHoJa, on the other hand, seemed even more relaxed and happy than the night before, probably since that excited feeling one gets before leaving for a vacation had overtaken him with the time of their departure coming closer. The dog didn’t even growl or make lunges for JunHyung as much as before. Still, though, the wolf snarled and whined when Hyuna left by JunHyung’s side. The visit was short, mostly because of the pouring rain, and the fact that as long as Hyuna was under the umbrella with JunHyung, the wolf wouldn't come near. 

Now, walking back into town, Hyuna felt awkward with JunHyung at her elbow. She sighs and looks ahead, feeling JunHyung’s eyes on the side of her face, her cheeks growing warm.

“So, when do you leave?” JunHyung asks, putting his hands into his pockets.

“Sunday,” Hyuna answers quietly, suddenly feeling a pain in her chest, “CL said she usually closes pretty early, so I’ll leave after helping closing up.”

“What?” JunHyung exhales, “So in like…a day?” he shakes his head, mumbling to himself.

“That was the agreement,” Hyuna nods, staring ahead to avoid having to look at him as her heart starts to beat with more effort.

“It just seems really soon,” he says quietly.

Hyuna only nods again, not knowing what to say. The air seems to get thicker and Hyuna feels strangely upset…sad.

Breaking the silence, JunHyung laughs once to himself, “I don't suppose there’s anything I can do…to convince you to stay?” he looks to her then, his eyes clear and genuine.

Hyuna’s mouth opens to reply but she can’t find the words, so she forces herself to look forward again. “Um, I mean…”

JunHyung nods and follows her lead in looking forward. After another moment, he breathes loudly and steps in front of Hyuna’s path, bringing her to a halt. “Okay,” he says, glancing to the street and then back to her, “Let me at least try.”

“Try what?” Hyuna whispers.

“To convince you to stay here.”

Hyuna scoffs, “Why would you guys want that?”
“Why would we want that?” JunHyung repeats in disbelief, “Hyuna, do you really doubt that…that we’re your friends now?”

Hyuna stares at him in silence, trying to process his words with the nervous feeling in her stomach.

JunHyung purses his lips together, as if anger might come forth if he opens them. He shakes his head and looks over Hyuna’s shoulder for a moment. Finally, he sighs, placing his hands on his hips, “Listen…just let me take you out tomorrow night.”

“JunHyung,” Hyuna’s voice croaks, not wanting to hear where the conversation is going, “You can’t be like that…”

“No,” JunHyung interrupts, “You can’t be like this.” He stares at her again, making her feel as if she has been backed into a wall. “Just…give me a shot,” JunHyung’s lips break into a smile, “You can think of it as a goodbye gesture if you want,” he shrugs, “But just let me take you somewhere tomorrow night. Your last night in town.”

Hyuna stares back at him, trying to figure out whether or not he means it. In the end, she decides to give in rather than continue the awkward conversation.

JunHyung smiles broadly now, staring down into her eyes. He exhales and looks up at the building they stand at and then back to Hyuna. He his head towards the door, “This is Chaelin noona’s place.”

“Oh,” Hyuna looks down as she walks down the short alley that will lead to the back door to CL’s apartment. She rings the bell at the back, waiting for CL to allow her in. She turns back to see JunHyung standing just behind her, looking up at the sky and twisting slightly from side to side, his hands clasped. He looks to Hyuna and she raises an eyebrow.

“I’m uh…waiting until you get in…you know, just in case,” JunHyung nods.
The door rings and Hyuna opens it, turning back to say goodnight to JunHyung. He smiles, “I’ll stop by after work.” He turns and walks back towards the main road, and Hyuna watches him go, feeling strange about him. He stops at the end and turns back, pulling Hyuna’s attention to him. “You know that black tank top you bought at the mall?” he smiles, “Wear that.” He turns to leave but stops again, “And some comfortable shorts and uh…shoes.” he nods, walking backwards, laughing before he waves goodbye and disappears down the road.

Hyuna sighs and goes inside, up the stairs, and knocks on the door at the top until CL lets her in.
“Hey, girl, how was shopping?” CL asks, looking at the bags that Hyuna carries.

Hyuna rolls her eyes and shrugs past Chaelin and through the small apartment to her side of the home, where she goes down the hall towards her room. “It was…” Hyuna looks around, searching for the right word to describe her time shopping, “interesting…” she shouts as she opens to the door to her room and tosses the bags on the bed. She then proceeds to sprawl out across the bed on her stomach, her hands and feet hanging over the edges of the single bed.

CL walks in and stands in the doorway, leaning her back up against the door with her arms crossed over her chest and a smile on her face. “How was JunHyung?”

Hyuna sighs audibly and groans.
CL laughs as she enters the room and sits on the end of the bed, looking through Hyuna’s purchases. “That’s JunHyung for you. Quite a guy.”

“I saw Hara today.” Hyuna mumbles into the bed.
“Oh really? How was that?”

“…Interesting.”

“Don’t mind that girl, she only wants what she can’t have. What did JunHyung say?”
“Not to trust her.”

“I agree.”

After a minute of silence, Hyuna twists her face to the side, “JunHyung asked to…go somewhere tomorrow night.”

“What?” Hyuna can hear the smile in CL’s voice, “Go where?”

“I don’t know,” Hyuna turns over, placing her hands behind her head. “He just said that he’d like to take me somewhere as a goodbye gesture. My last night in town.”

CL nods and looks down to the clothes. “What are you going to wear?”

“I don’t know…he told me to wear something comfortable, and the tank top. But, isn’t it getting a little close to autumn to wear something like that?”

“I don’t know, girl, but if JunHyung suggested it than he must have something in mind,” CL holds the simple black tank top up and then glances to her with a knowing smile.

~ ~ ~

The next morning, Hyuna awakens to light streaming in from her window. She rolls out of bed and follows Chaelin around the apartment and then down to the bakery. They work side by side to get the shop ready, CL not going a minute without smiling and Hyuna with a perpetual uneasiness in her stomach. She finds herself having to sigh more than usual just to fill her lungs and make herself feel a little better…until she has to do it again. CL seems to notice her nervousness and tries to start conversation often, but Hyuna only smiles and goes along with it as far as she can until the topic dies, but her nerves never do. The day seems unbearably long as the sun seems to move slower than ever before. She finds herself watching it creep across the sky as she stares out the window, lost in her own mind as she thinks about JunHyung and Chaelin and BiRain and BoHoJa. About the town, about the mountains, about the lakes she has seen. About the ocean side, the water’s tide, and the smell of salt. And she thinks of fire and the heat of the sun.

Finally, as the sun starts to near the tops of the buildings in the west, Hyuna even feels as if she might be sick from the nervous feelings in her stomach. Hyuna sits with Chaelin as she serves her some green tea ice cream and sits across from her.
“You haven’t necessarily been yourself today,” CL says with bright eyes and a smirk.

“I guess I’m just having feelings about moving on tomorrow.”

“Are you nervous?”

Hyuna blinks and thinks before she answers, “Yes.”

“Where will you go?”

“The ocean.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just want to see it.”

“Sounds nice,” CL nods, “But how do you feel about tonight then? With JunHyung.”

“Oh that…”

“Yes, that,” Chaelin laughs.

“I…don’t really know.”

“Well, he’s a good guy, so don’t you worry. He’ll take good care of you, I’m sure.”

“Right,” Hyuna nods, “I don’t doubt it.”

The door to the shop rings as JunHyung enters, wearing a white jacket without sleeves under his black jacket, and a black wife-beater with blue jeans and sneakers. He looks to Hyuna and smiles, and then to CL. “Chaelin, noona, how are you?”

CL smiles in return, “Everything’s good, how about you?”
“Great!” He looks to Hyuna, “Are you ready?”

“Let me change,” Hyuna mumbles as she jumps up and hurries to the back of the shop and up to CL’s apartment.

She feels her heart pound inside of her rib cage, as if a drum is hidden within her core and sounds the bass that vibrates through her entire body. She hurries to put on the tank top and a pair of skinny jeans and her new running shoes. Her hands reach for the wooden wolf carving necklace on the bed, and hover above it as she thinks. She blinks and quickly turns on her heels, shutting the door behind her, leaving the whistle on the bed.

Downstairs, JunHyung and Chaelin’s voices echo through the store until Hyuna walks in. They both look over and smile, CL standing and walking behind the counter, grabbing Hyuna’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “Have fun, kids,” CL waves over her head as she heads to the back.

Hyuna smiles and turns to JunHyung, who already stands in the doorway, holding the door open for her.

“Ready?” he asks.

Hyuna takes a breath and then forces her feet forward, only nodding to him as she goes out to the street. She turns and starts walking towards the forest, as JunHyung skips to her side.

“Where are you going?” he asks her, scratching his chin.

“Oh,” Hyuna stops and stares ahead at the tops of the trees, “Maybe you should lead,” she states and she turns to him.

“Yeah,” JunHyung laughs and backs away, “It’s this way,” he walks in the opposite direction, towards the subway.

Hyuna looks to the ground as she hurries to follow him. The day feels good, not too hot nor cold, but the season seems to be changing towards fall already. The air feels crisper and the world seems more quiet yet colorful as the trees change.

JunHyung leads her down to the subway, and she hurries close behind, being sure not to be lost in the crowd. Her hand reaches forward towards his back, but not touching. He stops short to buzz into the correct subway entrance, and her fingers trail over the small of his back, reaching in to the skin under his jacket. Her eyes open as he looks over his shoulder to her. He smiles and reaches back, carefully taking her hand as he leads her through the crowd and onto a train.

“You act like you’ve never been on the subway,” he says as he releases her hand inside the car and grabs onto the hanging lever.

Hyuna grips one with both hands and looks to him with wide eyes, “I haven’t,” she breathes.

“What?” JunHyung laughs.

The train lurches forward and pulls Hyuna backwards. JunHyung’s arm is quick to wrap around her waist and pull her into him, keeping her from falling into the man behind her. With her body up against him, she can feel the warmth of his skin, the beating of his heart, and the air of his breath. She stares at him with a frozen expression as he mirrors it down to her. Both blink at each other until the train is in constant motion, and then he quickly releases her and stands back, clearing his throat and glancing around at the other passengers.

“You’ve, uh, never ridden on the subway?” he asks, looking back to her.

“No,” she answers, “I’ve never needed to. I told you, I avoided the big cities.”

“Then what brought you into town?” JunHyung asks with a twist of his head.

Hyuna shrugs, “You saw…I was running low on supplies.”

JunHyung waits a moment, and then proceeds cautiously, “You…didn’t steal from Chaelin.”

Hyuna looks to him with a hard expression, “What makes you say that?”

“You left the money on the counter.”

“BiRain was never going to tell on me.” Hyuna states.

“What makes you say that?”

“He doesn’t own a camera phone.”

JunHyung smiles, “Then why did you stay?”

Hyuna looks away, not able to answer because she doubted she had any reasons for anything now.

~ ~ ~

“We’re getting off soon,” JunHyung says, moving towards the door of the train.

Hyuna scoots after him, allowing him to take her hand again to pull her through the crowd. He lets her stand by the door and watch the lights pass by in the tunnel. The car pulls to a stop, and Hyuna grips the handle by the door as the train halts. Passengers push and pull as the exit from the other side of the train and Hyuna watches them move from over her shoulder. JunHyung follows her gaze and then turns back to her, “Next stop, the doors in front of you will open.”

She nods in response and leans her back against the door, watching the masses of people push and cram into the car. Some men stumble to get a standing place with a handle to hold and knock others towards Hyuna, cramming her into the corner of the car. JunHyung shoves a man who falls into Hyuna back and then steps in front of her, placing both of his hands on the car door on either side of Hyuna’s shoulders, becoming a barricade to block the rest of the people from falling into her. She looks up to him as the others push him back, moving him closer to Hyuna, until his chin hovers just over Hyuna’s forehead. She twists her head to keep her nose from touching his neckline, his musty smell filling her nose. He glances down to her and they meet eyes, only to break them apart quickly after.

The ride to the next stop is quick, and Hyuna turns as the doors open and JunHyung removes his arms and follows her out. He hurries to her side, putting his arm across her shoulders to lead her out of the busy subway station. He lets her go once they mount the stairs to the night sky. Wherever JunHyung has brought them is different than Chinju, as the streets aren’t as crowded and the sounds of crickets sing through the night. The atmosphere is cooler, but still comfortable as a slight warmth hangs in the air.

“This way,” JunHyung says as he points down the street, dimly lit by lamp poles.

The air feels more open as they have left the busy city to a more natural environment. A light breeze flows through the small, quiet town, and a distant noise echoes between the buildings. She follows him to a street with open restaurants, serving fresh sea food, where the fish swim in the tank in the seating area.

“This one,” he says as he pulls a chair out for her to sit. He smiles as he sits across from her and the waiter comes to them.

They order jjamppong, a spicy noodle with vegetables and various seafood. JunHyung orders a small amount of boiled cocoons of caterpillars, and teases Hyuna with them, who refuses to eat any. He laughs as he eats a few, but won’t finish them. He also orders a yogurt soju for Hyuna and a standard for himself, neither drinking much.

JunHyung’s face twists as he sets down the glass from his last soju fill.

“You don’t like alcohol?” Hyuna asks with a smile.

JunHyung shakes his head, “I like it, but I can’t stomach it well.” He watches as she easily empties her own cup. “You like to drink?”

“I neither like it nor dislike it, but I’m good at it.” She laughs to herself.

After the meal, JunHyung takes her back onto the street and down the road.
“Where are we going?” Hyuna asks, hurrying by his side.

“You’ll see, I have it planned.” He smiles.

JunHyung leads her quickly through the empty streets, the stars hanging overhead, until they reach an area where the concrete meets a wooden type of road. A slight breeze rolls in, making Hyuna’s ears feel like a hollow bottle as the wind makes noise flowing across. As they continue, the air feels more and more cool. Hyuna watches her feet walk along the wood until JunHyung comes to a stop. Hyuna first looks to him, but when she sees him staring ahead, a smile on his face, she follows his gaze and sees the open ocean ahead. The strange sound mixed with the wind had been the steady rolling of the waves, which she can now hear as they splash against the wooden pier. The moon is high in the sky, creating enough light to glimmer across the salt water below. Hyuna’s mouth drops and her breath is caught as she stares at the sight.

“Welcome to the ocean,” JunHyung breathes, turning his head to look at Hyuna.

The stars of the night and the moon reflecting in the water also reflect in her eyes, as she stares out at the vast sea before her. She blinks, but can’t find words nor the breath to force them out.

“You said you wanted to see it,” JunHyung continues, looking out to the waves, “So I thought I’d show it to you.” He lifts his hand out to the water, “Well, what do you think?”

Hyuna shakes her head, blinking to the rhythm of the waves splashing against the pier. “I…you…it…”

JunHyung smiles, “Is it what you thought it’d be?”
“It’s…more,” she whispers, breaking her stare to look at him.

JunHyung’s smile grows with her words and he looks behind her. “Let’s walk the pier a bit.”

Hyuna looks over her shoulder and nods, following next to JunHyung but walking by the railing of the pier, trailer her finger along the wood and watching the moon move over the rolling waves.

“Here,” JunHyung pulls on her hand to a small ice cream stand.

Hyuna laughs and puts her hands to her eyes as she joins his side. “Ice cream?” she asks.

“Of course!” JunHyung scoffs.

Hyuna shakes her head and stares at him for a moment. The two order ice cream, him vanilla and her chocolate, and they continue to walk the pier. Hyuna’s mind wanders as she stares at the ocean, feeling filled in every way.

JunHyung smiles to himself as he watches her, and she can feel his happiness mix with her own, creating a feeling she’s never felt before.

“Let’s go over here,” JunHyung says, pointing off the side of the pier.

“What?” Hyuna laughs, walking to the railing and looking down to where the waves spill over the rocks below.

“Down there,” JunHyung points as he leans on his arms along the pier.

“I don’t get it,” Hyuna laughs.

“Follow me,” JunHyung smiles, pulling off his shoes. Hyuna watches him as he rolls the ends of his pants up and carries his shoes, climbing on to the railing and waiting for her. “Are you coming?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Hyuna smiles and rolls her eyes, but slips off her shoes and rolls her pants, swinging one leg over the railing and straddling it, looking forward to JunHyung. JunHyung smiles and turns around, dropping down on the other side of the railing. Then he carefully bends down and holds onto the pole, dangling his feet down until they touch the rocks below.

“Come on!” he calls up to her.

Hyuna laughs and holds her ice cream in one hand as she swings her other leg over and follows his moves, dangling her feet down towards the rocks. JunHyung helps in guiding her feet to the rocks and settling her down. He smiles and then turns, leaping from rock to rock until he meets the sand by the waves. Hyuna follows him, and he leads her along the small shoreline, as she watches the sand grow and the pier disappear behind them. Finally, they reach an open stretch of sand and start to walk along the beach, feet tangling with the salt water of the waves.

“Are we allowed to be here?” Hyuna asks, her ice cream.

JunHyung shrugs, “I don’t know, but I don’t see why not. God made the earth for everyone right? I can enjoy it too.”

“I mean, I guess,” Hyuna mumbles.

“What?” JunHyung turns to her, “Don’t believe in a god?”

Hyuna looks to him, feeling weird with the twist in conversation. “Uhm, I guess I do. I don’t know.”

“Oh,” JunHyung shrugs, “I do.” He looks to the ocean, “Life is just…to complex not too, you know?”

“Yeah,” Hyuna follows his gaze, “I can agree with that.”

“There’s too much order in this world.” JunHyung continues.
“What do you mean?”

“Like, how our bodies work perfectly. How a seed turns into a tree. How plants give us oxygen and we give them carbon dioxide in return.” He shrugs.

“I think…there’s too much disorder though.”

“What do you mean?” he looks to Hyuna, face confused.

“Too much death, too much sadness. Too many things left unexplained.”

“But…that’s all part of life,” JunHyung’s lips part in a slight smile. “You may not see it, but I think that even those things work in a bigger order.” Hyuna shrugs, done with the idea altogether, and JunHyung laughs to himself. “So, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”

“Uh, like what?”
“Like…where are you from? What was your childhood like? Your family?”

Hyuna’s quiet a moment, feeling JunHyung’s eyes on her face as she contemplates an answer.

“What about you?” she asks, “You always ask me about myself but never tell me anything about you.”

JunHyung looks ahead and nods, “Fair enough.” He seems to think for a moment…a long moment, his face twisting as he sorts through his thoughts. Finally, he sighs. “To be honest…I can’t really tell you much about my past because…I don’t know it.”

Hyuna looks to him, confused. “What do you mean?” she whispers, trying to be somewhat cautious with the conversation.

JunHyung looks down to his feet as they walk in the soft, warm sand, “I mean, about a year ago…I had an accident…and I lost my memory. It’s strange I know, because I can’t even remember much of my accident details, but I can’t remember much of my life before that either.”

“Really?” Hyuna breathes, feeling more similar to JunHyung than she had ever felt before. She blinks as she looks away and toward her own feet in the sand.

“Yeah, that’s why I was a bit reckless when I first came to town. It’s because I was confused. But, luckily BiRain took me in.” he nods.

“Wow,” Hyuna exhales, trying to absorb what he’s said, thinking of how she too couldn’t think very far back on her life, and how flashes came to her in her dreams. She suddenly wanted to ask him so much more, about his accident, about his memories, about his life, but she doesn’t know how without it possibly being turned towards her.

“Hey,” JunHyung exclaims after a second, “I never noticed you had a tattoo!” he points to the tattoo across her left shoulder blade in black ink. His fingers lightly touch her shoulder as he reads it, “My mother is the heart that keeps me alive,” he nods, “I like that. What does it mean to you.”

“Uhm,” Hyuna’s mind panics, trying to think of why she would have gotten that, but not quite remembering, “My mother was very important to me,” she states softly, earning an understanding nod from JunHyung. “What about you?” she asks again, pointing to the script along his forearm.

He smiles as he holds out his arm, “‘Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.’ It’s Latin. It says, ‘Seize the day, and put little trust in tomorrow,’ it means what it says, to live your life in the present. And this one,” he points to one on his other upper arm, ‘If I die tomorrow, I would never regret,’ that’s about life. And this one,” he opens his jacket to reveal another black ink tattoo in script across his collar bone, “’Born again, still your son,’ which means that even though I’m a Christian, I’m still the same son to my father.” He nods and smiles.

“Wow,” Hyuna comments, “That’s a lot, but they’re really cool.”

“Thanks,” he laughs as he looks to her. His smile turns to a frown as she grips her arms as they walk along the beach, lit by the moon and stars. “Are you cold?” he asks.

“A little,” she nods.

JunHyung sighs and takes off his black jacket, “I’m sorry,” he says as he drapes it over her shoulders, “I said to wear a tank top because I thought it would be warm at the beach, but the seasons are changing fast.”

“That’s okay, I’m fine,” Hyuna looks to her feet and smiles as she slips her arms through.

JunHyung points ahead to a light in the sky, but it disappears, only to return again a moment later, repeating the process.

“What is that?” Hyuna asks.

“That is where we are going,” JunHyung smiles, “It’s a lighthouse.”

Hyuna looks to him as he smiles at the light, and she laughs to herself.

They near the lighthouse to find that it stands alone on the beach. The building isn’t too tall, and has white and red stripes curving around the base to the top. JunHyung walks to the wooden door at the bottom and pushes his shoulder into it, throwing it open with a creak.

“JunHyung!” Hyuna looks around the beach, “What are you doing?”

He smiles to her and then looks inside the dark building, “There are stairs here that lead to the top. No one lives here, I checked it out already.”

He disappears into the darkness and Hyuna waits outside. “JunHyung,” she whispers as loudly as she can, but hears no response. She glances around the beach and then inches forward toward the dark building.

“Let’s go!” JunHyung pops his head around the door opening, resulting in a shriek from Hyuna.

“What are you doing!?” she scolds as she holds her heart where her necklace would have fallen if she’d warn it.

JunHyung laughs, “It’s alright! I’ve done this before!” he says again as he goes back inside, this time with Hyuna following.

“When?” she asks as she carefully watches her footing in the old, wooden building.

“Last night,” he says from a staircase along the wall.

Up above, the stairs twist until they reach the top. Spider webs cling to the walls and dust gathers along the floorboards.

“You were here last night?” Hyuna mumbles as she follows JunHyung’s footsteps up the staircase.
“I had to make sure we could come,” JunHyung replies, waiting for her to catch up before continuing up the stairs.

They creep up the steps, each one bending and groaning with each footfall. Finally, they reach the top, where JunHyung pushes open a latch above to the starry night. He climbs out and then helps pull Hyuna out to the top, where the light twirls ahead, encircled by a single railing, overlooking the ocean.

“Okay,” Hyuna breathes, “This is pretty cool.”

“That’s what I thought you’d think,” JunHyung smiles as he sits down, hanging his feet over the edge of the lighthouse. He looks up to her and pats the wood next to him for her to sit down, and she does.

They lean on the railing and look out at the waves in the night. She watches the lighthouse light move across the clouds in the night sky, and the stars twinkle in the waves below.

“Hey,” Hyuna whispers, “Do you think that…the stars would twinkle more if we lived under water?”
“What?” JunHyung chuckles, “What do you mean?”

“Like…if you’re underwater and look up to the stars, they probably seem like they twinkle more because of the waves moving between them.”

JunHyung nods, “I guess you’re right.” They look out to ocean together. “Tell you what, some day, I’ll go in that water and see if they twinkle more…and I’ll let you know.”

Hyuna laughs, “Okay, thanks!”

They fall into a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts and appreciation of nature. The only sounds are that of their breathing, the crickets behind them, the roaring waves before them, and the beating of their hearts. Hyuna wonders if JunHyung can hear hers, or feel the warmth that her working pulse has created in her skin. She feels comfortable and content, and the idea of order and understanding in the world returns to her. Perhaps, she can see a glimpse of JunHyung’s perspective at this time, but the memories of turmoil, confusion, and chaos enters her mind again.

JunHyung and Hyuna lightly whisper to each other, commenting on the night, the ocean, the sky, and the town, careful not to speak too loud as to disrupt the rhythm of the environment. After what seems like only a few minutes, JunHyung announces that it has been far longer, and that if they don’t want Chaelin to worry, they should head home, the trip being long to return to Chinju.

They descend the creaky stairs and walk along the beach back towards the pier.

JunHyung sighs, and his hand gently touches Hyuna’s swinging between them. His fingers lightly wrap around her hand and he intertwines their fingers together, exhaling after they comfortably situate their hands. Hyuna feels her cheeks grow warm and her pulse accelerate at his touch, and she hopes that her hand won’t grow sweaty.

“So,” JunHyung says quietly, “What do you think?”

Hyuna smiles and looks to her feet, “It was fun,” she answers, “I like the beach a lot, and the ice cream and food. Just…all of it.”

JunHyung nods, “That’s good, but…that’s not what I was talking about.”

“Oh, then what?” Hyuna looks to him.

“I meant…about staying here…I mean in Chinju… with us…with me.” His eyes glance up to hers.

All at once, Hyuna’s heart no longer feels as if it beats too fast, but as if it has been stabbed. Torn apart. She feels as if her entire being is being ripped in two.

“I…can’t stay,” she answers quietly.

“Why?” JunHyung breathes.

Hyuna shakes her head and looks towards the waves. “I just can’t, JunHyung. I promised BoHoJa that we would leave. We need to leave.”

“Why?” he asks again.

“Because…because…” for some reason, Hyuna cannot think of a reason as to why she can’t stay.

“You don’t even know!” JunHyung scoffs, “You said you wanted to see the beach, well, I showed you! Now what? Now where will you go? What will you do? Just stay here.”

Hyuna rolls her eyes. “I can’t! I don’t like society. I don’t like being around people, they all…every one judges, every one is a hypocrite, they all scare me…terrify me. I can’t fit in with them…I’m different. Just so different.”

JunHyung scoffs, “That’s great, thanks.” He releases her hand and it feels cold.

“I didn’t mean you,” Hyuna sighs, “I mean everyone else.”

“Chaelin? BiRain?”

“No, not them...”

“Then who?”

“Just…everyone!” Hyuna shouts. “You don’t understand! I’m not like them! I feel like…like a beast, like a monster!”
“You’re not a monster!” JunHyung shouts back. “You know…you’re just…selfish…”

“Selfish?” Hyuna shrieks.

“Yes, selfish!” JunHyung turns and faces her, his face showing more hurt than anger, hands on his hips, “You only think about yourself! Where you need to go, what you need to do, how people make you feel! Well, no one cares, Hyuna! You’re looking at others a hell of a lot more than they look to you! I don’t get it! I don’t get why you’re so self-conscious. Why are you like that? Who did that to you?” JunHyung stares at her and she can only stare back, straining to not let her face show her hurt feelings. JunHyung glances away and then sighs, looking down, “Why can’t you just think of someone else for once? Why can’t you think of Chaelin of BiRain…of me?” he looks to her. “For someone that seems to only think about themselves, you don’t even take care of yourself. We…we want the best for you. And…we just want you to stay.” His voice softens and his expression melts a bit.

Hyuna looks away and grinds her teeth, holding back her tears. “JunHyung…you don’t know anything.”

“Because you don’t tell me.”

Hyuna shakes her head, ignoring his comment. “Maybe I only think of me because my whole life as I know it, has only been me. BoHoJa and me, that’s all. I’ve never had friends, I don’t have family, I have no one.” She looks to him, her voice breaking. “You say there’s order and understanding in this world, well then maybe you should know that there’s a reason behind why I am the way that I am.”

JunHyung stops and only stares at her, his lips pursed. Finally, he breaks. He sighs and nods, letting his hands fall to his side. “Okay,” he says softly, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just…frustrated. I…didn’t mean what I said. You’re not selfish…you’re actually one of the most selfless girls I’ve ever known. I just…want to know you better, but you insist on leaving.” He lets out a forced laugh as he puts his hands behind his head, “Forget about this, I don’t want it to ruin the evening.”

Hyuna looks down, thinking that it already has.

“Come on,” he continues, carefully reaching for her hand again, “Let’s go back.”

Hyuna nods and follows by his side.

The walk back to the pier is quiet and awkward as both harbor hurt and angry feelings towards each other. But still, Hyuna feels more sorrow than anger for him. She tries to see his part, to understand him, but the idea of BoHo and her keep coming to mind. She remembers how people have sneered at her, jeered at her, thrown trash at her, talked about her, scoffed at her, ran her out of their towns. She thought about how different she was, how she felt more like an animal than a person. Nothing about her was normal, so how was she to fit in a normal society? What was society anyways but an agreed upon terms and conditions? Something that no one ever really reads but goes along with anyways. Full of individuals trying to be the same, but she couldn’t do that. She couldn't be that. She was different from them no matter what. Society could not account for every individual.

The ride on the subway is the same, quiet and strained. They sit side by side, and JunHyung holds her hand tight the whole way, but still she feels as if they can’t connect like a puzzle again. JunHyung gives small comments on the night, on Chaelin, and about general observations, avoiding the topics of work, traveling, and the evening spent together.

Outside of Chaelin’s home, Hyuna takes off JunHyung’s jacket, but he shakes his head and holds up a hand. “You can keep it for a little,” he says softly, “The seasons are changing.”

Hyuna nods but won’t look him in the eyes. JunHyung sighs and steps forward, taking the jacket and placing it around her shoulders. He steps back. “When do you leave?” he whispers.

“A little after noon,” Hyuna matches his volume.

He sighs again and looks down the road, his face scowling. “Okay, I’ll come by and see you again before you leave.”

“Alright.” Hyuna answers, stealing a glance up to his eyes.

He looks back into hers, as they seem to look inside of each other, feeling each other’s pain. JunHyung takes a step forward, and Hyuna’s body locks in place. Her eyes widen and her pulse picks up. She balls her hands into fists at her side as he leans in and she squeezes her eyes shut as she feels his breath on her face. When she feels him nearing, she panics and twists her head to the side, feeling his nose brush against her cheek. A soft breath comes out and then he pulls away from her and her body relaxes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow…goodnight.” JunHyung backs away down the alley, trying to force a small smile but it won’t reach his eyes, and then turns and disappears down the street.

Hyuna lets out her breath that she didn’t realize she’d been holding and buzzes in to CL’s place. She mounts the steps as Chaelin opens the door, dressed in pajamas, wearing a smile on her face.

“Well, look who’s coming in late!” she chimes. Hyuna looks to her with tears in her eyes, and CL’s smile fades in an instant. “Is everything okay? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Hyuna croaks, “I just have a lot of feelings right now.”

“Oh, I know how that is,” Chaelin gives a reassuring smile and places her hand on Hyuna’s shoulder. “Well, just go back and sleep. Take a shower in the morning and you’ll feel better.”

Hyuna nods, grateful for how understanding Chaelin could be.

Hyuna goes into her room and changes, falling into bed. It seems to take forever for her to sleep as her mind repeatedly replays the evening word for word. And when she does get to sleep, her body is wracked with nightmares. 

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~ LC ~

Hey guys! I changed the storyline to make Hyuna live with CL rather than JunHyung. Head back to Chapters 5-7 to see what has changed in the re-write! Sorry!

Sorry it took so long to update, but things got crazy with weddings and friends and back to school prep. I have a special treat though! want to see what ive been working on?? check it out HERE :)